On this solo episode of She Doesn't Settle, I discuss the positive impact of delayed gratification, why it leads to success, and how you can start to develop discipline in your own life. I open up the podcast with a brief note on the infamous Marshmallow Experiment, when kids were given a marshmallow and told not to eat it. If they didn't, they were promised another. After tracking the lives of the children from the study for decades, they found that the children who were willing to wait for the second marshmallow ended up being more successful in life. However, being disciplined isn't necessarily innate or easy - as with other aspects of our personality, it's impacted by our environment and lived experiences.

All is not lost if instant gratification seems to be more your style though. We can all hone our ability to be disciplined by starting simple and small. Setting action-oriented, specific, and doable goals makes holding yourself accountable a much easier task. I draw this episode to a close with some thoughts on big ideas, why big actions aren't always the right solution, and how, when we try to tackle the problem by kicking and screaming, the problem tackles us. So join me for today's special episode, and learn how you, too, can become more disciplined and ultimately more successful.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• The Marshmallow experiment
• Delayed gratification
• Environmental impact
• Discipline
• Starting small and simple
• Accountability partners and calendars

Quotes:

"What they found was super surprising that children who were willing to delay gratification, and waited to receive the second marshmallow ended up having lower levels of substance abuse, a lower likelihood of obesity, better LSAT scores, better responses to stress, higher social skills, and generally just better across the board in terms of life's measurements."

"The children's ability to delay gratification and have that discipline was not something they were born with, but was in fact impacted by environment and the experiences that they had."

"But what we know is that if you want to succeed at something, at some point, you're going to have to develop that ability to be disciplined and to take action, instead of looking to distraction–looking for the easy fix."

"The key here though, is again, make sure the tasks are doable, they're action-oriented and specific."

"We get these big ideas about how big the actions need to be in order to reach the big goal. And that's where we get into trouble."

"The good news is there are ways to become better at delaying gratification. You have to do the work. You have to practice, you have to keep things simple. That's all part of the process. But over time when you see the results and you see the progress, you'll understand why that's so important."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience

Instagram

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Marshmallow Experiment

Other references: Very Well Mind; James Clear

On today's episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast, I chat with Sherry Lukey, an international EFT/tapping expert who works with heart centered entrepreneurs and leaders. Using her unique skills, she has transformed her, her family, and 1000s of clients into strong individuals with unshakeable confidence that embody who they truly want to be. Sherry wasn't always on this path though. She opens up the episode by detailing the horrific horse riding she witnessed her daughter experience, and how she hit rock bottom not too long after and suffered from severe PTSD. It wasn't until she started to look for relief that she stumbled upon the Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT or more commonly referred to as tapping touches on high concentrations of nerve endings to interrupt the body's stress responses and promote healing.

Roughly a decade later, Sherry is using the very wisdom that saved her to help save others. Today we talk about just that. She's provided her clients with a safe space and the tools to give their subconsciouses a break, reframe beliefs, and overcome trauma. Lukey closes out the episode with remarks on why her most notable clients are children, what her favorite acupressure points are, and how her work increases confidence. So please, if you enjoy this interview as much as I did, check out Lukey's website for more information on tapping and how it can help you.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Sherry's daughter and her horrific riding accident
• Hitting rock bottom
• Emotional Freedom Technique
• EFT compared to other coping techniques
• Reframing beliefs
• EFT and children
• Acupressure points

Quotes:

"I was constantly getting sick. It was just like back to back viruses and antibiotics. And I'd put on a ton of weight."

"It never even occurred to me, Kelly, to go get help–to go get support."

"It's more commonly known as tapping because you literally tap on high concentrations of nerve endings on the upper body and hands and fingers. And those high concentrations are basically acupressure points. So it has its roots in Chinese medicine."

"So by interrupting the stress response, what happens is that the subconscious now isn't worried about keeping you alive and breathing. And it actually comes on side to help you heal."

"I would like tapping because it's more active. And I feel like that keeps me engaged. Whereas meditation, I just cannot find myself getting there."

"You don't have to try to relax yourself. The tapping is doing the job for you, and that's why I love it."

"They did a little bit more tapping, took a little bit longer, but it was just gone. It's so incredibly effective with kids, like I said, because they're still in their bodies. It's a little tougher when you get into the preteens and teenagers, because they might not be as receptive to it."

"If you're looking in the mirror going, 'I'm beautiful', and all you can see is all your wrinkles, that affirmation is not working, because your subconscious is ultimately in stress."

"Initially there's a lot more tapping, because we're so stuck in a stress response that our subconscious sees that as familiar."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Sherry Lukey Homepage

Sherry on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/

In today's brief but very important episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast, I talk about burnout and the newfound challenges of remote work. No longer is home that refuge at the end of a long day of work - the lines between home and office are now blurred. And while remote work has a lot of benefits, and most people are able to maintain a healthy work life balance now that they're no longer obligated to an office, remote work makes it difficult to set boundaries and switch off at the end of the day. That's why I find it necessary to develop coping techniques that help me deal with burnout.

In creating a consistent routine, for example, you not only will increase productivity and improve your wellbeing, you will also prevent anxiety and stress levels from rising. Taking breaks is another method that I use to unplug. Whether you take 15 minutes to read or meditate, breaks are crucial to help reset your mind during long and tiring hours. And so is setting boundaries, an act which helps protect that safe, stressless place you've created for yourself. These days, that's more important than ever. So be sure to tune into today's episode and learn how you too can battle burnout and create a life that suits you.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• The challenges of remote work
• The benefits of a consistent routine
• Taking breaks
• Setting boundaries

Quotes:

"According to Expedia, Americans took the least amount of vacation days."

"Those lines between home and work life have really become blurred, making it difficult for folks to switch off completely."

"That not only supports everything you've been doing, but that allows you to come back even stronger."

"We have really been conditioned to believe that our time is not ours."

"You need to take the steps to switch off and to take the time and set those boundaries, and give yourself that pause that is so important in terms of not only preventing burnout, but improving your productivity, your well being, you know, your anxiety, and your stress - all of the things."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience

She Doesn't Settle on Instagram

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Fall 2022 Ascend

Today I want to talk about comparison, not with others, but comparison with the past versions of ourselves. It can be easy to succumb to that critical voice within and reminisce on who you were when you were younger. Too often we let our minds wander to regrets and 'what ifs.' It's become normal to criticize ourselves for not being who we were 20 years ago, especially as women, and to berate ourselves for decisions we made in the past. But it's time that we change that - by living in the past, you and I only serve to waste time.

We need to reframe our mindsets, and that's what I really want to talk about today: using our inner critic as a catalyst for positive change. It's time that you make peace with that negative voice in your head telling you that you can't write or rewrite your own destiny, so stay present in your mind and body. You might even find that age comes with rich experience, so use that wisdom, and create new milestones for yourself.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Comparing ourselves with others
• Longing for youth
• Regretting decisions
• Staying present
• Opportunities for action
• Acknowledging the inner critic
• Making peace with your inner self

Quotes:

"We feel it, that inner critic comes out and starts telling us that, you know, we need to figure shit out."

"I'm constantly criticizing myself for not being who I was 20 years ago."

"If we spend all this time shaming ourselves for what we aren't, then we're wasting energy that could be spent elsewhere."

"So, as part of accepting yourself right now, maybe find a neutral thought, 'I'm proud of what I've accomplished to this point.'"

"We can create new positive habits. We can create new milestones for ourselves. And one of the habits that we need to stop is being stuck in that repetitive critical voice."

"And I think that's the power of getting older. We are wiser, we're more experienced, and we can recognize what's most important to us. I think the times that we feel that comparison to our younger selves are those moments where we're struggling."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

On this episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast, Kelly Travis returns after her two-month long hiatus from the show. And in the midst of a rather chaotic past few weeks, with the fall of Roe, the shooting in Texas, etc., she took a few moments today to chat about the importance of recognizing your priorities. In times of stress and burnout, it can be challenging to find solace in everyday life. That's why Kelly suggests that everyone should have priorities that align with their goals and three daily non-negotiables. This can be anything from taking a walk and making coffee to doing yoga and eating a healthy breakfast.

The goal is to maintain some semblance of normalcy even when the going gets tough. It can be easy to stop showing up for yourself, especially when everything else seems so insurmountable and overwhelming. In doing the little things though and showing up for ourselves, we ensure that we prioritize ourselves and our own wellbeing even in the face of pressure.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Recognizing priorities
• Coping with stress and burnout
• Picking your non-negotiables
• Showing up for yourself
• The importance of doing the little things

Quotes:

"But for now, let's just say I needed to take some time to step back from some things, namely, social media for sure, to take a look at all of the things I was doing creatively and pull back a bit to conserve some energy and to put my priorities elsewhere."

"I just wanted to get on here and say, obviously, there are big, big problems. And I hope that you are doing what you need to do to move through it. Whether that's silently taking the time to sit back, maybe you're vocal on social media, or you're doing the things to advocate and to send messages."

"If you have three non-negotiables for yourself, those can help you in the hardest times. And you know, they could be as simple as drinking enough water every day, getting to bed at a certain time, taking a walk a couple of times a day, a five minute walk…like simple things."

"We need to know that we can show up for ourselves in some small, small way."

"But again, all of these things are just wonderful foundations for us when things are really challenging and we're going through a lot of emotional, mental, and physical stress."

"We're back for the next couple of months just to get through summer and the boys being home. I shifted my schedule. Episodes are going to be every other week, probably until September. Then we'll come back to full blown every week"

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

In this week's episode, I want to talk one-on-one with you about setting goals, and I hope that by sharing my story, it might help you with yours. I open up the episode by recalling my decision back in January to start running again and to write a memoir. Giving myself attainable weekly milestones gave me incredible momentum to help me achieve my goals. I found that setting smaller goals was not only more sustainable, but also more effective to achieving my larger ones.

I go on to talk about the importance of setting the right goals. In order to do this we have to ask ourselves the right questions. Does the pursuit of this goal make me unhappy? Does this goal align with my priorities? By interrogating ourselves like this, it helps us make sure we are pursuing the right objective. I draw this episode to a close by reminding you all, and myself, that it's okay to change our goals when our priorities do. After all, life is an ever changing process.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Running marathons again and starting my memoir
• My experience committing to my goals
• The importance of setting reasonable goals
• Asking yourself the right questions
• Why it's okay if your priorities change

Quotes:

"Oftentimes, we pick goals because we think we're supposed to go after them, and then later realize, we don't freakin' want that."

"My point in sharing this is that along the journey, we have a lot of self-doubt. We have that narrative like, 'I can't do this. I'm not good enough. Who do I think I am? I should just quit. This is too hard.' Right?"

"The strategy, the plan, all of that was the same so that I could make small, significant progress."

"We do a really good job of assuming people have expectations of us. But you know how the world is, everybody just cares about themselves."

"What's the new goal? Or maybe you're fine, right? Where you're at, and you've achieved so much, and you're like, 'I'm good.' This is perfect. We don't always have to be in the pursuit of something."

"I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to show up and be seen in a certain way and often we forget what we actually want."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

I go it alone on today's episode to talk about what it's like to experience unhappiness at work and how to change that. I start off by delving into the importance of professional exploration, and how you can't truly know if you're in the right place without considering all your options. While there are many reasons why we may be dissatisfied with our careers, burnout seems to be one of the most prominent. The teaching industry, for example, is familiar with burnout as they're infamously overworked and underpaid.

Considering how common it is for people to be unhappy with their jobs, I go on to discuss boundaries, positive habits, and healthy behaviors. By investigating what those mean to you, you learn more about your values and self worth, and you learn where to draw your lines which is healthy for you, not only professionally, but socially and personally, as well. Likewise, I want to abandon the notion that changing your career is suicide or starting over; there are other options, and I'm here to help you find them. In fact, I'm launching a new one-on-one coaching option to my site to help those in search of professional contentment in addition to a 6-month group program.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Why you could be unhappy at work
• The importance of professional exploration
• Why burnout is so prominent
• Developing good habits and behaviors
• Allow yourself to ask questions
• One-on-one coaching and 6-month group program

Quotes:

"Exploring is really important because it could turn out that it's just a simple tweak you have to make, right? It could be that you just aren't getting enough sleep, and that's the reason that you're miserable, right? Or it could be something bigger, but we don't know that until we do that work."

"Having a plan is really important, and that's the part that I think is not happening in a lot of cases. And I understand why people are just fed up and tired and just done, but if possible, doing the work, you know, taking that time is really important."

"When we talk about career change or adjustments, we're quick to think, 'Oh, that means I have to quit, burn it all down, and start over.' No! If you all know me, I think like an athlete, because I am one, and I have to have a plan."

"If we are trying to get to the top of the ladder, and we're at the bottom, if all of the steps are missing, and there's only the bottom one and the top, how do we get there? It's nearly impossible unless you're just a really good jumper. So we need to create those steps to get to where we want to go, and that takes time."

"Every time I've been in a miserable situation in my career, it inevitably seeped into my life–other parts of it, right. Whether it impacted my physical health, my mental health, my relationships, right, how I was speaking to people that I loved - all of those things are impacted."

"The biggest takeaway is for you to just start allowing yourself to get curious, to ask yourself those questions."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

Instagram

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Today I'm just so incredibly happy to welcome Kuri Levine to the podcast. A Georgetown graduate and marketer for National Geographic and the Discovery Health Channel, Levine is also a mother whose son lives with autism and she has since become an advocate for those with special needs. We open up the podcast by talking about her early experiences in the U.S., her career and how it changed when she left for maternity leave.

Kuri goes on to reveal that she never returned to her job after having her children, especially after finding out her son was on the spectrum. She also shares how she struggles as a parent seeing her kids battle with things other children might deem common sense, and how difficult it is for her to find activities or sports that she feels comfortable leaving her son at. We go on to talk about her book, Autism with a Side of Sushi - a book that aims to normalize autism - and draw our conversation to a close by discussing the importance of language and framing as they relate to the stigma surrounding disabilities. Today's conversation is a vitally important one, filled with insights that we all really need to hear and take to heart.

The Finer Details of this Episode:

• Experiencing cultural shock after immigrating to the U.S.
• How Kuri's life changed post-childbirth
• Her sons' diagnosis
• How COVID impacted her children's schooling
• The difficulty in finding activities for children living with autism
• The importance of language and ableism

Quotes:

"When I do math and simple arithmetic, I do it in Japanese, because that's how I learned it, whereas when I do other subjects, obviously it's in a different language. I've had people comment in Japan that when I speak in Japanese, I sound like a mom talking to a baby, and it's because the Japanese I know is my mom talking to me when I was five and younger."

"It was sort of the first time I got to see each one was developing at different rates and all the things that kids were doing and whatever. And I noticed that there were a couple things that stood out."

"Being able to rely on other people that knew what they were doing, instead of having to do it myself was so important, because I was terrified. I was going to break my child and mess him up."

"Some kids are way more social than Daniel, some kids are nonverbal, some kids have impulse control issues or whatever. So like, it's really interesting that everybody has a different experience."

"What I was hoping for in that title is that, just as Sushi has become so normalized, and so accepted, it would be amazing if autism, the same thing happens."

"So ableism is something I support. It's like a positive way of thinking and rephrasing words, I feel like that's important. I think that's another step in the making, not even just autism, any sort of disability less scary, right?"

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

Kuri's Homepage

Kuri Levine on Instagram

This week I'm excited to welcome Alaura Lovelight, an American R&B singer, writer, and producer, who joins me to discuss her experience in the music industry. We open the conversation by talking about the treatment of women in the music industry, a career space that scrutinizes women's bodies more so than their music, and Alaura urges women to stop compromising their values for the sake of views or popularity. She looks up to the likes of Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Lana Del Ray, and Beyonce as role models that she tries to emulate. Alaura goes on to discuss how it was only after a life changing throat surgery that she really started to contemplate her love for music, noting that she didn't know herself beyond music, and that led her into a deep depression. When I ask her about advice she'd give out to people in her position, she notes that she wishes she had a female mentor, that she's learning to let go of more control when it comes to her music, and that she actually feels reborn since she changed her name. To close out this episode, we talk about her experience coaching young girls, where she feels connected to her younger self in each of the girls, and she's grateful to be able to pass on her advice.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Alaura's early music development
• Her mother's creative and musical influence
• How women are treated differently in the music industry
• Trailblazers in the music industry that inspire her
• Alaura's throat surgery
• The value of a female mentor
• Alaura on the importance of self care, especially for women
• Why changing her name made her feel reborn
• Her experience coaching young girls

Quotes:

"I have been doing music since I can remember. I never remember not doing music."

"I actually had access to this million dollar studio, and I was the assistant. So I had keys to the building. And the composer had said to me, 'Do whatever you want', and I was like, 'Say no more.'"

"My mom was, like, very heavily my teacher in terms of music, but that's a great question that most people don't ask me is that she was very supportive of my gift and my passion. The industry was not her choice."

"She knew she could teach me music, but she couldn't teach me about the industry. She had no idea."

"I've just always been fascinated by–I constantly study the people that I want to be in this position too."

"What do I love besides music? And the answer was, I didn't know."

"It wasn't working out the way I was told, which now if you look back, like every artist that you love has been dropped from a label, has lost a record deal, but that's cool when they worked it out."

"The more I get into the industry, the more I work with people that really have a very high caliber, the more I learn you just do it because you love it. And you let the rest kind of happen organically."

"Get a mentor, you have to have a mentor. You have to have a mentor in the space that you want to be in. Because like I said, I'll coach young girls now, and I didn't realize until I started doing that, oh my gosh, I've been doing this for eight or nine years, and I've never had a female mentor."

"As women, there's kind of this underlying unworthiness, and lack of knowing your self worth, and I think it has to do with–we're the caretakers of the world, we are the mothers, we are the nurturers–women are made to feel guilty for putting themselves first."

"Because I've studied music for so long, and because I've studied, like, the intricacy of different parts, I usually have a pretty clear vision on what the baseline should sound like, what the drums should sound like, what the guitar should sound like, the strings. And then of course, we all mold it together."

"I feel like even if I changed my name, it would give me wings to do something different–It's a clean slate."

"I just really aspire to have a brand that is very impactful, that has a reputation of empowerment and confidence."

Links:

www.kellytravis.net

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

Alaura Lovelight on Instagram

Alaura Lovelight on Facebook

Alaura Lovelight on TikTok

This week, I welcome special educator, family practitioner, author, and mom of six children diagnosed with ADHD, Avigail Gimpel, to discuss her experience working with children all over the world and her research about ADHD. Our conversation today ranges from Avigail's childhood growing up with 7 siblings and a single mother which greatly impacted her attention in the classroom, to her eventual research into the nature of ADHD and the book this research inspired her to write. It's a fascinating and informative journey that I am so excited to bring to you all.

Together, we look at how many children are misdiagnosed with ADHD and put on medication before ever treating the origin of the problem. Recounting her experience as a teacher and a mother in both Israel and Russia, Avigail also discusses the similarities and differences between students in different countries, as well as the moment when her daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, and how she inevitably medicated three of her children. We talk about medication in relation to the fact that it leads to lack of curiosity in the child, and review ADHD manifestation and how it differs in children and adults. Avigail notes that she only started to research ADHD when she did so with her father-in-law, and finishes up by sharing information about her book, Hyper Healing, that succinctly includes her research and a guide for parents with children who exhibit ADHD symptoms.

The Finer Details of this Episode:

• An introduction to Avigail
• ADHD diagnoses
• How Avigail got her start in the Israeli school system
• How Israeli students compare to those in the US
• Her move to Moscow and her husband's business in Russia
• Experience teaching English in Russia
• How ADHD manifests itself in a child vs. adult
• Doing research with her father-in-law
• Avigail's book: Hyper Healing

Quotes:

"When you marry a guy with that much energy, your life becomes a little bit of an ADHD experience. Yeah, like a constant roller coaster. I'm a little bit dizzy all the time."

"Because Israel is a little bit behind America with technology, the Israeli kids are slightly less addicted to their screens."

"So then, when I got back to Israel, I actually started working with my father-in-law, the same person my husband really wanted to work with, because he went back to psychiatry, and he started working with ADHD."

"ADHD is just a list of symptoms that are caused by so many different things. So in my case, it was emotional overload. But in someone else's case, it's going to be a gut dysbiosis or, or lack of sleep. There's so many things that cause ADHD– a lot of kids who are struggling with so many different things are being diagnosed with ADHD, medicated–and the root causes of their problems are not being dealt with."

"It's just that we're not looking at the child, we have no curiosity for what's going on with the child."

"We have to assume that 95% of kids with ADHD symptoms have a perfectly healthy brain."

"​​At some point, I stopped really getting them an official diagnosis, because the diagnosis is only useful if you're going to medicate or if you're going to need special accommodations in school."

"This is a list of symptoms that give us guidelines to know the child's suffering. And then the very next thing we have to do is ask the question, not what diagnosis a child has, but rather, 'Why is this child struggling?'"

"So actually, that's why I wrote the book, because I wanted to be able to present all of the causes of ADHD–as many that would capture most children of ADHD symptoms like the causes, and then a solution for each one of them. So a parent can really use the book as their coach."

"And when we don't discipline our children, and we let them act like wild kids, then what we're saying is, 'I don't expect more of you. I know that you can't do better.'"

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

Hyper Healing

Avigail Gimpel Instagram

Avigail Gimpel Facebook