Today, I want to explore a topic with you all that, while it has always been important to discuss, has become increasingly so during the pandemic, and that's the topic of depression. The one positive thing that has come out of COVID is that it has become a little bit more normal to talk about mental health, and as many of you know, my background is in this area. With the staggering mental health statistics over these past two years in our country, there's no better time than now to take a deep dive into just what depression is and what steps we can all take to recognize and address it.

I begin today's discussion by defining depression and listing some shocking mental health findings in America pre- and post-2019. I touch on the concerning numbers of people without privilege and access to mental health treatment due to poverty or even stigma, and highlight the fact that the increasing percentage of adults with mental illness who report unmet need for treatment has increased every year since 2011. The factors that play a role in depression, the differences between depression from sadness, and some ways to get help and treatment when depressed are also reviewed. Lastly, I talk about ways to reduce symptoms of depression, including regular exercise, quality sleep, and eating a healthy diet. I cannot stress enough that his is an extremely important conversation to have, and I sincerely hope that, as you listen in today, should you find that you are experiencing symptoms of depression, you take the time to care of yourself and find the help you need.

As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• What depression is
• Statistics of mental health pre- and post-2019
• Addressing the unmet need for treatment
• The difference between sadness and depression
• Symptoms of depression
• Factors that play a role in depression
• Forms of treatment for depression
• The value of psychotherapy
• How to reduce the symptoms of depression

Quotes:

"To see that people are starting to share more and be more honest and open about their own mental health is really good."

"I believe that information statistics are important because if you don't suffer from depression or any type of mental illness, then it's important for you to know so you can help in your community, in your schools, your neighborhood, and your families. There are ways that we can provide support, and there are nonprofits in every community that need funding and volunteers and so forth."

"When we experience loss, you might even describe yourself as being depressed, but that is not the same as having depression. The grieving process is natural."

"But distinguishing between grief and depression is important because it can help you in getting help."

"If one identical twin has depression, the other has a 70% chance of having the illness sometime in life."

"This is why I don't watch the news. I'm completely in the dark about stuff. I've told you this many times. I get the skim every day, I get a little bit of news, and that is enough for me because years ago, I realized that watching the news in the morning completely messed me up."

"Differences in certain chemicals in the brain may contribute to symptoms of depression. And that's why medication is really helpful and beneficial."

"The good news is that depression is among the most treatable of mental disorders. So between 80% and 90% of people with depression eventually respond really well to treatment. Almost all people who get help gain some relief from their symptoms."

"If you're experiencing symptoms (of depression), make that first step see your doctor or a psychiatrist or a psychologist or therapist, have an evaluation, and get somebody who will help you address your needs."

"If you have a loved one who's struggling and they're resisting help, maybe find them some information or some additional research, talk about how there are a lot of people that are starting to get help."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

Social: @shedoesntsettle

Mental Health America: https://mhanational.org/ Find help: https://mhanational.org/finding-help

Today, I want to dive into a topic that has come up quite a bit not only in my coaching conversations, but in my own personal life, and definitely in a lot of social media posts – emotional consent. Many of us are guilty of picking up the phone and venting to a friend, family member, or colleague. We've all done it, and with the pandemic, people are doing this even more, to the point where we are all just so emotionally drained. It's time we take a closer look at this increasing tendency to burden others with our troubles (and vice versa), so, in this week's episode, I'm going to discuss precisely why you need to ask permission before venting.

After providing a brief update regarding She Doesn't Settle social media, I kick off today's discussion by describing emotional consent and why it's important to seek permission before unloading your troubles on another person. Expressing ourselves is vital to our well-being, but making sure things aren't lopsided with our relationships is also essential. And so, if we don't seek permission before sharing, there's a risk that you're adding to another person's difficulties and troubles. So, together, we'll look at how to ask for emotional consent and also how to be understanding when people say 'no' or schedule another time to talk. I then transition to the people who receive the venting to talk about setting boundaries and why you need to let people know if you don't have the space or the capacity to take on their venting and dumping. I elaborate on how to do this politely and schedule a better time to listen to the unloading or give advice. Venting is a natural and necessary process for us all, especially after everything that the past two years have dumped on us, but it's so important to make sure we do it in a way that remains healthy for all involved. Listen in today to learn how to make this a reality in your life and the lives of those you care about.

As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• She Doesn't Settle social media update
• What emotional consent is
• The need to check in before you vent to another person
• How to ask for emotional consent
• The beauty of texting as a way to ask for emotional consent
• Being okay when people say no
• Setting boundaries and letting people know you don't have the capacity for their venting
• How to politely say no to the venting from other people

Quotes

"Asking for emotional consent means checking in before you actually do the dumping."

"The reason that emotional consent is important is that communication is obviously vital to our well-being. Expressing ourselves is vital to our well-being, but making sure that things aren't lopsided with our relationships is also important."

"If we don't seek permission before sharing, there's a risk that you're adding to another person's difficulties and troubles."

"If you don't stop and think about somebody else and how they're doing - maybe they're feeling unwell, and under a lot of stress, maybe they're juggling a lot - then we're not taking that into consideration."

"There's a lot to be gained for making sure both people in a relationship are supporting one another, and it might be imbalanced during different periods. So it's not always going to be this perfect balance."

"Checking in with people before unloading on them really requires emotional maturity and self-awareness."

"The best way to approach seeking consent is to reach out in a way that doesn't put the other person on the spot. That might mean texting before calling or texting before texting. The beauty of texting is that people will get to that text message when they're ready."

"We have to set those boundaries because we're all in this place where we're dealing with a lot. There's high anxiety, high emotion, and a lot of depression happening. And we have to be able to protect our own energy, our own mental health, emotional health."

"If you're not ready to deal with their stuff, telling them you're feeling a little down yourself and you're not right in that mind to give them advice is important."

"We don't know what other people are going through. So if you have emotional needs, they probably do too. So consider that before unloading."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

Social: @shedoesntsettle

I am so excited to introduce you all to my very special guest, Julia Taylor, today. Julia is the CEO and Founder of GeekPack, an organization which exists to empower women to change their lives for the better through the power of code, community, and confidence. They teach valuable technological and business building skills, provide the support of an encouraging community, and build the confidence to believe that any dream is achievable. The journey that led Julia to create this remarkable organization is a fascinating and inspiring one which she shares with us all here today.

Julia starts by telling us about who she is, what she does, and the road that has brought her to where she is today - educating women who wish to start or grow businesses. She goes on to share the best three places she has spent time in as a traveler, the beauty of owning your own business, and how her intern program students remain part of the community even after the program has ended. Julia also explores the most challenging aspects of being a business owner, including the work-life balance, mindset, and imposter syndrome, and elaborates on her future goals. Finally, Julia recounts the most significant transformation she has seen with her students and explains the importance of coaching within her program. Hot on the heels of my previous episode about rejection, Julia's tale, as shared here today, is one that educates as well as inspires, and is definitely one that we all need to hear.

Don't forget, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Who is Julia Taylor
• Julia's transition from providing business services to teaching
• How she trains both startups and growing businesses.
• What led her to do Intelligence in the past
• Her childhood experience
• What it's like to run a community
• The best three places she has spent time in
• The beauty of owning your business
• The most challenging thing about being a business owner
• What is on her home shelf
• Julia's goals for the future
• The most significant transformation she has seen with her students
• Dealing with imposter syndrome after the program

Quotes:

"When I realized that I could figure something out with Google and how to code, I thought if I learn a lot, maybe a company will hire me to work remotely."

"I started applying to jobs, nothing at all. It was not that nice to get so many rejections because I didn't have a degree. I didn't have all the fancy stuff they were looking for, 20 years' experience or whatever. And it was a friend who said, 'Why don't you start your own business?'"

"I was very reluctant to start my own business. I did not have any friends or family members that were entrepreneurs. I didn't know what that meant, really. I didn't have an entrepreneurial bone in my body. I was the complete opposite of all the other entrepreneurs that you hear about, kind of an accidental entrepreneur."

"I got a business coach, and I said to her that I wanted to create a program where I could teach women to code. I wanted to have a community that goes along with it. And that's where the name of the business comes from, GeekPack."

"I was not a cool kid; I was awkward. I was very tall and lanky. I always wanted to be like the cool kid, but I was always on the outskirts. I was different. I was very shy, probably because I was homeschooled. Homeschooling was not that common back then at all. My brother and I were like the weird kids because we were homeschooled."

"We loved Colorado and San Diego, and we thought somewhere in between there we would get an RV, and we'll drive out to all the different places. Idaho is probably one of the most beautiful places in the country that is not quite yet known by too many people."

"I have an intern program where we get students to support other students, and everyone on the team has gone through that process. I now get to focus all of my energy on things like being on podcasts, showing up, growing the business, focusing on the team, and then they get to pour everything into the community."

"Work-life balance was a hard thing. And last year was the best I'd ever had because I have a team who love what they do. They believe in the mission of the company, and they give as much as I do, if not more, and all the day-to-day stuff gets handled."

"Now I accept a lot of the imposter syndrome that I hear in my head because I've had it from day one, and it's never going to go away. It just changes because my business will grow and evolve, and I will pivot."

"I have a very clear vision for the business. Anytime I get distracted, I say, 'Hang on, will that get me closer to my vision?' And if the answer is 'no', I don't do it."

"We have an ideas list on my team where I just let it sit and marinate before making any kind of big decisions or drastic moves, and one of our big things in our vision is reach and impact."

"When I first started the program, it was primarily just on the coding side, but a lot of students since then have said, 'I'd like to know how to start an online business, how to find clients, how to use social media.' So the program has evolved, and it now covers all of that."

"There's something very rewarding about learning, something that Hollywood makes you think is hard. I'm a big believer that it's not that hard. I started from nothing with no experience before, and now I teach women to do it all the time."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds

Social: @kellythealth

Julia Taylor's Website - https://geekpack.com

Julia Taylor LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/juliathegeek/

Julia Taylor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/julia_the_geek/?hl=en

We are currently in a five-day 'pause' here in Las Vegas due to COVID, but I'm super stoked to be back, and I really hope that you are doing well. Today's I want to talk to you all about rejection - a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching. When we are pursuing big goals, some stuff might just not happen for us, so rejection is a natural part of the process and it's essential to handle it well. It's so important to realize that rejection is something that happens to everybody, so let's dig into it together today.

I start by discussing how people react towards rejection, why some come back stronger, grow, and become better while others suffer from it, and how you should never let rejection hold you back. We'll look at how dealing with rejection in unhealthy ways can negatively impact your personal relationships and even lead to depression and anxiety. I also touch upon the reason why rejection stings, and convey encouragement that it can build character in the long run. We finish up by reviewing the five ways to move through rejection, as well as the importance of mantras and affirming messages.

And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Why some people grow with rejection while others suffer
• The evolutionary reason behind the hurt from rejection
• How attachment styles affect how you respond to rejection
• How people grow stronger with rejection
• There are no good and bad emotions
• Ways to deal with rejection that can help you come out stronger
• The importance of mantras and affirming messages

Quotes

"Rejection is a real part of the process, and it's important to feel prepared for it and to know that it happens to everybody in all forms and in every area of our life."

"When you let rejection hold you back, it can really wreak havoc on a lot of aspects of your personal life."

"Dealing with rejection in unhealthy ways can negatively impact your personal relationships, and it can lead to depression and anxiety."

"Nobody likes to hear this, but the experience of being rejected can actually help in the long run to become more resilient in our life."

"When somebody rejects us, there's a very primal piece to it. It goes against everything that we feel like we need for survival."

"We have to have confidence in our ability to deal with uncomfortable emotions head-on. And it's essential to cope with this type of discomfort or any discomfort in a healthy way."

"Research tells us that if we allow the emotion, if we acknowledge it, name it, allow it to hang out with us for 90 seconds, it begins to diminish. It goes away."

"If you never get rejected, you're probably living very far inside your comfort zone. So we can't be sure we're pushing ourselves to our limits until we get turned down every now and then."

"To move through rejection and come out stronger on the other end, we have to treat ourselves with compassion and self-care. We need to respond to that negative self-talk - that inner bitch - with gentler, kinder, neutral messages."

"We can't make generalizations about ourselves when we get rejected."

"One specific incident cannot define us. One thing, two things can't define us. What they do, though, is they build us. They allow us to grow. It builds character."

"We can't let our worthiness depend on other people's opinions of us and one event define who we are. Just because someone else determines something about you or doesn't accept you or denies you as part of something, it doesn't mean it's true about you."

"If somebody in your life is experiencing rejection, please don't respond to them in the moment with something logical. Not going to help. Later, when they've moved through the emotions, and then they're into that processing place, then you can talk logically."

"Every single successful person has experienced rejection multiple times."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

Social: @kellythealth

This week, I cannot wait to introduce you to Nika Kabiri, a decision science specialist who helps people get real, move forward, and minimize regret. She has spent over two decades studying how people make decisions in various contexts, from business to politics to relationships. She's also been featured in Fast Company, Yahoo News, and as a top 10 coach in LA Weekly. Nika contributes to media sources like The Hill, Huffington Post, and Inside Sources, and she's regularly featured on podcasts, radio, and TV. She is also co-author of the bestselling book Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing, and is currently a faculty member at the University of Washington, where she teaches Decision Science. As the founder and owner of Kabiri Consulting, Nika employs decision science principles to help businesses start, grow, and thrive. She has a Ph.D. in sociology from the University of Washington, where her academic focus was on choice theory, institutional analysis, and decision making with constraint, and she also has a JD from the University of Texas. I'm telling you, this lady knows her stuff!

Nika starts by talking about how she got to where she is today, not only professionally but personally as well, including dealing with depression in her 20s, her experience with therapy and pharmaceuticals, how she resolved to own her choices, and the first decisions she made after coming to this realization. She also discusses her struggle with decision-making as a child, her experience in law school and in the legal profession, the moment when she realized law was not for her, and offers some wisdom on what to do in today's environment with the overload of advice and information from social media and influencers. She explains what she teaches in Decision Science at the university, elaborates on her book Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing and touches on other books she has in the works. She ends by discussing how a poor decision impacts your next big decision, approaching bad decisions as experiments, and the most painful decision she had to make. A true leader in her field with a wealth of personal experience to draw upon as well, Nika Kabiri has so much valuable knowledge to share – don't miss this golden opportunity to soak up the wisdom she is offering us all here today.

And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Nika Kabiri's professional story through graduate school and early career
• Her personal story of dealing with depression and her experience with therapy
• Her resolve to make and own her own choices
• Decisions you make before you make your decisions
• Nika's decision to quit her meds and substitute them with rigorous exercise
• Dealing with insomnia
• The consequence of micro-decisions you make every day
• The importance of your physical health in decision making
• Nika's experience with law school and the legal profession
• Nika's struggle with decision-making as a child
• What to do with the overload of advice and information today from influencers and social media
• What decision science is all about
• Removing emotions as the sole factor that drives your choices
• Highlights from Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing, and another upcoming book
• The notion of anticipated regret and how a wrong decision impacts your next big decision

Quotes

"Make some choices, like, own your choices. Don't let the therapist make your choices for you. Don't let your psychiatrist make your choices for you. Don't let people around you do that for you. Let them inform your choices, but own your life."

"To make really good decisions, you have to be well-rested, you have to eat well—you can't be hungry—you have to have very little stress. So there have to be these certain kinds of physiological, physical conditions that maximize your chances of not being impulsive, not taking risks, and all of that."

"It's like micro-decisions that you have every day that, if you make them the wrong way, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but you suddenly start to slide into this bad place."

"Your physical health is so important in decision making so don't underestimate that."

"Everything that is not going to work for you is more likely to happen when you are sleep-deprived, nutrition-deprived, exercise-deprived."

"There's a terrible price you pay when you're not making your own choices, and you're doing what other people want you to do."

"At some point, it was less about being a lawyer and having that career than it was proving to myself that I was not depressed, I wasn't going to slip, I wasn't going to have suicidal thoughts, and that I was going to actually be normal."

"A lot of times what one person sees as regretful another person might not, and might just be your interpretation, it might be the way that your upbringing has taught you to interpret certain things."

"A kind of particular type of being stuck is that we're afraid to make other choices because we have these bad decision outcomes from the past. But my hack on that is really just, you know, it's an experiment."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds

Social: @kellythealth

Nika Kabiri Website – https://www.yournextdecision.com/

Nika Kabiri Twitter – https://twitter.com/nikakabiri

Nika Kabiri LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikakabiri/

Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing - https://www.amazon.com/Money-off-Table-Decision-Investing/dp/1544516908

How to Change a Misinformed Mind - https://www.yournextdecision.com/guides

With me today is Amy Denson, a retired professional athlete who played collegiate basketball at Arizona State for four years and made it to the Sweet 16, a historic achievement for their program. She has lived the dream of any aspiring female basketballer: playing professionally overseas for eight years in Puerto Rico, Poland, Romania, Australia for three years, and Spain. In today's episode, she shares life experiences and advice regarding careers and their associated stresses. Amy is now certified as a nutritional therapy practitioner and is on a mission to ensure that no other woman ever feels dismissed, especially since they are the experts of their body.

Amy begins by discussing her journey with details from her basketball career, like her travel adventures, being a basketball coach, and then a nine-to-five job. She talks about her retirement and the stress she faced in adjusting to the typical profession, staying in the same place for long without traveling, and dealing with a toxic work environment. Amy shares how she was a people pleaser, and did not speak her truth or stand up for herself, which brought a lot of stress and negatively impacted her health. She discusses her first real job at 33 years old, then getting into 50-plus hour weeks, which culminated in Hashimoto's thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that led to balding. Although Amy was told by the doctors that there was nothing she could do, she did not buy into this report. Instead, she sought better appropriate support and alleviated her agony. In essence, she encourages women facing similar ordeals to listen to their body and gut, and seek adequate, proper support from those who actually listen – a powerful lesson for us all from a one incredibly powerful woman.

As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Amy Denson's journey and career progression

• How she dealt with a toxic work environment and stress

• Amy's transition from being a bigtime basketballer to a nine-to-five job at 33 years of age

• Her ordeal with Hashimoto's thyroiditis

• Her struggle with identity

• Amy's role as a certified nutritional therapy practitioner, her nutrition business, and her mission

• Details of her travel adventures and places she's lived

• How Amy describes herself

• Transitioning from professional athlete to working a typical job

• The need to know your values

• Keeping your mind open to opportunity

• Amy's rock bottom and 'enough-is-enough' point

• A vital takeaway from today's interview

• How the health and diet industry has misled our society

• Actions to take when you suspect something is off

• Stress management and sleep

• PACK coaching – Purpose, Accountability, Consistency, and Knowledge

• Amy's upcoming podcast, The Chronic Athlete

Quotes

"I retired and was just really trying to find my way. I was trying to find my identity because I really wasn't sure who I was without the label of a professional athlete after I introduced myself. And so the transition of living out of a suitcase for eight years by myself to coming back to a relationship and having to live in a house for more than eight months was a lot of stress."

"Even though I wasn't in the most ideal situation, I had to take responsibility for it. I did not speak my truth. I stayed too long. I did not stand up for myself when I should have been. And so I ended up quitting that job."

"Then I got into the 50-plus hour weeks. I was so tired. I would just live 'til Friday so I could rest 'til Monday."

"And I said, 'I don't feel like myself, I don't recognize myself. This cannot be how the rest of my life and our life will be. Like aging, this cannot be aging.'"

"I was just certified as a nutritional therapy practitioner. And now I'm on a mission for no other woman to ever feel dismissed when you are the expert of your body."

"I was 12 years old. And I wrote, 'I'm going to get a scholarship, and I'm going to play in college.' Then I wrote, 'I'm going to be in the WNBA.' I just found that like last summer, I was A) so impressed with my handwriting, and B) it's been in me since I was young. I grew up in a small town. And I've always known for some reason I was never meant to stay there. I was meant to explore."

"I wish I would have leaned into being called the B-word. I would have just leaned in and embraced that. I was a badass on the court, and that's something to be proud of."

"Even in the coaching business that I do now, mentorship is so powerful."

"I was always hesitant at first. I always assumed stepping on the court that the person in front of me was better than me, always. And I always had this underdog mentality that I would prove them wrong. I've always just had that."

"I always wanted to throw the first punch. I always wanted to make it known that I was supposed to be there. Not literally, but you know."

"I had the gift to literally sit in my gift and my talents and my desire to outwork anybody. And that's really how I was so good. I am not athletic. I'm not the best at this and that, but I would outwork anybody. And that was my superpower."

"At the end of the day, what we do is not who we are. And I was attaching so much of myself to a title."

"If something is in you, it's there for a reason. And it doesn't mean you have to quit your job right now and put all your eggs in the basket. It just means keeping your mind open to opportunities because if we have our minds open to opportunities, we will see opportunities."

"A lot of times when we feel terrible, it's hard to see opportunity. It's hard to see, and it's hard to see past the next day."

"With your health, with your finances, with your life, listen to yourself. Listen, embrace that voice, that intuition, and it all starts in our gut."

"You are the expert of your body. So if you don't feel good, you're right. If you don't feel like yourself, you are right. And so there is support out there. There is medical support out there. And sometimes it just takes going through a couple people."

"Our symptoms are our bodies communicating with us."

"If you are as far down the line as I was, it's going to be a journey. It's going to be worth it, but it's going to be a journey."

"The way I coach and approach health is, I don't want to chase weight loss; I want to chase energy. Let weight loss be a byproduct of you feeling really F'ing good, and it's something that you can actually fit within your life for the rest of your life. "

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds

Social: @kellythealth

thethyroidpack Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thethyroidpack/

It's the end of yet another dark and trying year, but, man, we made it, and it's time to look forward to the coming year! As you all know, each time we enter a new year, society always presents us with such things as weight loss challenges, and programs and products being sold to supposedly make you better and fitter and change your life, enticing you to desire something different. This can all lead to a 'not enough' perspective, and today I'm here to make sure we don't fall into that 'I'm not enough' trap, and instead determine what exactly we need for ourselves, so that we can 'do us in 2022'.

First we'll look at these 'you're-not-enough' and 'don't-you-want-to-be-more?' messages, as well as the answer to them which is that we are all different and do not have to cave to societal pressures, so we should focus on our own unique needs and desires. I'll reflect on the uncertainty, anxiety, and hopelessness of 2020 and 2021, the goals that were not achieved, the rationale of setting fewer goals in 2022, and the value of turning our attention to self-care and rest. Finally, I share my personal goals for 2o22 and encourage all to set goals according to what we think is best for us and not what everybody is selling.

And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Details about She Doesn't Settle - The Experience

• Turning attention to our unique desires and not caving to societal pressures

• My personal life story of goal setting

• 2020: The year of uncertainty and anxiety

• 2021: The year of false hope, more uncertainty, frustration, and anger

• Don't buy goals other people think you should set for yourself

• Take a timeout and check-in with yourself in 2022

• The mental and emotional toll that 2020, 2021 took on people and children.

• Looking at what goal you can eliminate

• When feeling stuck and burned out, setting gigantic goals is not the solution

• Prioritizing rest and self-care in 2022

• My goals for 2022

Quotes

"We are holding tight to the security while actually making the best of what you're doing right now and thinking ahead in a safe container with other people who are doing the same thing."

"My message is we are all different. We have to do what fits us, not somebody else. We have to do the work, the self-assessment, the self-awareness, do all that work to understand what we need."

"I've seen so many memes about how people are apprehensive and gun shy and lacking confidence about this new year. I would suggest that you stop buying into all of what you're hearing and being told."

"These last two years have kicked our collective asses, and the fallout of the last few years is just starting."

"Why does your goal need to be about adding and doing? What if it was about subtracting?"

"It also means we all need to roll into the new year with different ideas, intentions, and goals. That means figuring out what you need. Whatever that is, you've got to own it and not ignore it."

"When you're feeling stuck and burned out and perhaps even depressed, setting a gigantic goal probably isn't the solution."

"2020 was easier for me. I put my head down, I showed up to support my clients mentally and physically, and I kept my kiddos safe and homeschooled. I really thrive under stress, to a point, because when 2021 hit, that's when 2020 caught up to me."

"While I have some big goals in the background, I'm tiptoeing my way into the new year. I've got goals. I've got a couple of professional goals. I've definitely got a running goal, but I'm not emphasizing them so much so that I feel pressure."

"Tune out what everybody is selling you and telling you and suggesting you do to be better in 2022 and ask yourself what that should look like."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds

Social: @kellythealth

This week, we carry on with the second case study of my use of the Enneagram personality assessment tool to help better understand my clients and restore order and a sense of fulfillment in their lives. Nancy and I started working together around four years ago. She appeared to be really happy with her work, but, as we engaged, I uncovered the toll it had taken on her. Today, I describe Nancy's story in detail, and demonstrate how we used the Enneagram to assess Nancy's personality, brainstorm solutions, and alleviate her agony.

I kick off this episode with a timely reminder of She Doesn't Settle—The Experience program in January. After that, I dive right into the case study of Nancy, whose role was in developing and fundraising at a nonprofit. She appeared to enjoy her work, but I later found out that she had a tough time sleeping, didn't have the energy to take care of herself, worked many hours every day, and lost connection with the thing she enjoyed doing—her work. Nancy brought to light the feeling of enthusiasm she felt on the weekend to wake up early, and yet she dragged herself out of bed on weekdays. In today's episode, I chat about how I came to understand Nancy's personality using the Enneagram which, in turn, helped me appreciate her distress and work to relieve it. In the end, Nancy's situation significantly improved - listen in and hear how!

And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

o Case study of an Enneagram 6—the strategic thinker

o Appreciating the risk-averse personality

o The journey from overthinking to action

o Dealing with the feeling of not being valued, heard, and taken seriously

o Appreciating the one who likes things done in a very structured way and doesn't like spontaneity and flexibility

o Dealing with people who find it difficult to trust others and their opinions

o The Enneagram release and stretch line

Quotes:

"Career change does not have to be some dramatic, drastic change. It can literally be staying in the same organization but having a different job."

"And so while she felt like she wasn't being heard, she also began to recognize that the organization's values and mission were changing, and it was very much not aligned with her own."

"Her personality enjoys being of service to a group or an organization or community. And they take responsibility and do things really well and willingly. They're also all about upholding order and law. And they use lessons from their past to basically stabilize their future. And they really prefer clear structures."

"I knew that Nancy might think in a very structured way. This tends towards pessimism."

"It was important for me to take things slow for us to lay out a plan very meticulously, to allow for contemplation, and also work to help her not rely on rationality for everything."

"That was a big trigger for her personality because they're very precise and careful in the things they do, following rules, processes, duties. And they feel safe with those standards in place,

"When she's at her best, she can model reasonable and thoughtful actions. She can show rules-based approaches to forming work and managing others. So a really wonderful leader, when they're at their best, and a great model."

"When you over-rely on thinking, you might over plan, you might delay decisions. But when you're in a good place, expressing your thoughts intelligently, you can bring quiet clarity and curiosity, and you can reflect and move to decisions and action. And that's where I wanted to keep her."

"That meant we needed to get her into her body and out of her head more."

"What I needed to work with her on is to make her see that she could actually act as her own authority."

"Have I worked with folks who have made dramatic career shifts? Yes. Have I made a dramatic career shift myself? A hundred percent. But my personality is all about change. I thrive on change. I prefer to be challenged. I get bored very easily."

"The point of all of this is we are all different. We all have different personality types. We all think and feel and take action differently, and all of these are really critical pieces to know and understand."

"I think it's important to bring out these examples because you can understand that this work is really based on who you are and how you operate. There's no cookie-cutter approach. And that's important because, in a world where everything feels like it's cookie cutter and it doesn't work most of the time, it's important to know some options are not cookie cutter."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

She Doesn't Sette - The Experience - www.kellytravis.net/sds

Social: @kellythealth

It's a cold and windy day in Vegas, and I'm fighting a cold, but I am so pleased to be back with you again this week to continue looking at how to not settle in your career. As promised, we are looking at a case study, and this week it is the story of one of my clients, Jill, who came to me about a year ago, and who, like a lot of you, had spent probably years thinking about a career change, but was a little bit terrified and a little bit unsure about where to start. Today, I'll run through Jill's story with you, and demonstrate some of the strategies I employ, in particular the power of the Enneagram, to help not only her, but all those who find themselves in similar circumstances.

Throughout this episode, I talk in detail about the use of the Enneagram in my work with clients, from health and wellbeing to career change. We look at how I used the Enneagram to help Jill, a marketing director for a large organization, navigate the problematic state of affairs in her career. Jill's work made sense to her, she was good at it, but she wasn't really enjoying it, and that was starting to impact her life, being a wife and a mom. In essence, today's case study is all about how we used the Enneagram to study her personality, and develop solutions and action steps to improve her situation, and how we can do the same for you.

To learn more about the new program I'm starting in 2022 (She Doesn't Settle - The Experience) please send me an email at [email protected] or head to www.kellytravis.net/sds

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Utilizing the Enneagram in coaching and solving career challenges

• Case study of my work with the Enneagram with my client, Jill

• Overview of my work with people in career changes

• The She Doesn't Settle - The Experience Program

• Enneagram centers of expression

• Enneagram lines

• The solution to Jill's predicament

Quotes:

"Part of the work is identifying how to make the best of the job you have at the moment so you can keep showing up."

"I'm all about taking little baby steps, and we have to be able to do that so that we don't give up, get stagnant, go back to being in that place."

"Because her personality can cause her to pride herself on being more competent and capable than others, sometimes she can miss opportunities to receive support and help from others."

"A lot of times, we know that we want to change. We know that our current career is not working for whatever reason… but a lot of times, it's really hard for us to know what's next, especially if, like Jill, we've been doing the same thing for 20-plus years."

"Our work isn't just about figuring out what's next, but it's also helping you be able to recognize who you are without the title and without the job because that is more important, which is what is wonderful about the Enneagram."

"What I didn't want was her to be too quick to act and compromise on the planning and preparing because that happens a lot. And we're seeing that a lot right now."

"Because sometimes we can have a job that we enjoy and fulfills a lot of our needs, and then we also make sure that we're pursuing our passion on the side."

"It's okay to be doing this for yourself. It's okay to put time and energy into something that feels good to you."

"You can set boundaries. You can make decisions. This is a part of you."

"The beauty of knowing strengths, what clients are most comfortable with, is that we can move through contemplation to action at the pace that is the most effective and comfortable for each individual."

"It's incredibly powerful when doing this work because I get, like, to peek behind the curtain. I have a full picture of who I'm working with, and they get to see it too. They feel seen."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience - www.kellytravis.net/sds

Social: @kellythealth

I can't tell you just how ecstatic I am to be back for today's episode after my brief break. Over the past month, I have taken some time to reflect upon exactly how I'm serving people, and the theme that I am constantly drawn back to is helping people create change in their lives, and bringing in the things that I do best to help make that positive change. So, I'm back today to continue this mission and help you all get to a new place without feeling overwhelmed and giving up.

Today's episode is about career, priorities, and approaching change. I start by discussing the burnout people face in their work life and how to prevent getting to that boiling point, and then share a few details about my new program regarding careers that is starting early next year. We'll also look at the post-pandemic statistic of 4 million people quitting their jobs, to prioritize wellness, family, and work conditions, and delve into the need to take action and avoid the trap of thinking for too long and not doing anything. The episode concludes with a look at having a strategy for change, as well as tackling the fear of change, the self-critical thoughts, and the grief of changing. Once again, I am so excited to be back so that we can continue to work together and help you achieve the success you so richly deserve and make certain that you don't settle for anything less.

And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] - I would love to hear from you!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Helping people create change
• The shift in priorities pre- and post-COVID
• Recognizing what's unhealthy and toxic
• People want to be valuable
• Moving from thinking to doing
• How to approach a career change
• Avoiding complacency and overthinking
• Taking the first step
• Using the Enneagram
• How to challenge the self-critical thoughts
• Taking advantage of the job you have
• Desiring more

Quotes

"I'm recognizing that in the way that I serve and show up, I want to be very intentional about working with folks around career, health, and well-being."

"We need to do what we love in the eight hours plus that we are spending working every day."

"I'm excited about people moving from thinking to doing."

"I want to keep showing up, reminding you that you don't want the what-ifs to get to you."

"Do what feels good to you. You don't have to make rash decisions."

"When it comes to change, you have to take the first step."

"You don't need to have all the answers and make a dramatic change to have a change."

"We feel so much better when we're in motion, when we're doing, than when we're in the thinking phase."

"We are 100% using the Enneagram because that tool in itself is beneficial for me as a coach, but also you as a client because it allows you to feel seen."

"If we move too fast, what happens is you make the change, and then it blows up in your face."

"Contemplation is still action because we're doing exercises and exploration and working through questions and that type of stuff."

"We do the work to make sure you take advantage of the job you have; you look for the opportunities and the learning experiences you can gain and utilize the time you have there."

"It takes grit to walk away from something that isn't serving you. It takes grit to recognize and say out loud, 'This isn't enough; I want more.'"

"We always have a choice."

"We've been programmed to kind of stay in a lane a lot of times and to just do the next thing."

"It's important to give yourself permission to feel afraid and take a chance on yourself."

Show Links:

Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net

She Doesn't Settle Experience - www.kellytravis.net/sds

Social: @kellythealth