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I knew I had to get to a certain level with cognition so that I wouldn't be "duped" again by people who so easily took advantage using distractions when I finally asked them to explain something, or questions like, "do you know what optics is?" & me saying no & then silence. That moment is how the body/sensory relives these moments captured in survival. 

I want to start with FOOD (& water) because without those things, you die. During chronic pain recovery with vertigo that has receded finally to where it happens so rarely & in only certain situations beginning Nov 5 (being the passenger in a car & notes, a teeny tiny flare-up) but nothing longterm or even that stressful to validate the fact we need to have numbers to compute data. You can't use the internet for timestamps forever since the quantity & duration is too great.

Instead, we use the concept of MORE & why that word was a problem for the instant realization of the word of the word LESS & is LESS THAN & this is the final seed for those predatory behaviors that are intimate. 

When you don't have words--literally, can't speak--and lose words or have memories of word families (rhyming), letter sounds & connection to single words, it's very important to get it back no matter what & thank goodness (GRATITUDE!) the internet exists!

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TEACHER VOICE is me, now STAY HERE.

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NOW, LET'S MOVE ON TO TOUCH.

3 great conversations today (One with a doc. One with a bank. One with a friend)

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Here's the link to find the song.

What were the original audio HAPPY triggers, not ptsd audio tigers <--that's a person. When you hear the word, don't. you hear the ad?

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Face that Fear. Pen[is] to Paper & Touch. Write on paper (physical) & start editing (cognitively) it. Let's GO!

Said it. It's done. COMPOSITION 6 & the use of the word "best friend" in 6 different ways.

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I do believe I'm ready to find that YouTube with "no no no no" & write that scene of when I pulled over during a temper tantrum over insurance & the first words of their ANXIETY.

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I decided not to patch in the in-the-moment catching of IT (describe IT/suicide)

I FROZE, but a friend was present & recorded it & then we caught it---the suicide.

Then I got it out.

In a moment of ptsd uprising... you'll body will feel different & it's acute so FAST, no SLOW TRANSITION (now this is important) I wrote. A review. It got a response. Now, the next question is, "What do you understand? What do you not?" because the opportunity to explain it one time is all that's necessary to be grateful for the (a) curiosity (b) interest &  (c) [hopefully] care, NOT "OHHH, THIS IS AN EASY TARGET!"

It's a primal scream & instead of sharing that (if you've heard it I don't think it's that different from anyone) then you know what's on the INSIDE now on the OUTSIDE.

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When you "get it out" (suicide) you're giving yourself TIME to regroup. This is a war. No wonder the themes of ptsd and head trauma is the same in politics (use of fear, manipulation, nepotism & being duh--pretending to not get it when you 100% do! How to trigger people politicians)

Self-awareness & death

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Anyone can be one! How cool is that idea.

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