The A to Z of Sex

Please enjoy again:

 

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is S and S is for Sexless Marriage.

Sexless marriages take many forms and have a huge impact on all relationships. Joining me today to discuss this issue is  renowned clinical sexologist, Dr. Patti Britton.  Dr Patti is a Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and the Pioneer of Sex Coaching with top level credentials. As a well-respected world leader in the field of sexology, she is the author of hundreds of articles, four amazing books, and is former columnist for Penthouse Forum. Dr. Patti is a Your Tango expert, popular speaker, sought-after trainer and workshop leader, blogs on her own websites and hosts over 40 DVDs for women’s and couples’ sexual enhancement. Her media record includes appearances on national television shows, documentaries, live talk and news radio, and with frequent quotes in magazines, such as Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Glamour, Men’s Fitness, WebMD, AOL Health. She has a private practice in Los Angeles and via Skype globally. Dr. Patti is the Co-Founder of SexCoachU, the world’s premier credentialing and training institute for sex coaching. She is the author of a female-friendly erotic novel and an expert on porn/erotica from a woman’s perspective. She co-hosts a dynamic weekly radio show for the boomer generation at: TheBoomDoctors.com. When she is not speaking at summits, or on media, or leading trainings in Los Angeles for her tribe, she and her partner Robert travel the world leading transformational sexology intensives while curating erotic art imagery wherever they go!

 

Thanks for joining me! We spoke about the pandemic and how a large percentage of clients enter coaching and therapy because of varying levels of sexlessness.  Dr Patti pointed out that the term was coined in 2002 and at that time 20% of all relationships were said to be sexless, though sex was not defined.  She highlighted the fact that many of her clients presented with 2 to 5 years of no affectionate touch in addition to no sex and we spoke about the damage a lack of touch does.  Dr Patti sees sex as an essential part of self and not an add on.  She highlighted the fact that many couples lack sexual skills as well as communication skills and that clinical sexologists approach treatment somewhat behaviourally with goals to get couples having sexual contact again.  We spoke about how many layers there are to sexual problems and that as a result this is often very deep and transformative work.  We spoke about the extreme fear of letting go of control that so many people have and that orgasm is the ultimate vulnerable place because you are so out of control during orgasm.  Dr Patti spoke about 5 levels of touch from healing touch through to sexual touch and spoke of working with couples to understand that they can stop anywhere on the scale.  We spoke about the fact that sex means different things to different people and different things at different times. 

 

Dr Patti mentioned Dr Barry McCarthy’s book Rekindling Desire which has been released in an updated version recently and that he found in research that many women stopped engaging in sex out of profound disappointment in their relationships.  We spoke of the definition of asexuality and the new axes for sexual orientation.  We both spoke of how much more choice there is when people can self identify in so many ways and on so many levels.

 

 

Website Link:
drpattibritton.com

Facebook link:
facebook.com/sexcoachpattibritton

twitter link:
@DrPattiBritton

Dr Patti has generously offered to waive the $500 enrollment fee for professionals wishing to enrol in her level 2 training program to be a sex coach.
Send a note to: [email protected] with SCU app in subject. 
URL: http://drpattibritton.com/free-gift-for-her-pleasure/  She has also offered this free ebook.

 

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com.  I help Individuals, Couples and Polyamorous groups to create find and create their ideal lasting intimate relationships and to heal any relationship issues.  My free ebook: 74Movies that are Not Pornography can spice things up.  For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be T.

Please enjoy again: R is for Red Light District

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is R and R is for Redlight District.

A red light district is part of (usually) an urban area where sex work is practiced. This includes strip clubs, sex shops, prostitutes/escorts and sex shows/theatres. The term comes from the red light that was usually used as a sign for a brothel. Some red light districts like in Amsterdam, The Netherlands and in Reeperbahn, Germany are areas where legal and regulated prostitution can take place. Many of these districts were originally formed in an effort to confine prostitution to one part of the city and to make sure that there was some regulation of the prostitutes.

In Japan, and Akasen is a red light district though it is not legal. The term literally means red line.

The Oxford dictionary has the term first appearing in print in 1894 in a newspaper from Sandusky, Ohio, USA. It appears the term became more widely spread when used in Dodge City, Kansas to refer to a district that contained a number of houses of prostitution including the Red Light House Saloon.

Some red light districts are monitored by the authorities though not legal and regulated. Usually authorities are monitoring for child trafficking. Others are regulated like the Reeperbahn in Hamburg. This is a mile long area and is world-famous. There are quite a few places in Thailand that are unofficial red light districts and are monitored.

In the 1950’s, the Soho area of London was a well known red light district. Working girls were everywhere in the area. The area has changed drastically though you still find sex shops, peep shows, and clubs in the area. The area is now known for it’s excellent restaurants, theatres and music venues.

The city of Leeds in the UK now has a red light district where prostitutes are legally allowed to ply their trade. This was created in the hopes that crime would decrease. There was a 12 month pilot that legalised prostitution in this ares which was made permanent following the murder of a 21 year old prostitute. Though crime has not disappeared in this area, sex workers are now reporting 60% more crimes to the police and prosecutions are following. The West Yorkshire police, the Leeds City Council and a variety of support agencies are all behind keeping this area in place and working to make sure that the (mostly) women who are working here are protected.

For Westerners, the most famous red light district is located in Amsterdam in a section called, Der Wallen. It is said that the district existed in 1200 when Amsterdam was more of a village than a city. The area is called Der Wallen by the Dutch because it was once completely enclosed in earthen walls. The area developed in part because of all the trade that was brought into the harbour. In 1758, Casanova visited the district and there were many tales of his exploits. In 1905, the prostitutes wore long dresses and sat in front of the houses waiting for customers. They were known then as Street Daisies.

It was in the 1930’s that the famous windows appeared. This took the place of standing in doorways trying to get customers to enter (which was not legal). They were allowed to sit in the window with the curtains opened only a little – teasing and exciting the curious to enter. In the 1960’s there were more houses of prostitution. In 2000, prostitution and brothels were made legal. But there was a point in the mid-2000’s that window prostitution (where the brothel was just one room) was made illegal to discourage trafficking.

In March 2007, there was an open day where for the first time male sex...

Please enjoy again: R is for Red Light District

 

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is R and R is for Redlight District.

 

A red light district is part of (usually) an urban area where sex work is practiced.  This includes strip clubs, sex shops, prostitutes/escorts and sex shows/theatres.  The term comes from the red light that was usually used as a sign for a brothel.    Some red light districts like in Amsterdam, The Netherlands and in Reeperbahn, Germany are areas where legal and regulated prostitution can take place. Many of these districts were originally formed in an effort to confine prostitution to one part of the city and to make sure that there was some regulation of the prostitutes.

 

In Japan, and Akasen is a red light district though it is not legal.  The term literally means red line.

 

The Oxford dictionary has the term first appearing in print in 1894 in a newspaper from Sandusky, Ohio, USA.   It appears the term became more widely spread when used in Dodge City, Kansas to refer to a district that contained a number of houses of prostitution including the Red Light House Saloon.

 

Some red light districts are monitored by the authorities though not legal and regulated.  Usually authorities are monitoring for child trafficking.  Others are regulated like the Reeperbahn in Hamburg.  This is a mile long area and is world-famous.  There are quite a few places in Thailand that are unofficial red light districts and are monitored.

 

In the 1950’s, the Soho area of London was a well known red light district. Working girls were everywhere in the area.  The area has changed drastically though you still find sex shops, peep shows, and clubs in the area.  The area is now known for it’s excellent restaurants, theatres and music venues.

 

The city of Leeds in the UK now has a red light district where prostitutes are legally allowed to ply their trade.  This was created in the hopes that crime would decrease. There was a 12 month pilot that legalised prostitution in this ares which was made permanent following the murder of a 21 year old prostitute.  Though crime has not disappeared in this area, sex workers are now reporting 60% more crimes to the police and prosecutions are following.   The West Yorkshire police, the Leeds City Council and a variety of support agencies are all behind keeping this area in place and working to make sure that the (mostly) women who are working here are protected. 

 

For Westerners, the most famous red light district is located in Amsterdam in a section called, Der Wallen.  It is said that the district existed in 1200 when Amsterdam was more of a village than a city.    The area is called Der Wallen by the Dutch because it was once completely enclosed in earthen walls.    The area developed in part because of all the trade that was brought into the harbour.  In 1758, Casanova visited the district and there were many tales of his exploits.  In 1905, the prostitutes wore long dresses and sat in front of the houses waiting for customers.  They were known then as Street Daisies.

 

It was in the 1930’s that the famous windows appeared.  This took the place of standing in doorways trying to get customers to enter (which was not legal).  They were allowed to sit in the window with the curtains opened only a little – teasing and exciting the curious to enter.  In the 1960’s there were more houses of prostitution.    In 2000, prostitution and brothels were made legal.  But there was a point in the mid-2000’s that window prostitution (where the brothel was just one room) was made illegal to discourage trafficking. 

 

In March 2007, there was an open day where for the first time male sex workers stood in the windows in the red light district and the statue of Belle was dedicate with the legend ‘respect sex workers all over the world’. 

 

It had been hoped by legalising that sex workers would have better lives but this did not happen on it’s own.  Still many found themselves having to pay criminal gangs, or being trafficked.  Independent workers had to pay taxes and rent their spaces so the money was tighter.

 

The city council decided to set up a foundation called My Red Light in 2017 to allow the sex workers to design and create a brothel space that works better for them.  The space provides for common meeting areas so sex workers can socialise together in their off time.  The sex workers have been involved in ever aspect of creating this space that covers 40 windows over 14 buildings.  They have participated in creating the laws governing the space, the taxes, the design and the decoration.  The hope is that it will combat some of the isolation sex workers experience and provide a friendly place for advice as well as a clean, light workspace.  They are offering development courses in the space as well.  Everything from business finance to massage.  The hope is that with personal development and business development available, workers will be better able to stay out of the hands of the pimps.

 

Here are some more interesting red light districts:

Kabukicho in Tokyo, Japan caters to mostly Japanese locals.  The clubs cater to local fantasies including school girls, secretaries, various anime fantasies.  There are hostess clubs where you pay for companionship.  Paid sex is illegal in Japan but everything else is fair game so you will find naked karayoke and sex dolls that you can rent and all sorts of fantasy liaisons.    This area is also home to a large number of ladyboys for those who enjoy interacting with transgender male to female folks.

 

Geylang in Singapore City, Singapore.

This a three mile long area that contains side streets where you can find the brothels.  Even numbered sides streets are legal and regulated where the odd numbered ones are illegal and not regulated so be careful where you choose to enter.  Most of the women are Thai and Chinese and sessions are limited to 45 minutes only. 

 

Pigalle in Paris, France

This is where you will find top notch burlesque shows like the Moulin Rouge next to seedy strip clubs, cabarets, sex shows and peep shows.  Prostitution is illegal in France so you won’t find any legal prostitution in this area. 

 

Patpong in Bangkok, Thailand

The main draw here is the sex shows (the famous smoke rings from the pussy can be seen here). This is where the famous go-go bars were started.  There is also a night market in the area which has softened the scene considerably.

More popular in Bangkok is Soi Cowboy.  This is not government regulated and is considered quite racy and sometimes seedy.  Here too the sex shows are the biggest draw.

Reeperbahn in Hamburg hosts excellent restaurants, and great bars and the sex trade is confined to one street that is partitioned off by a wall and only during certain hours.   Strip clubs have overtaken prostitution in popularity so there are now only a few hundred prostitutes working in the area.

Villa Tinto in Antwerp, Belgium is found in a three block safe zone and one of the cleanest and safest red light districts in the world.  It is considered the most high tech brothel in the world. The rooms have safes, biometric locks identify sex workers and panic buttons are under the beds.  There is an onsite police station.  There is a control room to oversee the whole lot.  The area also hosts strip clubs and live sex shows.  

Aaron wrote in to ask ‘Is it infidelity if I have sex with a sex worker?’  Aaron, this depends upon your relationship agreements.  If you are in the typical monogamous relationship, sexual contact is considered infidelity.  However, these days there are lots of versions of monogamish relationships where people agree that certain activities or activities with certain people do not constitute infidelity.    If you are dishonest with your partner, this will always be seen as infidelity.  The worst part of infidelity is usually the lying.  Dishonesty causes far more problems in relationships no matter what form the relationship takes than does the sexual part of infidelity.

Visiting a red light district with your partner can be lots of fun.  I have sometimes taken people on field trips to the red light district in Amsterdam and couples often choose to watch sex shows together to explore something new.  Sometimes these are very erotic and other times they seem odd and so are seen as funny.  Exploring something new together is often a great way to revitalise the relationship. 

My next retreat in Amsterdam (that includes a trip to the red light district) is in January 2018.    I have just opened pre-booking.  Contact me via email or the contact form on the website if you are interested in one of the limited spaces available.

 

Marsha asked about safety in the red light districts.  These are mostly in urban areas so you want to take the normal precautions.  Safe sex is a must to protect both you and the sex workers.

 

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn how to awaken your authenticity, arouse your sexuality and ignite your desire.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe!  Why not join me for my upcoming free webinar 4 Secrets for Arousing and Igniting Your Authentic Sexual Self.  Click the link in the podcast notes to sign up or head to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/4-secrets/.

Join me next week when the letter will be S and S is for Sexless Marriage.

Please enjoy again: Q is for Queer.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is Q and Q is for Queer. Queer is defined in a number of ways. Queer can be a slur used for homosexual people. Queer is also reclaimed by many people who have non-mainstream sexual orientation or gender identification. Queer theory is an academic discipline that studies all things non-binary – so polyamory, bisexuality, and non-binary gender, gender fluid and transgender. To learn a full history of the term Queer, check out Dr Meg-John Barker’s graphic novel Queer: A Graphic History.

Joining me today is Shula Melamed who is a Relationship and Wellness Coach located in New York City. She has been coaching individuals, couples and groups on topics of intimacy, sexuality, healthy relationships, social skills and adhering to health and wellness programs. In addition to working with her clients she has also done research on the popularity of pole dancing classes, has worked as an ethnographer of youth subcultures in New York City, on public health research on drug use and adherence to HIV medication and as a sexual health advisor for the sex positive underwear line Oddo.

Shula thanks for joining me! To start, how do you define queer? Shula defined queer in a similar manner to mine. Our conversation covered privilege, intersectionality, and the need for people on the LGBTQIA spectrum to be seen. We spoke about how invisibility has mental health and physical health consequences and how queer can be seen entirely politically. Shula spoke about how the millennials seem to have more fluid ideas about gender, sexuality and relationship structure. She mentioned someone who identifies as demi-sexual who says that she cannot have sex with anyone unless she has an emotional relationship with the person. I had never heard the term demi-sexual before. I pointed out that this is the way sexual relationships were seen in generations past – only to be had in relationships that had an emotional connection and component.

Shula offers listeners a complimentary 30 minute Skype session.

Head over to her website www.shulamelamed.com and mention that you heard her on the A to Z of Sex podcast.

She can be found on Facebook (shulamelamedmamph), twitter: @shulamelamed and linked in (shulamelamed).

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. Please join me next week when the letter will be R.

Please enjoy again: Q is for Queer.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is Q and Q is for Queer. Queer is defined in a number of ways.  Queer can be a slur used for homosexual people.  Queer is also reclaimed by many people who have non-mainstream sexual orientation or gender identification. Queer theory is an academic discipline that studies all things non-binary – so polyamory, bisexuality, and non-binary gender, gender fluid and transgender. To learn a full history of the term Queer, check out Dr Meg-John Barker’s graphic novel Queer: A Graphic History. 

Joining me today is Shula Melamed who is a Relationship and Wellness Coach located in New York City. She has been coaching individuals, couples and groups on topics of intimacy, sexuality, healthy relationships, social skills and adhering to health and wellness programs. In addition to working with her clients she has also done research on the popularity of pole dancing classes, has worked as an ethnographer of youth subcultures in New York City, on public health research on drug use and adherence to HIV medication and as a sexual health advisor for the sex positive underwear line Oddo.

Shula thanks for joining me! To start, how do you define queer? Shula defined queer in a similar manner to mine. Our conversation covered privilege, intersectionality, and the need for people on the LGBTQIA spectrum to be seen. We spoke about how invisibility has mental health and physical health consequences and how queer can be seen entirely politically.  Shula spoke about how the millennials seem to have more fluid ideas about gender, sexuality and relationship structure.  She mentioned someone who identifies as demi-sexual who says that she cannot have sex with anyone unless she has an emotional relationship with the person. I had never heard the term demi-sexual before. I pointed out that this is the way sexual relationships were seen in generations past – only to be had in relationships that had an emotional connection and component. 

Shula offers listeners a complimentary 30 minute Skype session.

Head over to her website www.shulamelamed.com and mention that you heard her on the A to Z of Sex podcast.

She can be found on Facebook (shulamelamedmamph), twitter: @shulamelamed and linked in (shulamelamed).

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex  Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.  Please join me next week when the letter will be R.

P is for Polyamory

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is P and P is for Polyamory

Joining me for this conversation is Anita Cassidy, author, speaker and activist.

We talked about polyamory, conscious relationships, friendships as relationship choices, deciding not to get on the relationship escalator, looking at the difficult issues and increasing the positivity in your relationships. We talked a lot about unconscious expectations and the negative impact these often have on relationships and how becoming conscious and setting expectations with awareness and room for change makes relationships more stable and more exciting. We spoke about how often polyamorous people get trapped in monogamous thinking because of conditions. I talked about how monogamous relationships can benefit from setting expectations with awareness and regular relationship examination.

Today we talked about polyamory, conscious relationships, doing the hard work and the benefits you reap.

If any of this triggered you or if you have a question or a comment, write to me at [email protected].

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.

For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on Apple podcasts, iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe!

If you want access to extra writings, podcasts, videos and to know where you can see me live, sign up for my regular mailing by emailing me at [email protected] or picking up my free ebook at https://drloribeth.leadpages.co/intimacy-coach-opt Join me next week when the letter will be Q.

P is for Polyamory

 

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is P and P is for Polyamory

 

Joining me for this conversation is Anita Cassidy, author, speaker and activist.

We talked about polyamory, conscious relationships, friendships as relationship choices, deciding not to get on the relationship escalator, looking at the difficult issues and increasing the positivity in your relationships.   We talked a lot about unconscious expectations and the negative impact these often have on relationships and how becoming conscious and setting expectations with awareness and room for change makes relationships more stable and more exciting.  We spoke about how often polyamorous people get trapped in monogamous thinking because of conditions.    I talked about how monogamous relationships can benefit from setting expectations with awareness and regular relationship examination.

 

Today we talked about polyamory, conscious relationships, doing the hard work and the benefits you reap.

If any of this triggered you or if you have a question or a comment, write to me at [email protected].

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.

For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on Apple podcasts,  iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe!

If you want access to extra writings, podcasts, videos and to know where you can see me live, sign up for my regular mailing by emailing me at [email protected] or picking up my free ebook at https://drloribeth.leadpages.co/intimacy-coach-opt Join me next week when the letter will be Q.

O is for Oral

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is O and O is for Oral.

Oral sex is the term used for sex where someone uses their mouth on the other person’s genitals. It covers both fellatio (where the genitals in question are a penis) and cunnilingus (where the genitals in question are a vagina/vulva/clitoris). For some, oral sex is a taboo. For others, it is better than any other kind of sexual activity. Today, I will give you a quick tour of facts and tips to do with oral sex.

While there are still sodomy laws on the books in 18 US states, they are unenforceable now because in 2003, the Supreme Court ruled in a case where two men were arrested because they were performing oral sex that this arrest was unconstitutional. The majority opinion stated by Justice Anthony Kennedy (who has just retired) said:

The present case does not involve minors. It does not involve persons who might be injured or coerced or who are situation in relationships where consent might not easily be refused. It does not involve public conduct or prostitution. It does not involve whether the government must give formal recognition to any relationship that homosexual persons seek to enter. The case does involve two adults who, with full and mutual consent from each other, engaged in sexual practices common to a homosexual lifestyle. The petitioners are entitled to respect for their private lives. The State cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime.

But of course, oral sex happens between people of all genders. Sodomy laws were often not prosecuted when the people were heterosexual. In the countries where oral sex is still illegal, it is homosexual sex that is being targeted still.

One variation of oral sex is banned in any films and images in the UK and that is face sitting. Face sitting where the receiver sits on the face of the giver. In the UK the danger of suffocation was raised when the laws on violent pornography reviewed which lead to images of this being banned. There was a protest outside of parliament 12 December 2014 against the new laws. Fully dressed people sat on the faces of other fully dressed people. The demonstrators sang Monty Python’s Song: Sit on My Face during the demonstration. For those of you not familiar with the song, here is an excerpt.

The most common variation of straight forward oral sex is 69 where both partners give each other oral sex at the same time. This can require more flexibility than you might think. It also requires the ability to keep one’s attention focused on the partner while receiving pleasure. This can be extremely difficult. Daisy chains involve a circle of people engaged in oral sex. This can be a lot of fun but also requires the ability to keep your attention on what you are doing while you are receiving pleasure.

Traditionally in many cultures, oral sex was seen as a way to preserve virginity. Oral sex has also been seen as safe sex. It is certainly safe when it comes to pregnancy as if no sperm comes near the vagina, there will be no pregnancy.

In Ancient Rome, fellatio was taboo. This was generally because all sexual acts were seen as part of a dynamic of dominance and submission. So if a man performed fellatio, he was submitting which was seen as abhorrent. Receiving fellatio from a woman or a man of lower status (like a slave) was not a problem as they were meant to submit. Anal sex was seen as much more acceptable.

Cunnilingus has been revered in many cultures. In Taoism, it has been seen as a way to enhance longevity. In the Kama Sutra, it is seen as beneficial for both...

O is for Oral

 

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is O and O is for Oral.

 

Oral sex is the term used for sex where someone uses their mouth on the other person’s genitals.  It covers both fellatio (where the genitals in question are a penis) and cunnilingus (where the genitals in question are a vagina/vulva/clitoris).    For some, oral sex is a taboo.  For others, it is better than any other kind of sexual activity.  Today, I will give you a quick tour of facts and tips to do with oral sex.

 

While there are still sodomy laws on the books in 18 US states, they are unenforceable now because in 2003, the Supreme Court ruled in a case where two men were arrested because they were performing oral sex that this arrest was unconstitutional.  The majority opinion stated by Justice Anthony Kennedy (who has just retired) said:

The present case does not involve minors.  It does not involve persons who might be injured or coerced or who are situation in relationships where consent might not easily be refused. It does not involve public conduct or prostitution.  It does not involve whether the government must give formal recognition to any relationship that homosexual persons seek to enter.  The case does involve two adults who, with full and mutual consent from each other, engaged in sexual practices common to a homosexual lifestyle.  The petitioners are entitled to respect for their private lives.  The State cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime.

 

But of course, oral sex happens between people of all genders.  Sodomy laws were often not prosecuted when the people were heterosexual.  In the countries where oral sex is still illegal, it is homosexual sex that is being targeted still.

 

One variation of oral sex is banned in any films and images in the UK and that is face sitting.  Face sitting where the receiver sits on the face of the giver.  In the UK the danger of suffocation was raised when the laws on violent pornography reviewed which lead to images of this being banned.  There was a protest outside of parliament 12 December 2014 against the new laws.  Fully dressed people sat on the faces of other fully dressed people.    The demonstrators sang Monty Python’s Song: Sit on My Face during the demonstration.  For those of you not familiar with the song, here is an excerpt.

 

The most common variation of straight forward oral sex is 69 where both partners give each other oral sex at the same time.  This can require more flexibility than you might think.  It also requires the ability to keep one’s attention focused on the partner while receiving pleasure.  This can be extremely difficult.  Daisy chains involve a circle of people engaged in oral sex.  This can be a lot of fun but also requires the ability to keep your attention on what you are doing while you are receiving pleasure.

 

Traditionally in many cultures, oral sex was seen as a way to preserve virginity.  Oral sex has also been seen as safe sex.  It is certainly safe when it comes to pregnancy as if no sperm comes near the vagina, there will be no pregnancy. 

 

In Ancient Rome, fellatio was taboo.  This was generally because all sexual acts were seen as part of a dynamic of dominance and submission.  So if a man performed fellatio, he was submitting which was seen as abhorrent.  Receiving fellatio from a woman or a man of lower status (like a slave) was not a problem as they were meant to submit.  Anal sex was seen as much more acceptable.

 

Cunnilingus has been revered in many  cultures.  In Taoism, it has been seen as a way to enhance longevity.  In the Kama Sutra, it is seen as beneficial for both partners.

 

Oral sex is not an effective way to prevent STI’s.  Some are less commonly spread via oral sex.  For example, transmission of the HIV infection during oral sex is far lower risk than with vaginal or anal sex.    Chlamydia, HPV (human papillomavirus), gonorrhoea, herpes, hepatitis (A, B, C) and syphilis can be transmitted through oral sex.  There is a higher risk of transmission if the receiving partner has wounds on his/her genitals or if the giving has bleeding gums or wounds in the mouth.    Mundane viruses can also be transmitted.  So it is best to use a condom or a dental dam if you are performing oral sex.

 

On the positive side: If you have had miscarriages, ingesting your partner’s sperm can lower the risk of miscarriage as it increases a tolerance to the protein’s in his sperm. 

 

Despite the concerns about oral sex, most people find receiving oral sex extremely pleasurable.   Women who have trouble with reaching orgasm during penetrative sex can find oral sex to be an easy route to predictable regular orgasms.    Technique is necessary to perform fellatio and cunnilingus.  There is nothing worse than someone who is either really not into it or has no idea what they are doing and treats your bits as though they were a piece of raw meat or a science project.

 

Here are some tips to make your oral sex good enough to knock your socks off:

Involve your whole body

Don’t just go straight to the juicy bits.  Start by kissing and licking all over the body.  By the time you get to the main attraction, your lover will be ready to scream.

 

Use different strokes at the beginning

When a person is close to orgasm, changing strokes and pressures will sometimes move them further away – which is fine if you are teasing them and they have consented to this, but otherwise is very annoying.  So if you want to switch things up, do it at the start of your session. 

 

Remember the clitoris can be sucked as well as licked

This can be really intense so it isn’t great for some people.  But for others it is pure dynamite.  Want to try it out without a partner, check out the Lelo Sona clitoral stimulator.  But please, start at the lowest setting! 

 

Use an ice cube.

Yep, that is what I said.  Temperature changes are hot hot hot.  If you fear the cube itself will be too much, drip some of the melting water on him/her/them and see what that does. It’s still really cold but not as much of a shock as ice.

 

Get into a comfortable position

Being on your knees can be difficult to maintain for a long period of time once you are no longer in your youth.  Try lying down.  Or using cushions to place the body in different positions to serve up the sexy bits on a platter.  Thinking outside the box can mean a much longer oral session.

 

Take your time

No one likes a rush job unless you are going for a quickie for a reason.  Take the time to explore, start slowly, build up the intensity and the passion and the pleasure. 

 

Use your hands

Hands can add to the experience of fellatio and cunnilingus.  If you find deep throating difficult, well lubed hands can make sure that the penis gets full attention.  Or you can use a finger to rub the frenulum (the spot just under the head of the penis) which is often really sensitive, while you are sucking and licking.  Using a finger to do some of the clitoral stroking can raise her temperature too.  Switching between tongue and finger can make it easier for you to last longer so she gets the full experience.

 

Don’t forget the labia.

The clitoris is where people usually focus when performing cunnilingus but the labia has lots of nerve endings and can be highly sensitive.  Stimulate the inner and outer folds, and around the opening of the vagina.

 

Hum.

Yes.  Hum a tune.  This works for both cunnilingus and fellatio.  The vibrations can be amazing and take the whole experience up a notch.

 

Don’t stop at one orgasm

Women can have multiple orgasms.  (So can men but this take more practice and often learning how to retain the ejaculate.  If you are interested in learning more, check out Mantak Chia’s work).  Give her a break after the first orgasm by moving stimulation away from the clitoris but after a few minutes, go for it again.

 

Practice

The more you give oral sex, the better you become so do it a lot.

 

Finally the most important tip of all: be enthusiastic.  If you don’t show that you enjoy what you are doing, neither of you will really enjoy it.  The more your partner knows you are enjoying yourself, the hotter they will find the experience.

 

 

Today I talked about oral sex.  If any of this triggered you or if you have a question or a comment, write to me at [email protected].

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about all types of relationships – all genders, sexualities, lifestyles.

For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.

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I will be joined by Anita Cassidy.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Today the letter is N and N is for Nose. In the animal kingdom, pheromones are scent markers and these trigger certain responses and behaviours. Some trigger sexual responses and others territorial. As human animals, scent plays a more complicated role in our emotional and physical responses. Research highlights scent as the strongest encoded sense in memory. Full sensory flashbacks can be brought on by a single smell. Scent alerts us to when partners are potentially good genetic matches and as to when we are fertile. Scent can warn us of danger and trigger the most comforting of memories. Perfume is still one of the most treasured gifts for women and men.

Today I am joined by Roja Dove. Roja Dove is one of the world’s most respected scent makers. He is a British Master Perfumer and is known most recently for his own scent line, Roja Parfums. Roja puts his passion and creative flair into every project he touches and his attention to detail is second to none. In his words, ‘only the best will do’. He is known for working with only the world’s finest ingredients whether in a bespoke creation in one of his Roja line or in his Pour Maison line of scent for homes and offices. Each scent takes an average of six to 18 months to complete and all new releases are eagerly awaited. From his flagship store, 51 Burlington Arcade in London, to the Haute Parfumerie at Harrods to any of his 145 outlets in 36 countries, his scents inspire romance, sensuality, and adorn the most discerning individuals. Roja states that a perfumer is a poet or a storyteller who creates the tangible from the intangible. His scents are luxurious and inspire complex emotional responses.

Our conversation ranged from the importance of scent to intimacy, sex and sexuality (essential according to Roja Dove) through to what the loss of the sense of smell means. Roja told me that people who lose their sense of smell often become depressed and more depressed than those who lose sight.

We talked about the use of scent to create an atmosphere in the home – and to create a sensual and inviting atmosphere. How you can be creative and vary your scent in the different parts of your home.

Roja spoke about the four types of scent – floral, chypre´, oriental and fresh {fougere} and how these relate to personality types. ‘Chypre´s have never seen a shade of grey’.

Roja spoke about how complex our sense of smell is and highlighted that we smell with our most primitive brain, not with our noses. His best advice is to be authentic, use your gut instincts when choosing scents and pay attention to your reactions rather than following fashion. Choose a scent or scents that are authentically you – you want to wear the scent not have it wear you.

Roja Dove’s delicious creations can be found online at www.rojaparfums.com. They can be found in the flesh at 51 Burlington Arcade at Roja Parfum flagship shop and on the 6th floor of Harrods in the Salon de Parfum in his Haute Perfumerie. I encourage you to go along and enjoy a sensual sensory experience – experiment and smell deeply.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. Please join me next week when the letter will be O