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Tao Te Ching Verse 18
translated by Stefan Stenudd at taoistic.com

When the great Way is abandoned,
Benevolence and righteousness arise.
When wisdom and knowledge appear,
Great pretense arises.
When family ties are disturbed,
Devoted children arise.
When people are unsettled,
Loyal ministers arise.

Photo by Hidayat Abisena on Unsplash

Allowing people to be people

If we find ourselves behaving differently than the ideal, Lao Tzu and Chuang-tse provide us with a way to level up until we’re back in harmony with the Tao. And that is to allow people to be people, nature to be nature.

It’s clear to me that Lao-Tzu and Chuang-tse are saying the ancient Chinese version of, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  “leave well enough alone.”

That’s really easy to see sometimes - we get counsel from our colleagues, our friends, and our family.  But what about the times when it’s not as clear?

What if we’re at work and our employees or colleagues are straying from the mission? How do we address that and allow people to be people?

What if our friends are constantly getting themselves into trouble and then want us to help them carry the load, despite all our advice?

What if we see our children or spouses making bad choices that will lead to real consequences for them?

Honestly, I feel like there’s not much we can physically do initially - especially since we can’t lead these people’s lives for them.  Further, if we consider a moment that Nothing is permanent, we’ll realize that perhaps these seemingly dire consequences aren’t really that important, all things considered.  I’m not saying we have to stick our heads in the sand and ignore problems, no - that wouldn’t be the Way of Things either, wouldn’t it?

Perhaps I can think about what people naturally do, then create an environment that incentivizes them to move back toward mission - and if and when they stray, instead of criticizing them, maybe looking at my own mistakes.  Maybe I didn’t create the right environment!  Of course it takes time to get good at this - but I feel that at least being aware of other things we can do gets us taking that first step in the thousand mile journey.

If my friends are making mistakes, about the only thing I can do is to offer my counsel - they are free, just like everyone else, to travel on their own paths.  So what does leading without them knowing I’m there look like?  Idk, maybe it’s being there for them to listen when they make mistakes - and disengaging with them when they keep repeating the same mistakes - and waiting for them, always willing to help in whatever way seems appropriate to my higher self, always asking how I can help in a way that’s in harmony with the Tao.

For the kids and family - well, this is for sure a challenge, but I think it’s a more intense mix of creating environments and being there to support.  And undoubtedly, it’s more hands-on than the first two cases.  I don’t consider myself an expert on family or parenting, so I’ll refrain from proselytizing here - I suppose the thought I can offer on this one is to always be seeking ways to apply the first type of leadership here.

In practicing leading with the Tao, it seems to me that, from moment to moment, I’ve got a choice.  I can either do what is the easiest thing and hope it’s right, or I can strive to do the next best thing and stay aware, open for learning opportunities so I can get better, always closer to leading anonymously.