Staying Uncomfortable

A quick story and an exercise that will help you reflect back on the year 2019 and it will also help you prepare for 2020. 

On this week's episode, Kaivan reflects on an incident when Gaurav told him that his ego would eventually kill him. Upon hearing this, Kaivan initially became defensive, but did not allow himself to become agitated. Afterwards Kaivan reflected on the conversation and thought about what his ego was to him. 

What is an ego to you?

• You're self inflated
• You think highly of yourself.
• Cannot accept criticism
• Superficial relationships
• You're not letting people in.
• Inflated self worth

If you have an ego, as the hosts discuss, your relationships are superficial, you cannot accept criticism and you have an inflated sense of self worth. It is important to distinguish, as Kaivan states, if you simply have self confidence instead of an ego. Why not believe in yourself, why not fight for more? In order to see if you have an ego or not, ask yourself if you truly believe in yourself. More importantly, be open to criticism from those who truly care about you.

• Your goal should be to never question yourself
• Have self confidence
• Shared some tips and how to's
• KD reflected on the conversation
• • What types of things did I give out for G to say this?
  • It came from a place of love
  • Be open to criticism
  • Had a lot of self confidence
  • • It's not his ego, it's what he stands for

Figure out if you have an ego, it may just kill you.

Seeing other people living lavish and happy lives on social media can make us feel very negative about ourselves. However, it is important to remember that social media is not an accurate representation of someone's life, it is only a highlight reel. In this week's episode, we discuss how to cut negative things out of your life, such as social media, that cause you to feel negative about yourself. We also look at how to help you build better self confidence.

Do not downplay your successes, because you cannot see others failures.

• Think about why you feel as though you are not good enough. (1:00)
• Understand what triggers these negative feelings. (1:30)
• Stop comparing yourself to people and society in general. (1:50)
• Have gratitude. (2:20)
• Recognize your accomplishments. (2:50).
• Come up with goals that help you decide how you feel. (3:25)
• Stop using social media as a tool to compare yourself to others. (4:15)

You are an accomplished person no matter what you do. Don't compare yourself to others. Instead, sit and think of how lucky you are in life. Failing once does not mean you are a failure. Seeing other people show off their lives on social media does not mean they are always happy. Cut out the negative triggers in your life that make you feel less about yourself and celebrate who you are and what you have done.

You can never know what factors lead others to making the decisions they make. Someone may have a different value set than you, different beliefs than you, or they may simply be having a bad day. In this week's episode we discuss how not to take criticism and how others see you personally. Criticism from others is not always on you, it could be on your actions. How do we make that distinction and how do we continue to move forward and develop? Find out in this week's podcast!

Be confident in yourself and know that others' criticism of you does not define who you are as a person.

• Taking things personally in a relationship. (1:45)
• One person's opinion in a relationship does not define who you are. (3:30)
• Criticize someone's actions, not the person themselves. (4:15)
• Criticism can come from a positive place because people have high expectations of you. (6:00)
• Try to see things from the other person's perspective and let others know when you are criticizing their actions. (7:00)
• Never stop being open to feedback. (8:00)
• Being let go from your job. (9:00)
• Putting blame on yourself and/or others. (10:00)
• Try to look at events from different perspectives. (11:00)

Criticism from those close to you does not come from a negative place. Many times those closest to you are criticizing your actions, not who you are as a person. Learn to look deeper within yourself and ask if you think you are truly working hard enough or doing the right things. Be confident in yourself and be open to yourself about who you are.

Birthdays can be overwhelming at times. As people grow older, sometimes they find that celebrating becomes a hassle and they are too concerned with making others happy on a day when they should be celebrating their own life. How do you prevent yourself from looking to please others on your birthday? How do you figure out who wants to be with you and who really cares about you on this special day?

"Every year marks change. Why not celebrate and enjoy the little things in life?"

• Is it worth celebrating your birthday? (0:20)
• Birthdays: Drama or excitement? (1:40)
• What is a celebration? (2:10)
• Who are your most important people, who do you want to celebrate with? (2:40)
• Should you worry about entertaining others on your birthday? (3:50)
• Celebrations in life. (4:40)
• Enjoying moments in life. (5:30)
• Will you regret not celebrating your birthdays? (7:00)
• Celebrate, whatever that may look like to you. (8:20)
• Surround yourself with people who will celebrate for you, and who will focus on your special day and the wonderful person you are! (9:00)

Birthdays are a celebration of your life. Surround yourself with people who see the great person you are and who will celebrate this life with you. Do what you want to do on this special day and don't worry about being the center of others' happiness, because next year is never guaranteed.

In recent times, there have been so many cheating scandals that have come to light ranging from Jeff Bezoz to Jay Z to Ashton Kutcher. 

According to the recent General Social Survey (GSS), 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married.

If you are the injured party, it is often devastating and blindsiding to deal with the aftermath. When your partner succumbs to a moment of weakness, you are often left reeling from the pain asking yourself "When did we drift apart and why did he/she do this to me?" 

"Not cheating is an unspoken social contract in a relationship or marriage."

Some questions we ask: 

1. What is the difference between physical and emotional cheating? (2:00)
2. Do men or women cheat more? (3:00)
3. Do unhappy or unfulfilled people cheat? (4:00) 
4. What do factors like age, maturity, newness of relationships have to do with cheating? (5:00)
5. What is revenge cheating? (6:00)
6. How do you find evidence of an emotional affair without breaching your partner's privacy? (7:00) 
7. Are you gardening the seeds of your relationship everyday? (8:00)

In this episode, we talk about different types of cheating in relationships and preventative measures. 

What is the algorithm for staying faithful? Have those uncomfortable conversations with your partner, check in and make sure you are growing together!

As individuals, we want to make sure that we continue growing and evolving. If we don't continue to compete at some level, if it's internally, or even if it's externally, we plateau.

You can compete in business, relationships, health...Competition can be healthy as long as it's done organically and with a why in mind.

"Without competition, there is no growth or progression."

Some questions we ask:

• What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy competition? (2:00) 
• What is your action plan for improvement? (3:00) 
• Do you have a role model that you emulate as a basis for comparison? (4:00) 
• When can competition advance on benefiting an entire organization or industry via benchmarks of broader success? (7:00) 
• When you are in a relationship, do you organically challenge your significant other to strive for success? (10:00) 
• Do you compare your boyfriend/girlfriend to your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend? (11:00) 

In this episode, we discuss why healthy competitors are less concerned about how they stack up to others, and more interested in stretching into new realms of personal potential.

Get better in every category of life because you want to - not because someone else wants you to. 

Do you compete to grow and achieve personal wins?

Obama said that "Nothing in life that's worth anything is easy."

Have you ever felt like other people seem to have no problem achieving their goals? But you feel stuck and as though you are making zero progress.

• Maybe you are at a job where you are not making as much money as you desire. 
• Perhaps you are not losing weight as fast as you would like to. 
• Or you seem to keep attracting the wrong people. 

When you find yourself comparing yourself to others, be cautious of how you feed your mind. 

"Don't wait for everything to be perfect before you decide to enjoy your life."

Some questions we ask:

• How do you learn from your mistakes when you fail? (4:00) 
• How much baggage do you have? (6:00) 

In this episode, we discuss the 3 reasons why you are not getting results in life:

1. Instant gratification encourages impatience. Be patient.
2. Einstein said that 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.'" Change variables that don't work for you.   
3. The people you regularly expose yourself to shape your attitude and approach to life. Figure out if these people inspire you to live your best life.

Dissect your problem that you are currently facing and enjoy the process! 

Buddha said "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." 

We CAN be happy. We CAN have balance. We CAN have the best of careers. 

The best of relationships. The best of bodies. The best of food. The best of money. We can do the best of everything now. 

Regardless of what is currently happening in your life, the way you perceive your life is what makes you happy or unhappy. If negative assumptions or beliefs are consuming you, then you will be unhappy. 

"Once your mindset changes, everything will change for you."

Some questions we ask:

• Do you define your life based on your paradigm of a certain topic? (9:00) 
• Do you ever stumble upon old thinking patterns that have shifted your belief systems? (13:00) 
• How do you convince someone to change their mindset without offending their values? (19:00)
• If you come across someone who is an expert in their field, do you try to learn from them? (20:00) 
• When you go on vacation, do you try new vs frequently visited destinations? (21:00)  
• Can you get past the discomfort of attending networking events and conferences? (23:00) 

In this episode, we discuss why improving your life starts with improving your mindset. 

Ultimately, perception is your reality, so changing the way you look at your life can make all the difference.