Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

By Cathy ChenParenting Kids & Family

Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You episodes

May 14, 2025Helping Teens Reflect and Reset: Ending the School Year with Purpose
The end of the school year can be a whirlwind, both for teens and their parents! In this episode, Cathy and Meredith explore how to help your teenager close out the academic year with reflection and a sense of purpose. They unpack why May is such an emotionally complex month, how to prioritize conversations about growth rather than grades, and why summer is an ideal time for deeper check-ins. From celebrating quiet wins to letting go of disappointments with compassion, this episode is packed with insights on how to shift the focus from performance to progress. You’ll also hear why these conversations aren’t about fixing problems but creating space for your teen to feel seen, heard, and supported. Tune in to learn how to wrap up the school year in a way that sets the stage for a stronger, more intentional start to the next one!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:52] What teens and parents might be feeling as the year wraps up.
[0:03:05] Choosing the right time to check in with your kids (when they aren’t too busy).
[0:04:49] Questions to help them reflect on the past year.
[0:06:29] Why you should praise your kid for growth, not just achievement.
[0:09:33] A story of growth and self-confidence that Cathy observed in one of her kids.
[0:11:50] Meredith’s account of a moment of empathy that shifted one student’s perspective.
[0:12:56] Helping teens process disappointment with acceptance and compassion.
[0:16:04] Give kids space over summer for decompression and reflection.
[0:16:56] Making time to set intentions for the new school year.
[0:18:49] Final tips on how to create a space where kids can authentically talk about their feelings.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
23 min
May 07, 2025Too Much Homework, Not Enough Sleep: Parenting Teens Through Academic Pressure
What do you do when your teen insists they can’t go to bed because they still have hours of homework left, and you know they desperately need sleep? In this episode, Cathy and Meredith unpack the nightly standoff between academic pressure and teen well-being. They dig into what’s really happening when teens claim they “don’t have time,” and explore the common culprits behind late-night work sessions, from overscheduling and distraction to anxiety and perfectionism. You’ll hear how to play the short game and the long game simultaneously as a parent, when to hold the line, and when to ask better questions. This episode also offers ways to bring teens into problem-solving, prioritize family values, and rethink what “success” should actually look like. Tune in for insights, empathy, and real-world strategies, plus a few rogue metaphors and laughs along the way!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:22] The sleep vs. homework dilemma teens and parents face.
[0:07:09] How parents can help their kids balance sleep with school work.
[0:14:09] Identifying the causes behind “I don’t have enough time” claims.
[0:15:51] How mental health issues like perfectionism or ADHD can impact homework time.
[0:16:59] The hidden time drain: distractions teens don’t realize are happening.
[0:18:28] Why teens need real breaks after long days, not just go straight to homework.
[0:21:12] Modern teen schedules compared to previous generations.
[0:22:32] Why kids are overscheduled due to selective college pressures.
[0:23:17] Using family values to guide academic and well-being decisions.
[0:25:10] Helping teens build problem-solving skills instead of just enforcing rules.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
29 min
May 01, 2025Supporting College Dreams Without Crushing Them: Helping Teens Build Realistic Admissions Goals
The college journey puts parents and counselors in a delicate position: walking the fine line between dream supporter and dream crusher. Join Cathy and Meredith in their post-Spring Break episode as they dive into how you can both encourage and champion your kids while helping them maintain a healthy degree of balance while crafting their dream school list. They unpack the difference between having a dream and being delusional about what the college admissions process is, how to balance goals and ambition with reality, the danger of dangling the carrot of a highly selective school in front of your children, and explore the reasons why trying (and applying to all the highly selective schools in the country) can be problematic! For all this, and as always, much more, be sure to tune in now! Thanks for listening!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:10] What we got up to for Spring Break 2025.
[0:02:10] The topic of today’s episode: dream supporter vs dream crusher.
[0:04:00] A common tightrope parents often have to walk.
[0:05:30] Identifying schools with higher acceptance rates that still reflect the qualities and characteristics of your child’s top-choice, highly selective schools.
[0:06:15] The difference between having a dream and being delusional about what the college admissions process truly is.
[0:07:45] Unpacking what a “Dream School” is: balancing goals and ambition with reality.
[0:08:50] The danger of using highly selective colleges as a carrot for students to work hard.
[0:09:30] Why the “reality” part of college admissions is hard for parents.
[0:12:40] Parents displacing the dream-crushing conversation: when it’s okay and not.
[0:17:00] Can you support the dream but also balance the fine line of reality?
[0:18:40] Where, as a parent, are you willing to disappoint your child, and where are you not?
[0:19:40] Encouraging your child to go after what they want with a healthy dose of balance.
[0:21:00] What’s wrong with trying? (Applying to all the highly selective schools in the country.)
[0:22:55] What supporting the dream does and does not mean (in our opinions).
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
29 min
April 02, 2025Debunking Forbes’ Claims: Do Elite Summer Programs Really Give Your Child an Edge?
We recently read a Forbes article about why your kid needs to attend a competitive summer program, and we have some thoughts. Join us as we get the facts straight about the article in question and break down what you need to be aware of when it comes to these expensive summer programs that claim to give your child an edge when applying for elite colleges. Find out how many of these programs misrepresent themselves (like by suggesting they are more selective than they are), the handful of programs that are credible, and how to tell the difference. We also discuss how these articles are specifically targeted at parents and teens, why their contribution to the media ecosystem is so harmful, and how to recognize when you are being marketed to. Tune in to get the full scoop on what to be aware of when it comes to these summer programs and their bold claims!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:42] The Forbes article we are discussing and why we are annoyed by it.
[0:02:30] Article points we agreed with and the benefits of a program like this.
[0:02:56] Why a summer program won’t necessarily help you stand out at elite colleges.
[0:03:53] A breakdown of how many of these programs misrepresent themselves.
[0:05:43] Clarifying which summer school programs are as selective as they claim.
[0:08:36] How parents can navigate misinformation, especially regarding these programs.
[0:10:37] A reminder that you cannot control the outcomes of highly selective colleges.
[0:11:57] Critiques on how dishonest and exploitative these types of articles can be.
[0:14:37] What truly matters for your child’s long-term development.
[0:16:50] How you can get in touch with questions and suggestions about today’s topic.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
'Why Your High Schooler Should Attend A Competitive Academic Summer Program—And Which Ones You Can Still Apply To'
COSMOS Pre-College Program
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
19 min
March 26, 2025How to Handle Teen Discipline Issues: Supporting Your Child Through School Challenges
Sometimes, disciplinary issues are signs of deeper pain or turmoil in our children, making it important to step back and see things from a new perspective. In this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, Cathy and Meredith dive into the various complexities of school disciplinary issues. They break down how different schools might handle these situations, share real examples of what you as a parent can expect, and offer practical advice on how parents can best support their kids through the process. From the importance of reading the school’s handbook to knowing what to do (and what not to do), they cover it all. They discuss the importance of proportional responses to disciplinary issues and share why it’s crucial children learn from their mistakes and walk out their consequences with appropriately supportive parents. It’s about guiding them through the process while encouraging them to own their mistakes, not covering them up or making the problem disappear. Don’t miss another insightful conversation with Cathy and Meredith, be sure to tune in now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:20] We introduce today’s topic of discussion: disciplinary issues in school.
[0:03:00] You get a phone call, your kid has been busted: what next?
[0:03:20] We look at an example of academic dishonesty.
[0:04:10] Parents! Read your school’s handbook!
[0:04:50] What parents should and should not do.
[0:06:38] The best thing parents can do to help their kids through a disciplinary proceeding.
[0:07:45] What the disciplinary process (actually) looks like.
[0:11:00] The different types of disciplinary issues.
[0:17:20] Issues that are not as uncommon as you might think.
[0:20:00] The appropriate consequence and how that point is reached.
[0:22:24] Disciplinary issues and mental health.
[0:23:00] Our advice on how you, as a parent, can support your child.
[0:25:04] The importance of proportional responses to disciplinary issues.
[0:30:40] Why kids need to learn from their mistakes and work through their consequences (with the support of their parents!)
[0:33:00] Disciplinary issues as a signal to deeper pain.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
34 min
March 19, 2025My Kid is Mediocre, Now What?
Our world is increasingly obsessed with excellence and exceptionalism. As a result, more and more parents are fixating on how to make sure their kid is everything but mediocre. But is mediocrity really something parents should be panicking over? And could their efforts actually be doing more harm than good? Today, we deconstruct all the fears parents have around mediocrity and examine how hard you should be pushing your kids when, statistically, most of us are pretty average. We dig into the harms of pushing for exceptionalism, why too much pressure and overparenting will likely reduce your teen’s ability to be exceptional, and how to accept – and celebrate! – that your child might be average. Our conversation also unpacks the skills that will help your kids thrive in the long run, how to cultivate them, and why trying different things (that they might be bad at) is critical for their development. Tune in now for a refreshing perspective on parenting that might just change how you see success!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:21] Why being mediocre isn’t as bad as it’s made out to be.
[0:04:31] Which parenting circles tend to fixate on exceptionalism.
[0:05:17] How obsessing over exceptionalism is harming kids.
[0:07:20] The downsides of overparenting: what the research shows us.
[0:09:15] Why we need to recognize that most teens are simply normal teenagers.
[0:11:16] Cultivating skills and characteristics that lead to long-term success.
[0:16:51] The difficulty of going against a culture of exceptionalism.
[0:19:45] How to embrace, support, and accept your kids for who they are.
[0:22:17] Why you should encourage your kid to find joy and try things they are bad at.
[0:27:26] How to approach challenges as a positive model for your kids.
[0:28:27] Meredith and Cathy set each other challenges to get out of their comfort zones.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Madeline Levine Books
The Rest is History Podcast
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
37 min
March 12, 2025Should Your Teen Focus on One Passion or Explore Multiple Interests? College Admissions Myths Debunked
Many parents wonder if allowing their teens to explore multiple interests in high school might hurt their chances of getting into a top-tier college. In this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, Cathy and Meredith tackle a listener question about whether their ninth grader should focus on one passion early or continue exploring a diverse range of interests. They break down the myth of the "perfect admissions hook," the harsh reality of ultra-competitive college acceptance rates, and how admissions officers actually evaluate students. They also discuss the risks of forcing specialization too soon, the importance of encouraging genuine intellectual curiosity, and why a well-rounded, thriving teen is more important than a hyper-focused résumé. To hear why pushing too hard can backfire and how to support your teen in a way that truly benefits their growth and future, tune in today!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:05] A parent’s big question: should my teen start specializing now?
[0:02:54] Focusing on thriving, not just college admissions.
[0:04:58] Facing the facts: statistically, elite schools reject almost everyone.
[0:07:06] The sometimes boring truth about the “all-in” specialist kid.
[0:08:24] What really makes a student stand out in applications.
[0:10:48] The risks of forcing a teenager into a narrow path too soon.
[0:12:34] Reasons that some kids rebel when parents push too hard.
[0:15:16] Why college admission is not the only measure of success.
[0:16:20] The illusion of control and the impact of putting too much pressure on teens.
[0:18:59] Playing the long game by preparing your kid for life, not just a school!
[0:21:04] Real talk about how even the best kids don’t always get into top colleges.
[0:23:09] Rethinking what “success” really means and how to support your kid.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
27 min
March 05, 2025The Delulu is the Solulu! What to Do When Your Kid Has Wild Expectations
Delulu is the solulu! This viral social media phrase encourages people to stay optimistic and self-confident in the face of challenges and remain grounded even in wackiness. Today, we look closer at the delulu side of things and try to find solutions to the common teen misconception that fame and success are achievable with minimal effort. We discover how the pursuit of instant gratification has made teens more delusional than ever, how inexperience informs delusion, how adults contribute to and even fuel the fantasies of teens, and how nothing great is achievable without hard work and dedication. Then, our hosts share vital advice on how to coach teens toward realizing their goals before debunking the societal pathway to success. We end with the differences between a life’s passion and moments of periodic interest, and we learn how to cultivate commitment and resilience in our teens.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:40] Delulu is the solulu: Finding ways to be grounded in wackiness.
[0:05:10] Why teens are more deluded than ever, starting with instant gratification.
[0:06:48] The way life experience informs delusion and the allure of big tech.
[0:09:07] How parents, teachers, and other caregivers contribute to teenage delusions.
[0:11:16] The way teens underestimate the hard work necessary for success.
[0:14:18] Best practices for teaching your kids how to achieve their goals.
[0:15:48] Debunking the societal (educational pathway) fallacy of success.
[0:17:11] How to help teens distinguish between a life passion and a seasonal interest.
[0:18:46] Cultivating commitment and resilience.
[0:21:44] Our final thoughts on the role of caregivers in eliminating teen delulu.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
25 min
February 26, 2025Crafting a College Narrative: Tips for Helping Your Teen Stand Out
Welcome to another episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You! Today, we’re breaking down the college narrative. What it is, why it matters, and how to help your teen craft one that stands out. We’ll dive into how a college narrative differs from their school achievements, why it’s crucial to back up their story with real experiences, and how to make sure colleges see them for who they truly are. Plus, we’re sharing plenty of tips to make the process less stressful (for both you and your teen). We unpack the importance of authentically representing themselves to an admissions committee before discussing how to assist kids who are coasting along with no real specific interests or sense of self. Finally, we remind listeners that college admissions aren’t looking for impressive stories but rather, are looking for meaningful experiences in college narratives. Thanks for listening!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:48] Today we are talking about building a college narrative.
[0:02:35] How to define what a college narrative is.
[0:05:27] The difference between what they do and who they are.
[0:10:05] How you can provide evidence of your kids’ college narrative in their application.
[0:17:08] The importance of true authenticity and how that appeals to colleges.
[0:18:20] Why parents aren’t objective about their own children.
[0:20:12] How to build a narrative when the child doesn’t really know who they are.
[0:26:30] Why you shouldn’t try to be impressive in your narrative, but rather, authentic.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
29 min
February 19, 2025AI in College Admissions: How UNC’s New Screening Protocol is Shaping the Future of Enrollment
AI is embedding itself in all aspects of our lives, and the college admissions process hasn’t been spared! The University of North Carolina (UNC) now uses AI to evaluate the grammar and writing style of essays, which are then used to judge admission to the university, and this move by UNC is a clear indication of why everyone involved in post-secondary education needs to understand AI in college admissions. We discuss UNC’s AI screening protocol, what it looks like from a student’s perspective, how AI compares to tutors, parents, and school guidance counselors, and how to use AI responsibly. Then, explore why AI writing lacks human finesse, what holistic admission looks like in the age of AI, how high school processes may be affected, and how AI could forever alter the college admissions landscape. We end with the enrolment management consequences of AI, how we use AI for this podcast, and what we think the future may hold for colleges that embrace AI.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:00] Why AI in college admissions is a topic everyone should be discussing right now.
[0:02:00] How UNC uses AI to review college essays and screen applications.
[0:03:58] Understanding AI from a student’s perspective.
[0:05:56] Whether it’s better to use humans (parents, tutors, etc.) instead of AI for guidance.
[0:07:37] How to use AI responsibly and why this matters.
[0:08:35] Why AI writing will always lack human touch.
[0:09:32] How AI could change the entire college applications landscape.
[0:12:50] Unpacking holistic admission in the age of AI.
[0:13:45] What AI in college admissions means for the high school sector.
[0:16:19] The enrolment management consequences of AI.
[0:18:30] How we use AI to help produce this podcast.
[0:20:05] Our final thoughts and what we think the future may hold.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill | AI Acceleration
Timothy Brunold on LinkedIn
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
22 min

About Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

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Shit Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You brings you candid conversations with experts in psychology, education, and college admissions — so you can better understand your teen and help them…