Becoming a stepparent does not negate the needs and feelings we have as individuals. And yet, so many of our partners seem to think we shouldn’t have those needs or feelings… or at least that we should be perfectly content putting ourselves and our relationship needs dead last, apparently forever.

This is not sustainable.

Relationships need time and attention, and so do we as individuals. Yes, the kids are important — but so are you, and so is your romantic relationship, and so is this future you’re trying to create together. You can’t build a life (or a blended family) out of leftovers.

A partner who continues bending over backwards to make their kids and/or their ex happy while continually sliding you to the back burner is a partner who’s making choices that are aligned with the former family rather than your new stepfamily.

Your relationship is the foundation of your blended family and can’t be treated like an afterthought if it’s going to survive. Understanding this is so important I have an entire blog post on it: ➡️ WHY YOUR RELATIONSHIP (NOT THE KIDS) SHOULD COME FIRST IN A STEPFAMILY 👀

You are your own person with needs outside of being a stepparent, and you are completely, totally, 100% allowed to express those needs. You also deserve to have those needs met. And being a stepparent does not change that.

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