Stone Clearing With Richard Herring

Chapter 174 - Ozymandiuf (Part II). It's 2.08pm on 21st September 2024 and a worried Richard Herring is out trying to get this job done before he moves in six days. It's not looking that good. The Stone Stasi, depleted by Covid, send a couple of kids out to do an adult's job, but they are no match for Richard Herring. Is it better to leave a couple of feet behind or nothing at all? What the hell has Wolfie been eating? And what's that thing out on the field? None of these questions or answered and are barely even asked. A listener email is full of embarrassing effusive praise, but at least the person who sent it kept their top on.

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Chapter 173 - Ftone Phalluf. It's 7.20am on 18th September 2024 and Richard is out on what might be his penultimate podcast (surely he will make the five mile trip to carry on in the unlikely event that he doesn't finish the job by the end of next week). Today we look at the problem of soil coloured stones and stone like soil clumps, the irresistible lure of Hafflehoffing when you have a newly tilled field, some amazing chunks of rock, Wolfie returning stones to the field maybe as revenge for being hit in the face by a Fubbuteo kick, not biting off more than you can chew and a symbolic moment where a stone breaks in a mocking/sympathetic manner.

Chapter 172 - Fticky Fingerf. It's 5.36pm on 10th September 2024 - don't worry, you haven't missed 9/11 - It's a grey and rainy autumn day, but we know all about feafons after so many years of trudging these ftone encrufted paths. There's a deadline to clear the Stocean now - the last Friday of the month, but Rich seems to think he can finish the job in time, when he isn't being distracted by his priapic prey. God knows what he'll do if he doesn't finish or more worryingly what he might do if he does. Stick with him and join his fubftack https://richardherring.substack.com/subscribe for possibly extra stone based content.

Chapter 171: Parabola? Parabola?! It's about 9.20am on 30th August 2024 and Richard hasn't moved yet, so stone clearing can still go on. The Stocean is turning from brown to green and Richard has strict rules about removing soil and the perfect kick technique to share with you. Should he clear the field metre by metre? What does he say to the Stone Stasi lady and why does he have to censor it? And does he like stones? Find out some of this in today's chapter.

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Chapter 170 - Balloonf and Ballf. It's 9:08am on the 19th August 2024 and the early morning is warm, the kind of conditions where a stone clearer could pass out and go missing for weeks. But the good news is that full Ftone Chriftmaf has finally arrived and the stones are there for the taking. So for the first time in a long time, the Charley Boorman lookalike takes the long way round to see just how many stones he needs to shift in the next few weeks. It's not none. Not yet. Can he clear a billion stones in a month. If anyone can it's him. And you're going to love to listen to 50 flipping minutes of him clearing stones right now. Because who wouldn't?

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Chapter 169 - Ftone Potatoef. It's nearly 6pm on 14th August 2024 and the Stone Clearing podcast is not coming to an end as quickly as Richard thought. There's at least a month to go, which is lucky, because it's Ftone Chriftmaf, waffocks! At last, after months of puny stones we have something to get our teeth into, which is tempting as some of them look so delicious. There's some tips on haffelhoffing and a new rule (there are no rules) about only travelling in one direction and an email from a famous person but you won't guess who in a million years. Thank goodness there's another 3-4 weeks to get this job done.

Chapter 168 - A Puff of Fmoke. It's nearly 6pm on the 30th July 2024 and we've learned by now with stone clearing to expect the unexpected, but no one could have expected the unexpected thing that happens today. Which is why you need 168 lessons on how to clear stones, because of all the unexpected stuff that can happen. Where did the unexpected thing come from and what does it mean?

Chapter 167 - Fkidmarkf. It feels like only yesterday we last did this, because it is. It's just before 6pm on 22nd July 2024 and there's big news out on the Stocean. Fadly you miffed ye joyriderf, but even more exciting, ye crop fhe if gone. Richard wifhed it and fo it muft be fhall. Will throes of all the rape plants mean that the stones are finally accessible? Or will there be loads of straw in the way? And will we see the first large stone for quite some time? Plus an email from a much missed actor, who had the foresight to email in, but not the present-sight to go to the doctors.

Chapter One Fix Fix - Fifyphean Fubbuteo Fuccubuf. It's 1.05pm on 21st July 2024 and the fun is fhining and Richard is starting to worry that he may not clear the field in time and is worried about the consequences of that failure. But there's probably still time and if not there is still time to learn some new stone-clearing terms. But there are big changes on the field, with a destroyed boundary and some kind of animal burrowing beneath one cairn and the ever present danger of death by hemlock or feduction by the ftone ftafi. Plus why Richard wants stone clearing to be inclusive of all people.

Chapter 165 - Ftone Pole Fail. It's 5.10pm approx on 15th July 2024 and the end of stone clearing steps ever nearer, but that has always been the case, that's the nature of time. It's another disappointing clear as Richard is hampered by vegetation and lack of fitness and peanuts in his throat. But you have to liften anyway. Juft in cafe fome pearl of wifdom droppeth from his ftupid mouth. Just be glad you don't live in America where the FF don't kill in an honourable fafhion.