Title: Boundaries: Getting to the Root

Episode Summary:
In this episode, we explore why it’s essential to understand the root of destructive patterns so we can place boundaries on what truly matters—not just the obvious behaviors. We discuss how missing Truth, Ownership, and Empathy (T-O-E) can allow harmful cycles to repeat, and share real-life scenarios to illustrate how subtle patterns escalate into emotional, relational, and financial harm.

TOE – The Root Issues:

T – Truth: Protecting ourselves when honesty is absent.

O – Ownership: Protecting ourselves when others refuse to take responsibility.

E – Empathy: Protecting ourselves from indifference or lack of consideration.

Featured Story – Julia (Anonymous):
Julia discovered her spouse had been betraying her trust in ways she never imagined. Despite therapy and honest conversations, he denied, minimized, and shifted blame. He gained control over her finances, monitored communications, manipulated the children, and isolated her from friends and family. Left financially destitute, she filed for divorce and now faces ongoing post-separation abuse. Julia’s story shows the urgent need for safety, support, and healing for survivors—and highlights the wider impact of unchecked coercive control.

Scenarios Explored in This Episode:

Gaslighting and Betrayal – Sophie & Charlie

Addiction & Emotional Withdrawal – Claire & David

Emotional Push-Pull – Lena & Chris

Coercive Control – Hannah & Daniel

Healing & Support:
We discuss a 3-day, 2-night retreat in Utah for survivors like Julia, featuring:

Trauma-sensitive yoga

Therapist presentations

TS-12 Anon support groups

Kintsugi creative expression

Angel Whisper experiences

Community connection

How You Can Help:

$50 – Warm welcome gift

$200 – One full day of retreat care

$600 – Sponsor the full retreat for one woman

$800 – Retreat + travel assistance

$1,800 – Circle of Healing Sponsor (three women)

Every dollar supports trauma-informed care, safety, and restoration.

Donate: https://herwingsunfold.org/sponsor-a-survivor/

For a victim advocate to walk with you through a safety plan contact: [email protected]

Resources for Survivors:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

Create Your Personal Safety Plan

Connect with HER Wings Unfold:

herwingsunfold.org

ts12anon.org

S2 E9 – When Patterns Repeat Like Groundhog Day: Breaking the Cycle

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a loop of destructive relationship patterns—where the same hurtful behaviors repeat over and over, almost like Groundhog Day?

In this episode of Relational Trauma SOS, host Jeni Brockbank, Executive Director of H.E.R. Wings Unfold and a victim advocate, explores the Cycle of 4-A Behavior: Abuse, Addiction, Adultery, and Abandonment.

Using vivid analogies like volcanoes erupting and Groundhog Day, Jeni explains how destructive patterns often follow a predictable path:

Tension Building – the pressure beneath the surface.

Explosive Behaviors – the eruption.

Fragile Peace – the calm that follows, before it begins again.

For many survivors, simply naming the cycle brings relief and clarity: “This isn’t random. It’s a pattern—and patterns can be broken.”

This episode also includes a gentle guided meditation to close—offering self-compassion and empowerment through the imagery of a bird learning to spread her wings, reminding us all:

This is hard.

I am not alone.

I am learning to soar.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Step 4 inventories in the TS-12 Anon program → ts12anon.org

Cycle of 4-A Behavior Worksheet (FREE)

Join the 10 STRONG Wings Campaign to support women in healing

✨ Trauma survivors belong here.

In this episode of Relational Trauma SOS, Jeni Brockbank invites listeners to explore what it means to cultivate an authentic and healing relationship with God.

For many survivors, rigid structures and formulas around spirituality can feel unsafe. Instead of checklists, this conversation leans into gentleness, curiosity, and freedom — encouraging a connection with the Divine that is safe, meaningful, and deeply personal.

Along the way, Jeni shares flexible pathways for spiritual connection such as prayer, music, movement, creativity, journaling, and sacred spaces. She also reads a powerful and vulnerable poem, “Shells” by Susan, which beautifully captures the longing, breaking, and tender rebuilding of relationship with God.

This episode is an invitation: not to do spirituality the “right way,” but to discover relationship with God that feels real, honest, and sustaining.

TS-12 Anon Meetings – the first trauma-sensitive 12-step program for survivors of relational harm: ts12anon.org

TS-12 Anon Book – available on Amazon: Purchase here (affiliate link)

️ HER Wings Unfold – nonprofit offering resources, advocacy, Newsletter and healing support: herwingsunfold.org

Donate to Support Survivors – help women attend retreats and access healing: herwingsunfold.org/donate

Why rigid spiritual structures can feel unsafe for trauma survivors

The beauty of flexibility and choice in reconnecting with God

A “buffet” of ways to connect spiritually from Step 11 of TS-12 Anon— from prayer to music to movement

Susan’s moving poem “Shells” and how God sometimes speaks through silence and nature

A closing reflection on the longing and beauty of authentic spiritual connection

Relational Trauma SOS – A H.E.R. Wings Unfold Production
Tagline: Trauma Survivors Belong Here

In this heartfelt episode, Jeni Brockbank — Executive Director of H.E.R. Wings Unfold and certified victim’s advocate — explores what it means to heal a relationship with God after experiencing relational trauma.

For many survivors, the spiritual journey is complicated. Trust, even with God, can take time to rebuild. Jeni shares personal insights, biblical reflections, and practical activities for healing a wounded relationship with God at different stages of trauma recovery.

Listener shout-outs from Pakistan, Salt Lake City, and Indonesia

TS-12 Anon growth update — four weekly Zoom meetings for betrayal trauma, loved ones of emotionally immature individuals, and general support

Lessons from Job on bringing honest questions to God

Discovering your worth and how it changes your spiritual relationship

✏️ Three healing reltionship with God activities tailored to the trauma recovery stages:

Safe/Unsafe Circles with God

Writing a Personal Lament

Creating an Angel Timeline

Download both free PDFs from this blog post:
When Relationship with God Feels Complicated

Join a Meeting: Find a TS-12 Anon meeting

Connect: herwingsunfold.org | ts12anon.org

Support a Survivor: Donate to sponsor a women’s retreat seat

S2 E6 – 9 Best Practices for Faith Leaders With Tara McCausland
A H.E.R. Wings Unfold Production

Donate now to support H.E.R. Wings Unfold: https://herwingsunfold.org/donate/
Find a TS-12 Anon Meeting: https://www.ts12anon.org/find-a-meeting.html

Welcome to Relational Trauma SOS! In this episode, we’re honored to speak with Tara McCausland about 9 Best Practices for Faith Leaders—a powerful guide developed by S.A. Lifeline to help clergy and spiritual leaders support individuals and couples affected by another’s unwanted sexual behavior.

These best practices are especially important for anyone ministering to people navigating betrayal trauma, abuse, addiction, adultery, or abandonment. Whether you're a pastor, bishop, therapist, or community leader, this conversation offers insight and empathy for guiding those in crisis.

We also highlight the growing need for trauma-sensitive healing communities and share some heartfelt updates about the expanding reach of TS-12 Anon, our 12-step program for survivors of relational trauma.

In this episode:

Why faith leaders are like first responders in trauma care

How to support both the affected partner and the offending individual

Why separate meetings with each spouse are crucial

Understanding betrayal trauma and how it impacts the brain and body

Recognizing and respecting the affected partner’s timeline for healing and forgiveness

The importance of compassion and accountability

“Understand, faith leader, that this is not a marriage issue. It’s something that’s happened within the marriage.” – Dr. Barbara Steffens

️ Special Note From the Host
We’ve been wonderfully overwhelmed by the number of survivors joining TS-12 Anon groups. If you're seeking a safe, trauma-informed community, we invite you to join us. We are also forming new groups tailored to specific experiences—such as domestic violence, childhood trauma, or being the loved one of an alcoholic. Email [email protected] if you're interested.

Here’s what one anonymous participant recently shared:

“I believe TS-12 Anon was the missing piece in my healing journey. I’m already noticing a shift within myself and I feel like I’m reconnecting all the parts of me that were shattered and scattered at Discovery.”

If you’ve been waiting for an invitation, here it is.

Support Survivors Through 10 Strong Wings
She may be your coworker, neighbor, or friend—someone silently struggling after relational trauma. Your donation gives her a chance to attend our women’s healing retreat at no cost. Just $10 can make a difference. Join the movement.

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

9 BEST Practices For Faith Leaders – S.A. Lifeline (PDF)

️ Pathway to Recovery Podcast: How Faith Leaders Can Support Couples (Raabsmith Interview)

Research Article: Pornography Use and Sexual Aggression

Study about domestic violence in correlation with porn consumption

Thank you for listening to Relational Trauma SOS. If this episode helped you, please consider sharing it with a faith leader, friend, or loved one.

️ Trauma survivors belong here.
herwingsunfold.org
[email protected]

Healing While Being Shot At: A Survival Guide

In this episode of Relational Trauma SOS, Jeni Brockbank explores what it means to try to heal while still “being shot at”—navigating crisis after crisis. Using the powerful quote, “We don’t expect soldiers to heal from PTSD while they’re being shot at,” Jeni shares pieces of her own story and a survival guide for those who feel like life won’t slow down enough to breathe.

You’ll hear personal examples, practical tools rooted in TS-12 Anon Step 3, and the Shield of Light Meditation—a trauma-sensitive visualization to help you feel safe in your body.

Why shame and minimizing don’t help in crisis

How to practice self-compassion and “lower the bar” when surviving

How to create at least one safe space for yourself, even when life is chaotic

The Shield of Light Meditation (with options for those who struggle with visualization)

Free downloadable What Does Safety Look Like, Sound Like, and Feel Like? Worksheet

10 STRONG Wings Campaign – Donate $10: https://herwingsunfold.org/donate/

FREE What Does Safety Look Like, Sound Like and Feel Like? Worksheet: https://herwingsunfold.org/what-does-safety-look-like-sound-like-and-feel-like/

“Learning to Fly” Lyric Video: Watch on YouTube →

Follow H.E.R. Wings Unfold:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herwingsunfold/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61578036710116

Learning To Fly is now streaming on major platforms:

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/6OIfbSYiinkKQm8OzGxG1H?si=uBH7pEpwRuiPQcJLQkjQdw

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/learning-to-fly-single/1829108058

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/albums/B0FJYPJWX9?ref=dm_sh_EBnEwTuaFUY2TswQ9aYVJASW8

You are not failing if you’re not thriving right now. Surviving something incredibly painful takes strength and courage. These resources and tools are here to help you feel less alone and build safety—one small step at a time.

Women's Retreat Details & Vision

✨ Get Retreat Updates

Sponsor a Survivor

So many of us were taught — directly or indirectly — that healing is something we have to earn. That we must prove ourselves, fix others, or forgive fast enough before we’re “allowed” to rest, receive, or repair. But that’s not true.

In this episode of Relational Trauma SOS, we gently dismantle that belief and offer a new truth:
You are worthy of healing. Not because you’ve done everything right — but because you are inherently worthy of healing.

Join us for a soft, soul-grounding conversation on:

What makes healing feel so hard to claim

How betrayal, abandonment, and gaslighting distort our sense of worth

Being inherently worthy

What it means to say healing is a birthright

A sacred invitation to support or attend the She Deserves to Heal retreat

We close with a meditative reflection to help listeners reconnect with the steady, sacred self within — the part of that never left, no matter what was done to you.

In today’s episode of Relational Trauma SOS, we explore what it means to reclaim authorship over our stories—especially after experiencing another’s abuse, addiction, adultery, or abandonment (what we call 4-A behavior).

For many survivors, sharing our experience can be layered with fear, shame, confusion, or heartbreak. We may have been blamed, dismissed, or asked painful questions like “Why didn’t you leave?” We may still be searching for the language to name what happened. And we’ve learned that not every space—or person—is safe.

This episode gently walks listeners through:

Why trauma can make storytelling difficult

How owning our story is an act of empowerment

The healing impact of being compassionately witnessed

How to set boundaries when deciding who gets to hear our story

A beautiful meditation using the metaphor of a sacred book

Whether you’re ready to share, still finding your voice, or just beginning to believe that your story matters—this episode is for you.

Visit ts12anon.org to find trauma-sensitive 12-step meetings

Purchase the TS-12 Anon book (affiliate link)

Learn more about our nonprofit at herwingsunfold.org

Subscribe to the newsletter for support, updates, and event info.

Volunteer, donate, or share your voice—

Every dollar helps fund trauma-sensitive healing resources, retreats, care packages, and safe spaces for women impacted by abuse, addiction, adultery, and abandonment.

Welcome to another episode of Relational Trauma SOS, a H.E.R. Wings Unfold production. In this heartfelt and hopeful conversation, host Jeni Brockbank shares the story behind the creation of TS-12 Anon—the first trauma-sensitive 12-step program specifically designed for individuals impacted by 4-A behavior: another’s abuse, addiction, adultery, or abandonment.

This episode introduces TS-12 Anon’s purpose, who it’s for (and not for), and how it differs from traditional 12-step models. Jeni also shares exciting updates, dreams for the future, and an encouraging discussion with her friend Lynn, who offers her perspective on the power and promise of trauma-sensitive healing.

Why TS-12 Anon is revolutionary for survivors of 4-A behavior

How H.E.R. Wings Unfold is reimagining healing with dignity, affordability, and community

Who TS-12 Anon is for—and important clarifications on who it’s not for

The current TS-12 Anon meeting schedule (3 virtual groups and growing!)

How to find or start a meeting at ts12anon.org

Ways to bring TS-12 Anon to shelters or support groups, including bulk pricing options

Future dreams: adapted editions, community partnerships, and trauma-informed spaces to heal

Donate to Help Her Heal

Buy the TS-12 Anon Book on Amazon

Find or Start a Meeting

Learn More About H.E.R. Wings Unfold

Contact Us for Bulk Pricing

Monday Night: General meeting (open to all)

Thursday Night: Women’s only meeting for those healing from betrayal trauma

Sunday Night: For those with a loved one who is emotionally immature and/or has a personality disorder

Leave a 5-star review and rating to help survivors find this podcast

Follow us on Instagram @herwingsunfold and @relationaltraumasos

Share this episode with someone who needs to know they’re not alone

Reach out to partner with us on literature adaptations or community efforts

You are not alone. You are not crazy. You belong here.
Together, we’re creating space for healing, empowerment, and rising.

Support trauma-sensitive healing for women impacted by abuse, addiction, adultery, or abandonment (4-A behavior). Your donation helps fund TS-12 Anon meetings, survivor care packages, healing retreats, and the creation of a safe space to heal and rise. Thank you for being part of this important mission.

Welcome to Relational Trauma SOS, a podcast for survivors of the 4 A’s—abuse, addiction, adultery, and abandonment. After a four-year pause, host Jeni Brockbank returns with a powerful and deeply personal episode.

In this relaunch, Jeni shares her lived experience of relational trauma, post-separation abuse, systemic harm, and survival—alongside the story of founding H.E.R. Wings Unfold, a nonprofit dedicated to helping women heal with dignity. She also introduces TS-12 Anon, the first-ever trauma-sensitive 12-step program for survivors of 4-A behavior.

Why the podcast disappeared and what brought it back

How Jeni lived through all 4 A’s—abuse, addiction, adultery, abandonment

Real-life examples of post-separation abuse and systemic failure

The launch of H.E.R. Wings Unfold and its healing mission

The need for trauma-sensitive recovery and the creation of TS-12 Anon

Dreaming of a physical healing space with yoga, art therapy, and income-building workshops

How you can support survivors and help rewrite the future of healing

H.E.R. Wings Unfold Website: herwingsunfold.org

Donate to Help Her Heal: herwingsunfold.org/donate

TS-12 Anon FIND A MEETING

Join Our Newsletter: herwingsunfold.org/contact

This original track plays at the end of the episode. This song should be available for purchase by 07/18/2025 on all major platforms.  All proceeds from the song benefit H.E.R. Wings Unfold.

Instagram: @herwingsunfold

Instagram: @relationship_trauma_sos

Share this episode, leave a review, and rate it 5 stars—it helps more survivors find this resource.

 Trauma survivors belong here.