If, by some impossible chance, you’ve missed it: the Olympics are currently happening. As I’ve been watching, I’ve been thinking a lot about perfection—these athletes are as close to perfection in their sports as is possible to be, and that’s why we celebrate them. In fact, “perfectionism” as a concept is something we tend to really value in our culture. However, not too long ago, psychologists considered perfectionism to be a form a neurosis—being “perfect” is unattainable, and the pursuit of it creates psychological distress. Unlike sports, life is not a finite game. There are no winners and losers, and you can’t be the best at everything. Olympians are experts in their fields, but they aren’t experts at all things. And just like olympians, maybe we need to embrace the “good enough” in our lives, and not just the things we have perfected.

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Our health and fitness is foundational for every aspect of our lives, from our energy levels, our career goals, and even to our relationships… so what’s holding so many of us back from prioritizing those things? We need to put ourselves first in order to accomplish all the things we want to do, and a big part of putting ourselves first is integrating healthy habits into our lives on a daily basis. We overload ourselves with things on our to-do list and then abandon ship the second we miss a day. Today I’m talking with Adrian Wellman on what’s keeping us from consistency and how to overcome those roadblocks to become a priority in our own lives again.

Connect with Adrian!

https://www.instagram.com/adrianwellman/

https://www.instagram.com/priority.me/

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The more I study leadership, the more it becomes clear that competence is the entry fee in having influence. You've got to be good at what you do. Not only does competence make you a more inspiring and influential leader, but it also builds your sense of self and confidence, but many face the Beginner’s Paradox: how do you develop confidence without evidence, and how do you build evidence without opportunity? This is where the concept of the Growth Mindset comes in. Just because you lack a certain credential or haven’t reached a specific milestone doesn’t mean you’re not an expert—there’s always room to become one. Brendon Burchard offers a framework that I love to identify experts through the 3Rs: role models, researchers, and results getters. Reflect on which type of expert you are and lean into that. There’s time to become all three, but you can always start leading now.

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I don’t work with a ton of people who explicitly say that they hate themselves, but when I get to the root of their thoughts and behaviors, they don’t treat themselves like someone they like. I do this too! We’re extremely critical of ourselves, we constantly judge ourselves for the millions of things we think we “should” be doing but aren’t, and by the end of the day we have no emotional capacity or bandwidth left to do anything but zone out with food, endless scrolling, Netflix, or all three. We think its useful to beat up on ourselves but these self-critical feelings aren’t conducive for change in any capacity. If we wan’t to improve our lives, we have to learn to like ourselves. 

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One of the first personal development books I ever read had a theory that breaks down the needs of the human brain into 5 categories: status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness. This book suggests that when these needs are met, the brain produces a “reward response,” which, in turn, creates a sense of safety and security and makes us more thoughtful, motivated, engaged, productive, and overall pleasant. Conversely, when these needs aren’t met, the brain produces a “threat response” which creates almost the exact opposite reaction. So as coaches and leaders, you can see why it’s essential to understand and meet these needs of our clients and employees. If we can help them feel safe and trigger that “reward response,” we’ll be much more effective at influencing, motivating, and engaging our people.

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Website: dannycoleman.net

Let’s have a conversation about conversations. Look, it’s never fun to have difficult conversations (think setting boundaries, holding someone accountable, or easing hostility) but the best leaders are the people who are willing to get uncomfortable, have a chat, and seek to understand. So today, let’s talk about the different kinds of difficult conversations you’re sure to have as a coach or leader and how to facilitate them in an actually productive way. It might feel uncomfortable and you might not always get a perfect result, but talking about things will always be better than holding on to things unsaid and letting it fester into resentment. The magic you’re looking for is in the conversation you’ve been avoiding.

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Website: dannycoleman.net

If you want to do anything in life, you’re going to experience some negative feelings. It’s just a fact of life and existence—we’re all going to suffer in some way or other. The real key to getting through it all and to live a meaningful existence isn’t a rejection of the hard things, but acceptance of them. If we can be willing to experience that pain, accept it, and still choose actions in line with our personal values, then we’re well on the way to being in the top 10%—hell, even top 1%—of everything that we do.

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It’s a momentous day here on the pod—this is our hundredth episode. And while I won’t bore you with 100 lessons learned in 100 episodes, I did want to talk about what I think is the ultimate concern of this podcast, or the deepest, most fundamental priority of what I hope this podcast teaches you. So what’s it all for? If you’ve been around these past 100 episodes, maybe you’ll know: it’s that you have to lead yourself first, before you can lead anyone else. Today I wanted to share the best way to get yourself right first, the 5 essential elements for human flourishing, aka the PERMA model. If you can master the elements within the PERMA model, you’ll have the best chance of affecting change in the people you most want to impact.

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The great Michelangelo once said of his sculptures, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” I think the same can be said of motivation—our clients, coworkers, and employees have innate motivation, all we need to do is tune in to the right frequency to find what works for each individual. Today, I wanted to share a more practical view to motivation, because as we all know, you can’t force someone to be motivated, they have to do it themselves. When we use the 4 motivational dials, we give people the tools to be their best, most motivated selves.

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If you know me, you know I’m obsessed with relationships of all kinds, but today I wanted to focus on the most important relationship fo my life: my marriage. My wife, Kelsey, and I have been together for 10 years now, which essentially makes us experts at relationships. I’m kidding, of course, but in 10 years, we’ve grown as individuals and as a couple and learned a lot. So today, Kels and I are sharing 10 of the most important lessons we’ve learned in the span of our relationship.

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Connect with Danny!

Instagram: @itsdannycoleman

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Website: dannycoleman.net