Says Who?

It’s the first big political event of 2024, sort of! It’s the New Hampshire primary, and everyone is excited. Right? Is that excitement? Dan isn’t sure. 

Ron DeSantis has dropped out of the race, dragging Florida down with him into the swamp, where he will live with sewage and alligators. Trump continues to be on trial. So…is any of this news? Is it news if you knew it already? What to do with this zombie of a year?

Enter Maureen, with a plan. She has a plan, everyone. A good plan to fix it all.

Gather round, SaysWhovia. Listen to the plan!
 

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Come in! Take a seat her by the fire that Maureen and Dan have made sure to keep burnin’. Have some hot tea. Get a blanket. It’s cold! At least, it is at Dan’s house. For some reason, Maureen’s place is a thousand degrees, her feet are trapped in a footstool, and she can’t see right out of one eye. No matter. No one wants to come into 2024 being able to see all of it. Best to keep it in soft focus.

The Iowa caucus has happened! And…um. It happened! Exactly as everyone knew it would! There is literally nothing gained from this exercise! But Dan and Maureen are going to mine it for gems, and end up in a deep discussion about the ways 2024 will bend people psychologically. Maureen looks deep into the abyss. Dan watches, nervously. The fire crackles.

And then Maureen has a good idea that Dan may or may not be responding to sarcastically. She can’t tell.

Snuggle up, SaysWhovia. It’s a long ride through the snow. Let’s make it cozy!

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Oh hey! Dan and Maureen are swinging into the first week of 2024 with ease and style! Maureen has left behind her dead snake and gotten a fast car back to New York City because things got complicated. Dan dropped his son off at the airport to return to school and is definitely not still crying. But also, VAXXING. Because COVID is back for year four. And would you believe it, it’s infecting people in the SAME EXACT WAY it surges every year. Who would have known.

Meanwhile, Trump is in court in Washington DC to try to argue that being President gave him superpowers. It’s not going well. And actual New York City mayor Eric Adams is under fire for a recently unearthed 2009 book about school safety in which he tells the story of taking a loaded gun to school. Or did he? Take a gun to school? Or tell that story to a ghostwriter who got it wrong? Or have a ghostwriter? Or even make the book at all? It’s a study into whether or not books or writers are even real, and Maureen is INTO IT.

Also, Dan has to watch three Twilight movies. He can’t edit this out of the notes. These notes were written by a ghost.

Booooooo!

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Welcome to 2024, motherf****rs.

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SaysWhovians!

The year is RAPIDLY coming to a close, and Maureen and Dan are building a (don't call it a) bunker and stocking it with everything we need to make it through 2024. 

Yes, it's a VERY SPECIAL Prepisode! 

(Note: this was recorded ahead of Maureen heading to England in mid-December)

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Well, it’s that time of year again! Not the holidays—but for Maureen to have a weird medical issue in the middle of a deadline. She’s fine. She had a line. A real line. On her foot. Dan does not believe her.

Meanwhile, Dan has a story about a bad man and his bad friends. Not Friends, the show he never watched. These are Evil Friends, and they have ruined a good place. Yes, we have to talk about Elon Musk.

But on a bright note, Moms for Liberty is getting their ass handed to them all over the place! This will cheer you right up.

It was a real line, SaysWhovia. A real line.

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Maureen is trying to take a bath. Maureen is trying to do a lot of things. She is having some trouble, but is not giving up. Dan has advice. Maybe she should take it easy?

But that’s not the SaysWhovian way. Maureen is going TO THE MAXX. And so is the subject of today’s story—a little dreamer named George Santos. 

Keep dreaming, SayWhovia. Then dream bigger. Dream biggest.

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Hello, SayWhovia! Did you make it through Thanksgiving? Dan and Maureen did! Mostly! Dan has only part of a car, though. And Maureen is still in Philadelphia. She went to the craft store. She has a tale to tell. Many tales—tales of birds in walls, spiders, slugs—so many creatures. She may never leave Philadelphia. She is trapped forever, like she is in the Phantom Zone.

Dan does not want to talk about the news, but Maureen insists on a little, as a treat. So it’s just a little. But it does include the fact that this is the third Trump campaign Says Who will be covering, and that fact hits Dan hard. Three times. That’s a franchise. But which franchise is it? Star Wars? Scream? Die Hard? The answer is also a bit much for Dan. Again, he only has part of a car.

Diplomatic immunity, Says Whovia. It’s been revoked.

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It's someone's birthday! And someone else is on deadline! And there are nightmares happening in the world. So you know it's a real normal one over in SaysWhovia.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Today, Dan and Maureen celebrate their favorite holiday: Happy Four Seasons Total Landscaping Day! Yes, it’s been three years since the best day ever.

In the present, Maureen is focused on her book. She’s going to make the landing, but what a landing it will be. Dan, meanwhile, has a haunted mouth. And he’s not the only one! Because somewhere out there is an app called Covenant Eyes, and our new Speaker of the House loves it. He uses it with his son. To monitor their mutual porn use. Say it out loud: Covenant Eyes. Now the curse is with you.

Meanwhile, Trump is in NYC, and boy, is he chatty! He’s a rambling man. He’s bad at court. Next year is going to be SOMETHING ELSE.

Covenant Eyes, Sayswhovia. Covenant Eyes.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho