One of the greatest ways we can heal from the impact of toxic relationships is to recognize patterns of codependency and allow God to heal how we connect and get our needs met. If there was a top issue on the list of emotional and heart healthy issues that we all need healing from, codependency would be at the top of my list. 

I believe that now more than ever before, God is highlighting how we do relationships and he is seeking to heal us while maturing how we approach relationships. The problem is that we carry so much brokenness in what relationship looks like that it leaves us very vulnerable to moving into codependent patterns. 

The more you can honestly identify codependent patterns in your life, the more you will set yourself up for renewed relationship patterns. So keep an open heart. 

The truth is, we live as broken people in a broken world, so it can be very challenging to know how to navigate relationships in a healthy way. We did not have healthy examples growing up, nor did we get training on how to navigate relationship decisions in a healthy way. Meanwhile, we all carry broken wounds in our hearts that distort our ability to relate to people in a healthy way. 

This is why codependency has become a major problem. 

Relationships are meant to be fulfilling. But if you don’t have a healthy compass of who you are and you do not know how to live in the love of God, you can easily take your brokenness to another person. This will make that relationship dynamic highly vulnerable to codependency.

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Show Notes and Outline

Are You Willing to See It?

But I must say this up front: you have to be willing to humble yourself and become teachable. You will need to be able to see yourself and your relationships through some healthy input, or else you will dive back into your dysfunctional patterns. The number one problem with codependency is that people do not see it. They don’t know how to see it or they just don’t want to see it. 

That is why getting training, equipping and resourcing is so critical. But you’ve got to want it. And no one can want this more than you do. 

For decades, Christianity has neglected the subject of emotional and relational health. We’ve pursued a passion for God, while we neglected the issues of our heart that needed healing. And sadly, many of our relationships have been a mess. In the meantime, masses of believers have often unknowingly fallen into the trenches of codependent relationships. 

God in His kindness is allowing us to see our broken patterns of relationship, not to condemn or shame us, but to heal us and mature how we do relationships. Jesus has destined that His church reveal the nature of the Father through how we do relationships. It’s not about our achievements or performance evaluations. It’s about the health of our relationships. And that takes work! 

What or Who You Depend on for Core Needs

The journey of uncovering codependency begins with asking, “Where do you place your dependence?” 

Where does your need to be loved, your identity, your sense of validation and acceptance get validated?

At the end of the day, what gives you the ability to rest your head in peace and love. 

How do you feel fulfilled at the end of the day?

What allows you to look in the mirror and be ok with yourself? 

Christians love to respond, “In God of course!” We shout it from the mountaintops in church services. But in day to day life, our relationships patterns reveal that we are not really being honest. In fact, many times, when it comes to how we do relationships, believers can be incredibly self-deceived and cover it up with nice super spirituality. 

So let me ask that question again and please do some honest reflection, “Where do you place your dependency?” When push comes to shove,