Maureen is reporting in from a beach in Mexico, where the air is soft, the surf is soothing, and the trees are full of iguanas.  She has been writing in the sun. Dan has been on top of the news—and there’s good news! Danny Fenster has been freed from jail in Myanmar, Steve Bannon is heading in, and Alex Jones is about to lose all his money! It’s fantastic stuff. Dan is happy. Maureen is blissful. The iguanas are romantic. The sea laps the shore, and all is well.

But Maureen has questions. What’s in the sea? What’s that in the palm tree? What comes next? Dan tries to save her from herself, but he cannot move fast enough.

Members of the audience, please feel free to get up and move around. It’s the Great Intermission…or, it’s proof that Maureen can ruin anything.

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Dan's six-year-old has gotten vaccinated and Maureen's en route to Mexico! Things are CHANGING SaysWhovia, and it's OK. Things change, that's a lesson Dan's little one just learned from Sesame Street.

But one thing that hasn't changed is that Ted Cruz is an asshole, and on today's episode we'll learn what happens when the king of Chunky Soup takes on a beloved franchise that has looked out for kids for the last half-century.

Make sure your tray tables are locked, SaysWhovia, it's go time.

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Exciting news this week! Maureen got her window fixed! And she went into a Bed, Bath, and Beyond! 

Dan wants to tell her about the news, but she needs him to know all about it. It was so spacious! So full of concrete! 

Dan is persistent. There is a very important gathering happening in Texas—the Q Crew are down in Texas, waiting for the return of JFK Jr. Which is weird. But it gets so much weirder. So much weirder. It turns out we haven’t had 30 presidents, and everyone is coming back from the dead, and there are kings? Or something?

Dan is starting to wish he’d let Maureen tell him more about the concrete floor in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

And then, things get weird.

Grab a cart, SaysWhovia! The floors are smooth.

Content note: In addition to a lengthy discussion about Qanon, there is a discussion of the anti-trans movement in the UK.

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Look, this episode goes off the rails pretty much from the start, but you’re about to hear the tale of Young Dan and his Magic Coat.

Plus, vax for kids, not so much for cops.

And, Facebook.

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Dan wants to talk to Maureen about some things going on in the news, like the fact that Steve Bannon is in hot water. Maybe. Possibly. If everyone gets together and decides to do something about all the crimes and whatnot. Maureen is interested, but there is some stuff she would like to tell Dan as well, like how the number six is magic. Remember January 6th? And all the other things that go with six? So many things. Also, she is in Philadelphia, so she does not have to worry about elevators or people trying to steal her toilet in the night.

Dan would really like to talk about the news. Donald Trump sent a fax! Maureen is not having it. She still has more she needs to tell Dan, like stuff about the internet and the Bad Art Friend. Maureen may be possessed—but the sun, or maybe Satan, or possibly the spirit of a certain shoe.

Anyway, things go about how you might expect, but since you’re already here, you probably like that kind of thing. Everyone likes something.

 

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SaysWhovia, the months are getting jumbled and the holidays are colliding and all anyone really wants to do is get through it. Because let's face it: what is time anymore, really when you think about it?

It's time to ask big questions, SaysWhovia: What day is it again? Have they minted the trillion dollar coin yet? Will Maureen ever get a second elevator? Is Dan's kid ever getting a vaccine? 

We'll figure it out eventually.

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There’s a trillion dollar coin out there. Someone’s got to steal it.

Why not Maureen and Dan?

cue suspenseful drumming

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Content warning: It gets spicy in this one, and it’s all Dan’s fault. He’s sorry. Far too much is said about Trump’s lil’ tooter.

Yeah, it’s pretty much covered in the content warning. Buckle up and keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times.

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Oh, hello! Dan and Maureen didn’t see you. Dan is hiding in his basement, writing emails. Maureen is stuck in an elevator. Both of them are trying to help their families outrun COVID. Because, COVID! It’s Still Here! Dan has a lot to say about testing and tracing and AP History. Maureen is still really just trying to get in or out of an elevator. Will she ever leave New York City? Can Dan convince her to move to the woods? Have you ever had fried clams?

There’s a lot of talk of elevators in this one. So much elevator. And a surprising amount of harmonicas. Yes, it’s one of those episodes where the rails never come into the picture.

Toot toot, SaysWhovia!

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FIVE YEARS! Yes, you read that right. Says Who is celebrating FIVE YEARS of this EIGHT WEEK podcast! It’s time for celebrations! Parties! Picnics on the square! Dancing!

Except Maureen has had A Week, and she needs to tell you all about it. ALL about it. This may take a while.

Plus, Rudy gets drunk and Trump hangs out with a cult. What else is new.

HERE’S TO FIVE MORE YEARS!

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho