Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

By The Irish TimesComedy

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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly episodes

December 15, 2023 ‘Oh my God, is this really all the books that we own as a family? I’m so ashamed’
Sorcha wants to make our own Christmas tree out of books this year. I think she’s been at the eggnog

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8 min
December 08, 2023 ‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’
We’re off to give my godson Ross Junior his Christmas present, but his old dear will already be in a fouler at the thought of me coming.

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8 min
December 01, 2023 ‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer’
We’re doing the usual volunteering at the annual Christmas fete and this year we’ve been put on toilet-cleaning duties as a punishment
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7 min
November 24, 2023 ‘Sneaking around behind my wife’s back is something I’m very, very good at, in fairness to me’
“If we do this,” she goes, “my husband can’t find out about it. Under any circumstances?”
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6 min
November 17, 2023 I wake up on Sunday morning thinking, am I having one of my famous erotic dreams?
Or is Sorcha standing at the end of the bed, wearing the Tory Burch tennis whites she bought last summer to watch Wimbledon?

She’s like, “Are you ready?”

“Ready?” I go. “In terms of?”

Read Ross O'Carroll-Kelly at irishtimes.com/podcasts/ross-ocarroll-kelly/.

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7 min
November 10, 2023 Sorcha is like me before every Ireland squad announcement – in other words, focking delusional
It’s the Killiney and Dalkey Combined Christmas Fete meeting, and we’re about as welcome as a snot-nosed kid in a bridal shop
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7 min
November 03, 2023 ‘When I close my eyes at night, I can still see that bird’s horrible, leering face’
“Sur! Prise!” we all go.

But the old man – standing at the bottom of the stairs in Shanahan’s on the Green – barely raises a smile.
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7 min
October 27, 2023 ‘Sorcha, I honestly don’t think we can just saunter in here like nothing has happened’
I’m there, “I have a bad feeling about this.”
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6 min
October 27, 2023 ‘Ross, this is all your fault, you sniggering halfwit - that daughter of yours has been going wrong since the day she was born’
It’s a sad day. Everyone agrees. Not as sad – hand on hort – as Ireland losing to the All Blacks last weekend.
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7 min
October 13, 2023 ‘Ross, didn’t you get a present of an All Blacks jersey once and use it to wash the cor?’
So we’re in Corcoran’s on the famous Boulevord de Clichy – we’re talking me, Christian, JP, Oisinn and Fionn – and I’m telling the goys why I think we’ll beat the All Blacks on Saturday and why I think it won’t even be close? But they only want one question answered.
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7 min

About Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

From the publisher's feed

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard.

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