Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Final Fantasy XIII Part Six: Chapter 11 Mailbag Episode! Square Roots - Episode 533

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:02:45 Mail Bag: 0:27:00 Smoosh Mouth: 1:20:25 Level Up: 1:31:45

This week on Square Roots we don't actually do a quest log because there's not that much to talk about with Chapter 11 of Final Fantasy XIII, it's just super long, so we're giving Johnny specifically time to work his way through all those Ci'eth stones! We answer such questions as:

What polygon to put Lara Croft's nipples on in a PS1 nude mod? Why you should not wash your teeth with a bottle of jack? Is Bowser a Dom? Why isn't Midbus dateable? ALSO SMOOSH MOUTH!

This Week: MAILBAAAG Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 11!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy XIII Part Five: Jihl Nabaat Is A Nerd Square Roots - Episode 532

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:03:10 Quest Log: 0:21:20 Level Up: 1:24:25

This time on Final Fantasy XIII, blood comes out of Matt's eyes as he tries to be nice about the game. But we all love Barthandalous! "Eat my shorts," he says.

Also: • Derek Waters is Bilbo Baggins Coded • Game Pass Ads • Pop It Back In, It's Fine • Matt Says PBR tastes like Skunk Juice • The First Time In The Game You Can Speak To An NPC • I Paused My Game to Be here

This Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 10! Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 11!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy XIII Part Four: Are They Space Friends Or Are They Lesbians? Square Roots - Episode 531

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:10 Quest Log: 0:26:21 Level Up: 1:55:42

This time on Final Fantasy XIII: secrets are revealed! Anger is confronted! Australians are outed!

Also: • He is the Best at What He Does, and What He Does is QuickTime Events • People Can Be Bisexual, Matt • Nobody Thinks Of Him As From Tarzan • No Witnesses Means Full Stealth • It's A Long Air Pod • Fireworks That Drop CDs

This Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 8! Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 10!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy XIII Part Three: A Bottomless Reservoir of Chrys Points Square Roots - Episode 530

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:05 Quest Log: 0:22:20 Level Up: 1:19:00

Okay, we start off with a bit of a blunder, but we can all recover from it! Even Vanessa! Yes, THIS is the episode where Lightning has the Worst Birthday Ever, because she makes her sister becoming a l'Cie ALL ABOUT HERSELF. Also she gives Hope a knife to kill her future brother in law.

Also: • I Was Happy To See A Character Or Event • OD Was The Dog From Garfield • Vanessa Boyfriend, Janosz from Ghostbusters II • Most of the Animals are Cyber • A Lot of Shots of Lightning Saying "Tsk!" and Looking Away

This Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 6! Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 8!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Season 82 Ep 3

Final Fantasy XIII Part Two: A Motorcycle Made Of Lesbians Square Roots - Episode 529

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:04:30 Quest Log: 0:26:10 Level Up: 2:08:10

Wait, you can use libra twice? WHAT? WHY? HOW?! WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL ME, unless it was in a datalog or a tutorial window I skipped or the manual. Anyway this time on Square Enix's epic Final Fantasy XIII, we mostly walk a lot.

Also: • Lesbian Cops • Big Cloud Energy • A Beta Behemoth AND an Alpha Behemoth • Pulled Pork Is Not Ham

This Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 4! Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 6!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Season 82 Ep 3

Final Fantasy XIII Part One: The Sacrificial MILF, Nora Square Roots - Episode 528

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:02:35 Quest Log: 0:29:35 Level Up: 2:20:00

Finally, it's time to face our destiny as L'Cie. Or a PULSE L'Cie. Or a Fal'cie. Or a Cie'th. In Final Fantasy XIII by Square Enix!

Also: • This game has voice acting. • Big Cloud Energy • That's Where She Keeps Her Potions • Beta Cuck Behemoth • Hawthorne Heights Hair • This Guy Listens to 311 • Wakka With A Gun

This Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 2! Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy XIII Chapter 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dispatch Part 4: So It's Just the End of Wild Wild West? - Episode 527

We finished Dispatch! Wow. What a game. What else is there to say? Lots, apparently.

This Week: Finish Episode 8 of Dispatch! Next Week: Finish Chapter 2 of FFXIII!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dispatch Part 3: Kingdom Hearts 4: A Puzzle of the Flesh Square Roots - Episode 526

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:40 Quest Log: 0:30:15 Level Up: 1:56:41

We are terrified with our encounters with the ultimate villain of Dispatch: SLADE!

Also: • Ten Minutes on Yeast Infections • Another Ten Minutes on Pizza Bagels and Rolls • Kevin Costner Is Just Boring Patrick Swayze • Matt Forgot His Belt • Vanessa Wants A Salt Lick

This Week: Finish Episode 6 of Dispatch! Next Week: Finish Dispatch!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dispatch Part 2: His Name Is Mister Whisky And No One Knows If He's A Guy In A Suit Square Roots - Episode 525

Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:02:25 Quest Log: 0:24:00 Level Up: 2:01:15

OBSESSION (2026) SPOILERS AT 02:17:00 THROUGH 02:26:00

We become an old person podcast! We don't approve of this Yung Gravy, even if his delivery as Golem is quite good. That's right, we're adding so many more Dispatch episodes. Eight? Twelve? Thirty two?!

Also: • Warriors Cats! • Page Doctor Matt For Cruising Analysis • Name One Bad Thing Chevy Chase Has Ever Said • We Finally Remember to Do a Johnny's Bullshit Mini Game Corner

This Week: Finish Episode 4 of Dispatch! Next Week: Finish Episode 6 of Dispatch!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dispatch Part 1: First Of All, Yes. Of Course. Square Roots - Episode 524

We play Dispatch! It's fun. We only covered eps 1 and 2 of the game this week. Sorry for lying!

This Week: Episodes 1 and 2 of Dispatch Next Week: Episodes 3, 4, and 5 of Dispatch

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com