The A to Z of Sex

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is X and X is for Xenerotica.

 

Xenerotica is being turned on by strangers.  People who are into this often find themselves in interesting situations.    Some of these situations can be very high risk – meeting someone on tinder or online and going and having sex with them – without doing any background research or even letting friends or family know where you are going to be.    Other situations can bring the strange and mysterious to already established relationships.

 

Surprise and mystery are important parts of keeping a relationship exciting.   It can be really difficult to recreate mystery when you have been in a relationship with someone for a few years or more.    But it is essential if you want to keep things firey.  

 

My favourite example of bringing the strange or a stranger to an already established relationship comes from the book 9 ½ Weeks.   In this book, E’s partner has her register at a hotel and when she arrives she finds a number of packages.  There are instructions to dress in the clothing and when she is dressed, she is dressed as a man – in male drag – including facial hair.  She meets her partner in the hotel bar.  She has truly become a stranger. 

 

It isn’t as difficult to become as stranger as you might think.  You don’t have to change sex.   All you need do is change your style and the way you present to your partner.  Start by changing your hair style.  A good wig can do wonders to completely transform your look.     Add a new style of clothing and your partner may barely recognise you.  Of course you want to look your sexiest.  Don’t forget you are trying to seduce your partner.  So create the hottest sexiest stranger that you know your partner will want to bonk and then arrange a date night.  Don’t forget to let your partner know that you are going to change your appearance. 

 

Another way to do this is to engage in role play together.  You can cultivate a variety of characters and then your partner can really indulge in some xenerotica – having sex with loads of strangers.

 

Role play can seem really daunting.  Most people worry about looking stupid.  Role play is supposed to be fun.  Laughter is a part of it.  Sometimes the scene works and is smoking hot and other times it just seems a comedy.    If you are interested in learning about role play, grab my eBook or why not join me for my workshop Casanova’s Secret.  Email me as [email protected] for details.

 

True Xenerotica involves having sex with strangers.  For many people, this means meeting someone on Tinder or another dating app and hooking up with little or no interaction to get to know each other.  These folks are not looking for relationships.  They are looking for exciting anonymous sex. 

 

Why is this so exciting?  There are more reasons than you might think.

Sex with a stranger allows you to be anyone.  You step away from any preconceptions and into the experience as a new person.  You can walk into the experience as all the best parts of you or as someone else entirely.  And since you are not planning to see this person again, you don’t have to worry about what they think.

 

Sex with a stranger allows you to try out a fantasy that you might be worried is too way out or that you think your partner may not like or that you are too embarrassed to talk to anyone who knows you about.    If you find you like enacting the fantasy, you can learn to talk to a partner about it.  If it doesn’t go well, you walk away from the experience with no baggage.

 

Sex with a stranger can be great when you are horny but don’t want a relationship – especially when you have just had a bad break-up.  You can work our your frustrations without worrying about any on going relationship.

 

The unknown and potentially dangerous part of sex with a stranger means that your biochemistry changes.  The adrenalin rush, the dopamine increase and even the increase in release of oxytocin can make this sex a more intense experience and cause a more intense high.

 

The research shows men are still far more willing to have sex with strangers than women are even in the digital age.  This seems to be because of worries about pregnancy and physical danger.

 

In Indonesia, there is a festival devoted to sex with strangers called the Pon festival.  The ritual requires the strangers to have sex 7 times over 35 days next to a particular mountain where there is a shrine in order for the ritual to be complete.   The people who engage in this ritual usually not single people.  Some married folks do not tell their spouses they are going to the shrine and having sex with a stranger.  All of this is done in order to ensure good luck for the coming year.  The ritual starts with morning prayers and then cleansing and finally the sex.   The most bizarre part of this ritual is that devout Muslims will take part and the religious leaders will turn a blind eye even though clearly adultery is going on.  Sex workers also turn up on the mountain to offer their services for those who have not found partners.

 

In the LGBTQ+ world, anonymous sex was extremely popular once upon a time (and appears to be having somewhat of a resurgence).  In the days before we knew about AIDS, gay men had the bath houses.  Bath houses are places designed primarily for anonymous sex.  The most compact ones had 10 to 20 small rooms and lockers and the ornate ones housed themed rooms, saunas and lots of space.  Most have a sauna or steam room, lockers and some private rooms.    People pay a membership fee (usually on the day) which is for the use of the facilities and prostitution is specifically banned.   I will not go through the history of bath houses in this podcast but will save that for another day.  Suffice it to say that men have been meeting in bath houses since greek and roman times. 

 

Glory holes are holes in the wall (usually in bathroom cubicles) where a man will push his penis through and the person on the other side of the hole will perform oral sex (or sometimes a hand job or even present an asshole for anal sex).   Finally, cottaging comes from the UK and is when men have anonymous sex in public restrooms or cruise to meet men to have anonymous sex with somewhere else.  In this case they meet in the rest room and leave and find another place to have sex.  Because some of this can be against the law, it adds extra spice and is one of the attractions of cottaging.

 

Recent research done by OK Cupid found that between 10% and 15% of it’s user base was looking for casual sex and many of these for anonymous sex.  Zhana Vrangalova who created the casualsexproject which collects stories about casual sex has found that lots of people still often feel bad the day after anonymous sex because of social conventions and mores.    Shame tarnished the experience. 

 

If you are inclined to engage in anonymous sex, do some personal shame busting before heading out on the prowl.  Take the time to really consider how you might feel and look at the things that cause you to feel shame.  Check out where the shame comes from and combat it if you can.

 

Before you head out, don’t forget to protect yourself by being risk aware.

Having sex with a stranger is a high risk activity.   Know this when you decide to engage.

 

To lower your risks:

Make sure that a family member or friend knows where you will be and when you are expected home.

Take a note from the BDSM players book and set up a safe call:

A safe call is where you have a friend or family member telephone you at a certain time to ensure you are safe.  You pick a phrase that means you are fine and one that means you are not so that when you answer the phone, you can easily let the friend know without letting the person you are with know what you are saying.   

Practice safe sex.  Bring condoms, dental dams, gloves.  And bring extra – you might want to have sex a few times!

Even though rough in the alley sex may have an extra kick, to lower risk choose to rent the hotel or motel room so that people are more likely to notice if something is wrong.

 

Robert write in and asked: Is going to a bath house a good way to experiment with gay sex for the first time?    Bath houses can be really intense, noisy places full of delicious sex.  If you are happy to jump in at the deep end, it might be a good place to experiment.  However, in my experience, if you are experimenting with something, it can be easier to do it in a place where you have the space and time to go slow and enjoy every minute or if it isn’t going well, where you can take a step back and rethink. 

 

Martha wrote in asking about dating apps for hook ups.  She wants to know what the best apps are for hook ups.  Thanks for writing in Martha.  Most of the dating apps can be used for hook ups.    Be naughty was rated the best hook up app in 2017 by 10 best dating sites.  It seems to be better for heterosexuals from the descriptions.    Adult friend finder has been around for a long time and still presents with lots of good options.  Many of the people I have spoken to recommend Tinder or use OK Cupid.

Write me with your stories about Xenerotica this week and I will share my favourites when I get to Z….

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of Sex ™ .

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

@drbisbey on Twitter and Instagram

Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  

Join me for a free teleseminar on 20 September: 3 Secrets to Comfortably and Confidently Explore What Arouses, Excites and Ignites You: In and Out of Bed https://the-intimacy-coach.com/3-secrets/ See you next week when the letter will be Y and Y is for Yoni.

 

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is W and W is for Whores.

At present, the word whore refers both to a sex worker and is the most popular insult to hurl at a woman who is too independent, taking too much charge of her sexuality and her life.

This week I am happy to be joined by and expert on the history of the term whore, and whores and sex workers themselves. Dr. Kate Lister is a researcher at Leeds Trinity University in historical attitudes to sexuality and sex work. She has published on the history of media narratives around sex work, the history of menstruation and sexual violence in historical dramas. She is the curator of the online research project whoresofyore.com which archives the work of sex workers, activists, academics and artists, and bring the message of sexual positivity to an even wider audience. The project has over 95,000 followers on Twitter.

Kate is on the board of the international sex work research hub, is a columnist for the independent and has worked as a historical consultant for Channel Five's upcoming "My Sexual Fantasy".

We started by talking about the history of the word whore and then the history of the word cunt. Kate told us that cunt is the oldest word and that in the middle ages, this was the word for female genitalia. She also highlighted that entomylogically, vagina means sheath. So the word we now use for our genitals means sheath.

We spoke about the use of the word cunt in the UK and how in Scotland it can be used casually with a man calling another man a ‘wee cunt’. She said that it is still considered the strongest insult and is on a par with the ‘N’ word. We looked at the comparison – that one word highlights some of the biggest atrocities that have been done to human beings and the other word is the word for female genitalia and we wondered how it was that these became comparable and that we view female genitalia with such shame and disgust.

We spoke about how sex workers view the word whore and whether it is even appropriate for non-sex workers to use the word. Kate talked about the more general use of the word whore meaning she who desires which was the original meaning that was proposed. She said the word is ancient.

We spoke about the wide variety of sex workers and the fact that women use sex workers often as well. Kate spoke about going for a tantric yoni massage and that the experience was extremely profound. She recommends this to all women to have the opportunity to step out of sexual scripts and just receive. We spoke about how rare it is to have a safe space in which women are not expected to perform (and that men also have scripts) and to have a space where you are only expected to receive. We spoke about how petrifying this can be but how cathartic the experience can be as well.

If you want to find Dr Kate Lister, follow her on twitter @whoresofyore

Or the website:

Whoresofyore.com

Kate also mentioned that there is a section on the website for people to share their sexual experiences and have their sexual voice heard. She said you can be completely anonymous and that there is editing available if you have concerns about your spelling and grammar.

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of SexÒ.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.. Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now! See you next week when the letter will be X and X is for X Rated again.

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is W and W is for Whores.

 

At present, the word whore refers both to a sex worker and is the most popular insult to hurl at a woman who is too independent, taking too much charge of her sexuality and her life. 

 

This week I am happy to be joined by and expert on the history of the term whore, and whores and sex workers themselves.  Dr. Kate Lister is a researcher at Leeds Trinity University in historical attitudes to sexuality and sex work. She has published on the history of media narratives around sex work, the history of menstruation and sexual violence in historical dramas. She is the curator of the online research project whoresofyore.com which archives the work of sex workers, activists, academics and artists, and bring the message of sexual positivity to an even wider audience. The project has over 95,000 followers on Twitter. 

 

Kate is on the board of the international sex work research hub, is a columnist for the   independent and has worked as a historical consultant for Channel Five's upcoming "My Sexual Fantasy". 

 

We started by talking about the history of the word whore and then the history of the word cunt.  Kate told us that cunt is the oldest word and that in the middle ages, this was the word for female genitalia.  She also highlighted that entomylogically, vagina means sheath.  So the word we now use for our genitals means sheath.

 

We spoke about the use of the word cunt in the UK and how in Scotland it can be used casually with a man calling another man a ‘wee cunt’.  She said that it is still considered the strongest insult and is on a par with the ‘N’ word.  We looked at the comparison – that one word highlights some of the biggest atrocities that have been done to human beings and the other word is the word for female genitalia and we wondered how it was that these became comparable and that we view female genitalia with such shame and disgust. 

 

We spoke about how sex workers view the word whore and whether it is even appropriate for non-sex workers to use the word.  Kate talked about the more general use of the word whore meaning she who desires which was the original meaning that was proposed.  She said the word is ancient.   

 

We spoke about the wide variety of sex workers and the fact that women use sex workers often as well.  Kate spoke about going for a tantric yoni massage and that the experience was extremely profound.  She recommends this to all women to have the opportunity to step out of sexual scripts and just receive.  We spoke about how rare it is to have a safe space in which women are not expected to perform (and that men also have scripts) and to have a space where you are only expected to receive.  We spoke about how petrifying this can be but how cathartic the experience can be as well. 

 

If you want to find Dr Kate Lister, follow her on twitter @whoresofyore

Or the website:

Whoresofyore.com

Kate also mentioned that there is a section on the website for people to share their sexual experiences and have their sexual voice heard.  She said you can be completely anonymous and that there is editing available if you have concerns about your spelling and grammar.

 

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of SexÒ.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook..  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now! See you next week when the letter will be X and X is for X Rated again.

 

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is V and V is for Vagina.

Anna-Thea is an author, speaker and teacher. Her courses offer women life-changing tools in the area of emotional mastery and spiritual sexuality. She is dedicated to helping women live more sensually alive and speak confidently from their hearts. Anna-Thea offers practical solutions for women with body image, food and/or intimacy/relationship issues.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Nutrition and is a Level 2 certified Kundalini Yoga and Vinyasa Flow instructor. She is also certified from the Divine Feminine Institute as a Spiritual Sexual Educator. Using principles from her extensive studies in yoga, nutrition, psychology, astrology and the Divine Feminine Institute she educates women to be leaders of love. Her book “Empower Yourself by Loving Your Body” and her blog offer women insights to honor their bodies.

We started by talking a bit about the anatomy of the vagina and jade eggs. Anna-Thea spoke about the Taoist practice for using the eggs to open up the many levels of the vagina and vaginal or sexual reflexology. She spoke about the opening of the vagina being connected to the kidneys and the emotions being fear and calmness, the G spot being connected to the liver and the emotion being anger. We spoke about how to use a jade egg and how it strengthens the PC muscles and that it is useful for a wide variety of issues from incontinence through to creating stronger more mind blowing orgasms.

From there we spoke about using wands to stimulate the G spot and female ejaculation. Anna-Thea told us about the fabled D spot that moves around.

We spoke about the importance of getting to know the vagina and the whole genital area and how each woman looks and feels different. We spoke about how important it is for a woman to look at herself and to learn her vagina. We spoke about the importance of sex education from a young age so that children see their sexual parts as non-shameful and delightful parts of their bodies.

Anna-Thea spoke about her upcoming course Sex Education that Your Mother Never Taught You. She said that this is a space for women to learn from each other and that the course covers anatomy and physiology in ways that most women have not learned them before.

For more information on her courses:

Mastering Your Emotions Course

www.annathea.org/emotions

Sex Ed You Didn't Learn From Your Mother starts Nov 1st

www.annathea.org/sexed

For more information visit www.Anna-Thea.com and http://www.leaderoflove.com/ (www.LeaderofLove.com)

http://www.annathea.org (www.annathea.org)

https://www.facebook.com/annatheafab

Twitter: @theannathea

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn how to awaken your authenticity, arouse your sexuality and ignite your desire. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe!

Join me next week when the letter will be Z.

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is V and V is for Vagina.

Anna-Thea is an author, speaker and teacher. Her courses offer women life-changing tools in the area of emotional mastery and spiritual sexuality. She is dedicated to helping women live more sensually alive and speak confidently from their hearts. Anna-Thea offers practical solutions for women with body image, food and/or intimacy/relationship issues. 

She has a bachelor’s degree in Nutrition and is a Level 2 certified Kundalini Yoga and Vinyasa Flow instructor. She is also certified from the Divine Feminine Institute as a Spiritual Sexual Educator. Using principles from her extensive studies in yoga, nutrition, psychology, astrology and the Divine Feminine Institute she educates women to be leaders of love. Her book “Empower Yourself by Loving Your Body” and her blog offer women insights to honor their bodies.

We started by talking a bit about the anatomy of the vagina and jade eggs.  Anna-Thea spoke about the Taoist practice for using the eggs to open up the many levels of the vagina and vaginal or sexual reflexology.  She spoke about the opening of the vagina being connected to the kidneys and the emotions being fear and calmness, the G spot being connected to the liver and the emotion being anger.    We spoke about how to use a jade egg and how it strengthens the PC muscles and that it is useful for a wide variety of issues from incontinence through to creating stronger more mind blowing orgasms.  

From there we spoke about using wands to stimulate the G spot and female ejaculation.  Anna-Thea told us about the fabled D spot that moves around.  

We spoke about the importance of getting to know the vagina and the whole genital area and how each woman looks and feels different.  We spoke about how important it is for a woman to look at herself and to learn her vagina.  We spoke about the importance of sex education from a young age so that children see their sexual parts as non-shameful and delightful parts of their bodies.

Anna-Thea spoke about her upcoming course Sex Education that Your Mother Never Taught You.  She said that this is a space for women to learn from each other and that the course covers anatomy and physiology in ways that most women have not learned them before.

For more information on her courses:

Mastering Your Emotions Course

www.annathea.org/emotions

Sex Ed You Didn't Learn From Your Mother starts Nov 1st

www.annathea.org/sexed

For more information visit www.Anna-Thea.com and www.LeaderofLove.com

www.annathea.org

https://www.facebook.com/annatheafab

Twitter: @theannathea

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn how to awaken your authenticity, arouse your sexuality and ignite your desire.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe! 

Join me next week when the letter will be Z.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is U and U is for Ursusgalmatophilia

Ursusgalmatophilia is primarily a fetish for teddy bears. It is also the formal name for a fetish for all plushies and a fetish for dressing up as animals. So it is the formal name for Furries.

I know many of you may be thinking that teddy bears and sex don’t belong in the same sentence. However, more people than you think have teddy bears as part of their sexual lives. For some, the connection is made when they are very young and cuddle a teddy bear while discovering masturbation. Remember that self-pleasure begins around the age of two and that one of the main functions of pleasure prior to puberty is to give comfort when upset or frightened. Who better than your best teddy to help with the job? Many young girls learn to masturbate by rubbing against their stuffies.

Most people don’t have a primary fetish for teddy bears so would not be properly classified as ursusgalmatophiles. The teddy bear may feature in their sexual life but isn’t essential to it.

However, there are some people for whom this is a central focus for their sexual activity. In 2010, Charles Marshall was arrested for having sex with a teddy bear in public for the fourth time. It was unclear if exhibitionism was part of his thrill as he did engage in these acts in public.

For some, the teddy bear or other stuffed animal is part of getting in touch with their inner child and becomes part of age play. Age play is often a controversial fetish as there are extremely strong taboos around childhood sexuality and any form of incest. In age play, a person enjoys roleplay in which they are a younger age. It usually divides into four categories: adult baby (which usually covers to toddler), little (up to 9 or so), middle (9 – 12) and teen. Many littles and middles (and some teens) enjoy stuffed animals and sometimes these become part of their sexual play. For more on littles, listen out for A is for Age play at the beginning of the next series of this podcast.

A more common form of this fetish is people who are sexually aroused by dressing up as animals or by fictional furry characters. These folks are more commonly known as furries. These people often dress up as fictional characters (like bugs bunny for example) and role play is an integral part of their interaction. Many have favourite animals (like bears, wolves, puppies) and dress in full costumes, roleplaying the animal. Lifestylers profess a deep emotional and spiritual connection with the animal they dress/roleplay as. Animals can be real, fictional or symbolic (dragons and unicorns are popular). Sexual activities that are part of the lifestyle often include erotica and furry themed cybersex.

Not all of the community has sexual interest in the furries that they role play. In 2011, a survey was done with 7000 participants. They categorised 4338 of the respondents as furries. There were 170 questions in this study. The average age of furries in the study was 23. 54% of the participants were between 18 and 21 years old. The survey had respondents from all over the world. The vast majority of the respondents were male (84%). A small percentage of the people in the study actually feel that they are not 100% human. 1/3 of the respondents said that sexual attraction is an essential part of their furry activities.

Furries are often anthropomorphised animals. This means that the animals act in ways that are human – like. For example, they walk on 2 feet. Inclusion and belonging are central themes for lots of the people who identify as part of the furry lifestyle.

Some furries are also plushies...

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is U and U is for Ursusgalmatophilia 

Ursusgalmatophilia is primarily a fetish for teddy bears.  It is also the formal name for a fetish for all plushies and a fetish for dressing up as animals.  So it is the formal name for Furries.

I know many of you may be thinking that teddy bears and sex don’t belong in the same sentence.   However, more people than you think have teddy bears as part of their sexual lives.   For some, the connection is made when they are very young and cuddle a teddy bear while discovering masturbation.   Remember that self-pleasure begins around the age of two and that one of the main functions of pleasure prior to puberty is to give comfort when upset or frightened.  Who better than your best teddy to help with the job?  Many young girls learn to masturbate by rubbing against their stuffies. 

Most people don’t have a primary fetish for teddy bears so would not be properly classified as ursusgalmatophiles.    The teddy bear may feature in their sexual life but isn’t essential to it. 

However, there are some people for whom this is a central focus for their sexual activity.    In 2010, Charles Marshall was arrested for having sex with a teddy bear in public for the fourth time.  It was unclear if exhibitionism was part of his thrill as he did engage in these acts in public. 

For some, the teddy bear or other stuffed animal is part of getting in touch with their inner child and becomes part of age play.  Age play is often a controversial fetish as there are extremely strong taboos around childhood sexuality and any form of incest.  In age play, a person enjoys roleplay in which they are a younger age.  It usually divides into four categories: adult baby (which usually covers to toddler), little (up to 9 or so), middle (9 – 12) and teen.    Many littles and middles (and some teens) enjoy stuffed animals and sometimes these become part of their sexual play.    For more on littles, listen out for A is for Age play at the beginning of the next series of this podcast.

A more common form of this fetish is people who are sexually aroused by dressing up as animals or by fictional furry characters.  These folks are more commonly known as furries.   These people often dress up as fictional characters (like bugs bunny for example) and role play is an integral part of their interaction.  Many have favourite animals (like bears, wolves, puppies) and dress in full costumes, roleplaying the animal.  Lifestylers profess a deep emotional and spiritual connection with the animal they dress/roleplay as.  Animals can be real, fictional or symbolic (dragons and unicorns are popular).   Sexual activities that are part of the lifestyle often include erotica and furry themed cybersex.

Not all of the community has sexual interest in the furries that they role play.  In 2011, a survey was done with 7000 participants.  They categorised 4338 of the respondents as furries.  There were 170 questions in this study.  The average age of furries in the study was 23. 54% of the participants were between 18 and 21 years old.  The survey had respondents from all over the world.    The vast majority of the respondents were male (84%).  A small percentage of the people in the study actually feel that they are not 100% human.   1/3 of the respondents said that sexual attraction is an essential part of their furry activities.

Furries are often anthropomorphised animals.  This means that the animals act in ways that are human – like.  For example, they walk on 2 feet.    Inclusion and belonging are central themes for lots of the people who identify as part of the furry lifestyle.      

Some furries are also plushies (sexually attracted to stuffed animals) and others are not.  Many find scratching (grooming each other) and fur piles (where they are all lying on top of each other affectionately – rather than sexually) the most satisfying activities.    Lots of furries resemble the animal they identify with.    Some are clear that being a furry is about an identity not about sex. 

Many are fans of various animated characters – like Tony the Tiger, Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse and the fandom has been compared to Star Trek fans.    They are fans of stories and media that includes anthropomorphic animals.   As I said above, there are many more biological males.  The community is actually 7 times more likely than the general populate to identify as transgender.  It is said in some circles that the community is an extremely welcoming community and an inclusive one.   However, in the few years, there have been outlier groups who are alt right and promote violence and fascism.    The leader of the main group The Raiders gave himself the hashtag this year #altfurry.

There are others who tap into real animal energies as opposed to stuffed animal or anthropomorphised animal energies.  They include primal players who allow themselves to contact their animal natures when involved in sex and sexual play.  Many of these are part of the BDSM and/or kink communities.  There is often lots of biting, scratching and little human speech during this type of sex or play.    There are also people a fetish for sex with actual animals.  This is a much smaller group of people.  Sex with animals is illegal in most jurisdictions primarily because animals cannot give consent.

The humble teddy bear finds his way into far more sexual scenarios than you may have considered in the past.  Who knew he was so naughty?

Jenny wrote in:  ‘I have always slept with a teddy bear.  When I was young, I masturbated by pressing my pussy against the bear.  I don’t do this anymore as I now have far better tools to help me get myself off.  But I still find fur (real and artificial) erotic.  Is there something wrong with me? ‘

Jenny there is nothing wrong with you.  You have brought this sensual and sexual set of memories with you from your childhood.  This is very common.  Many fetishes are developed from roots in childhood.  Your desires cause no one any harm but your shame around this can cause you to have trouble with orgasm and trouble fully enjoying your sexual life.     I would suggest you spend some time working on releasing that shame and fully accepting all your sexual feelings.  If you find this difficult to do on your own, you may benefit from some coaching sessions.  If you want to bring some your appreciation for fur forward into your sexual life, consider using fur for a sensual massage or to stroke a partner.

 Martina wrote in to say ‘I have always used a stuffed toy for masturbation and I cannot seem to get off any other way.  Please help.’  It can be really hard to change the way you masturbate and the way in which you reach orgasm, particularly if it has been in place since childhood.  You can begin to introduce your fingers or a vibrator or dildo into your self-pleasuring session just before orgasm begins which may help you begin to move from the stuffed toy to your fingers, vibrator or dildo.  Start by using your fingers in addition to the toy and slowly move the toy away at the point of orgasm.  Once you can reach orgasm with only your fingers at the end of your self-pleasuring session, introduce your fingers (vibrator, dildo) a little earlier in the session.  Each time you have success, introduce your fingers (vibrator, dildo) earlier still until you start the session without the toy.  This may take quite a long time but if you persist you should be able to vary your masturbation routine.

 

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of SexÒ.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook..  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now! See you next week when the letter will be V and V is for Vagina.

 

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. The A to Z of Sex is on location this week, visiting Mistress Max Rulz. Today the letter is T and T is for Talking Dirty.

Perry wasn't the best looking guy, a little overweight, a little unkempt. He wore thick glasses, plain jeans and he tended to slouch. Most men and women didn't find Perry attractive until he spoke. Perry's voice was liquid smooth and deep. He made love with his voice even when talking. about ordinary things. But when he decided to talk sex, well the person he was talking to was lost.

Perry liked to create a sensory rich scene so detailed that you felt pulled into the world he was created. The scenes he created were plush like deep velvet. They enveloped you, captivated you and did not let you go until after he had finished.

Mz Max and I talked about talking dirty to communicate your desires to your partner and how hard it is for so many people to speak their truth when it comes to what they want. We talked about how much shame there is around sex.

Mz Max talked about how masturbation involves us talking dirty to ourselves. That all masturbation needs a script. She talked about how basic and primal sex is and meant for enjoyment and pleasure. And how much shame still exists about sex.

We spoke about talking dirty for foreplay, and how talking dirty is different than writing or texting. Mz Max talked about how often what people wrote to her was so different when in person – how body language illustrated the shame or the embarrassment or the areas that are just fantasy and not based in reality.

Mz Max talked about how kinky folk negotiate before having sex. Mz Max said that every person is deliciously perverted at least in their own head.

Finally we talked about how talking dirty brings you into the now. So you are fully present in sex. And how difficult this is for people in modern society but how much better sex is when you are completely engaged.

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of SexÒ.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.. Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now! Why not join me for my upcoming free webinar 4 Secrets for Arousing and Igniting Your Authentic Sexual Self. Click the link in the podcast notes to sign up or head to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/4-secrets/ See you next week when the letter will be U.

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. The A to Z of Sex is on location this week, visiting Mistress Max Rulz.  Today the letter is T and T is for Talking Dirty. 

Perry wasn't the best looking guy, a little overweight, a little unkempt.  He wore thick glasses, plain jeans and he tended to slouch.  Most men and women didn't find Perry attractive until he spoke.  Perry's voice was liquid smooth and deep.  He made love with his voice even when talking. about ordinary things.  But when he decided to talk sex, well the person he was talking to was lost.

Perry liked to create a sensory rich scene so detailed that you felt pulled into the world he was created.  The scenes he created were plush like deep velvet.  They enveloped you, captivated you and did not let you go until after he had finished.

Mz Max and I talked about talking dirty to communicate your desires to your partner and how hard it is for so many people to speak their truth when it comes to what they want.  We talked about how much shame there is around sex. 

Mz Max talked about how masturbation involves us talking dirty to ourselves.  That all masturbation needs a script.  She talked about how basic and primal sex is and meant for enjoyment and pleasure.    And how much shame still exists about sex. 

We spoke about talking dirty for foreplay, and how talking dirty is different than writing or texting.  Mz Max talked about how often what people wrote to her was so different when in person – how body language illustrated the shame or the embarrassment or the areas that are just fantasy and not based in reality.

Mz Max talked about how kinky folk negotiate before having sex.  Mz Max said that every person is deliciously perverted at least in their own head.  

Finally we talked about how talking dirty brings you into the now.  So you are fully present in sex.  And how difficult this is for people in modern society but how much better sex is when you are completely engaged.

Thanks for joining me for the A to Z of SexÒ.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at [email protected] , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook..  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://atozofsex.com/ and click the button that says Schedule Now!  Why not join me for my upcoming free webinar 4 Secrets for Arousing and Igniting Your Authentic Sexual Self.  Click the link in the podcast notes to sign up or head to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/4-secrets/   See you next week when the letter will be U.

 

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is S and S is for Sexless Marriage.

Sexless marriages take many forms and have a huge impact on all relationships. Joining me today to discuss this issue is renowned clinical sexologist, Dr. Patti Britton. Dr Patti is a Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and the Pioneer of Sex Coaching with top level credentials. As a well-respected world leader in the field of sexology, she is the author of hundreds of articles, four amazing books, and is former columnist for Penthouse Forum. Dr. Patti is a Your Tango expert, popular speaker, sought-after trainer and workshop leader, blogs on her own websites and hosts over 40 DVDs for women’s and couples’ sexual enhancement. Her media record includes appearances on national television shows, documentaries, live talk and news radio, and with frequent quotes in magazines, such as Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Glamour, Men’s Fitness, WebMD, AOL Health. She has a private practice in Los Angeles and via Skype globally. Dr. Patti is the Co-Founder of SexCoachU, the world’s premier credentialing and training institute for sex coaching. She is the author of a female-friendly erotic novel and an expert on porn/erotica from a woman’s perspective. She co-hosts a dynamic weekly radio show for the boomer generation at: TheBoomDoctors.com. When she is not speaking at summits, or on media, or leading trainings in Los Angeles for her tribe, she and her partner Robert travel the world leading transformational sexology intensives while curating erotic art imagery wherever they go!

Thanks for joining me! We spoke about the pandemic and how a large percentage of clients enter coaching and therapy because of varying levels of sexlessness. Dr Patti pointed out that the term was coined in 2002 and at that time 20% of all relationships were said to be sexless, though sex was not defined. She highlighted the fact that many of her clients presented with 2 to 5 years of no affectionate touch in addition to no sex and we spoke about the damage a lack of touch does. Dr Patti sees sex as an essential part of self and not an add on. She highlighted the fact that many couples lack sexual skills as well as communication skills and that clinical sexologists approach treatment somewhat behaviourally with goals to get couples having sexual contact again. We spoke about how many layers there are to sexual problems and that as a result this is often very deep and transformative work. We spoke about the extreme fear of letting go of control that so many people have and that orgasm is the ultimate vulnerable place because you are so out of control during orgasm. Dr Patti spoke about 5 levels of touch from healing touch through to sexual touch and spoke of working with couples to understand that they can stop anywhere on the scale. We spoke about the fact that sex means different things to different people and different things at different times.

Dr Patti mentioned Dr Barry McCarthy’s book Rekindling Desire which has been released in an updated version recently and that he found in research that many women stopped engaging in sex out of profound disappointment in their relationships. We spoke of the definition of asexuality and the new axes for sexual orientation. We both spoke of how much more choice there is when people can self identify in so many ways and on so many levels.

Website Link: http://drpattibritton.com/ (drpattibritton.com)

Facebook link: facebook.com/sexcoachpattibritton

twitter link: @DrPattiBritton

Dr Patti has generously offered to waive the $500 enrollment fee for professionals wishing to enrol in her level 2 training program to be