The A to Z of Sex

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sexâ.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is N and N is for Naughty.

Naughty as a word for ‘wicked’ came into being in the late stages of middle English (around 1800) and is now used to mean saucy or risqué.    The urban dictionary defines naughty as a ‘bad girl that needs to be punished (usually by fucking her) or a lady who wears tight revealing clothing.  Can also refer to a female who is into bondage.’ 

Naughty girls are both highly attractive (when they are single or committed to someone else) and highly worrisome (to monogamous men when they are their wives or girlfriends).  As women, we are given conflicting messages around being naughty at most ages.  Even when we are small, people often root for the naughty girl to get away with whatever mischief she has been up to.    

Lots of women are taught that acting naughty is inappropriate and that people won’t want them to be naughty as they get older.  The connection between naughty or risqué and wicked is made quickly and women who have been brought up in traditional homes can worry how they will be perceived if they behave in this way.

Naughty girls are often sought after.  They are seen to be sexually liberated and sometimes even slutty.  As a result, many people think that they might have a chance with a naughty girl.  Some suggest that all girls have a naughty side.

Some of the qualities attributed to naughty girls are ones that it would benefit all women to have.  Being outspoken is a quality that all women can benefit from.  When you are outspoken, you are able to express your needs and desires so you have a much better chance of having them met.

Naughty girls are provocative.  They own their sexuality so they get what they need and have a lot of fun doing it.  Naughty girls are rebellious.  A bit of rebellion can take a woman a long way.  Being rebellious means that you are refusing to simply toe the party line.  Rebelliousness can mean standing up for yourself and refusing to conform.  Of course there are times where conforming is appropriate or will get you a better result.  However, there are lots of times where conforming means you don’t have the opportunity to try new things and this can lead to regrets.

Being naughty leads to punishment in some situations.   One of the top role play fantasies is to punish a naughty girl.   The role play can take many forms from a naughty girl being called in to see the head or the principal to a naughty girl being spanked over an adult’s lap to a naughty girl being told to stay in the corner.  All these scenes harness a bit of shame in order to add to the sizzle.

 

Shame is not always a part of naughtiness but often it is an integral part.  Shame can be toxic but it can also be a delicious as part of a sexual scene.  For example, there are lots of folk who enjoy being embarrassed during a scene – telling someone they have been naughty will bring back the shame learned in childhood but with an erotic twist. 

 

Janice finds being made to blush exciting.  Her partners devise all sorts of ways to make her blush.  John loves to catch her playing with herself.  This will always cause a deep blush that travels from her toes to the part in her hair at the top of her head.  Janice feels naughty when caught playing with herself and looks forward to the punishment she knows will come when John catches her.

 

Robert likes to be mischievous just like he was when he was a boy.  He likes to play pranks.  He knows that Jan will spank him if she catches him but he cannot help it.  He loves the feeling of being caught and says that this turns him on more than most things. 

 

Angel tries ever so hard to behave like her name.  There is nothing she enjoys more than when she is caught doing something naughty – like flirting with the girls in the office next to hers.  When Terry catches her she knows that she will be put over her knee. 

 

The shame these three feel is a part of the enjoyment they get out of these sexual activities.  But this is not so for everyone.  Many people experience toxic shame around their sexual desires.  They cannot enjoy the activities because they believe that they are wrong or ill or evil for having the fantasies in the first place.

 

Brene Brown is a leading shame researcher.  She makes the distinction between shame and guilt.  She says ‘Based on my research and the research of other shame researchers ... I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful — it's holding something we've done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort. I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we're flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection."

 

Unfortunately, sexual shame remains part of many of our cultural experiences and upbringings.  Women are often taught that feeling and seeking sexual pleasure is wrong and shameful.  Men are shamed for certain desires.  Living with this shame makes it difficult for people to fully own their sexuality. 

 

You don’t have to live with this shame.   There are a variety of ways to get rid of it – some that you can do yourself and others that you can do working with a therapist or a coach.

 

If you have been ashamed of something for a long time, start by deliberately thinking about it.  See if you can figure out where the shame comes from.  Once you have identified that, tell yourself a new story. 

 

If you can’t even begin to look at the things you are ashamed about desiring, that is the time to see a therapist who specialises in sex and relationships.   They will help you to become comfortable with your desires and rid yourself of toxic shame while keeping the bit that causes you to feel that bit hot and bothered.

 

Toby wrote in and asked me to talk about how to find people to be naughty with.  He told me that he enjoys engaging in school boy fantasies and has not had much luck finding partners who enjoy the same things. 

 

Toby you can try places like FetLife and join groups that are related to your exact desires. 

If you are in (or come to) the UK you can join Spanking Schooldays http://www.spankingschooldays.co.uk/index.php?pageid=6

 

There are other places that provide a similar service as well as private clubs.  You can search spankingcontacts.com and spankingcontacts.co.uk

 

Marta wrote asking how she can learn to create role play scenes so that she has the opportunity to be naughty in more depth.    Marta if you would like to learn how to create different types of role play in depth with one to one attention, come attend my workshop Casanova’s Secret.  Click here

 for current dates and locations.     If you would like a self help guide, click here for my eBook on role plays.  Please put eBook role play in the subject line. 

To create a good role play you need imagination, patience and the willingness to laugh.   Great role plays take lots of planning.  The planning stage is usually a lot of fun as well.  You can use written erotica and films for inspiration or remembered scenes from your past.  

If you have trouble finding people to enact your naughty fantasies with, if you are not in a relationship or if you are simply scared to share these with those you are already sexually involved with, you can always visit a professional.

There are many sex workers who specialise in creating scenes for their clients to be naughty in.  I often recommend working to be able to share your desires with your chosen partners as well.

What does ‘naughty’ look like for you?  Is it as simple as having an extra dessert or flirting with the girl or boy on the train?  Or is it as complex as becoming a school girl or boy for the day and talking out of turn in class or committing another infraction and then undergoing punishment in the headmaster/mistress’s office or in front of the class?  Or is it simply being bold and acting on your desires?  Write in and let me know at [email protected]

Whatever it looks like, being naughty can bring that extra spark into your sexual life.    If shame is making it hard for you to fully experience your naughty side, get in touch with me at https://atozofsex.com and click the button that says book now for 30 minutes with me free.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites https://atozofsex.com and https://the-intimacy-coach.com to explore and learn to express your authentic sexual self. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be O and O is for Online Sex.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is M and M is for Multi-Orgasmic. Multi-orgasmic usually refers to women who can have many orgasms in a single session of sex. Women who have difficulty with this envy those who can achieve this state regularly. Men routinely envy women for this ability.

My guest today is Antonia Hall who is the award winning, bestselling author, of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. Ms. Hall is a self-improvement expert, psychologist and artist. She is committed to helping people bring more pleasure into their lives and, as a long time blogger, is known as an inspirational catalyst for positive living. Her teachings and writings offer practical guidance on utilizing our inherent sexuality to enrich our everyday lives. Antonia has a passion for helping people live to their greatest potential.

(Ms. Hall graduated cum laude from Dominican University in Marin County, where she received a B.A. in Psychology. She received her M.A. at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. While she is based in Beverly Hills, California, Antonia is a worldwide traveler who has spent many years living abroad in the Netherlands, France, Mexico, and Costa Rica. She is also an artist and nature enthusiast who devotes time to protecting the environment and promoting green living.)

I welcomed Antonia and then asked for her definition of multi-orgasmic. We spoke about men being capable of multiple orgasm as well as women and that this set of techniques has been around for over 5000 years. She spoke about this coming from India and throughout Asia. In India it is Tantra and in Asia Taoism. She talked of all types of orgasm including energy orgasms that are full body and come from bringing the sexual energy up through the body from the base of the spine and then rolling it back down again. We talked about the importance of breathing and Antonia emphasised the fact that our bodies are wired for pleasure. She spoke of multiple orgasms raising your level of energy and that you could use this energy for anything. She spoke of starting the day this way and taking the energy into your work.

Antonia spoke about first learning these techniques yourself. Her book walks you through the techniques. She said that once you master these techniques then taking them into a relationship with a partner is amazing and that exchanging energy as part of your sexual experience brings a couple much closer. She highlighted that you need to know someone well if you are going to exchange energy with them on this basis as you might find yourself taking on their garbage.

Antonia highlighted that it is possible for anyone at any stage of life to learn to be multi-orgasmic and that there are health benefits to doing so. It increases blood flow and oxygenation.

We covered so many topics during our discussion. I hope you enjoy it.

Learn more about Antonia at http://antoniahall.com/

Website Link: http://antoniahall.com/

Facebook Link: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorAntoniaHall/

Twitter Link: https://twitter.com/EdenSol

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to http://www.atozofsex.com (www.atozofsex.com) and click on the button that says ‘book now’. Please join me next week when the letter will N.

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is M and M is for Multi-Orgasmic. Multi-orgasmic usually refers to women who can have many orgasms in a single session of sex.  Women who have difficulty with this envy those who can achieve this state regularly. Men routinely envy women for this ability.  

My guest today is Antonia Hall  who is the award winning, bestselling author, of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. Ms. Hall is a self-improvement expert, psychologist and artist. She is committed to helping people bring more pleasure into their lives and, as a long time blogger, is known as an inspirational catalyst for positive living. Her teachings and writings offer practical guidance on utilizing our inherent sexuality to enrich our everyday lives. Antonia has a passion for helping people live to their greatest potential. 

(Ms. Hall graduated cum laude from Dominican University in Marin County, where she received a B.A. in Psychology. She received her M.A. at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. While she is based in Beverly Hills, California, Antonia is a worldwide traveler who has spent many years living abroad in the Netherlands, France, Mexico, and Costa Rica. She is also an artist and nature enthusiast who devotes time to protecting the environment and promoting green living.)

I welcomed Antonia and then asked for her definition of multi-orgasmic.  We spoke about men being capable of multiple orgasm as well as women and that this set of techniques has been around for over 5000 years.  She spoke about this coming from India and throughout Asia.  In India it is Tantra and in Asia Taoism. She talked of all types of orgasm including energy orgasms that are full body and come from bringing the sexual energy up through the body from the base of the spine and then rolling it back down again.  We talked about the importance of breathing and Antonia emphasised the fact that our bodies are wired for pleasure. She spoke of multiple orgasms raising your level of energy and that you could use this energy for anything.  She spoke of starting the day this way and taking the energy into your work. 

Antonia spoke about first learning these techniques yourself. Her book walks you through the techniques.  She said that once you master these techniques then taking them into a relationship with a partner is amazing and that exchanging energy as part of your sexual experience brings a couple much closer.  She highlighted that you need to know someone well if you are going to exchange energy with them on this basis as you might find yourself taking on their garbage.   

Antonia highlighted that it is possible for anyone at any stage of life to learn to be multi-orgasmic and that there are health benefits to doing so. It increases blood flow and oxygenation.  

We covered so many topics during our discussion.  I hope you enjoy it.

Learn more about Antonia at http://antoniahall.com/

Website Link: http://antoniahall.com/

Facebook Link: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorAntoniaHall/

Twitter Link: https://twitter.com/EdenSol

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.  Please join me next week when the letter will N.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is L and L is for love.

With all of this talk about sex, what about love? How important is love in relationship to sex? Where does love fit in? Is love necessary for good sex?

To help me answer these questions and many more, I’m joined today by Marta has been involved with tech since she left college and a couple of years ago joined to build Desire, a game for couples. Desire game can be as romantic as you want or as spicy as you want, depending on your mood and on what you like in that moment. The game uses gamification to spice up the relationship and bring couples closer creating great memories between them. Desire has currently half million downloads thru iPhone and Android and couples enjoy daring each other.

Today we talked all about love and sex. Self-love came out as the most important in order to create a satisfying sexual relationship. We spoke about love making sex extra spicy and that part of this is as a result of learning people over time. Marta spoke of listening to your partner’s body as being one element that makes sex more intense and that this comes when you love someone. We spoke about polyamory, non-monogamy and monogamy and how love blossoms in all forms of relationships. What’s love got to do with it when it comes to sex? Our consensus was everything – from self-love to the love we have for friends to being in love with our partners.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be M.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is L and L is for love. 

With all of this talk about sex, what about love? How important is love in relationship to sex? Where does love fit in?  Is love necessary for good sex?

To help me answer these questions and many more, I’m joined today by Marta has been involved with tech since she left college and a couple of years ago joined to build Desire, a game for couples. Desire game can be as romantic as you want or as spicy as you want, depending on your mood and on what you like in that moment. The game uses gamification to spice up the relationship and bring couples closer creating great memories between them. Desire has currently half million downloads thru iPhone and Android and couples enjoy daring each other.

Today we talked all about love and sex. Self-love came out as the most important in order to create a satisfying sexual relationship. We spoke about love making sex extra spicy and that part of this is as a result of learning people over time. Marta spoke of listening to your partner’s body as being one element that makes sex more intense and that this comes when you love someone.    We spoke about polyamory, non-monogamy and monogamy and how love blossoms in all forms of relationships. What’s love got to do with it when it comes to sex?  Our consensus was everything – from self-love to the love we have for friends to being in love with our partners.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be M.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is K and K is for Kinky. People who are identified as kinky are those who practice sexual activities that are outside of the norm.

Joining me today is Galen Fous. Galen is a sex positive therapist and kink sex educator and researcher. His focus includes sexual authenticity, sexual honesty, kink and power exchange sexuality and helping people to engage their wildest sexual desires free from shame. He has done research with over 2400 people on developing their personal erotic sexual myth.

For nearly two decades, Galen has helped hundreds of men, women and couples in workshops and his private practice who sought to embrace their authentic sexuality. He supports individuals to be honest and empowered in their sexual expression from Sacred to Kink, and heal from the decades of fear, shame and judgments that held their authentic desire back. He regularly presents at sexuality conferences, and lectures at universities and grad schools on the sexual psychology of Kink and D/s-BDSM. He has been interviewed in numerous media such as Playboy radio for his innovative views on conscious sexuality and the archetypal, mythic nature of Fetish sexuality. Galen’s latest book, Decoding Your Kink Guide to Explore, Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires has been praised by well respected sexual psychologists and educators as "Visionary ...Masterful ...Groundbreaking ...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read" An important component of his research into the nature of Fetishsexual and Kink desire is the development of the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey. This ground-breaking and ongoing research survey with over 2400 participants so far, is the first study that begins to document the mythic archetypal aspects of Fetish sexuality and the mapping of the sexual unconscious.

Galen thanks for joining me! We talked about Galen’s work on sexual authenticity and the origins of sexual authenticity disorder which is when someone is not able to be authentic about his sexuality and experiences shame and guilt when expressing his true sexuality. He spoke about the damage this does and how when we don’t accept our shadow side we express it in the most dangerous ways. Galen spoke about the ritual involved in some dominant submissive relationships and how this is used to create a safe container where the parties deeply trust each other so that they can experiment with even the edges of fetish and BDSM. He spoke about many of these sexual archetypes coming in pairs like dominant and submissive, master and slave, daddy and boi and that there is an explosion in the recognition of these diverse sexual orientations as a result of the internet and the spread of places where people can find people who want to love like them. We spoke about this creating many opportunities for people including the opportunity to become sexually authentic and to heal all the wounds and shame from suppressing their sexuality for so long.

Galen spoke about his research and the reasons for trying to map kink and fetish sexuality and the importance of teaching people how to identify their own archetypes and to learn the skills to express their sexuality safely.

Galen can be found at http://www.galenfous.com/.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to http://www.atozofsex.com...

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is K and K is for Kinky. People who are identified as kinky are those who practice sexual activities that are outside of the norm. 

Joining me today is Galen Fous. Galen is a sex positive therapist and kink sex educator and researcher. His focus includes sexual authenticity, sexual honesty, kink and power exchange sexuality and helping people to engage their wildest sexual desires free from shame. He has done research with over 2400 people on developing their personal erotic sexual myth.

For nearly two decades, Galen has helped hundreds of men, women and couples in workshops and his private practice who sought to embrace their authentic sexuality. He supports individuals to be honest and empowered in their sexual expression from Sacred to Kink, and heal from the decades of fear, shame and judgments that held their authentic desire back. He regularly presents at sexuality conferences, and lectures at universities and grad schools on the sexual psychology of Kink and D/s-BDSM. He has been interviewed in numerous media such as Playboy radio for his innovative views on conscious sexuality and the archetypal, mythic nature of Fetish sexuality. Galen’s latest book, Decoding Your Kink Guide to Explore, Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires has been praised by well respected sexual psychologists and educators as "Visionary ...Masterful ...Groundbreaking ...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read" 

An important component of his research into the nature of Fetishsexual and Kink desire is the development of the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey. This ground-breaking and ongoing research survey with over 2400 participants so far, is the first study that begins to document the mythic archetypal aspects of Fetish sexuality and the mapping of the sexual unconscious. 

Galen thanks for joining me! We talked about Galen’s work on sexual authenticity and the origins of sexual authenticity disorder which is when someone is not able to be authentic about his sexuality and experiences shame and guilt when expressing his true sexuality.  He spoke about the damage this does and how when we don’t accept our shadow side we express it in the most dangerous ways. Galen spoke about the ritual involved in some dominant submissive relationships and how this is used to create a safe container where the parties deeply trust each other so that they can experiment with even the edges of fetish and BDSM. He spoke about many of these sexual archetypes coming in pairs like dominant and submissive, master and slave, daddy and boi and that there is an explosion in the recognition of these diverse sexual orientations as a result of the internet and the spread of places where people can find people who want to love like them. We spoke about this creating many opportunities for people including the opportunity to become sexually authentic and to heal all the wounds and shame from suppressing their sexuality for so long. 

Galen spoke about his research and the reasons for trying to map kink and fetish sexuality and the importance of teaching people how to identify their own archetypes and to learn the skills to express their sexuality safely.

Galen can be found at http://www.galenfous.com/.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. 

Please join me next week when the letter will be L and L is for Love.

 

J is for Jilling Off

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is J and J is for Jilling Off (otherwise known as masturbation).

Today’s discussion is about self-pleasure. Masturbation is something that most people do and many people are unjustly ashamed of. Joining me today to talk about this juicy subject is Dr. Martha Tara Lee. She is is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists), as well as a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). Martha holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality as well as Certificates in Sex Therapy, Practical Counselling and Life Coaching. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40′ by Her World Singapore in July 2010 and ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women by CozyCot Singapore in March 2011.

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee decided to take it upon herself to be an advocate for positive sexuality in 2007. She set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality, then launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She has worked with a lot of couples (international and local) who have unconsummated marriage; men and women with sexual inhibitions and sexual desire discrepancies; men with erection and ejaculation concerns; as well as with GLBTQQ and kink folks. A born and bred Singaporean Chinese, Martha welcomes individuals as well as couples of all sexual orientations, and is available via Skype or face-to-face in Singapore. Martha speaks English and Mandarin.

Since 2011, she has been (and still is) the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. This accolade is only for those who meet the stringent requirements determined by AASECT, which is the leading professional organization for sexuality educators, sexuality counselors and sex therapists in the United States. In short, she strives to be the one of the best sexologists in the world.

She takes pride in making sure all her events are fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. You can read the testimonials she’s received over years here.

Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for http://www.menshealth.com.sg/sex-relationships (Men’s Health Singapore )(since 2009), and Men’s Health Malaysia (since 2010). She also contributes regularly towards YourTango and Elephant Journal. She is also the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. Her first book Love, Sex and Everything In-Between was published by Marshall Cavendish in Oct 2013, and her second Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between in Aug 2015.

Welcome to the show Martha! Let’s start with some parameters. What do you see falling under the term masturbation? ‘All forms of self-pleasure and self-love.’

We went on to talk about the importance of masturbation in creating self-love, self-knowledge and learning to trust your body....

J is for Jilling Off

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is J and J is for Jilling Off (otherwise known as masturbation).

Today’s discussion is about self-pleasure.  Masturbation is something that most people do and many people are unjustly ashamed of.    Joining me today to talk about this juicy subject is Dr. Martha Tara Lee.  She is is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists), as well as a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). Martha holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality as well as Certificates in Sex Therapy, Practical Counselling and Life Coaching. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40′ by Her World Singapore in July 2010 and ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women by CozyCot Singapore in March 2011.

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee decided to take it upon herself to be an advocate for positive sexuality in 2007. She set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality, then launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She has worked with a lot of couples (international and local) who have unconsummated marriage; men and women with sexual inhibitions and sexual desire discrepancies; men with erection and ejaculation concerns; as well as with GLBTQQ and kink folks. A born and bred Singaporean Chinese, Martha welcomes individuals as well as couples of all sexual orientations, and is available via Skype or face-to-face in Singapore. Martha speaks English and Mandarin.

Since 2011, she has been (and still is) the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. This accolade is only for those who meet the stringent requirements determined by AASECT, which is the leading professional organization for sexuality educators, sexuality counselors and sex therapists in the United States. In short, she strives to be the one of the best sexologists in the world.

She takes pride in making sure all her events are fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. You can read the testimonials she’s received over years here.

Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore (since 2009), and Men’s Health Malaysia (since 2010). She also contributes regularly towards YourTango and Elephant Journal. She is also the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. Her first book Love, Sex and Everything In-Between was published by Marshall Cavendish in Oct 2013, and her second Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between in Aug 2015.

Welcome to the show Martha!  Let’s start with some parameters.  What do you see falling under the term masturbation?  ‘All forms of self-pleasure and self-love.’

We went on to talk about the importance of masturbation in creating self-love, self-knowledge and learning to trust your body.  Martha hosts Masturbation Month in May and spends this time educating others on masturbation and how it can heal.  She talked about prolonged masturbation which lasts for hours and is used to help peel away layers so that the person can become completely comfortable with self and learn that love can come from within.  She spoke about the epiphany she experienced when she was practicing prolonged masturbation (a date with herself) when she realised that love can come from within and that she is already complete and does not need to look externally.  Martha said that this created a shift in her that has lasted and that she has attracted different types of people since this shift.

Martha spoke about sex magic and that this is when you make an intention for the energy you generate when masturbating or having sex.  She pointed out that this is the most renewable and powerful energy source we have and talked about before orgasm (or during or even after) setting an intention for the energy and sending it to world peace, or to those you love, or even to connecting with all orgasms past, present and future.

We highlighted that many people are so ashamed of a desire to masturbate and many people have little education about how to pleasure themselves.  We both agreed that getting rid of the shame and teaching self-pleasure is essential.  Martha reminded me that when someone masturbates, they can give themselves pleasure whether they are in a relationship or not and so don’t feel as obligated to enter into sexual experiences that don’t serve them. 

We also underscored how important trusting yourself is and that with masturbation you learn a deep level of self-trust.  You learn to trust your body and what your body can do and that this makes your experiences with others better as well.

You can find Dr Martha Lee here:

http://www.eroscoaching.com

http://www.facebook.com/eroscoaching

https://twitter.com/drmarthalee

https://www.youtube.com/user/drmarthalee

https://www.linkedin.com/in/leemartha 

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be K and K is for Kinky.

 

 

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is I and I is for infidelity.

There is nothing harder to recover from in a monogamous relationship than when a partner has been unfaithful. For some, infidelity is sexual straying only. For others, infidelity can be emotional – when a partner is emotionally more intimate with someone outside of the relationship.

Today I am joined by Dr. Duana Welch. Dr Welch is known for applying social science to people's real-life relationship issues. She is the author of Love Factually, the first book that uses science rather than opinion to take men and women through every stage of dating, from before they meet until they commit. She has been a professor at universities in Florida, California, and Texas, and she contributes to publications at Psychology Today, eHarmony, Redbook, and others. She also coaches men and women who want more love in their lives, via Skype and at her office in downtown Eugene, Oregon. To learn more about Duana and her book, visit www.LoveScienceMedia.com.

We started with a discussion about infidelity and Duana brought forward the research that says that for men infidelity is about sexual contact and for women about emotional intimacy. She highlighted this strong gender divide and the fact that research shows that men are far more upset by a wife straying sexually than by any emotional intimacy with other men. When looked at through the eyes of evolution this is understandable as the underlying fear was that the children would be from other men. Dr Welch points out that all of our ancestors are those who were able to survive and to procreate. She highlights that our psychology comes from those who were able to do these two things – survive and procreate. So that even though we have different cultural views now, we are still unconsciously influenced by these drives. She highlighted the fact that we can cognitively override them but only if we are aware of them and that even then, overriding these drives can be difficult.

Dr Welch said that research tells us that 2/3 of couples heal after an affair and that they often report the marriage is stronger than it was before the affair. She said that in order for this to happen, the party who strayed has to do a number of things. The first is take responsibility and tell the injured partner whatever she wants to know. For example, if she asks you if you slept with the other woman in the marital bed, you have to reply yes if you did so. She emphasised that if you conceal or lie further, the relationship will not survive or if it does, your partner will not trust you and that she is likely to make your life miserable as a result. She said that the second thing that the straying partner must do is live a transparent life from then forward.

We spoke about polyamory and monogamy. She highlighted studies that suggest that most people who are polyamorous either break up after a couple of years or return to monogamy. She said that there are differences with LGBTQ couples in that gay men tend to have more consensual non-monogamy and lesbians tend to be more monogamous. She pointed out that she is talking about serial monogamy being normative. She also highlighted throughout the interview that normative does not necessarily mean good and right.

We spoke about the biological tendency to prefer our kin to other people and that this is a strong drive as well. We both agreed that we don’t want the world to be this way but that it is and that we have to fight to overcome these unconscious influences.

Dr Welch talked about using science to work with the couples and individuals she sees for coaching. Her book, Love Factually, is available in most major...