Segment City

This week on the podcast, the boys talk about the crazy people at the gym and some real, honest to goodness advice for working out at home, if Will would call all his bodily waste “Will Sauce” for a million dollars, Will and Theo have a “Pitchstorm'' where they pitch movie ideas about a jock that has to fight in a tournament but really wants to dance (also he can talk to animals) and a movie about sorority girls taking down the greeting card industry by one of them dating a millionaire in the industry (who is secretly her father and… betraying her friends to become the CEO? Also this episode, Theo goes over some Conspiracy Products including a “5G EMF Radiation Blocker” for your phone that uses Shungite to block radiation from your phone, and Will recounts the tale of the Dancing Plague of 1518 where people mysteriously danced until they dropped. What do we think caused this plague? Listen to find out!

When scientists said that everything seems to be evolving into crabs, we all scoffed. How are crabs the ultimate lifeform? It started slowly, but before long everything has become crabs. I am one of the last humans and I… feel… Myself… Blurb glub *skitters away* This week on the podcast, Theo and Will talk about some more funny headlines from 2020 including butter making people happier, ghost sex partners, rats taking over everything, Leprechaun Whisperers, and busting making Slimer feel good, Theo presents an “Ebay Oddity” with a creepy angel baby doll with a… Stapled on Werewolf mask? Also this episode, Will and Theo have a Fantasy World Bracket Tournament where the best Sci Fi or Fantasy world wins, and Theo quizzes Will on some “Celebrity Baby Names”!

They had a lot of trouble getting Nicholas Cage back for this one. Oh who am I kidding? Nick Cage would be in anything even if you just offered him a hot meal and a haircut. I’m looking forward to figuring out George Washington’s perfect chicken recipe though. This week on the podcast, the boys read some of the weirdest headlines of 2020, discuss the hot specs of the KFC console that cooks chicken for you while performing far better than any console on the market, Will rants about Cats the Musical including going over the sparse plot and the wild characters, Theo goes over his new rules for 2021 including calling everything that acts like a vegetable a vegetable, not calling people’s ugly babies cute, and less acronyms in life, and Will goes over some Cat conspiracy theories including cats being able to see ghosts, mind controlling people with parasites, litter reminding them of Egypt, and cats being alien spies!

Grandpa would have wanted us to put singles into the bra of a stripper dancing on his casket. This week on the podcast, the boys talk about what the best Christmas presents we ever received was, they play a game called “Inhuman Conditions” (https://robots.management/) where one player interviews the other and must decide if the interviewee is a robot or not (featuring Dr. Bozo Fredrickson the Dean of a Clown College and Natas Susej the Cult Leader), Theo looks “In the News”  to find a story about why some Chinese Funerals have strippers, and the boys read chapters 8-10 of “My Immortal” where Draco runs around naked, Snape insults, Voldemort finds Ebony and hands her a gun to kill Vampire Potter, and Ebony has band practice.

2020 has been tough. Like REALLY tough. But we are getting through it here on Segment City! Thank you to everyone who has been listening and keeping up with us. Here is to a better 2021! 

This week on a New Year's episode of the podcast, Will and Theo recount the best and worst years of our lives, the new Spiderman movie casting choices in order to fit in past Spiderman movies into the continuity, the boys discuss some TV Shows, Movies, and Video Games we are looking forward to in 2021,Theo talks about some of the games he enjoyed playing this past year, and the boys talk about some New Year's Resolutions!

Drake Bell has a weird career. First he is on the Amanda Show, then he is on Drake and Josh. Then he did a live action Fairly Oddparents thing? Now he is moving to Mexico because he is apparently a pop star there. What a life! This week on the podcast, the boys talk about eating spicy foods and our new coined phrase “Nothing is worse than coming in Second place in a Chili eating contest”, a new set of “Ebay Finds!” featuring a fake cat tongue you put on your own tongue to lick your cat, Will goes over some True Crime with the “West Memphis Three” Case as well as the “Menedez Brothers” and how they weirdly compare and contrast, Theo goes over the life and current times of Drake Bell who recently changed his name to “Drake Campana” and moved to Mexico because apparently he is a star there, and Will goes over the unsolved mystery of the hijacking of a airplane travelling to Seattle by a man going by the name D. B. Cooper. We go over the events of the hijacking, the search for Cooper, and some pertinent details about the case.

For this very special holiday episode of Segment City, Theo and Will ask what the point of the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas” is and ask “why are they giving away so many birds?!”, Theo asks if Will would be hunted by an elf on Christmas for a million dollars, Will goes over the (quite frankly sparse” history of Krampus including his supposed origins, appearance, and fun festivities surrounding the hellish creature, they briefly talk about the Syfy movie “Letters to Satan Claus”, Theo and Will fill out the naughty and nice lists with an edition of judging people on r/AmITheAsshole, and lastly, Wil goes into some saucy Christmas Stories in “Amazon Erotica” featuring “A Snowed in Christmas”, “One Night Only 2”, and… others that we don’t want to list the name of because they are nasty.

Sometimes you need to slam down that Goof em Up Button and say “I goofed it”. On this episode of the podcast, Will and Theo talk about cats pooping in the bed, the Cameo app and how it is a shallow post capitalist nightmare, we dive into the wacky world of eBay with “eBay Finds!” where we look at a strange Boar taxidermy mount and very funny dead mouse, Will talks about some garbage reality TV with “Wacky Interiors” where weird people show off their weird home interiors and “Married at First Sight” where contestants don’t meet the person experts set them up with until they see them walking down the aisle, Theo introduces a new segment called “Weird Al or Eminem” in which he reads a lyric and Will guesses if Weird Al sang it or Eminem did, and Will ends on an “Amazon Erotica” of “His Little Secret” by Jessa Kane about a woman shacking up with her step uncle who just got out of prison.

UwU I loooove to go to Daaaaddy’s Daaaaairy! He makes it fresh :) Oh god, even I hate this character. Let’s never talk about this ever again. This week on the podcast, Will and Theo talk about what animals must think when they see humans running, when the last we drank a glass of milk was, the poorly named ice cream parlor “Daddy’s Dairy”, Will recounts a story of a man who dumped a “Big Pile of Eels” in a New York City lake, Theo takes us into the disturbing government experiments performed in Project MK Ultra, and Will reads the titles of Chuck Tingle’s work including “The State of California Stalks My Gay Bu**hole”, “Pounded By My Handsome Ghost Boats”, “Chuck’s Living Object Tinglers Volume 1” through way too many, and many other stories, some that are weirdly topical and political but we won’t get into that.

Can you imagine what the Pyrotechnics Guild International’s meetings must be like? The food might be a bit burnt but the mid meeting entertainment is probably top notch! Plenty of interesting (if slightly singed) attendees! I wonder how many collective fingers they all are missing… This week on the podcast, Will and Theo review “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” and “Poltergeist”, what games they are playing including “Last of Us 2”, “Star Wars Squadrons”, “Crash Bandicoot 4”, “Apex Legends”, and others, Will offers some Career Advice on how to “Become a Licensed Pyrotechnician” using a guide found online, and the boys have a bracket tournament to see what is the Ultimate Thanksgiving Food!