The A to Z of Sex

I is for Interest

Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is I and I is for Interest

Sexual interest is often fickle. We find ourselves interested and then after a time the interest dies. Long relationships require work to keep the interest alive.

Joining me today is Franki Cookney is a freelance journalist specialising in sex, relationships, gender politics and social development. She also hosts and produces her own sex podcast, The Second Circle.

We talked all around the shop today. We talked about loss of interest in a partner, loss of interest in sex. We talked about how interest in sex develops and how it can be trendy to try certain things. We spoke about how often what we are interested is socially conditioned and how often it is context driven. For example, someone may enjoy a spanking as part of a role play but would not like one in any other type of sexual encounter. We spoke about how liberating it would be to allow interest to wax and wane without panicing that we had to do something about it.

We spoek about where our interests arise from and whether there are better places and worse places to find inspiration. We spoke about how people can find it really difficult to simply allow interest to be as it is and not seek to change it.

Franki Can be found at:

Website Link

https://www.frankicookney.com

twitter link

https://twitter.com/FrankiCookney

Don’t forget her podcast, Second Circle.

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.

For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly.

If you enjoy the show, please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter J.

I is for Interest

 

Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is I and I is for Interest

 

Sexual interest is often fickle.  We find ourselves interested and then after a time the interest dies.  Long relationships require work to keep the interest alive.

 

Joining me today is Franki Cookney is a freelance journalist specialising in sex, relationships, gender politics and social development. She also hosts and produces her own sex podcast, The Second Circle.

 

We talked all around the shop today.  We talked about loss of interest in a partner, loss of interest in sex.  We talked about how interest in sex develops and how it can be trendy to try certain things.  We spoke about how often what we are interested is socially conditioned and how often it is context driven.    For example, someone may enjoy a spanking as part of a role play but would not like one in any other type of sexual encounter.  We spoke about how liberating it would be to allow interest to wax and wane without panicing that we had to do something about it. 

 

We spoek about where our interests arise from and whether there are better places and worse places to find inspiration.  We spoke about how people can find it really difficult to simply allow interest to be as it is and not seek to change it.

 

Franki Can be found at:

 

Website Link

https://www.frankicookney.com

 

twitter link

https://twitter.com/FrankiCookney

 

Don’t forget her podcast, Second Circle.

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.

For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly.

If you enjoy the show, please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter J.

H is for Handicapped (Sexually Challenged) Sex

Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is H and H is for Handicapped or Sexually Challenged Sex.

There are lots of people who have handicaps that prevent them from having sexual intercourse and/or interfere with their sexual function. They still have desire and still want intimate relationships. They still want to feel sexy. Dating can be a minefield especially if their challenge is not obvious.

Joining me today is Laura Brashier is the Sex-C ("sexually-challenged") visionary behind RomanceOnly.com, the world's premier adult dating website for individuals who are incapable of sexual intercourse. A stage 4 cancer survivor whose treatments ultimately rendered her unable to ever again experience penetrative intercourse, Laura B. has been an inspiration to the millions like her who face a unique set of challenges in the pursuit of romantic partnerships. Featured on such popular programs as the "Today Show" and "Good Morning America," as well as in several major publications, including TIME Magazine and the Huffington Post, Laura B. has begun a Sex-C revolution, proving that meaningful loving relationships complete with incredible emotional and physical intimacy are indeed possible -- and often deeper -- outside of intercourse.

We talked all about how difficult it is for people to disclose when they have limitations and can no longer have intercourse. We spoke about the different alternatives and how important intimacy and physical touch can be.

Laura B spoke about setting up the website because she found it so hard to disclose on a date and we then talked about when to disclose. I said early on is always best and we spoke about how that often leads to the ‘why’ question and that when someone is sexually challenged they may not want to share a long story about why.

The website has thousands of members and Laura B spoke about people still being too shy to stay members or to put up a picture. At the moment there is no chat facility but she is planning one for the future as people often want to talk with others who share their conditions and find this very re-assuring to know they are not alone.

Laura is offering free membership for all current and former armed forces or military veterans from all nations.

Website Link

https://www.romanceonly.com/

twitter link

https://twitter.com/laurabrashier

Other social media link

https://twitter.com/SexCDating

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.

For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly.

If you enjoy the show, please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter I.

H is for Handicapped (Sexually Challenged) Sex

 

Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is H and H is for Handicapped or Sexually Challenged Sex.

 

There are lots of people who have handicaps that prevent them from having sexual intercourse and/or interfere with their sexual function.  They still have desire and still want intimate relationships.  They still want to feel sexy.  Dating can be a  minefield especially if their challenge is not obvious. 

 

Joining me today is Laura Brashier is the Sex-C ("sexually-challenged") visionary behind RomanceOnly.com, the world's premier adult dating website for individuals who are incapable of sexual intercourse. A stage 4 cancer survivor whose treatments ultimately rendered her unable to ever again experience penetrative intercourse, Laura B. has been an inspiration to the millions like her who face a unique set of challenges in the pursuit of romantic partnerships. Featured on such popular programs as the "Today Show" and "Good Morning America," as well as in several major publications, including TIME Magazine and the Huffington Post, Laura B. has begun a Sex-C revolution, proving that meaningful loving relationships complete with incredible emotional and physical intimacy are indeed possible -- and often deeper -- outside of intercourse.

 

We talked all about how difficult it is for people to disclose when they have limitations and can no longer have intercourse.  We spoke about the different alternatives and how important intimacy and physical touch can be.

 

Laura B spoke about setting up the website because she found it so hard to disclose on a date and we then talked about when to disclose.  I said early on is always best and we spoke about how that often leads to the ‘why’ question and that when someone is sexually challenged they may not want to share a long story about why.

 

The website has thousands of members and Laura B spoke about people still being too shy to stay members or to put up a picture.  At the moment there is no chat facility but she is planning one for the future as people often want to talk with others who share their conditions and find this very re-assuring to know they are not alone.

 

Laura is offering free membership for all current and former armed forces or military veterans from all nations.

 

Website Link

https://www.romanceonly.com/

 

twitter link

https://twitter.com/laurabrashier

 

Other social media link

https://twitter.com/SexCDating

 

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.

For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly.

If you enjoy the show, please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter I.

G is for Gender Dysphoria and Euphoria

Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is G and G is for Gender Dysphoria and Gender Euphoria.

Dysphoria is defined as ‘a state of unease or general dissatisfaction with life’. When it is applied to gender it is literally unease or general dissatisfaction with your gender. Gender is not the same as your biological sex though many of us identify as the gender that matches our biological sex. There are two biological sexes: male and female. Some people are also born intersex which is being born with anatomy that doesn’t fit the typical for male or female bodies. Some people have both male and female anatomy for example.

Gender is socially constructed. Gender is how we feel and see ourselves. For many years, male and female were the only genders recognised. Now, we know that gender falls on a spectrum and that even people who are happy with their assigned gender at birth matching their biological sex can move along the spectrum at different parts in their lives. I am a biological woman and I see my gender as female and I have always identified as female. However, at some points in my life I have felt very feminine and at others, I have felt much more masculine. Gender can be fluid. Some people identify as female sometimes and male at other times. The do not see themselves as transgender necessarily because the way they identify moves along the spectrum between male and female.

Some people feel they are neither male nor female and others feel they are both male and female. Some of these people use the label genderqueer to refer to themselves. Within the medical and psychological communities, these people are often called gender non-conforming. This term also includes people who are transgender and gender fluid.

People who identify as transgender are the people who are most likely to be identified as gender dysphoric. They often feel they were born into the wrong body. Some of them choose to go through the process to change biological sex fully. Others take hormones and change some of their sexual and gender characteristics. Others choose to stay in the body they were born into despite feeling that it isn’t the right sex.

People who have gender dysphoria feel very strongly that their gender does not match their biology. This is not a mental illness. When someone experiences this dysphoria, it causes stress, anxiety and depression. In some cases people feel suicidal as a result of the mismatch between gender and biology.

People who identify as gender fluid or non-gendered also experience gender dysphoria. They may find this harder to express, particularly to people who are CIS gendered and not fluid. Gender fluid folk find that their gender feelings and expression move around the male through to female spectrum. Some people identify as non-gendered and don’t identify with the spectrum at all.

Gender euphoria is defined as feeling happy and comfortable with their gender. This has traditionally been applied to CIS gendered people (CIS gender = someone whose gender is the same as their assigned sex at birth). However it can also be applied to transgendered people. Gender euphoria for a CIS gendered person is a state of joy and happiness about being male or female and having the associated roles and body parts. For a transgendered person, it can be a state of happiness or joy from living as their desired gender (or after transition to their desired gender it becomes the same as for a CIS gendered person).

Significant dysphoria is experienced when the wrong pronouns are used. For some transgendered people, their first experience of gender euphoria comes

G is for Gender Dysphoria and Euphoria

 

Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is G and G is for Gender Dysphoria and Gender Euphoria.

 

Dysphoria is defined as ‘a state of unease or general dissatisfaction with life’.  When it is applied to gender it is literally unease or general dissatisfaction with your gender.    Gender is not the same as your biological sex though many of us identify as the gender that matches our biological sex.    There are two biological sexes: male and female.  Some people are also born intersex which is being born with anatomy that doesn’t fit the typical for male or female bodies.  Some people have both male and female anatomy for example. 

 

Gender is socially constructed.  Gender is how we feel and see ourselves.  For many years, male and female were the only genders recognised.  Now, we know that gender falls on a spectrum and that even people who are happy with their assigned gender at birth matching their biological sex can move along the spectrum at different parts in their lives.  I am a biological woman and I see my gender as female and I have always identified as female.  However, at some points in my life I have felt very feminine and at others, I have felt much more masculine.   Gender can be fluid.  Some people identify as female sometimes and male at other times.  The do not see themselves as transgender necessarily because the way they identify moves along the spectrum between male and female.   

 

Some people feel they are neither male nor female and others feel they are both male and female.  Some of these people use the label genderqueer to refer to themselves.  Within the medical and psychological communities, these people are often called gender non-conforming.  This term also includes people who are transgender and gender fluid.

 

People who identify as transgender are the people who are most likely to be identified as gender dysphoric.  They often feel they were born into the wrong body.  Some of them choose to go through the process to change biological sex fully.  Others take hormones and change some of their sexual and gender characteristics.  Others choose to stay in the body they were born into despite feeling that it isn’t the right sex.

 

People who have gender dysphoria feel very strongly that their gender does not match their biology.  This is not a mental illness.  When someone experiences this dysphoria, it causes stress, anxiety and depression.  In some cases people feel suicidal as a result of the mismatch between gender and biology.  

 

People who identify as gender fluid or non-gendered also experience gender dysphoria.  They may find this harder to express, particularly to people who are CIS gendered and not fluid.  Gender fluid folk find that their gender feelings and expression move around the male through to female spectrum.  Some people identify as non-gendered and don’t identify with the spectrum at all.

 

Gender euphoria is defined as feeling happy and comfortable with their gender.  This has traditionally been applied to CIS gendered people (CIS gender = someone whose gender is the same as their assigned sex at birth).  However it can also be applied to transgendered people.  Gender euphoria for a CIS gendered person is a state of joy and happiness about being male or female and having the associated roles and body parts.  For a transgendered person, it can be a state of happiness or joy from living as their desired gender (or after transition to their desired gender it becomes the same as for a CIS gendered person).

 

Significant dysphoria is experienced when the wrong pronouns are used.  For some transgendered people, their first experience of gender euphoria comes when people around them consistently use the correct pronouns.  For people who identify as gender fluid, this is often a great relief as many people who are not part of the LGBTQIA++ community have difficulty understanding the idea of fluidity in gender and accepting fluidity in gender.

 

Gender euphoria often comes from things that validate the person’s identity and expression of identity.  When significant people in the person’s life use appropriate language to refer to them, take time to understand their experience and include them in social situations and activities as they are without expecting any change, they are validating the person’s gender identity. 

 

The pronoun issue should not be downplayed.  When someone refers to a person with the wrong pronoun, it invalidates a core identity – that of gender.  Gender is often central to how we view ourselves and how we are viewed in the world.   I see many people rubbish this idea on the internet. When I have posted memes listing a wide variety of appropriate pronouns to educate others, I often receive comments that denigrate the idea that any genders exist apart from those assigned at birth.  These people suggest that being upset about being mis-gendered is whining and shouldn’t be an issue.  They are often men and I wonder how well they would take continuously being referred to as women.  If people in their world insisted on referring to them as ‘she’ and ‘her’, I suspect they would not manage this well.

 

For those who argue that this is not so, I invite them to think back to being a young adolescent and how they felt when people either mis-gendered them or referred to them as a child because their gender identifying characteristics were not strongly visible yet.

 

Gender is one of the central features of self-image, self-understanding and impacts intensely on how we relate to others.    Feeling as though your body is wrong is an awful feeling, distressing on so many levels.  When others mislabel a person’s gender, it is jarring and the person feels invisible and not understood.  It impacts on every aspect of life.  People who have gender dysphoria have higher rates of substance abuse, depression, suicide attempts, eating disorders and anxiety.    Research suggests that 71% of people who have gender dysphoria have some form of mental health diagnosis during their lifetime.

 

People often are aware that their body doesn’t correspond to the gender they feel when they are quite young.  Children who have gender dysphoria will consistently tell people that they really are the opposite biological sex.  They will tell people that when they grow up they will become the other sex.  Many talk about removing the genitalia that doesn’t match their internal gender.  They will reject clothing, toys and activities associated with their biological sex.  They will often have friends of the gender they see themselves as.  They will often insist on urinating as the opposite gender so girls who identify as boys will pee standing up.

 

Tweens and teenagers will become very distressed by the biological changes that come when they hit puberty.  This is often a time that suicide risk increases.  They often express disgust at their genitals and secondary sex characteristics.  So biological girls who are developing breasts but identify as boys will do anything to flatten their breasts and become very distressed at the development.  Some will seek surgery.    They will often dress as the gender they identify as rather than according to biological sex.

 

As gender fluidity exists, it is important to support children and adolescents where they are at any given time and not assume where they will end up when they reach adulthood.  The goal of any talking therapy or counselling is to support the person, not to try to change their gender identification.  There is nothing wrong with their gender identification.  The dysphoria diagnosis is a description of the distress this mismatch causes not a description of a mental illness.  Many people choose to do things to get their bodies to conform more to their identified gender.  This may include taking hormones, or medication to block certain hormones, or having surgery. 

 

Some trans people do not experience their bodies as wrong but rather that some modifications would make them feel more at home.  Since everyone’s experience of dysphoria is different, only using the ‘born into the wrong body’ analogy causes significant distress as people again feel outside of the norm.  It also dismisses the complexity of the issue.

 

Some trans people do not experience dysphoria around their bodies but rather around being mis-gendered.  There are people who experience body dysphoria around only one part of their bodies.

 

Gender fluid, non-binary and non-gendered people can also experience body dysphoria.

 

If you love someone who is gender fluid or transgendered how can you help?  First and foremost by accepting their own experience and their definition of gender.  Acceptance is the what leads to gender euphoria most quickly.   Don’t try to contradict a person’s view of themselves.  Use the gender pronouns that they choose and if you make a mistake, apologise and correct it.  Don’t insist that they confirm to your view of gender.   Give them space to teach you what works for them. 

 

Allow for change over time.  People are not static, they evolve.  This is why referring to this as a journey is so common.  If someone changes the pronouns they prefer it does not invalidate all earlier expressions of themselves.  It may be more difficult to know how to address them, but it doesn’t mean that they were being deceptive or that they ‘aren’t really trans’ or ‘aren’t really serious’.  People change as they learn more about themselves.  People change as they move through life.    Support through their changes is what they need from friends, family and loved ones.

 

Ask questions but be respectful and if you feel you cannot be, or cannot act without judgement, take your questions and your feelings to someone else until you can be respectful.

 

CIS gendered people also experience both gender dysphoria and gender euphoria as their bodies change over time.    When CIS women make the transition to menopause, they can find that gender shifts as well.  Women who have hysterectomies (before or after menopause) often experience gender dysphoria.  Strong feelings of loss of womanhood cause significant depression for some.

 

CIS gendered women may experience gender euphoria during pregnancy, birth and breast feeding as they relish these expressions of gender.

 

Most importantly, don’t assume gender for anyone.  Ask respectful questions.

 

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.

For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly.

If you enjoy the show, please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter H.

Please enjoy again: F is for Forum.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is F and F is for Forum

I am podcasting from the Yourtango Expert’s event and have asked all the helping professionals here to ask me some questions about sex and sexuality.

This is a shorter podcast than usual as it was part of a workshop on Podcasting!

I threw the floor open for any questions about any topic of sex and sexuality. Everyone one was great and we ran out of time before we ran out of questions. First question we talked about the fact that often it is more of an obsession than an addiction. I was asked by a matchmaker what to do when a client tells you that he likes to wear women’s underwear and whether the client should tell the prospective match or the matchmaker should take this into account and secondly when to tell someone about your kinky desires. I said that sometimes doing some pre-screening to make sure that the people you are matching with this man are at least open to alternative forms of sexuality.

I was asked about the most common fetishes and said that transvestism is very common. I was asked to talk about the value of outercourse instead of intercourse and spoke about how important outer course (which is sex that doesn’t involve penetration) is in so many situations particularly when there are sexual problems.

I was asked about people who are note having sex because the man is spending so much time with pornography. I highlighted the fact that I unpick that and find out when this started. Sometimes people use pornography because the sex in the relationship stops.

How do you work with survivors of sexual abuse was the next question. I started by saying the first thing is to make sure they have done their trauma work. After that is done, then work on creating sex. First that usually involves shame and guilt. Fully 50% of the people I have worked with over the years who have suffered sexual trauma have a memory from that time that turns them on. And they are devastated by this. They have a memory from something that was horrifically traumatic and they did not consent to and yet it turns them on. When talking about childhood sexual abuse, your body responds to touch. It does not know any better, it simply responds. You must work through the shame and the guilt and allay their fears and then begin to create safety again.

Couples who have been together a long time and they just stop having sex – what are your thoughts about that? Well they usually don’t just stop having sex. There are reasons they stop having sex. So for example, women with low libido some advice is do it anyway because once you get started it feels good. I need to have some idea of why they stop and for how long because it becomes a habit. What really upsets me is that they stop touching and stop being affectionate too which has a negative effect on your physical and mental well being too.

Additional questions that didn’t make it on this podcast will be answered in future episodes.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be G and G is for Group Sex.

Please enjoy again: F is for Forum.

 

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is F  and F is for Forum

I am podcasting from the Yourtango Expert’s event and have  asked all the helping professionals here to ask me some questions about sex and sexuality.

This is a shorter podcast than usual as it was part of a workshop on Podcasting!

I threw the floor open for any questions about any topic of sex and sexuality. Everyone one was great and we ran out of time before we ran out of questions.   First question we talked about the fact that often it is more of an obsession than an addiction.  I was asked by a matchmaker what to do when a client tells you that he likes to wear women’s underwear and whether the client should tell the prospective match or the matchmaker should take this into account and secondly when to tell someone about your kinky desires.  I said that sometimes doing some pre-screening to make sure that the people you are matching with this man are at least open to alternative forms of sexuality. 

I was asked about the most common fetishes and said that transvestism is very common.  I was asked to talk about the value of outercourse instead of intercourse and spoke about how important outer course (which is sex that doesn’t involve penetration) is in so many situations particularly when there are sexual problems.

I was asked about people who are note having sex because the man is spending so much time with pornography.  I highlighted the fact that I unpick that and find out when this started.  Sometimes people use pornography because the sex in the relationship stops.   

How do you work with survivors of sexual abuse was the next question.  I started by saying the first thing is to make sure they have done their trauma work.  After that is done, then work on creating sex.   First that usually involves shame and guilt.  Fully 50% of the people I have worked with over the years who have suffered sexual trauma have a memory from that time that turns them on. And they are devastated by this.  They have a memory from something that was horrifically traumatic and they did not consent to and yet it turns them on.  When talking about childhood sexual abuse, your body responds to touch.  It does not know any better, it simply responds.  You must work through the shame and the guilt and allay their fears and then begin to create safety again. 

Couples who have been together a long time and they just stop having sex – what are your thoughts about that?  Well they usually don’t just stop having sex.  There are reasons they stop having sex.  So for example, women with low libido some advice is do it anyway because once you get started it feels good.    I need to have some idea of why they stop and for how long because it becomes a habit.  What really upsets me is that they stop touching and stop being affectionate too which has a negative effect on your physical and mental well being too.

Additional questions that didn’t make it on this podcast will be answered in future episodes.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be G and G is for Group Sex.

 

Please enjoy a reboot of: F is for Sexual Freedom

F is for Freedom, Sexual Freedom

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is F and F is for Freedom, Sexual Freedom.

Sexual freedom means different things to different people. For some, it is the freedom to love who you love and express your sexuality in the way that feels nature to you. For others, it has to do with equality.

Joining me today to talk about freedom are Dr Heilke and Jonathan Hudson. They have committed their lives to changing the way men and women experience relationships and sexuality. In a world where fear, past hurt and shame keeps people from the closeness and depth they desire, this couple is passionate about teaching new ways of relating. What they have named ‘sextraordinary living’, is today’s modern and healthy blueprint to live a truly turned on life, in and outside the bedroom, where men and women get exactly what they need and want without the drama. One of the ways in which they help couples to gain sexual freedom is through somatic sexual healing.

They started with a definition of somatic sexual healing. They spoke about how our trauma is stuck in the body and that when this is released, healing occurs. They discussed the fact that the body (somatic) memory is separate from the mind memory and how full healing results from releasing trapped energy and trapped trauma from both.

Dr Heilke highlighted that for women safety is one of the biggest issues. She pointed out that many women become spiritual in an effort to be safe and don’t fully enter into their bodies. John talked about men being more sexual but not being connected to their heart so that they don’t experience intimacy. Both spoke of the transformation that can occur when people are able to release the root trauma and the energy that has been trapped in the body. At this point, the person is free to experience and express sexuality in a myriad of ways.

We spoke of the importance of boundaries and consent and teaching this on a much deeper level that preserves the importance of pleasure instead of only focusing on the negative aspects of violations. They spoke about the fact that the work they do can result in astonishing transformations and that they rely on the body wisdom and intuition as a guide during sessions.

We talked about the importance of being present in our relationships and especially during sexual relationships and how often people find this difficult. We spoke of the fear people have of letting go and surrendering and the fact that orgasm requires letting go of control. They brought a few case examples to illustrate the types of issues people have worked on and what the transformations have looked like.

John said that he has had a number of clients who came in with erectile dysfunction and left without problems after their work. They both spoke of taking away the goals and plans around sex and teaching people to show up fully and follow their intuition. They both spoke of the woman being the keeper of the sexual fires and that women need to feel safe enough to explore and express their full authentic sexuality.

We spoke about sexual energy being part of the sacred and that this is the energy we use for everything. We talked about the healing that comes from connecting to sexual energy/source energy and how integrating sexuality into the sacred is transformative in more than just the area of relationships.

Dr Heilke and John have offered several awesome free gifts at

http://www.pleasureupgrade.com/ (www.pleasureupgrade.com)

WEBSITE: www.sextraordinaryliving.com

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week.

Please enjoy a reboot of: F is for Sexual Freedom

 

F is for Freedom, Sexual Freedom

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is F and F is for Freedom, Sexual Freedom.

 

Sexual freedom means different things to different people.  For some, it is the freedom to love who you love and express your sexuality in the way that feels nature to you.  For others, it has to do with equality.

 

Joining me today to talk about freedom are Dr Heilke and Jonathan Hudson.  They have committed their lives to changing the way men and women experience relationships and sexuality.  In a world where fear, past hurt and shame keeps people from the closeness and depth they desire, this couple is passionate about teaching new ways of relating.  What they have named ‘sextraordinary living’, is today’s modern and healthy blueprint to live a truly turned on life, in and outside the bedroom, where men and women get exactly what they need and want without the drama.  One of the ways in which they help couples to gain sexual freedom is through somatic sexual healing.

 

They started with a definition of somatic sexual healing.  They spoke about how our trauma is stuck in the body and that when this is released, healing occurs.  They discussed the fact that the body (somatic) memory is separate from the mind memory and how full healing results from releasing trapped energy and trapped trauma from both.

 

Dr Heilke highlighted that for women safety is one of the biggest issues.  She pointed out that many women become spiritual in an effort to be safe and don’t fully enter into their bodies.  John talked about men being more sexual but not being connected to their heart so that they don’t experience intimacy.  Both spoke of the transformation that can occur when people are able to release the root trauma and the energy that has been trapped in the body.  At this point, the person is free to experience and express sexuality in a myriad of ways. 

 

We spoke of the importance of boundaries and consent and teaching this on a much deeper level that preserves the importance of pleasure instead of only focusing on the negative aspects of violations.  They spoke about the fact that the work they do can result in astonishing transformations and that they rely on the body wisdom and intuition as a guide during sessions. 

 

We talked about the importance of being present in our relationships and especially during sexual relationships and how often people find this difficult.  We spoke of the fear people have of letting go and surrendering and the fact that orgasm requires letting go of control.  They brought a few case examples to illustrate the types of issues people have worked on and what the transformations have looked like.

 

John said that he has had a number of clients who came in with erectile dysfunction and left without problems after their work.  They both spoke of taking away the goals and plans around sex and teaching people to show up fully and follow their intuition.  They both spoke of the woman being the keeper of the sexual fires and that women need to feel safe enough to explore and express their full authentic sexuality. 

 

We spoke about sexual energy being part of the sacred and that this is the energy we use for everything.  We talked about the healing that comes from connecting to sexual energy/source energy and how integrating sexuality into the sacred is transformative in more than just the area of relationships.

 

Dr Heilke and John have offered several awesome free gifts at

www.pleasureupgrade.com

 

WEBSITE: www.sextraordinaryliving.com

 

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex this week.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.

For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now! Is BDSM or Power Exchange for You?

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If you enjoy the show please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher. Join me next week for the letter G.