Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

By Cathy ChenParenting Kids & Family

Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You episodes

February 04Overparenting Teens: When Helping Too Much Hurts Your Teen’s Independence
Are you helping your teen or quietly running their life for them? In this episode, Cathy and Meredith unpack the subtle but common ways parents overcompensate for their teenagers and how that can unintentionally hinder the development of important life skills. They walk through the various real-world examples of excessive support, why encouraging independence and problem-solving skills in teens is essential, what drives parents to overcompensate, and a practical way for parents to check if they are doing too much. They also explore how providing too much support can prevent teens from learning essential life skills, how to shift from being a fixer/manager to actually being supportive of your teenager, and how to know when it is the right time to step in. Join the conversation to learn how to spot overparenting in the moment, provide healthier support, and help your teen build confidence. Tune in now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:26] Outline of today’s topic and what listeners can expect from the episode.
[0:02:49] Hear why emailing/texting on a teen’s behalf is a clear sign of overparenting.
[0:04:25] What do to when your teenager asks you to communicate on their behalf.
[0:05:47] How to know the difference between managing your teen and supporting them.
[0:08:31] Explore how the need to manage often reflects the parent’s own anxiety.
[0:09:45] A pattern where teens constantly seek approval and how parents reinforce it.
[0:11:37] Discover why it is vital that teens overcome challenges on their own.
[0:14:31] Uncover how to provide support while letting your teen learn important life skills.
[0:15:14] Why repeated check-ins and reminders are clear signs of overparenting.
[0:17:00] Find out how to know when it is the right time to step in and help your teen.
[0:19:49] Unpack how a parent’s behavior toward staff can indirectly impact their teen.
[0:21:50] Final takeaways and closing comments.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
‘Why Nagging Your Teen Doesn’t Work (and What to Do Instead)'
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
23 min
January 28College Admissions Reality Check: Why Saying “You’re Definitely Getting In” Can Hurt Teens
In this episode, hosts Cathy and Meredith dive into a well-meaning phrase adults often say to high school seniors and why it can do more harm than good. Telling students they’re “definitely getting in” to selective colleges may sound encouraging, but it can actually create unnecessary pressure and lead to major disappointment if rejection letters arrive. Cathy and Meredith unpack how today’s college admissions process is far more competitive than many adults realize, making these kinds of assurances unrealistic. Instead of offering false certainty, they encourage parents, mentors, and educators to celebrate students’ effort, growth, and resilience, and to remind them that their success isn’t defined by any single admissions decision. Tune in for yet another short but power-packed episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] Welcome back: an update from Cathy and Meredith!
[0:02:10] Today’s topic: adults saying things they don’t have the authority to say.
[0:03:00] Why you shouldn’t say “you’ll get in [to college]” to a kid.
[0:04:50] What we need to emphasize instead.
[0:08:00] The well-intentioned alleviation of stress and what kids actually need.
[0:11:30] Why preparing for rejection is more beneficial than false encouragement.
[0:12:10] Alternative phrases you can say instead.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
14 min
January 21The 3 Habits That Matter Most for Teen Wellbeing: Sleep, Screens, and Healthy Play
Sometimes the simplest habits can have the biggest impact on teenagers’ wellbeing. Today, Cathy and Meredith kick off the new year by naming three foundational habits they believe matter most for teens: sleep, screen use, and healthy play and physical movement. Drawing on years of coaching experience, they explain why sleep is essential during adolescence, how screens interfere with focus and rest, and why play and exercise are critical for mood and development. The conversation also looks at how phones, laptops, and emerging technologies shape teens’ daily lives, and why relying on self-control alone to resist them is not realistic. Along the way, Cathy and Meredith share practical ways families can support healthier routines without overhauling everything. These habits may sound basic, but they support long-term growth in powerful ways. Tune in for a grounded conversation about helping teens thrive by getting the basics right!

Key Points From This Episode:
[0:02:02] Today’s topic: Three healthy habits we’d love for teenagers to adopt.
[0:03:20] Why getting good sleep is such an important foundational habit for teen wellbeing.
[0:04:56] Reminder: teens need more sleep than adults during this stage of development.
[0:05:56] Building better screen habits: why screens are a major barrier to focus and rest.
[0:06:47] The case for changing structures, not just asking kids to resist phones.
[0:08:35] Concerns about kids and teens using chatbots to meet social and relational needs.
[0:09:51] Creating screen-free time before bed as a family habit.
[0:11:09] Why we’d love to see more teens engage in physical movement and healthy play.
[0:15:05] How overscheduling crowds out sleep, movement, and downtime.
[0:16:16] Playing the long game when supporting teen growth and development.
[0:18:12] Why adolescents still need boundaries, not total independence.
[0:24:08] Some of the habits that we are focusing on this year for ourselves.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
‘As more teens use AI chatbots, parents and lawmakers sound the alarm about dangers’
‘Teens are having disturbing interactions with chatbots. Here's how to lower the risks’
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
28 min
January 07Are College Visits Necessary? The Real Impact of Campus Tours on College Choice
Visiting colleges has become more about fitting in and ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ than getting the information you need to make your college choice. Today on the show, we are discussing whether college visits are actually necessary. Tuning in, you’ll hear why Cathy thinks college visits are overrated, how her opinion has shifted over the years, what technology has done to change things, and so much more! You’ll hear when college visits may be helpful and when they may be harmful before we discuss why we need to deconstruct the ‘preciousness’ surrounding how we treat certain colleges. We even talk about how resilient teenagers are and why we believe they can make the most of their circumstances. Finally, we touch on the importance of critical self-reflection as college counsellors. Thanks for listening!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:02:48] Cathy’s unpopular opinion: college visits are overrated.
[0:03:37] What has shifted in Cathy’s opinion of college visits.
[0:05:10] Why visiting colleges may be helpful and how technology has changed the game.
[0:07:53] An example of a situation where visiting colleges could backfire.
[0:12:09] When taking a visit to a college may actually be beneficial.
[0:15:44] Deconstructing the way we treat certain, more ‘elite’ colleges.
[0:17:36] The kinds of personalities that may need to visit colleges.
[0:20:27] How this discussion has reminded us to self-reflect more often.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
24 min
December 31, 2025Meaningful Summer Activities for Teens: What Actually Helps Them Grow
Not all summer activities help teens grow, even when they look impressive on paper. In this episode, Meredith and Cathy take on the summer advice that drives them crazy and often leads teens and parents in the wrong direction. They unpack why cookie-cutter internships, pay-to-play “prestige” programs, and résumé-padding service trips often miss the point, especially when they are handed to teens rather than earned. Drawing on years of admissions and coaching experience, they explain why real growth comes from embracing discomfort, taking initiative, and doing the work yourself. The conversation explores how parental over-involvement can undermine maturity, why doing nothing all summer is not the same as rest, and how teens can get unstuck when they feel paralyzed by too many options. Listen in for a grounded, honest look at what actually makes a summer meaningful for teens!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:08] Today’s topic: What you shouldn’t do during your summer break.
[0:04:52] Why most internships raise red flags for us.
[0:06:15] The difference between earned opportunities and parent-arranged internships.
[0:08:38] Our strong stance against pay-to-play academic programs.
[0:09:40] Warning signs of expensive leadership programs that exploit parent anxiety.
[0:12:39] When international service trips fall flat and when they actually matter.
[0:16:57] Doing absolutely nothing all summer, and why that is also a problem.
[0:17:34] Why teens shouldn’t choose summer plans based on friends or trends.
[0:18:20] Navigating paralysis when teens have multiple interests.
[0:20:17] Letting teens do the hard work instead of clearing the path for them.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
23 min
December 17, 2025Holiday College Talk: What Parents and Family Should Avoid Saying to Teens
This time of year can be very stressful for seniors applying to college, and they all need a break from the college discussions and pressure that comes with it. In this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, we are touching on what not to say during the holidays. You’ll hear all about what topics to avoid, why teenagers need a certain degree of privacy, how you can express care and interest without asking too many personal questions, and more! We talk about how to prepare your teenagers for these discussions before discussing what not to say to younger kids applying to private independent schools. Lastly, we share some examples of things you can talk about with teens other than college. Thanks for tuning in!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:02:20] Today’s topic: what not to say to teens during the holidays.
[0:03:20] Why you shouldn’t ask teens about college and other private topics.
[0:08:10] Cathy shares an example of an inappropriate holiday discussion.
[0:10:20] How to express interest in college applications without prying too much.
[0:11:34] What kids can say when they don’t want to answer personal questions.
[0:13:47] How this also applies to younger kids applying to private independent schools.
[0:15:46] What you can talk about with teens instead of talking about college applications.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
19 min
December 10, 2025How to Use AI in the College Admissions Process: Smart, Ethical Strategies for Students and Families
AI is changing how students navigate the college admissions process, and knowing how to use it well can save families time and stress. In this episode, Cathy and Meredith focus on the most effective and responsible ways teens can use AI for college search, planning campus visits, organizing supplements, preparing for interviews, and comparing schools. They explain why AI is a powerful tool for reflection and structure in essay writing, but not a replacement for a student’s real voice. They also address concerns about accuracy, misuse, and school policies around AI. Looking ahead, they share why AI will likely reshape admissions in the coming years and what families should keep in mind as the landscape evolves. Tune in for clear, practical insights on using AI wisely in the admissions journey!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:20] Today’s topic: how AI is shaping the college admissions process.
[0:02:38] Cathy and Meredith’s mixed feelings about adopting new AI tools.
[0:04:30] How students, parents, and counselors can use AI for college search.
[0:06:06] Teaching students to research colleges using AI and multiple sources.
[0:08:41] Why AI is helpful but never exhaustive in list-building.
[0:09:54] Using AI as an essay-editing tool, not a writer, in the admissions process.
[0:14:48] How AI can help you identify distinctive program features and compare colleges.
[0:16:52] AI as a time-saver for planning tours and organizing writing requirements.
[0:17:35] The right and wrong ways to use AI in admissions work.
[0:17:56] Looking ahead at how AI may reshape future college applications.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
20 min
December 03, 2025How to Parent an Anxious Teen: Practical Strategies for Teen Anxiety
Anxiety is a common experience among teenagers, and today on Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, we are sharing some tips for parenting teens with anxiety! Tuning in, you’ll hear all about how anxiety manifests differently in different people, what it looks like in teens on a basic level, how to know when it’s affecting how they function, and the importance of helping teens get out of their heads to combat anxiety. We delve into why feelings need to be named, acknowledged, and felt before discussing why anxiety is contagious, how to model behavior for your teens, and how to make sure co-regulation is effective. We even talk about the difference between sphere of influence and sphere of control and why you should validate your kids’ emotions first. Finally, we touch on the value of exercise for teenagers and how to keep an eye on your kids’ anxiety to avoid bigger, clinical issues. Thanks for listening in!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:03:16] Today’s topic of discussion: how to parent anxious kids.
[0:04:41] How anxiety manifests differently in Meredith and Cathy.
[0:06:42] What anxiety looks like in teens and how to know if it’s affecting them.
[0:10:45] How to help teenagers bring themselves back to the present moment.
[0:18:12] The power of modeling behavior and how to properly co-regulate.
[0:22:33] Why you should validate before you problem-solve (if at all).
[0:24:21] Explaining the difference between sphere of influence and sphere of control.
[0:25:49] The value of physical movement and exercise for teenagers.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
30 min
November 26, 2025How to Master the UC Application: PIQs, Impacted Majors, Activities & Common UCLA Mistakes
Today we’re unpacking the UC application, partly because the online advice is… all over the place. With the December 1st deadline coming up, we break down why the UC application is different from the Common App and what actually matters. We walk through the Personal Insight Questions, how to choose which ones to answer, how to navigate impacted majors, and how to approach the activities section thoughtfully. We also touch on why context and extenuating circumstances should be included, plus a common UCLA mistake to avoid. If you’re feeling unsure or overwhelmed as you finalize your application, you’re not alone, and this episode will help you move forward with clarity. If you have questions or concerns, let us know. Thanks for listening.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:02:28] How the UC application differs from the Common App.
[0:05:00] The personal insight questions included in the application process.
[0:06:30] Strategizing around impacted majors.
[0:10:35] How to approach the UCPIQs.
[0:13:59] Why it is important to list extenuating circumstances or context in your application.
[0:15:45] One of the common mistakes students make on their UCLA applications.
[0:17:15] A common misstep around applications during this time of year.
[0:18:55] How to approach the activities summary on the UC application.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
College Admissions Insider Interview with Gary Clark
UC admissions REACTS to TikTok application advice
Counselors and Advisers Bulletin
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
22 min
November 19, 2025What Is a School Profile? How Colleges Use It in Admissions (and Why Parents Should Care)
The school profile is an essential document that provides the context, rigor, and strategic insight needed to build a smart, effective college application list. Join Cathy and Meredith for another episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You as they break down everything you need to know about the school profile — what it is, how college admissions use it, and why understanding it matters. They also share tips on reading transcripts, which GPA to focus on, and why no amount of extracurriculars can distract from a funky transcript.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] A proviso for today’s episode.
[0:01:20] Today's topic: The School Profile (what the heck is that?)
[0:03:00] How the school profile is used by college admissions.
[0:07:10] Understanding grades within schools and the lack of ranking.
[0:08:30] Why it’s important to know ranking and distribution when making a college list.
[0:10:00] The materials schools send to colleges on behalf of students.
[0:10:48] A note on transcripts and which GPA to look at.
[0:13:00] Why students want to have information, the data set, and a strategy for finding the right matches.
[0:14:20] Final notes on the school profile, where to find it, and why you want to understand it before building a school list.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
16 min

About Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

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Shit Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You brings you candid conversations with experts in psychology, education, and college admissions — so you can better understand your teen and help them…