Straight Wife Trans Life

The season ends with special guest, Abbe Kruger. Abbe is a life coach who dedicates herself to supporting cisgender and straight spouses or partners, and couples, managing changes in sexuality, gender identity and gender expression. Abbe can help anyone, anywhere in the world. In this episode, Abbe shares how a loved one coming out can impact the straight spouse or partner and offers insight into how couples can make it work.  

• Abbe's coaching website

Season 3 returns in January. Until then, be well and thank you for listening. 

Additional Resources

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• TikTok: TransitionTogether
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.

One month into middle school for my son and a student has already used an anti-LGBTQ+ slur against another student in a locker room. The kicker is that we live in what is considered a very progressive area. In this episode, my son and I have a talk about this incident, how a teacher handled it, and what he might have done if the teacher wasn’t there. 

Related to this episode:

• UNICEF: How to Talk to Your Kids About Hate Speech
• Anti-Defamation League: What is "Grooming?" The Truth Behind the Dangerous, Bigoted Lie Targeting the LGBTQ+ Community
• Lambda Legal: Know Your Rights - Anti-Gay and Anti-Equality Speech
• Lambda Legal: For Educators - How to Make Your School Safer for LGBTQ Students

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• TikTok: TransitionTogether
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.

The Summer Olympics just ended and I’m always impressed by the overall mental strength component that athletes have to excel at their sports. It takes mental strength to succeed in sports, at work, as parents, and in a situation like many of us where your spouse or partner has come out as transgender. Let’s explore this idea of mental strength to help us remain grounded as we navigate a loved one coming out. 

Mentioned in this episode:

• CNBC: I Study and Train Mentally Strong People for a Living - Here are 7 Things They Never Do 

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• TikTok: TransitionTogether
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.

New job, new people can be exciting for most of us and unchartered, anxiety-inducing territory for transgender people who just want to fit in with everyone else. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her first work retreat where she met new coworkers at an otherwise remote-based company.

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• TikTok: TransitionTogether
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.

There are times when someone famous shows us their transphobic side or a transgender person makes poor decisions that come to light and they paint a negative image for the transgender community. Both examples actually had their moment in various news outlets this week and for those of us with a transgender partner or spouse, we may get caught in the middle of a fresh batch of transphobia. In this episode, I explore ways to respond.

Mentioned and Related Links: 

• The people making headlines this week: CNN and Rolling Stone
• TransActual UK: Transphobia
• Medium: How to Respond to Transphobia
• Attitude: Next Goal Wins - Meet the Amazing Trans Footballer Who Inspired Taika Waititi's Film and the Star Who Plays Her
• Book: Transgender History, second edition by Susan Stryker
• Book: Black on Both Sides, a Racial History of Trans Identity by C. Riley Snorton
• Book: Before We Were Trans by Dr. Kit Heyam, Ph.D
• Journal: TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly
• Amnesty International: How to Tell Someone You Know They're Being Transphobic 
• Boston University CIDI: Responding to Misinformation about Gender Diversity
• YouTube: ACLU: How to Respond to Trans Misinformation
• QueerAF: How to Respond to Trans Misinformation from within the Trans Community
• Trans Reads: collection of free trans-focused literature
• Media Bias/Fact Check: A Resource to Check Your Information Sources

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• TikTok: TransitionTogether
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee

The term “trans widow” is one that I thought I related to at first... until I didn’t. It is actually quite transphobic and in this episode, I share why it doesn’t sit well with me. 

Mentioned and Related Links: 

• National suicide prevention lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• LGBT National Help Center hotline: 1-888-843-4564
• International Suicide Hotlines
• Opinion: A Letter to "Trans Widows", From an Actual Widow 
• HBO Max: We're Here
• Opinion: I'm a Real Trans Widow - Anyone Saying Their Newly Out Trans Partner is 'Dead' Disgusts Me
• Opinion: Please Stop Saying "Trans Widows"  
• The Williams Institute: Suicide Thoughts and Attempts Among Transgender Adults

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• TikTok: TransitionTogether
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee

For the first time since my spouse began her transition two and a half years ago, she is looking for a new job opportunity. She is a Latina transgender woman who is fortunate to be educated with a strong support system. Keep in mind that the transgender workforce reports low employment rates, lower salaries, and high discrimination. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her job search experience.

Related Resources: 

• ACLU: Report Discrimination 
• Advocates for Trans Equality (A4TE): Know Your Employment Rights and Employment 
• Human Rights Campaign: Transitioning as an Employee and Trans Toolkit for Employers 
• LGBT National Help Center: Find Local Resources Database
• Out for Work: Employment Planning Resources for LGBTQ+ Students
• Transgender Law Center: Employment Resources
• Australia: TransHub 
• Canada: Employment Resources
• Europe: Transgender Europe (TGEU)
• Campaign for Southern Equality: Resources + by southern states
• Los Angeles: Trans Can Work
• Philadelphia & Vicinity: TransWork 
• San Francisco LGBT Center: Employment Services

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee

It’s Father's Day in the U.S. today and the first Father's Day post-disclosure was rough. Now, two and a half years in, it’s not a big deal but I still struggle with how to label my spouse when she’s not around. Is labeling my transgender spouse a “spouse” enough or is it necessary to add more or less? Here’s how I’m currently working through it.

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

June is Pride Month, a time to raise awareness about the LGBTQ+ community, its history and remembering the Stonewall Uprising, current issues facing the community… and it’s a time to celebrate diversity and acceptance, hope, progress, joy. I love that allyship is strong this month. Let’s explore how one can be a great ally to the LGBTQ+ community this month plus all year. 

Related Resources: 

• Article - Harvard Business Review: What it Means to Be a Better Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community 
• Resource - ACLU: Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures in 2024 
• Resource - Trans Legislation Tracker
• Consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers
• Article - Out: 15 Pride Products from Brands that Actually Give Back to the LGBTQ+ Community

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

A main giveaway that someone might be transgender is their voice. Speaking as a transgender person can be daunting and in this episode, I talk to my spouse about her road to sounding more feminine with the help of vocal therapy. 

Related Resources: 

• American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA): includes list of resources and how to find them
• Stanford Health Care: LGBTQ+ Health Program 
• UCLA Health: Voice Therapy and Voice Surgery
• UCSF Transgender Care: Voice and Speech Therapy
• International Resource - Australia: TransHub 
• International Resource - British Trans Voice Coach Adi Wilson 
• International Resource - Canadian Trans Voice Coach Renée Yoxon
• Bay Area OUTspoken Speech Services
• Connected Speech Pathology
• Seattle Voice Lab
• Voice by Kylie (Trans Women) and voice resonance guide by Kylie 
• Voice Tools App: Apple and Android
• YouTube: TransVoiceLessons
• YouTube: Transmasculine resource AmaRoseLessons

Places to look for therapy and professional support:

• Psychology Today
• Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx 

More transgender families: 

• YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
• YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
• YouTube Channel: The Rage
• The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
• Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman

Information for allies:

• PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
• GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
• National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
• Human Rights Campaign ally guide

* * * 

Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.

If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee