Did you know that the famous advertising slogan "got milk?" was almost something very different? Originally the tagline for milk was going to be "gimme da heffer wets, brother", until a marketing executive decided the phrase was too long to be coherently burped into a mother's face after downing the last pint of refreshing milk, straight from the fridge.

In this episode, Steve imagines what it must like to be a ravenous baby. And Log's pub got incredibly wet for an afternoon, compelling him to seek an untroubled life of solitude among the pines. Pump it up.

We're back! Sorry we've been away for a while, it's because we are actually dead now. Yeah we died. Sorry!

In this episode, Matt sees a waxy head in a box. Steve shares a special moment with Jedward near some garlic. And Log tastefully designs each of our funerals. We'll be back with regular episodes from exactly now on. PLEASE. YOU MUST FORGIVE.

Joe and Gav are now fully fledged magicians and they took their latest trick to the Blackpool Magic Convention to see if they could fool some fellow conjurers.

We can't keep meeting like this.

In this episode, Joe finally brings Great British advertising to the hallowed American Superbowl. Log slips into a Helen-inspired reverie. Steve reads an excerpt from Bradley Wigginseses autobiography.

Here at Regular Features, we like to barge our way through old hotel doors and stumble into the room to find nothing but an open window and a fluttering curtain, then saying "he's gone", before YOU, our trusty sidekick, spots a hat on the hatstand and says "well wherever he's gone.. he's not wearing his hat". That's just how we like to do things, as you well know.

In this episode, Log imagines what it might be like when eventually Laurence Fox leaves us all behind. Matt sets out to invent an entire arts and crafts movement. And Steve's friend deals with news of an impending vape ban.

Ready!?

They say you can't get better than a Kwik Fit fitter, but I once saw a Kwik Fit fitter walk through a plate glass window in Letchworth Garden City. If that's honestly the best we've got, we might as well surrender to Belgium tomorrow and be done with it.

In this TRAVEL SPECIAL episode, Gav is bulled off a swing, Log takes a much needed vacation to Shrewsbury, and Steve is upset by the weird woofing sound that planes sometimes make.

Excuse me? Excuse me. Please may I be excused. You must excuse me now. Oh no I've excused myself into my shorts. That's your fault, that is, actually, for not excusing me quickly enough. Now I've got excuses all down my legs. Excuse YOU, more like.

In this one: Steve solves the XL Bully crisis gripping da nation. Joe drops some fresh Saltburn beats. Also the AI episode art is just a joke from the episode, we're not horrible.

Can YOU guess a guy? Find out in this week's episode!

While you come up with your answers, here's what else: Log reflects on turning 50. Steve has a poem to say at you. Matt's thought of one thousand baby names. And Joe does the guessing of a guy.

We love you readers. Happy new year.

If your Christmas tradition isn't playing this podcast at full volume, directly into your nan's increasingly ecstatic face, then we don't even want you listening to it. She'd love Gav's story about over-paying a tailor. She'd swoon to hear Secret Santana's latest return. She'd nod vigorously when Matt laid bare the world of aviation. She'd clap like a seal at Log's recantation of The Box of Delights. And she'd cry herself into the grave at the fact that Steve wasn't there. EAT UP, GRANDMA.