Kristin’s husband came out as a trans-woman before celebrities like Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox put gender transition in the national spotlight. She forged her own path through grief, anger, and finally healing while their mutual friends expressed enthusiastic support for her spouse. A chorus of “You go girl!” and “You are so brave!” were showered on her transitioning partner. Meanwhile, no one reached out to Kristin in her pain as she grieved the gradual loss of her husband before her eyes, prompting her to ask the question, “Where’s my parade?”

“There were family photos that we had on the wall of our living room of the four of us as a family,” she says, “and any picture that showed John as a man, she wanted to take down. So we were taking down family photos and it felt like my history was vanishing before my very eyes, my life as I knew it was being robbed. Think about it from my perspective: if he was always she, was there ever really an us?”