In this week's episode, I not only introduce a new development to replace ASCEND, I also review basics on how to recognize if you may be settling. Chances are, if you listen to this podcast regularly, you might be familiar with a few areas in your life that you're working on or at least want to. And today that's just what I want to talk to you all about. There are many times in life where we settle for mediocrity, and that can be okay, but when it starts to sabotage our growth or happiness, we have a problem. More often than not this manifests itself in our daily behaviors: namely feeling fatigued, playing the blame game, paying lip service, and engaging in toxic positivity.

If we wait for the perfect moment to start chasing dreams, we'll never even get to start. At least, if we start working toward our goals and fail, we'll be further along than if we hadn't tried at all. Embracing that 'Just Do It' attitude can be scary though. With toxic positivity all over Instagram's feed it can be hard to feel motivated, but at the end of the day you deserve more. So if any of the above sounds like you, we've got just the episode on deck today.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Settling for mediocrity
• Sabotaging growth
• Fatigue
• Delaying change
• The Blame Game
• Too much talk
• Fear with a capital 'F'
• Toxic positivity
• Why you deserve more

Quotes:

"When we think about not settling, we come to this realization that maybe what we were working towards before wasn't actually what we wanted."

"We are humans and humans are terrified of change, of failure, of taking risks. This is one of the main reasons people do settle in life. It's not about unrealistic goals or perfection, it's about changing the things you can to be happy."

"So it's a great way to avoid failure, but a terrible way to live a satisfying life. The time is never going to be perfect. In fact, the timing is probably never going to be good. Waiting for a time that is never going to arrive will keep you stuck forever. So you have to act now."

"When you catch yourself saying, 'I can't do that, I'm not good enough for that' Give yourself a little slap in the face— try to catch those thoughts, and think of something else that's more helpful."

"We've got to think less and do more."

"Excuses come from fear. It's our way of protecting ourselves, because maybe you believe that if you fail, your dream will die. But that dream is what keeps you going every day, right? You don't have to accept failure as an option. You can keep going after your goal no matter what. Even if you don't get all the way there, you'll be further along than if you didn't try at all."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

On a very special episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast, my guest is Melissa Lyons West, a thoroughly remarkable woman who joins me to discuss her experience growing up in a Fundamentalist cult and her brave decision to ultimately leave. Melissa opens up the episode by detailing the repressive environment that is living in a commune and why it wasn't until she met another woman who challenged her own beliefs that everything she believed to be true started to unravel. Before abandoning life in the commune, Melissa struggled with suicidal ideations, depression, physical abuse, and severe backlash if she chose to stray from the Fundamentalist Baptist norm.

Since then, she's put in a lot of mental health work, raised children trauma-free with her husband, and even started coaching other women with similar backgrounds. And that's not to say that it all came easily. On her journey to freedom she made her way to Thailand and back, suffered the loss of her mother, and had to work through intense bouts of denial. So today, she talks about all that and then some. Most importantly, she talks about borrowing courage, especially when you don't have any yourself. With that said, join us today to hear about Melissa's incredibly inspiring story and learn why she is no longer willing to sacrifice herself to make others feel comfortable.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Why Melissa's sharing of her story felt like reclaiming her power
• Why repressive environments are breeding grounds for abuse
• Questioning her own beliefs
• Struggling with suicidal ideations and postpartum depression
• Denying that she lived in a cult
• Visiting her sick sister in Thailand
• Abandoning her life in Baltimore for Salt Lake City
• Melissa's work coaching other women
• Borrowing courage
• Having the freedom to explore her marriage completely

Quotes:

"She was born and raised in a cult. And at 30 years old, she finally left. And through her story, you can hear how challenging that whole experience was, and still is today, even eight years later."

"We had this old 40 acre farm, and it had some tobacco barns on it that we had turned into church buildings."

"So some of us got out at the same time. And that was really helpful for me to kind of have somebody who knew the fear that we were working through and kind of have it to bounce off."

"She would just say whatever she felt. She was incredibly kind - not nice. Like, I know nice; I was raised to be nice. But she was genuinely kind, and she just did whatever she wanted. I was like, 'I don't understand this. I don't understand what is happening. But I love it. I'm scared. I love it.'"

"I had all these glimpses of freedom, but I didn't know how to get out. I didn't know what to do."

"The day before I left, I was on the floor having a panic attack. So I had had a lot of panic attacks in my life just under this extreme pressure. But I hadn't had them in a few months, because I was really starting to speak my truth and let it out. And so it kind of took me by surprise, and I remember I just curled up, can't breathe and my sister just so bluntly, saying, 'You better figure this shit out, or you're gonna get sick just like me.'"

"Everybody's out to one degree or another. Some people have left religion altogether, some have found something that works better for them. But everyone is out of the fundamentalist, very controlling aspect."

"I'm not willing to pretend or give up a part of who I am. To make somebody else comfortable. I did that for 35 years."

"I have five values, five core values that run through everything: freedom, self-care, vulnerability, joy and happiness, and the divine feminine power within me."

"When I came back home, I had a relapse and mental health relapse. And I found myself going back to those those suicidal ideation of just like how do I escape this pain."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Melissa's Homepage

Melissa on Instagram

Hi there, friends! And thanks for tuning into this week's episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast. This week, I'd like to talk to you about leadership. And no, this won't be your typical 'how to become a leader' type of episode. Today, we're actually scratching beneath the surface and diving deep into the concept of leadership. We're going to touch upon some common beliefs that hold people back from being leaders, the concept of leading from anywhere you are, and how to demonstrate your leadership skills even if you don't have the C-suite title.

The first thing you should know about leadership is that you don't need to have any title whatsoever to be a leader. Leadership is not about titles or positions; it's about influencing and empowering others. That means you can lead from any level. As a matter of fact, you can have so much more impact from the middle of an organization than from the top. Don't believe me? Then, you're going to want to hear the rest of this episode! Make sure you join me today to learn about John Maxwell's three principles of the 360 Degree Leader, five ways to show up as a leader, and the concept of leading from any position.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Beliefs that hold you back
• John Maxwell's three principles of leadership
• Five ways to show up as a leader
• Leading from where you are

Quotes:

"Just because you don't have a title, that doesn't mean you're not a leader."

"When you believe you can improve the organization from anywhere you're at, you're going to do what it takes to help the company, your team, yourself, accomplish your goals; that's what's most important. And that's what contributes to being a good leader."

"When people see that you're a leader who wants them to grow and reach their goals, you have major cheerleaders there."

"We all know that many people try to shift blame and make excuses. Those are not great leaders. Great leaders take ownership of problems, and they work to find the lessons and the solutions."

"Leadership calls for being able to get the job done in an effective and efficient way."

"You don't have to have the C-suite level title to make an impact, to lead. And sometimes leading from the middle feels a hell of a lot better than being at the top."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

The 360 Degree Leader by John Maxwell

Today, I am joined by two very special guests that you are absolutely going to love.

Ellen Kocher is a Swiss-American economist and certified Workplace Wellness Consultant and Holistic Health Coach. Dominique Ben Dhaou has been working in human resources leadership for over 30 years. She helps professionals and executives reinvent careers that truly fit their experience, values, skills and purpose.

Together, these remarkable women have created Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive - their business and now their book as well - which you will hear all about here today. Along the way, they will share their journey toward working together, ageism and its impact, and how social media is changing the conversation about aging. They also review the benefits that come with aging, the five dimensions of well being, The Swiss Touch and The Green Thumb, and so much more. Do not pass up this golden opportunity to bask in the immense wisdom, knowledge, and advice that Dominique and Ellen have to share.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Ellen and Dominique's personal and professional histories
• Wake Up, Shake Up Thrive - the business and the book
• How Ellen and Dominique came to work together
• Ageism and how it impacts business owners
• How social media is changing the way people talk about their age
• The increased experience and credibility that comes with age
• The five dimensions of well being
• The Swiss Touch and The Green thumb

Quotes:

"I have these people that come to me to change their job, and they're not well in their body, they don't feel good. They're either overweight or burned out."

"If we combine our forces, we can do that more - impact and do something phenomenal for the world. And we did!"

"We work a lot on bias through the values, through, you know, leaving a legacy behind, understanding how we function, and untapping the potential that we see in many people, and that sometimes they don't see, or is limited either by themselves or by the company where they work, or by education and the community where they live."

"We see a lot of commonalities between those two generations; the younger generation doesn't want to work in a certain way or live in a certain way, and our generation doesn't want to do that any longer."

"I think it's just interesting to note that we are coming in under diversity, equity and inclusion. And this isn't about belonging, just like race, or gender, or sexual preference. It's the same category of multicultural competency."

"It's not a number. It's a mindset."

"Two thirds of our book, it's very much referenced, based on science with all the people that we've studied and learned from."

"In every dimension, we touch on the sustainability aspect."

"We have grown so close that it's almost like a bright light for the future."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Homepage

Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Instagram

Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Facebook

Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive LinkedIn

Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Book

Welcome back, friends, to another episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast. This week, I want to talk to you all about setting goals and how you can actually make them a reality. Too often do people praise the powers of positivity and ignore the obstacles they may encounter on their journey. That's why I want to not only distinguish optimism and positivity from one another, but I will also discuss the relevance of the Stockdale Paradox, and how you too can apply its principles to your own dreams and goals.

If we only employ positivity, we deny reality - positivity can be blind after all. Positivity tell us that everything is fine, when more often than not, it isn't. Optimism is less blind and more grounded, in that you can recognize things are tough in the present but be hopeful about the future.

The best approach? Balancing optimism and realism, which allows us to take the time to understand the situation, the environment, and the actions necessary to move through challenges and/or work towards big scary goals.. So yes, optimism and positivity are great, but there's certainly a lot more to it. So join me today to learn about the pitfalls of blind faith, how you can maintain strength in times of trouble, and even overcome your own fears and reservations.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• The difference between optimism and positivity
• Why positivity denies reality
• The Stockdale Paradox
• Balancing optimism and realism
• Acknowledging obstacles
• Fear and excuses

Quotes:

"As an athlete, I have always loved looking at the difference between the two: optimism and positivity. And it's helped me show up during hard seasons and not walk away from goals that may feel so far out of reach."

"Positivity is blind. It's, 'Everything's fine. I'm fine. It's all good. I'm totally fine. Don't worry about it. Right?' It's not helpful. It's also not true."

"Optimists, while hoping for a positive outcome, are more realistic. They take time to understand what's going on - the situation, the environment - and spot all the possible challenges up ahead."

"You must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties."

"But it's about learning to embrace both feelings in opposition to one another and to realize they're both necessary."

"So when they decide on a goal, we don't just think positive thoughts about how they're going to achieve it, and then hope for the best, right? There's a lot more to it."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Today, I want to take a moment to talk to you all about feedback, what it is, and, more importantly, what it isn't. It's easy to assume when we receive feedback that we're being criticized or even put down, but when we learn to give and receive feedback positively and effectively, we are actually given the opportunity to grow. That's why I encourage you all today to respond to feedback by offering thanks, making sure the other person feels heard, and giving yourself time to process that input. Accepting feedback with grace is no small feat and neither is doling it out.

There's a fine line between criticism and feedback, and it's important that we stay closer to the latter. Today I'll offer some ideas about giving compassionate and direct feedback as well as the value of nipping problems in the bud. After all, it's a whole lot easier to weave in compassion before we let issues fester or develop resentment - if we wait too long, however, things get terse, grumpy, and all compassion goes out the window. So remember to speak up immediately and to give grace to context. And most importantly, listen in to today's episode to see how you too can give and take feedback in a positive and effective way..

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Understanding what feedback is and isn't
• Starting with thank you
• The importance of repetition
• Processing feedback
• Giving feedback with compassion and directness
• Understanding context

Quotes:

"So before you do anything else, it's important to check in with yourself around how you perceive feedback, and perhaps shift your mindset around what it is or isn't."

"Thank them for that input. Ask for some time, you know, let them know that they're being heard. But then give yourself the time to process it."

"We need to speak with both compassion and directness."

"I appreciated the feedback, even though it stung a little bit… he helped me to figure out how to pay more attention, and how to handle those tricky situations when I'm clearly not in agreement with something."

"So if you remember to speak up immediately, instead of hoping the problem will go away, it's a lot easier to weave in compassion. If we wait too long, then we let it fester, and we get grumpy and angry about the thing, then compassion goes out the window."

"So we have to ask for additional context, before we generalize the behavior or the performance."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Feedback Guide (for Enneagram type)

On today's episode of the podcast, I want to talk to you all about the value in learning from children and how we can apply their lessons to our own lives, especially as we get older and stuck in our ways. Children learn by pushing buttons, opening things, and asking a million questions. And while we might not be kids anymore, we still have that ability to tap into that inner kid. As adults, many of us believe that we've seen and done it all, and it can be especially hard to reignite that spark that gets us out of bed in the morning.

In a time in our lives when fear handicaps us and the prospect of failure prevents us from acting in the first place, it can be helpful to take note of what kids do. Like them, you can start embracing curiosity, excitement, fear, and failure. And like children, you will realize that you can't help but progress and change. When we're kids, we're constantly growing; it's practically a given. As we reach adulthood, however, growth becomes a choice, and one that's not as easy. So listen in to today's episode, and learn how you too can shut down your inner critic, open yourself up to change, and be better than you were yesterday.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• The importance of curiosity and excitement
• Welcoming fear
• Forgetting failure
• Celebrating the little wins
• Why growth is a choice

Quotes:

"They push buttons, they open drawers, they ask a million questions. They come up with hypotheses about everything."

"I can't tell you how many times I work with clients, and the question is: where do you want to go from here? What do you want? And the answer is: 'I don't know. I have no idea.' The only way to move through that question and get to the other side, is to be curious."

"We have the capacity to accept or to surrender to that fear and to dive into something new."

"I learned a long time ago that I suck at celebrating little wins. If you are an ambitious, driven human, which I know a lot of you are, then it's easy to get caught up in the next thing."

"Kids are constantly growing when we're young. It doesn't take a conscious effort, right? It's this natural progression. They are learning and growing every day, but as we get older, growth becomes a choice."

"So I want you to turn off the inner critic, 'Bitchy Betty', whatever you call her in your head, and I want you to take a shot at a new challenge. Be open to change. Choose how you want to be better today than you were yesterday, even when it's hard or scary."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience

She Doesn't Settle on Instagram

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

On this solo episode of She Doesn't Settle, I discuss the positive impact of delayed gratification, why it leads to success, and how you can start to develop discipline in your own life. I open up the podcast with a brief note on the infamous Marshmallow Experiment, when kids were given a marshmallow and told not to eat it. If they didn't, they were promised another. After tracking the lives of the children from the study for decades, they found that the children who were willing to wait for the second marshmallow ended up being more successful in life. However, being disciplined isn't necessarily innate or easy - as with other aspects of our personality, it's impacted by our environment and lived experiences.

All is not lost if instant gratification seems to be more your style though. We can all hone our ability to be disciplined by starting simple and small. Setting action-oriented, specific, and doable goals makes holding yourself accountable a much easier task. I draw this episode to a close with some thoughts on big ideas, why big actions aren't always the right solution, and how, when we try to tackle the problem by kicking and screaming, the problem tackles us. So join me for today's special episode, and learn how you, too, can become more disciplined and ultimately more successful.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• The Marshmallow experiment
• Delayed gratification
• Environmental impact
• Discipline
• Starting small and simple
• Accountability partners and calendars

Quotes:

"What they found was super surprising that children who were willing to delay gratification, and waited to receive the second marshmallow ended up having lower levels of substance abuse, a lower likelihood of obesity, better LSAT scores, better responses to stress, higher social skills, and generally just better across the board in terms of life's measurements."

"The children's ability to delay gratification and have that discipline was not something they were born with, but was in fact impacted by environment and the experiences that they had."

"But what we know is that if you want to succeed at something, at some point, you're going to have to develop that ability to be disciplined and to take action, instead of looking to distraction–looking for the easy fix."

"The key here though, is again, make sure the tasks are doable, they're action-oriented and specific."

"We get these big ideas about how big the actions need to be in order to reach the big goal. And that's where we get into trouble."

"The good news is there are ways to become better at delaying gratification. You have to do the work. You have to practice, you have to keep things simple. That's all part of the process. But over time when you see the results and you see the progress, you'll understand why that's so important."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience

Instagram

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Marshmallow Experiment

Other references: Very Well Mind; James Clear

On today's episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast, I chat with Sherry Lukey, an international EFT/tapping expert who works with heart centered entrepreneurs and leaders. Using her unique skills, she has transformed her, her family, and 1000s of clients into strong individuals with unshakeable confidence that embody who they truly want to be. Sherry wasn't always on this path though. She opens up the episode by detailing the horrific horse riding she witnessed her daughter experience, and how she hit rock bottom not too long after and suffered from severe PTSD. It wasn't until she started to look for relief that she stumbled upon the Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT or more commonly referred to as tapping touches on high concentrations of nerve endings to interrupt the body's stress responses and promote healing.

Roughly a decade later, Sherry is using the very wisdom that saved her to help save others. Today we talk about just that. She's provided her clients with a safe space and the tools to give their subconsciouses a break, reframe beliefs, and overcome trauma. Lukey closes out the episode with remarks on why her most notable clients are children, what her favorite acupressure points are, and how her work increases confidence. So please, if you enjoy this interview as much as I did, check out Lukey's website for more information on tapping and how it can help you.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Sherry's daughter and her horrific riding accident
• Hitting rock bottom
• Emotional Freedom Technique
• EFT compared to other coping techniques
• Reframing beliefs
• EFT and children
• Acupressure points

Quotes:

"I was constantly getting sick. It was just like back to back viruses and antibiotics. And I'd put on a ton of weight."

"It never even occurred to me, Kelly, to go get help–to go get support."

"It's more commonly known as tapping because you literally tap on high concentrations of nerve endings on the upper body and hands and fingers. And those high concentrations are basically acupressure points. So it has its roots in Chinese medicine."

"So by interrupting the stress response, what happens is that the subconscious now isn't worried about keeping you alive and breathing. And it actually comes on side to help you heal."

"I would like tapping because it's more active. And I feel like that keeps me engaged. Whereas meditation, I just cannot find myself getting there."

"You don't have to try to relax yourself. The tapping is doing the job for you, and that's why I love it."

"They did a little bit more tapping, took a little bit longer, but it was just gone. It's so incredibly effective with kids, like I said, because they're still in their bodies. It's a little tougher when you get into the preteens and teenagers, because they might not be as receptive to it."

"If you're looking in the mirror going, 'I'm beautiful', and all you can see is all your wrinkles, that affirmation is not working, because your subconscious is ultimately in stress."

"Initially there's a lot more tapping, because we're so stuck in a stress response that our subconscious sees that as familiar."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Sherry Lukey Homepage

Sherry on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/

In today's brief but very important episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast, I talk about burnout and the newfound challenges of remote work. No longer is home that refuge at the end of a long day of work - the lines between home and office are now blurred. And while remote work has a lot of benefits, and most people are able to maintain a healthy work life balance now that they're no longer obligated to an office, remote work makes it difficult to set boundaries and switch off at the end of the day. That's why I find it necessary to develop coping techniques that help me deal with burnout.

In creating a consistent routine, for example, you not only will increase productivity and improve your wellbeing, you will also prevent anxiety and stress levels from rising. Taking breaks is another method that I use to unplug. Whether you take 15 minutes to read or meditate, breaks are crucial to help reset your mind during long and tiring hours. And so is setting boundaries, an act which helps protect that safe, stressless place you've created for yourself. These days, that's more important than ever. So be sure to tune into today's episode and learn how you too can battle burnout and create a life that suits you.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• The challenges of remote work
• The benefits of a consistent routine
• Taking breaks
• Setting boundaries

Quotes:

"According to Expedia, Americans took the least amount of vacation days."

"Those lines between home and work life have really become blurred, making it difficult for folks to switch off completely."

"That not only supports everything you've been doing, but that allows you to come back even stronger."

"We have really been conditioned to believe that our time is not ours."

"You need to take the steps to switch off and to take the time and set those boundaries, and give yourself that pause that is so important in terms of not only preventing burnout, but improving your productivity, your well being, you know, your anxiety, and your stress - all of the things."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience

She Doesn't Settle on Instagram

One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions

Fall 2022 Ascend