This week we share our relationship check-in -- short(ish), sweet and unscripted.

Most couples invest in the start-up phase of their relationships (e.g. the wedding and honeymoon) and then they set themselves on autopilot without formally discussing their feelings, desires, goals and needs — until something goes wrong. By scheduling weekly or monthly check-ins, you can reduce tension, improve understanding and nip issues in the bud before they erupt into bigger problems.

Relationship check-ins do not need to follow a specific format. They can be semi-formal (e.g. a conversation with notes over brunch) or more casual (a text chain you update every afternoon). It’s up to you to decide what works for you knowing that the more you talk about your feelings, needs and concerns, the more likely you will be to meet one another’s expectations.

You might start with these three simple prompts:

How are you feeling right now?

How are you feeling in this relationship?

How can I support you at this moment in time?

Or you can take a little more time to delve into some additional topics:

1. How are you feeling today?

This is your opportunity to let your partner know where you’re at emotionally. This can help set the tone for the meeting, so be honest so that your partner understands how you’re feeling and responds with support.

2. How are you feeling about our relationship?

This is also an important question to ask yourself. Consciously consider how you feel about the relationship so that you can make changes and requests as needed. With kids, work and other commitments, we don’t have the time to resolve every conflict, discuss every moment of discomfort or talk about every concern.

3. Is there anything on your mind that is bothering, worrying or stressing you out?

Because you have your own life outside of the relationship, your partner may not know what’s going on with your work, business and friendships.

4. Is there anything you’re working on that you’d like to discuss?

This question might relate to health or fitness goals, something your therapist suggested you work on or a desired mindset.

5. What is on the horizon for the next week/month?

This is an opportunity to ensure you’re both on the same page. You might discuss schedules, workloads or family responsibilities. Planning ahead is essential to happy, harmonious relationships.

6. What can I do to support you?

The previous questions focus on how you’re feeling, and this one allows you to shift the focus to your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and be as specific as possible when making requests.

7. How are you feeling about our sex life?

Most people don’t talk about sex until something is wrong, but couples who make sex talk a habit have more frequent and satisfying sex. When they run into sexual challenges (e.g., lack of desire or a decline in frequency), they’re equipped to work through the issue, as sexual communication is the norm, not an exception that becomes associated with problems. If this broad question feels too daunting, consider an alternative: What did you like about the last time we had sex?

And we can't forget about our sponsors, save 50% off almost any item in the store at Adam & Eve. PLUS free shipping PLUS a bunch of little free gifts this week use code DRJESS. Or check out Womanizer and We-Vibe with code DRJESS to save a little more on their products!

Pre-Register for the Couples Master Class: 50 Exercises For Successful Relationships. The course designed to increase passion, boost communication, heighten intimacy and spark eroticism within your relationship. Get 50% off this course when you pre-register!

If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean,

Letting Go of Shame & Embracing Pleasure

In this episode of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Dr. Jess and Brandon explore your questions on ruined orgasms, sleep climaxes, vaginal taste, and even the topic of tasting your own ejaculate.

Thank you so much for listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast and engaging with our content! Your clicks and support help us keep this free content flowing, and when you shop with our affiliate partners you’re supporting our work. Thank you (for real)!

 

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TL;DR: Shame-Free Pleasure, Ruined Orgasms & Tasting Yourself

Ruined orgasms are real and can be part of intentional BDSM dynamics. The orgasm hits, but the pleasure gets disrupted. Think of it as pleasure with a plot twist.

Sleep orgasms aren’t just for teen boys, people of all genders can (and do) climax while dreaming. When your brain gets to chill, your body gets to thrill.

Taste talk time: There’s no magic pineapple trick, but a healthy diet might make you taste sweeter. Either way, your natural flavour is normal.

Curious about tasting yourself? You’re not alone and there’s zero shame in exploring what your body has to offer. Brandon weighs in too.

Want to play with orgasm control or solo tasting?

We-Vibe Touch = precise, palm-sized edging.

We-Vibe Melt = teasing control in couples’ hands.

Mini Wand = travel-friendly for tasting and teasing.

Use code DRJESSVIP to save when you shop with our affiliate partners. Your support = more pleasure-positive, shame-free content.

TL;DR: Let go of shame, try the thing, taste the thing, talk about it. You deserve pleasure without apology.

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

A ruined orgasm isn’t necessarily a failed orgasm. It’s a deliberate (or sometimes accidental) disruption to your climax. It may occur inadvertently due to distractions or intrusive thoughts. Alternatively, it may be an intentional part of BDSM or dominant/submissive dynamics. In this context, stimulation is often stopped just before orgasm, resulting in physical release without the typical wave of pleasure.

Ruined vs. Forced vs. Edging

Here’s how they differ:

Ruined orgasms: Climax is interrupted or diminished, often intentionally.

Forced orgasms: Repeated or continuous stimulation, often without rest.

Edging: Building to orgasm and stopping intentionally to enhance climax later.

If ruined orgasms have piqued your interest and you want to dig deeper into orgasm control, check out our detailed post on ruined orgasms: techniques, psychology, and benefits.

Sleep Orgasms Are Real, And Yes, They Can Feel That Good

Wet dreams aren’t reserved for teen boys. People of all genders can experience sleep orgasms, also known as nocturnal orgasms. These may be spontaneous or linked to dreams. Theories suggest they are tied to the body’s ability to relax and let go of inhibitions while asleep. Although more commonly reported by cis men, people of all genders may experience them but might be less likely to notice.

We often eroticize emotional sensations like shame or embarrassment because the dominant culture denies us the right to feel them without stigma. Translation? You might dream your way to orgasm because your brain finally gets to let go.

What About Taste? Diet, Vaginas & Ejaculate

Let’s get to the juicy stuff: taste.

There is no definitive research that links specific foods to vaginal taste. However, anecdotal evidence suggests that fruits and vegetabl...

Thank you for being here and exploring with us. If you’re looking to treat yourself (or your partner), please check out our affiliate links and save with our discount code DRJESSVIP at checkout. We appreciate your support!

Code DRJESSVIP

THANK YOU! 💜 (for real)

Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us!

No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win!

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TL;DR: Penis Size ≠ Pleasure

Does size matter? Not in the way culture tells you. Most penis anxiety stems from social comparison, not partner dissatisfaction.

Better is better, not bigger. Pleasure is about communication, creativity and presence, not inches.

Confidence starts inside. The average penis is totally normal. You’re not too small you’re too hard on yourself.

Where size does matter? Condom fit! myONE Condoms offers 60+ custom sizes for safer, more pleasurable sex.

Product recommendations:

We-Vibe Pivot for vibrating partner play

We-Vibe Verge for perineum pleasure

Last Longer in Bed Course for sexual self-regulation & confidence

Reframe your worth. You are not a measurement. Your penis isn’t a performance. You are worthy of pleasure, connection, and adoration.

Explore more:

Multiple Orgasms – Part I

Quick Connection Exercise for Couples

Penis Size, Pleasure & Confidence: Let’s Talk About It

Does size matter?? I receive so many messages and they often open with questions that dive straight into penis size, frequency of masturbation, and a plea for reassurance. And my response is almost always the same: You’re fine. You’re more than fine.

We live in a world obsessed with comparison and false benchmarks. Penis size is one of those cultural yardsticks, and for many, it’s a source of unnecessary shame and silence. But let’s be clear: Bigger is not better. Better is better. And better is about connection, pleasure, presence, and feeling good in your own body.

Brandon and I sat down to talk about the social pressure around penis size, locker room awkwardness, middle school posturing, and the assumption that bigger automatically means better in bed. Spoiler: It doesn’t.

The Social Side of Penis Size: It’s Not About Sex

Let’s talk about locker room syndrome. There’s real research, like the multi-country study by Annabel Chan, that shows most people with penises aren’t concerned about size in the bedroom. They’re worried about what other people (especially other men) think outside of it. Penis size has become a bizarre social status marker and a way to signal masculinity, not necessarily to enhance sex.

And the data backs this up: while over 85% of women say they’re happy with their partner’s penis size, only 55% of men say the same about themselves. That gap isn’t based on pleasure, it’s based on social messaging.

Positions, Pleasure & Personal Preference

If you’re wondering whether you need to adjust your sexual positions based on penis size, the answer is: not really. There’s no universal rulebook. For some, shallower penetration can be more pleasurable. Reverse ride, lap dance grind, vibrating penis rings, these can all enhance sensation regardless of size.

If you’re worried about going “too deep” and hitting the cervix in uncomfortable ways, look into options like a penis bumper, a stackable buffer that allows for full thrusting with a shallower feel. Pleasure doesn’t come down to length, it comes down to care, communication, and creative curiosity.

Penis Anxiety Is Real, But It’s Not Inevitable

One listener messaged to say he was afraid to reenter the dating world after a breakup,

Urologist, Dr. Denise Asafu-Ajei, joins us to answer your questions about erections:

How can you prevent erectile dysfunction?

How do you treat erectile issues?

How do you know if erectile issues are psychological or physiological in nature?

What can you do if you lose your erection?

How do you manage anxiety to reduce negative feedback loops?

Dr. Denise Asafu-Adjei is a urologist with subspecialty training in sexual dysfunction and male infertility. She completed a Fellowship in Andrology at University of California Los Angeles (UCLA). She will be joining the Urology Department at Loyola University in Chicago as the Medical Director of Male Reproductive Medicine.

She completed her Urology residency at Columbia University Irving Medical Center and received her M.D. from the University of Michigan Medical School. She obtained an MPH in Health Policy and Management from the Harvard School of Public Health and a Bachelor of Science from Carnegie Mellon University.

In the future, she aims to utilize clinical research and physician leadership to help healthcare systems achieve access to equitable and high quality healthcare for sexual dysfunction and male reproductive services. Follow Dr. Denise's Instagram and Twitter.

Be sure to check out our sponsor, Lovehoney, as they’re having a big sale this week and you can save a little extra with code DRJESS10

If you want to enter our contest to win the awesome We-Vibe Touch, be sure to leave us a review on any of the podcast sites and then email us at [email protected] so we can be sure to enter your name in the draw. We’ll choose (and notify) the winner August 2nd and announce on the podcast on August 6th.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Better Boners: Erection Facts, Fiction & Advice

00:00:05 - 00:05:01

You're listening to the sax with dr jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight Welcome to the sex with dr jazz. Podcast i'm your co host brandon. Wear here with my always. Lovely other half doctor jess how you doing. I'm great today. we are. we're talking boehner's love me again boehner. Sometimes i love a good. Sometimes i can live without it. Yeah we're talking directions and we're going to be answering a listener question. That is a little bit similar to last week's but from this side of the person with the penis and of course there's no one better to weigh in on erections than our guest today. Urologist dr denise software agyei the incoming director of male reproductive medicine at loyola university in chicago Her resumes too impressive. She went from carnegie mellon to the university of michigan to harvard. To columbia to ucla. And she's going to help us. Better understand erections erectile dysfunction and discuss some preventative measures since erections tend to subside with age. And of course. You don't need a raging like joke about taking it or leaving it but the reality is there are so many ways to enjoy pleasure insects without a boehner as well i agree and i. I couldn't agree more that that c. I mean there's no one better to talk about this. Dr tennessee absolutely. I mean we won't say boehner doctor because it's much much more than that. Her specialties are run. Quite deep including male fertility so really looking forward to that conversation an...

This podcast is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app for couples and singles where they're a pioneer in allowing couples to explore dating together as a pair. Feeld is for everyone from the experienced to the curious.

Jess & Brandon answer listener questions related to erection loss, anxiety, libido, social norms and how to start difficult conversations.

This episode is brought to you by Lovehoney. They’re having a summer sale and you can save a little extra with code DRJESS10!

Here is a sampling of the questions we address:

#1. My partner is able to get and retain a really bangin' erection and can reliably orgasm during any type of penile stimulation (hand jobs, oral, even just putting lube on my body and rubbing himself back and forth on me), but he quickly and consistently loses his erection during penetration. The only time he is able to maintain an erection during PIV sex is in roleplay situations where I'm pretending to be someone other than myself.

Logically I know this issue isn't caused by anything I'm doing or not doing. We also have an amazing relationship and a strong emotional connection. But as this continues to happen it's starting to erode my self esteem--a nagging voice tells me that he's bored of having sex with me and doesn't want to make the effort unless I jump through hoops to make it extra exciting for him. I'm wondering what exactly is really going on here, how I can bring this up to him without making him feel like there's something wrong with him, (I don't want to make the problem worse by adding extra anxiety to him), and what we can do to help him maintain his erection during PIV sex.

#2. Hi Dr.Jess, I’ve been listening to your podcast for a couple months now and I have a question dating focused: do you think leagues are a thing? Like when someone says “they’re out of their league” or “dating or marrying up” or “you’re a 5 and they’re a 10”. Although sometimes this refers to socioeconomic divides in terms of education, income rather than just physical attractiveness alone. But I wanted to know your thoughts on how you think these divides can be overcome as I hear this enough or have seen it sometimes get in the way of my friends’ relationship.

#3. Firstly thank you for all you do. Your podcast is a huge source of comfort, inspiration and knowledge for me and I am excited every Friday to listen!

I'm 27, my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for 7 months. He recently told me that he fantasizes about being dominated. Other than the occasional light choke or spank, I have not taken on that role before. I tend to prefer to be dominated, too, so while I'm happy to try it out, I am unsure how to begin and how to feel confident doing so.

Separately, we are working on our communication in sex but I still struggle with initiating sex and talking about it for fear of rejection or being humiliated. I've been feeling like I want sex more than him but, because I don't know how to start it, I end up waiting for him to be in the mood. I end up feeling unattractive, like I'm unable to seduce my boyfriend. Even though logically I know that he sometimes might just be tired or not in the mood, and that's OK. Last week, after months of my internal agonizing, he brought up the subject and asked how I would describe my libido. He told me his was "changeable" and that sometimes he can tell I'm trying to make it happen but he just doesn't feel like it. He suggested I try telling him that I want him and that can sometimes get him in the mood, too. I now feel pressure to assert myself in a way I feel uncomfortable doing. I feel very vulnerable stating that I want sex, especially since I know that if he wanted it he would have initiated it already!

I told him once that I felt the patriarchy made me less sexually assertive, because woman are taught to be passive, and he told me to stop blaming my problems on external factors. Any advice on both of these topics would be VERY much appreciated!

Most people fantasize about threesomes, but not many people actually dive in. In part I of our Threesomes podcast, we dive into the data and get some practical advice from Justin Lehmiller who answers your questions including:

How common are threesomes?

What counts as a threesome?

How does a threesome affect relationships for couples?

Who is having threesomes?

How do people find threesomes (e.g. through apps like Feeld)?

What’s the appeal of threesomes?

Next week, we’ll dive into how to prep for a threesome with prompts, conversations and more!

Justin Lehmiller the Scientific Advisor to Feeld, and host of the Sex and Psychology Blog and Podcast. To stay up to date with The Kinsey Institute research fellow, follow his Instagram and Twitter!

Feeld is the first dating app for couples and singles. They're a pioneer in allowing couples to explore dating together as a pair -- from ethical non-monogamy to alternative relationships and everything in between. Feeld is for everyone from the experienced to the curious.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 220: Threesomes: Who, What, Why & How?

 (00:05):

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Brandon (00:15):

Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

Dr. Jess (00:22):

Hey, hey. We are talking threesomes today. And it fits that today's episode is brought to you by Feeld. And Feeld is the first dating app for couples and singles, they’re a pioneer in allowing couples to kind of explore dating together as a pair. And they're open to all genders, all sexual identities, all sexual orientations, basically for anyone who's interested in either ethical non monogamy or alternative relationships structures, or simply those who are curious and looking to kind of dip their toe into the pond so do check them out. And you can download the Feeld app, it’s free, and you create a profile and once you have liked someone and they've liked you back on the app, you become connections and you're able to chat. And if you want to you can share photos and they also often offer an upgraded membership option with extra features and yeah, so do check out Feeld. They're one of the largest online communities for fun stuff like this. And it's interesting, I actually came across Feeld in my research a few years ago, when I was prepping a training for therapists on threesomes and ethical non monogamy. And they really are the perfect partner for this podcast, because we're talking about threesomes. And of course there are people on Feeld looking for threesomes.

And later, we’re going to be talking with their expert Dr Justin Lehmiller, but before he joins us, I wanted to kind of dig into some of the data on threesomes. And later on, I also wanna talk if we have time about how to prepare for a three some, like in terms of communication and reflection and just topics to address before you start exploring. I don't know how much time we'll have. I might have to split it into a couple episodes, but we will get there. It's interesting because when you think about threesomes, don't you think porn has kind of made threesomes seem like the norm? Everybody’s doing them.

Sydney Rae Chin joins us to share her personal experience as a closeted queer woman who grew up Chinese-American-Catholic. She shares some really valuable advice on how to navigate emotional consent and leaves us with tools for navigating boundaries and honouring our own values.

They dive deep into conversation around polyamory, monogamy, and coming out to their family answering these questions and more!

Can you have monogamous relationships as a polyamorous person?

Can polyamory & monogamy co-exist in a relationship?

How do you cultivate emotional consent and communicate emotional boundaries?

How do you come out to family — as polyamorous or queer?

How do culture and gender intersect with experiences of polyamory?

To stay up to date with Sydney, check out her website and follow her on Instagram.

Our wonderful partner Adam & Eve has extended their promo. Use code DRJESS to get 50% off almost any item including shipping PLUS a bunch of free goodies. Take this opportunity to save and try something new tonight!

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 219: Polyamory, Coming Out & Emotional Consent

 (00:05):

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Brandon (00:17):

Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my always lovely other half, Dr Jess, who is currently squeezing my nipple.

Dr. Jess (00:26):

I just wanted to see if he could keep going, and he did.

Brandon (00:28):

I did, I threw you a curve ball by telling everybody what you were doing at the beginning.

Dr. Jess (00:34):

How you doing today babe?

Brandon (00:36):

I'm great my nipples little sore. But otherwise I'm great. Thanks for asking, how are you?

Dr. Jess (00:41):

I’m good. I feel like your nipples have played a prominent role in the podcast the last few weeks. Because you were talking about I don't know, pinching nipples on my instagram and people were having a good time with that. I think my family unfollowed us, but we're okay with that. And I don't know, I feel like things are going really well right now because life is getting back to normal here in Canada. They're opening up some restrictions. Or I guess they're loosening the restrictions around travel. We are fully vaccinated, you and me. I got a pinch in my vaccination. The pharmacist pinched my arm and said “I like to pinch,” then she pinched my arm and then she gave me the jab. And I'm unclear as to whether or not she liked to pinch for the sake of the vaccine or she just generally liked to pinch and took the opportunity to pinch me, but either way I'm happy because I'm vaxxed.

Brandon (01:29):

Got my jabs in, and it feels so good.

Dr. Jess (01:34):

Anyhow, lots going on, just wanted to mention that my new show on CityTV presented by TSC is still running Friday nights here in Canada at midnight on CityTV. And it's called Intimately You With Dr. Jess and we’re already, I don't know almost two thirds through the season. We're at least halfway through season one and it's going pretty cool. I think it's so much fun to get to hawk sex toys on national TV. And I've got honestly, we have the coolest guest tonight. We're joined by Shanae Adams,

Thank you for engaging and learning Dirty Talk with us! We’re so glad you’re here (for real). If you’re looking to experiment with something new in the bedroom, please check out our affiliate links and use our discount code DRJESSVIP to save when shopping.

Code DRJESSVIP

THANK YOU! 💜 (for real)

Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us!

No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win!

LOVEHONEY.COM

WE-VIBE.COM

This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!

TL;DR: Dirty Talk Is a Skill — Not a Performance

• Feeling awkward, shy, or silly about dirty talk? You’re not alone — but it’s something you can absolutely learn.

• Dirty talk isn’t one-size-fits-all. It can be romantic, possessive, kinky, submissive, consent-focused, or full of fantasy.

• Try lines like:

  • “I love how you touch me.”

  • “Get on your knees.”

  • “Tell me what you want right now.”

  • “Let’s pretend we’re strangers…”

• Our takeaways:

  • It's about expression, not perfection.

  • You can practice alone: mirror talk, tone play, or moaning into a pillow.

• Tools that can amplify your voice:

  • We-Vibe Melt for air-pressure magic, app-controlled for long-distance fantasies

  • We-Vibe Nova 2 for dual stimulation and synchronized dirty talk

Please select a link or group

• Want help turning fantasy into conversation?

  • Start with How to Talk About Fantasies

  • Or get real-world advice from PlayboyTV’s SWING Stars

• Looking for a deeper dive?

  • The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay by Marla Renee Stewart is a go-to

• Bottom line: Dirty talk doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be yours. Practice, experiment, laugh, reset, and turn yourself on with your own words.

How to Dirty Talk: A Skill You Can Build

Dirty talk can feel exhilarating, intimate, hilarious or downright awkward. And that’s okay. If you’ve ever felt silly, shy, or self-conscious trying to talk dirty, you’re far from alone. As we explore in this episode, learning to express yourself sexually with words is a practice—not a performance.

From childhood conditioning and cultural messaging to (perhaps) religious voice in the back of our minds, these layers of discomfort are real. But so are the tools to peel them back.

Different Styles of Dirty Talk

Let’s clear this up right away: dirty talk isn’t just about raunchy porn-style commands. It can be:

Romantic and Sweet

“I love how you touch me.”

“You’re the only one I want.”

“I feel so close to you when we make love.”

Possessive and Devoted

“You’re all mine.”

“No one compares to you.”

“I can’t get enough of your body.”

Kinky and Dominant

“Get on your knees.”

“You’re going to follow my rules tonight.”

“If you’re good, I’ll let you finish.”

Submissive and Playful

“Tell me what to do.”

“I’m all yours.”

“Use me how you like.”

Consent-Driven and Seductive

“Can I kiss you here?”

“Would you like me to go down on you?”

“Tell me what you want right now.”

Fantasy and Role Play

“Let’s pretend we’re strangers.”

“I want to sneak around while my partner’s away.”

“Let’s act out that scene from the theatre.”

You don’t have to pick just one. You can try them all—or mix them together based on your mood and the moment.

Why We Struggle to Talk Dirty

Brandon shared how he often couples physical touch with dirty talk to feel more confident. Self-consciousness can be a result of early sexual messaging where many of us were taught to be quiet. Especially when we were first exploring pleasure.

For folks who are more auditory than visual, language has the power to intensify pleasure, connection, and even orgasm. That’s why playing with tone, cadence, volume,

Dr. Lexx is a phenomenal sex therapist, educator, and media consultant. The #CouplesClinician runs The Institute for Sexuality and Intimacy, LLC and is an Amazon best-selling author! She’s the coolest nerd you'll ever meet and she’s passionate about helping clients build, maintain, and perpetuate true intimacy with #shamefreesexed.

This week, Dr. Lexx joins us to talk about adipositivity & enmeshment in relationships. She shares insights on how to recognize enmeshed dynamics and strategies for managing enmeshment.

Follow Dr. Lexx's Instagram and Twitter . To learn more about the MUSICARES event Dr. Lexx will be moderating next week on the 16th, check out the information on her website at LexxSexDoc.com.

Our wonderful partner Adam & Eve has extended their promo. Use code DRJESS to get 50% off almost any item including shipping PLUS some free goodies. Take this opportunity to save and try something new tonight!

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 217: Signs Of Enmeshment In Relationships (And what you can do about it)

(00:05):

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Brandon (00:17):

Welcome, to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half Dr. Jess.

Dr. Jess (00:24):

Hey. We've been given away free vibes. So last week, we ran our first podcast contest, which is not as organized as it should have been. I learned my lesson. But we got a whole bunch of entries for these free vibrators from Romp Toys, and we've selected our winner. And I've got permission to share their name, so congratulations to Rebecca Bassett, who will be receiving in their mailbox a Romp Shine, which is one of those clitoral toys that fits around the head of the clit and uses pleasure air to create that fun suction/kissing/licking sensation. And Rebecca, you'll also be getting the Romp Jazz, which is a rabbit vibe, also by Romp. And I I love their packaging, love their branding, really cool new brands. So I guess, keep an eye on your mailbox. We have more good vibes and giveaways to come. I'm going to do the next one. On IG because it's just a little organized, a little bit easier for me to organize, so be sure to follow @sexwithdrjess on IG. And hey babe, should people follow your IG?

Brandon (01:27):

Ya, why not? @veritybrandonverity, come and see what I'm up to and what I'm commenting on.

Dr. Jess (01:32):

But it's not sex toys.

Brandon (01:34):

It is definitely not sex toys

Dr. Jess (01:36):

You can do a sex toy giveaway on yours if you want.

Brandon (01:38):

Sure. I'm sure that all my clients and friends would be wondering what I'm changing and doing, what I'm up to.

Dr. Jess (01:45):

All right so you'll give away sex toys on your channel and I'll give away a condo on mine. You donate the condo. I'll donate the sex toys. So of course if you are shopping for vibes, https://www.adamandeve.com has extended their promo for fifty percent off almost any item plus free shipping and some free goodies with code DRJESS so do checkout https://www.adamandeve.com. Well I want to dive right in because today, we’re going to be talking about enmeshment in relationships with a brilliant sex therapist.

On this week's podcast, Jess & Brandon discuss sexual compatibility and share their personal experiences while addressing these Qs:

How do know know if you’re sexually compatible?

What can you do if you’re not sexually compatible?

What are the keys to sexual compatibility?

What’s the difference between desire and identity?

Should you break up if you’re not sexually compatible?

How can you find middle ground if you’re not feeling compatible?

Jess & Brandon weigh in on these questions and much more! Plus we’ve got a sex toy give-away from Romp Toys, so be sure to tune in! And don't forget to check out our amazing sponsor Adam & Eve. They are offering 50% off almost any item including shipping with code DRJESS.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How Much Does Sexual Compatibility Matter?

(00:05):

You're listening to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Brandon (00:18):

Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, I'm your co-host Brandon Ware here with my always lovely other half Dr. Jess.

Jess (00:25):

Hey.

Brandon (00:26):

How are you?

Jess (00:27):

I’m good. It's been a bit of a heavy week. We keep having heavy weeks don't we?

Brandon (00:31):

Seems to be the trend.

Jess (00:33):

Yeah, with the news, with some stuff going on in life. And yeah, I'm actually excited to be having this conversation, because it's just you and me. And I feel like it could be an opportunity to decompress a little where nobody else interrupts. No producers, no nobody today. And we're going to be talking about sexual compatibility, which I don't think we always use the word sexual compatibility but it is a huge issue that comes up in all of the messages I receive from people.

Brandon (00:59):

Don’t you think the people often reach out to you with sex problems and is it always a sex problem or is it a compatibility problem?

Jess (01:08):

I mean a lot of it does go down to compatibility, or I see it actually more as expectations when people reach out. Cause they're you know, upset that their partner won't do something or disappointed that their not on the same page, or frustrated that they're not having sex at all. I do think a lot of it has to do with expectations and boundaries, and the fact that honestly folks wait months and years and years and years and years and years before they reach out. And you know, now that I'm so far into this field right? It feels like I just started. But it's been over a decade of doing this full-time, actually it's been longer than a decade. It gets a little frustrating. Because you do want to help people, and also I don't wanna say people are too far gone, but one conversation or a series of conversations or one workshop or one book oftentimes can't resolve this pent up resentment and frustration and shame and hurt that has built up really. It’s over a decade in some cases. So yeah I mean with compatibility, it's really interesting, because people will often reach out and say “oh Dr. Jess, I tried this, I did what you said, I bought them this, I presented them your Ted talk ‘monogamish.’ And they're just not into it, like what do I do?” And the bottom line is if they're not into it they're not into it right? You're not,