Welcome to 2024, motherf****rs.

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SaysWhovians!

The year is RAPIDLY coming to a close, and Maureen and Dan are building a (don't call it a) bunker and stocking it with everything we need to make it through 2024. 

Yes, it's a VERY SPECIAL Prepisode! 

(Note: this was recorded ahead of Maureen heading to England in mid-December)

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Well, it’s that time of year again! Not the holidays—but for Maureen to have a weird medical issue in the middle of a deadline. She’s fine. She had a line. A real line. On her foot. Dan does not believe her.

Meanwhile, Dan has a story about a bad man and his bad friends. Not Friends, the show he never watched. These are Evil Friends, and they have ruined a good place. Yes, we have to talk about Elon Musk.

But on a bright note, Moms for Liberty is getting their ass handed to them all over the place! This will cheer you right up.

It was a real line, SaysWhovia. A real line.

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Maureen is trying to take a bath. Maureen is trying to do a lot of things. She is having some trouble, but is not giving up. Dan has advice. Maybe she should take it easy?

But that’s not the SaysWhovian way. Maureen is going TO THE MAXX. And so is the subject of today’s story—a little dreamer named George Santos. 

Keep dreaming, SayWhovia. Then dream bigger. Dream biggest.

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Hello, SayWhovia! Did you make it through Thanksgiving? Dan and Maureen did! Mostly! Dan has only part of a car, though. And Maureen is still in Philadelphia. She went to the craft store. She has a tale to tell. Many tales—tales of birds in walls, spiders, slugs—so many creatures. She may never leave Philadelphia. She is trapped forever, like she is in the Phantom Zone.

Dan does not want to talk about the news, but Maureen insists on a little, as a treat. So it’s just a little. But it does include the fact that this is the third Trump campaign Says Who will be covering, and that fact hits Dan hard. Three times. That’s a franchise. But which franchise is it? Star Wars? Scream? Die Hard? The answer is also a bit much for Dan. Again, he only has part of a car.

Diplomatic immunity, Says Whovia. It’s been revoked.

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It's someone's birthday! And someone else is on deadline! And there are nightmares happening in the world. So you know it's a real normal one over in SaysWhovia.

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Today, Dan and Maureen celebrate their favorite holiday: Happy Four Seasons Total Landscaping Day! Yes, it’s been three years since the best day ever.

In the present, Maureen is focused on her book. She’s going to make the landing, but what a landing it will be. Dan, meanwhile, has a haunted mouth. And he’s not the only one! Because somewhere out there is an app called Covenant Eyes, and our new Speaker of the House loves it. He uses it with his son. To monitor their mutual porn use. Say it out loud: Covenant Eyes. Now the curse is with you.

Meanwhile, Trump is in NYC, and boy, is he chatty! He’s a rambling man. He’s bad at court. Next year is going to be SOMETHING ELSE.

Covenant Eyes, Sayswhovia. Covenant Eyes.

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Oh, hello, SaysWhovian! What a nice costume you have! Dan and Maureen have treats for you! Here’s a Snickers, a Kit Kat, a Reece’s Cup… and also, the news! Which, as you may have noticed, IS SCARY THIS WEEK. Too scary for Halloween.

But the most scared person is Mike Pence, who dropped out of the Presidential race because he’s adorable. They were going to kill that guy! Meanwhile, Trump keeps going to court, and the in the UK, there’s a reckoning over COVID. At least, people are swearing at each other a lot. Reckonings!

Maureen has candy and a plan for a better life. Also, she may open a cookie and party thing. Dan is encouraging.

Would YOU like Maureen to plan your party? BoooOOOoooOOOoook now!

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As always, dear listener, news happened after Maureen and Dan finished recording. These two sweet innocent children believed that Tom Emmer would at least make it to a floor vote before dropping out of the speaker's race. 

Joke's on them.

And all of us.

Also, lots of people flipping on Trump. Or maybe Rudy. Probably Rudy.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Today, Dan and Maureen battle a series of seemingly endless recording failures, while everyone’s worst gym teacher, Jim Jordan, tries to become head of Slytherin. 

And because this is a week of truly horrific news, we talk about self care. For example, Maureen is in PA and has gone to Michael’s craft store. 

Also, Dan tells a story about getting stuck inside his haunted car.

All of this with a microphone balanced on a plastic pumpkin.

Get your glue gun, SaysWhovia. Things are getting sticky.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho