In this episode, our host Stacey has a powerful conversation with comedian Sashi Perera, who shares her journey through four miscarriages and a taxing course of fertility treatments.

Sashi immediately addresses the societal pressure to be "sad all the time" when experiencing loss, noting that she rejects the equation that anything less than a successful birth equals failure. As a comedian, she has used her writing and performance as a vital outlet to take control of her narrative and process her grief through a lens of dark humour.

The first miscarriage was the hardest, as Sashi and her partner—a private person—had to figure out a balanced way to grieve. Sashi realized the silence and shame would crush her, making it necessary to share her story openly, an action her partner bravely supported.

Sashi details the relentless medical advice to "go again," despite her successful conception and repeated losses. A turning point came after her third miscarriage when the Red Cross told her she couldn't donate blood for six months to allow her body to recover. This was the first time a medical entity validated her need for rest.

After the fourth loss and recognizing that the hormone injections had severely affected her mental health and equilibrium, Sashi and her partner made a conscious, courageous decision to hit the brakes on the IVF process. This allowed her to prioritize her health and confront the challenging question: "How can we still find joy if this doesn't happen for us?"

Sashi emphasizes that deciding to stop is a conscious, personal choice. She advises looking at the total cost—financial, physical, relational, and mental—and making peace with the reality that life will still be okay. This decision-making process allows her to hold the steering wheel of her life again, protecting herself with emotional "cotton wool" (such as skipping baby showers) and giving herself protected space to grieve.

You can find Sashi on Instagram here: @sashbomb

EARLY PREGNANCY LOSS SUPPORT
If you or someone you know has experienced miscarriage or early pregnancy loss, please know you are not alone.

• For crisis support, please call Lifeline - 13 11 14.
• Access all our support
• Connect through Live Chat with Peer Support
• Join Online Communities
• Call out Pregnancy Loss helpline delivered by PANDA
• Join the Circle of support
• Follow @pinkelephantssupport on instagram.

STACEY JUNE LEWIS
You can follow our host Stacey on her personal Instagram account where she shares some of her lived experience.

Pink Elephants thanks the Australian Government for their support in funding this podcast series under the Miscarriage Support grant.