Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

By Cathy ChenParenting Kids & Family

Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You episodes

November 20, 2024Navigating Teen Love: What Parents Need to Know About Dating, Boundaries, and Healthy Relationships
When adolescents start dating, it can be far more intense, serious, and potentially unhealthy than parents may be aware of. Today on Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, we are discussing all things teen love and relationships and sharing advice for parents who may not know how to handle it. In this conversation, we dig into why relationship talks with your teen might feel uncomfortable but are crucial to start before the need becomes urgent. We cover what to keep in mind when your child becomes interested in dating, then walk parents through 10 signs of both healthy and unhealthy relationships, discuss how modeling good relationships can impact your kids, go over common mistakes in teen dating, and explain how a strong sense of self can empower teens in their romantic relationships. We also discuss why boundaries are imperative, why you need to meet your child’s boyfriend/girlfriend and their family, and the danger of too much permissiveness. Finally, we touch on the extra layer of complexity LGBTQIA dating adds to teenage relationships. You don’t want to miss this one, so be sure to tune in now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] Today’s topic: love and dating in teens.
[0:02:50] Why having relationship conversations with your teen can be uncomfortable.
[0:03:40] What to consider as your children become interested in dating.
[0:08:30] 10 Signs of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship to teach your teenagers about.
[0:09:46] The importance of modeling healthy relationships for your kids.
[0:11:58] Some of the mistakes we see teenagers make when it comes to dating.
[0:16:30] The kids that are the most successful and most problematic in relationships.
[0:18:00] Meeting to meet your kid’s partner and be aware of each family’s rules.
[0:22:31] Why the permissiveness around relationships is a slippery slope.
[0:24:56] The layer of complexity that having an LGBTQ+ child adds to teen dating.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
28 min
November 13, 2024More Ways Independent College Counselors Annoy Us
So many parents and teenagers fall into the traps independent college counselors set to sell their business as a foolproof way to get into good colleges. Today on Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, we are here to discuss why that simply isn’t possible! There are no guarantees when it comes to college applications and focusing on what you think colleges may want instead of placing emphasis on the individual and what is best for them is hugely problematic. In this conversation, you’ll hear all about what irritates us about independent college counselors, what is missing in the college admission profession, and how we do things differently. We break down some of the problematic messaging these companies use before reminding listeners that families and teenagers have a choice when it comes to how they handle the college admissions process. We also discuss why candidacy building and having an application persona is simply marketing. Finally, we stress the importance of values and authenticity when helping adolescents develop into their adult selves. Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to hear more!

Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:25] Our irritation with companies taking advantage of the college admissions process.
[0:04:20] The dangers of ignoring the individual and focusing on what colleges want alone.
[0:08:12] What is missing in the college admission profession and why it’s problematic.
[0:10:34] A breakdown of some of the problematic college admission messaging.
[0:10:42] The benefits of competitive environments, even if you do not win.
[0:13:14] How to make room for time-consuming sports that you love and other activities.
[0:18:48] Why we shouldn’t expect teenagers to do meaningful research.
[0:21:34] A reminder that families have a choice in how they approach this process.
[0:26:00] Why candidacy building and creating an application persona is just marketing.
[0:26:42] Dangers of approaching college applications like this and the importance of values.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
32 min
November 06, 2024Lessons From This Year’s Early College Application Deadlines
The college application process can be brutal and anxiety-provoking for parents, teenagers, and, in particular, college counselors! In this episode, we reflect on our experiences at the end of this season and even share some advice for parents approaching applications with their teens. In this conversation, you’ll hear all about why college counselors hate November 1st, the debilitating anxiety that teens may face during this time, the different ways they deal with it, and the importance of reading, writing, and communication skills. We even share some advice for parents who are planning for their juniors to apply, why so many kids only start preparing after summer, the importance of being realistic about your kids’ skills and encouraging them to form their own beliefs, and so much more! We go on to talk about what makes for a successful application process, what students who are meeting the deadline and doing well are doing right, the importance of being positive throughout, and when to hold back on feedback as a parent. Finally, we caution parents against hiring multiple college counselors and encourage them to empower their kids to make decisions for themselves and celebrate every single application they send. Thanks for listening in!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] Why November 1st is so frustrating for college counselors.
[0:03:57] Today’s topic: some reflections on this application process.
[0:04:14] The extreme anxiety teens are feeling and how they cope with it.
[0:06:08] Some advice for parents of juniors about planning for applications.
[0:16:31] The potential dangers of letting applicants prepare during the summer.
[0:19:35] Why getting your child ready for application writing is the parent’s job.
[0:21:05] The importance of encouraging kids to read the news and form opinions.
[0:22:40] What kids who are successful in meeting the November 1 deadline are doing.
[0:27:18] Why kids who have had to manage a busy schedule do well in their applications.
[0:31:49] When giving feedback on these applications to your teen is and isn’t helpful.
[0:35:25] Why we don’t recommend hiring multiple college counselors.
[0:37:25] Encouraging parents to create an environment that is conducive to working.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
42 min
October 30, 2024Navigating the Party Scene: What Every Parent Should Know
When it comes to drinking, partying, and substance abuse, there’s a lot of stuff your teenager won’t tell you – but we will! Today, we get into all the challenges that come with teenagers and partying, what to expect as a parent, and how to start discussing these things with your kid before it’s an issue. We break down the types of limitations and rules to put in place while also making sure they feel comfortable calling you if they need help. With drinking at home, we talk about how to model healthy behavior for your kids before discussing supervised drinking, including when you should do it, and when you absolutely should not. Our conversation also gets into the transition to high school, why your kids might suddenly be much more interested in parties, and how to assess when you should allow them to go. Additionally, we cover what to do if you get a call that your kid is wasted, when to have a conversation with them, and what the consequences should be. Tune in to hear the full conversation on teenagers, partying, and how to safely navigate this tricky subject!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:33] What we’ll be talking about today regarding teen parties.
[0:02:08] How we would approach rules and limits with teen parties and drinking.
[0:04:31] Modeling healthy drinking behavior for your kids.
[0:06:36] Cultural considerations to take into account with alcohol.
[0:07:00] Different definitions of supervised drinking, and which ones to avoid.
[0:11:48] The problem of binge drinking and how to address it.
[0:13:30] Easy ways to discuss substances with your kids before it’s an issue.
[0:15:16] Partying expectations kids face after the transition to high school.
[0:16:54] When to start letting your kids go to parties.
[0:18:34] Encouraging kids to take care of each other.
[0:20:07] What to do if you get a call that your kid is wasted.
[0:20:55] How to discuss it with them afterwards.
[0:22:20] Next steps: contacting parents, and when to call the school.
[0:24:33] Making sure your kids know not to party at a school event.
[0:27:08] Having a conversation about edibles and fentanyl.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
29 min
October 23, 2024Bullying in High School: How to Step In, Speak Up, and End the Drama
Bullying is annoying and damaging, leaving a trail of suffering in its wake; and we hate that. Today, we unwrap bullying from head to toe to bring you helpful information on navigating this complicated situation (and to help you understand just how difficult it is!). We begin with our definition of bullying, how it’s been normalized throughout American culture, troubling statistics that reveal how rampant it truly is, and why we believe that bullying is inherently bad. We explore the importance of having empathy for both bullies and the bullied, how parents and other adults should react when they witness a child being bullied, how parents should support their children after a bullying event, and why we should almost always believe our kids when they say they are being bullied. We end with a reminder to be loving, caring, and understanding when dealing with bullies or kids who have been bullied, and we explore what to do when an adult is the perpetrator.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:06] Why we absolutely loathe bullying.
[0:02:55] Defining bullying, and exploring the rampant bullying culture at play in America.
[0:06:17] How bullying has been normalized in schools from the very first initiation (hazing).
[0:11:34] Troubling statistics and examples about bullying among the American youth.
[0:14:30] Why bullying is inherently bad, and common traits found in most bullies.
[0:20:04] The importance of having empathy for both the bully and the bullied.
[0:21:51] What to do as an adult when you see bullying happening in front of you.
[0:25:21] How parents react to having a bullying kid versus seeing their child get bullied.
[0:27:00] Why most kids don’t lie about bullying, and exploring why they would.
[0:29:00] More advice for parents on how to deal with bullying and how to support their child.
[0:37:13] A reminder that bullies also need love and understanding.
[0:39:34] Final words of wisdom toward our dream of eradicating bullying.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
44 min
October 16, 2024Every Move You Make, I’ll Be Watching You: Why Modeling is Your Parenting Secret Weapon
Today, we’re talking about modeling, and we don’t mean striking poses on the catwalk! Whether we intend to or not, we all end up looking to our parents as role models. In this episode, we explore the vital role of parent modeling in helping teens develop essential life skills. From effective communication and stress management to embracing new challenges, demonstrating the value of hard work, showcasing healthy relationships, and more, we reveal how you can lead by example rather than nagging or seeking to control your teens’ behavior. Get ready for a fun and insightful conversation full of practical tips to empower you to be the role model your teens need as they navigate these formative (and occasionally maddening) years!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:00] Introducing the theme of today’s episode: parent modeling.
[0:02:57] Reasons that modeling behavior can be surprisingly challenging.
[0:04:58] How we all look to our parents as role models, whether we intend to or not!
[0:06:25] What it might look like to take inventory of your own behavior.
[0:08:08] The value of cultivating self-awareness and practicing self-compassion.
[0:14:33] A handy list of important behaviors to model for your teens.
[0:17:43] Ways that modeling can also be what you don’t do.
[0:21:23] Modeling interpersonal skills by showcasing healthy relationships.
[0:25:25] The benefits of mental health support for both parents and kids.
[0:29:10] How your mistakes can be just as meaningful as your successes.
[0:31:23] Why we’re on a mission to become famous (and how you can help)!
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
33 min
October 09, 2024How to Make the Most Out of College Visits at Your High School
Amid the pile of college applications, seniors are often encouraged to attend rep visits—but what exactly is a rep visit, and why should your child take full advantage of it? In this week’s episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, Cathy and Meredith explore how you and your teen can maximize the benefits of college rep visits at their school. They break down why these visits are important, and what to do (and what to avoid) while attending, and Cathy shares one of the most commonly missed opportunities during rep visits. You’ll also hear about the types of questions students should ask, which ones to skip, and what demonstrated interest is, and how it can sometimes play a role in the admissions process. If your child hasn’t mentioned anything about rep visits at school, be sure to check in with them or reach out to the school for more information. Tune in now for all this, and more!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:03:00] A timely, yet practical, issue that is today’s focus.
[0:03:25] What we mean by “rep visits”.
[0:04:00] Why it’s a good idea for students to attend these sessions.
[0:05:10] We explain what these sessions encompass (from first-hand experience)!
[0:07:40] What to do when you show up to your scheduled rep visit.
[0:08:45] What not to do at these rep visits.
[0:09:23] The main purpose of the rep’s job.
[0:10:20] A major missed opportunity Cathy has seen in these visits.
[0:11:00] Our thoughts on the types and range of questions you can ask.
[0:12:50] Why a little bit of prep in advance is not a bad idea.
[0:13:10] What questions you should and shouldn’t ask.
[0:15:30] Showing up to visits in respectful ways.
[0:17:20] Why email communication is encouraged (for the right reasons).
[0:20:00] Life as a rep and what makes it just that little bit better.
[0:22:10] Why it’s not the end of the world if your child can’t make the rep visit.
[0:23:18] We talk about demonstrated interest and how reps play a role.
[0:24:13] How demonstrating interests varies but often involves attending formal programs that the school puts on.
[0:24:46] What demonstrating interest can look like.
[0:26:00] The types of schools that look at demonstrated interest.
[0:26:40] Taking note of how reps respond to savvy questions.
[0:27:15] Checking in with your child about school visits and doing some research on them.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
31 min
October 02, 2024The Role of Parents in the College Admissions Process
Parenting is incredibly difficult and stressful as it is, but when you add the college admissions process, that stress multiplies! So how can we help you find the best way to help your child through this process? Today on the show, we are discussing the role of parents in the college admissions process. Tuning in, you’ll hear about the danger of controlling your kids and trying to get too involved in this experience, why parents often have a dated outlook on colleges, and the importance of reminding your child that you will be proud of them regardless of the college they go to because their success and worthiness is not defined by the college they go to. We delve into how you can support your child through this process before discussing how parents can manage their anxiety to protect their children from potential damage. Hear about how your approach to this process can make or break the experience for your child, be reminded to meet your kid where they are and bring humility into this process by accepting that there are people who know what they’re talking about and can help your child. Finally, we urge you to recognize the impact you will have on this process for your child. The children who have the most positive experiences can largely attribute that to the role their parents take on in this process. Thank you for listening to another episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You!

Key Points From This Episode:
[0:02:05] Why we decided to speak about the role of parents in college admissions.
[0:04:04] Why trying to control your teenagers through this process only increases stress.
[0:11:52] Being really careful about your level of involvement in this process as a parent.
[0:18:07] The importance of telling your child that you’ll be so proud of the college they go to.
[0:21:13] Some ways to support your teenager during this potentially difficult process.
[0:26:21] Trying to maintain perspective and find healthy ways to manage your anxiety.
[0:27:52] The danger of expecting a certain level of maturation from your teenagers.
[0:33:32] Why parents need to bring humility into the college admissions process.
[0:35:22] How you can affect your child’s college admission process positively or negatively.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
42 min
September 25, 2024When to Step In and When to Step Back: A Parent's Guide to School Drama Without the Mama Bear Meltdown
When we come in hot, fully activated to defend and advocate for our children, we may end up causing more harm than good. Sometimes, as parents, it’s essential to check our tone, take a breath, and approach situations with curiosity. Think of it as a partnership. Join Cathy and Meredith on this episode of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You as they dive into a discussion about when it is and isn’t, appropriate for parents to step in and how to handle school drama without the 'Mama (or Papa) Bear Meltdown!' They explore different examples, discussing how a parent’s tone can completely change the entire experience and why, when necessary, you shouldn’t be deterred by red tape when advocating for your child’s needs. They also highlight key aspects of a well-received intervention, what to consider when making requests, and why it’s crucial to think about what you say, how you say it, and to whom you’re saying it. Be sure to tune in for all this and much more!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:00] A timely discussion as the school year kicks off.
[0:02:30] Subscribe and share our podcast!
[0:03:20] When is it, and isn’t, appropriate for parents to step in at school.
[0:04:45] Some situations where parents shouldn’t be playing any role.
[0:07:00] An example of when it could be appropriate for parents to step in.
[0:08:35] The importance of your tone when stepping in.
[0:09:15] We look at other examples of when stepping in would be appropriate.
[0:13:10] Don’t be deterred by red tape when advocacy for your child is needed.
[0:15:30] Any time you are concerned about your child’s safety.
[0:15:45] What gets parents in trouble when reaching out to schools.
[0:16:30] We delve into the best approach for stepping in.
[0:19:45] An important aspect to remember when reaching out with requests.
[0:22:00] Try to approach things with curiosity, and not as an activated parent-warrior.
[0:25:40] How the college process can also bring forth bad parenting intervention.
[0:28:50] Providing critical information and context about your child’s health.
[0:33:55] We share the only time when parents reach out is bothersome.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episodes
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
36 min
September 18, 2024A Sh**ty Life Update From Cathy
Today’s episode is about perseverance, resilience, and letting go of the things we can’t control. Earlier this year, Cathy received news that the lump she found on her body was indeed malignant, but the most important thing is everything she did after receiving the news. In today’s conversation, we learn about Cathy’s diagnosis and how she processed this revelation before exploring how Meredith came to terms with the news. We discover why and how Cathy’s plight fits perfectly with the themes of this podcast, how she’s maintained an optimistic outlook throughout her journey, how you can build a similar mindset of positivity, the keys to harnessing resilience, and the value of community in helping you overcome life’s struggles. To end, we unpack the dangers of toxic positivity, and Cathy shares her final words of gratitude – yes, you heard right, gratitude!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:55] Cathy lets us in on her recent cancer diagnosis.
[0:03:33] Meredith’s first experience of seeing Cathy receive treatment.
[0:05:38] Why Cathy’s struggle complements the themes of this podcast.
[0:07:13] How she’s managed to maintain a positive mindset since discovery.
[0:12:26] The best practices for cultivating and maintaining optimism.
[0:18:31] Why Cathy continued to work even while in treatment – building resilience.
[0:21:43] A reminder of the undeniable power of community in navigating life’s storms.
[0:26:00] How to manage your worrying habits, and a side note on toxic positivity.
[0:30:17] Cathy’s final words of gratitude – yes, gratitude.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
35 min

About Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

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Shit Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You brings you candid conversations with experts in psychology, education, and college admissions — so you can better understand your teen and help them…