I have a question arising from your comment about how even saying I love you can be seen as an act of war, or separation.  My husband says I love you more often than I think is needed, or more so as a thing to say in life’s busyness, and I hear it as just words that I feel required to say back.  I do love husband and I know he loves me but this habit of saying it bothers me.  I feel forced to say it back when really I shouldn’t have an issue because I do love him.

What is going on here?  How can I resolve this for my own body/mind without telling him to stop saying I love you so much which seems ridiculous.  You mentioned that it just takes one person in a relationship to shift so I am guessing it is my sense of separation that makes me unable to see his loving words as just words and say them back without the annoyance that I try to hide.  

Many thanks for all you have pointed me towards.