Terrible Book Club

This book feels like the author created a massive dartboard where each section was a completely random idea or topic, put on a blindfold, threw darts, and chose what she would put in the book based on where those darts landed.

If any of you are or know someone who is an expert on Old Norse, Old English, or Middle English, Paris wants to talk to you because she has some linguistic bones to pick with this book.

This is a haphazard tale of time travel, chefs, vikings, angels, vampires, demons, ISIS (yes, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria), scents, awkward relationships, sex, lots of food, and menus of that food. Despite having SO MANY ELEMENTS, this story doesn't have a whole lot of action that inspires suspense or wonder - readers may die from the drama famine.

Nothing in that above list is a joke - it's all in there, like the vague and numerous ingredients of those 90s Prego commercials.

This time, we read an X-Files novel sanctioned by Chris Carter and it was just as pulpy as we expected. If you miss Mulder, Scully, and their crazy case files, you should check out this episode. Topics include nanotechnology, a very particular form of animal testing, and a special segment about Paris's dreams!

This time, we read an X-Files novel sanctioned by Chris Carter and it was just as pulpy as we expected. If you miss Mulder, Scully, and their crazy case files, you should check out this episode. Topics include nanotechnology, a very particular form of animal testing, and a special segment about Paris's dreams!

Since this book takes place 200 years in the past, we figured we needed some experts on old stuff! D & Ken from Antiques Freaks join us this week to read Johnny Tremain.

D helps us understand silversmithing while Ken defends his doctoral thesis on Johnny's homosexuality. Throughout it all, Paris is inebriated and at the limits of functionality; Chris wishes this episode ended 30 minutes ago.

Since this book takes place 200 years in the past, we figured we needed some experts on old stuff! D & Ken from Antiques Freaks join us this week to read Johnny Tremain.

D helps us understand silversmithing while Ken defends his doctoral thesis on Johnny's homosexuality. Throughout it all, Paris is inebriated and at the limits of functionality; Chris wishes this episode ended 30 minutes ago.

Cops that are dogs and dogs that are cops co-star in this sex-less Christian romance with an unreasonably long title! This story tries to cash in on the cross section of people who are Christian, fetishize men in uniform, and are really into dogs.

Cops that are dogs and dogs that are cops co-star in this sex-less Christian romance with an unreasonably long title! This story tries to cash in on the cross section of people who are Christian, fetishize men in uniform, and are really into dogs.

Ah, yes - remember being in love so fiercely that you disobeyed your parents, ran naked through the forest all evening, worshiped nature gods, and contacted the multiverse when you were SIX YEARS OLD? No? Yeah...probably not.

Rich Shapero takes us on another drug fueled romp through the wilds of Alaska in this successor to Wild Animus, except this time the main characters are two six year old children.

While this tale is pretty weird and there are major problems with the children's dialogue, there is actually some decent writing and even the bone fragments of a good story. Shapero still doesn't get it quite right, but there's some evidence to suggest that he could produce a solid novel in the future which may be the scariest revelation of all from Too Far.

Ah, yes - remember being in love so fiercely that you disobeyed your parents, ran naked through the forest all evening, worshiped nature gods, and contacted the multiverse when you were SIX YEARS OLD? No? Yeah...probably not.

Rich Shapero takes us on another drug fueled romp through the wilds of Alaska in this successor to Wild Animus, except this time the main characters are two six year old children.

While this tale is pretty weird and there are major problems with the children's dialogue, there is actually some decent writing and even the bone fragments of a good story. Shapero still doesn't get it quite right, but there's some evidence to suggest that he could produce a solid novel in the future which may be the scariest revelation of all from Too Far.

If you're tired of plots and characters, this episode was made just for you! This time we read a book of poetry loosely held together by western gender norms, redundancy, and poor word choices. Paris reveals her theory about the hidden message behind these poems that will blow the lid off of everything you ever thought was true about Woman Worship by Dean Jean-Pierre! Luckily, Chris and Paris are finally rescued by the spirit of Pablo Neruda after suffering through a heat index of 104 to record this episode.