Dr. Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about swallowing, squirting, nervousness, physical affection and sex dolls.

Today we’re talking physical affection, sex headaches, semen swallowing, FMF fantasies and squirting. You know, those questions you quietly search for at 2 a.m. because the closet’s just for actual clothes, not our desires.

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Sex Doll Smuggling

But first…Sex doll smuggling. A Trinidadian man had his sex doll seized at the border after being in­formed that it con­tra­vened sec­tion 45 (l) of the Cus­toms Act as it has hu­man gen­i­talia. He is now suing Trinidad’s Cus­toms and Ex­cise Di­vi­sion and while I can’t comment on Trinidad’s import policies, I’m always concerned when the government steps in and ultimately dictates what you can and can’t do as consenting adults in the privacy of your bedroom.

I ran into this in the UAE when I was working in Dubai. My clients got in trouble for trying to import sex toys and they taught me an important lesson about how to take vibrators in to countries where they’re prohibited: put them next to your hair curler or straightening iron because then they look like they’re part of the same electronic components. And so far it has worked for me.

But I just thought this story offered a good reminder that we should talk about sex dolls because there are now sex doll brothels in Canada, Europe, Asia and they must be coming soon to the US - like a boy band, they’re always big in Europe, Asia and Canada first and then they hit the US. And I’ve seen so many lifelike sex dolls on display at trade shows and in sex clubs.

Our listener questions are piling up and it’s stressing me out a bit because I don’t like to leave you hanging, so we’re going to address a series of questions today.

Physical affection fatigue and boundaries

1. A 'buddy of mine' is worried that something is wrong because he doesn’t always want to be touched - especially right after work or when he’s watching the game. His girlfriend gets mad because she wants to kiss or cuddle and he just feels smothered and guilty for not wanting to touch her. Is this a psychological issue? How should he deal with it?

Just as some people crave touch constantly, others abhor it. Wherever you fall along the spectrum of desire of physical touch, you’re perfectly normal. As long as you can function (i.e. go to work, maintain relationships), I wouldn’t worry about how little or how much touch you desire.

In your friend’s case, it sounds as though he simply wants some space and needs to clearly communicate his boundaries to his partner. He should let her know when and how he wants to be touched and clarify that there are simply times when he wants physical space. He shouldn’t feel guilty.

Many mothers complain about feeling “touched out” at the end of the day; their kids have been all over them all day and they just don’t want anyone else (i.e. their partners) to hug, kiss or initiate sex. Your friend may be experiencing something similar.

Compatibility in relationships isn’t rooted finding someone who wants the same things as you (e.g. you don’t have to share a mutual love of cuddling); compatibility involves working together to meet one another’s needs and accepting that one person cannot fulfill all of your needs everyday for the rest of your lives.