The A to Z of Sex

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is I and I is for infidelity. 

There is nothing harder to recover from in a monogamous relationship than when a partner has been unfaithful. For some, infidelity is sexual straying only.  For others, infidelity can be emotional – when a partner is emotionally more intimate with someone outside of the relationship.

Today I am joined by Dr. Duana Welch. Dr Welch is known for applying social science to people's real-life relationship issues. She is the author of Love Factually, the first book that uses science rather than opinion to take men and women through every stage of dating, from before they meet until they commit. She has been a professor at universities in Florida, California, and Texas, and she contributes to publications at Psychology Today, eHarmony, Redbook, and others. She also coaches men and women who want more love in their lives, via Skype and at her office in downtown Eugene, Oregon. To learn more about Duana and her book, visit www.LoveScienceMedia.com. 

We started with a discussion about infidelity and Duana brought forward the research that says that for men infidelity is about sexual contact and for women about emotional intimacy. She highlighted this strong gender divide and the fact that research shows that men are far more upset by a wife straying sexually than by any emotional intimacy with other men.  When looked at through the eyes of evolution this is understandable as the underlying fear was that the children would be from other men. Dr Welch points out that all of our ancestors are those who were able to survive and to procreate. She highlights that our psychology comes from those who were able to do these two things – survive and procreate. So that even though we have different cultural views now, we are still unconsciously influenced by these drives.  She highlighted the fact that we can cognitively override them but only if we are aware of them and that even then, overriding these drives can be difficult.

Dr Welch said that research tells us that 2/3 of couples heal after an affair and that they often report the marriage is stronger than it was before the affair.  She said that in order for this to happen, the party who strayed has to do a number of things.  The first is take responsibility and tell the injured partner whatever she wants to know.  For example, if she asks you if you slept with the other woman in the marital bed, you have to reply yes if you did so.  She emphasised that if you conceal or lie further, the relationship will not survive or if it does, your partner will not trust you and that she is likely to make your life miserable as a result.  She said that the second thing that the straying partner must do is live a transparent life from then forward. 

We spoke about polyamory and monogamy. She highlighted studies that suggest that most people who are polyamorous either break up after a couple of years or return to monogamy. She said that there are differences with LGBTQ couples in that gay men tend to have more consensual non-monogamy and lesbians tend to be more monogamous. She pointed out that she is talking about serial monogamy being normative. She also highlighted throughout the interview that normative does not necessarily mean good and right. 

We spoke about the biological tendency to prefer our kin to other people and that this is a strong drive as well. We both agreed that we don’t want the world to be this way but that it is and that we have to fight to overcome these unconscious influences. 

Dr Welch talked about using science to work with the couples and individuals she sees for coaching.  Her book, Love Factually, is available in most major bookstores, on kindle, and audible as well. 

To find Duana, have a look at her website:

http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/

Facebook link:

https://www.facebook.com/duanawelch

Twitter link:

https://twitter.com/duanawelch

Other social media links:

http://www.lovefactually.co/

Listeners can get a free chapter and learn more at http://www.lovefactually.co/

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.  Please join me next week when the letter will be J.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is H and H is for HIV, Herpes and other Sexually Transmitted Infections.

So often information about sexually transmitted infections and sexual health is accessed only once. Many people never really learn much about the types of problems that can arise as a result of sex. We don’t make learning about it sexy and people often prefer to avoid things that are unpleasant, awkward or might cause conflict.

Today I am taking you through a grand tour of sexually transmitted infections and diseases. I will describe the disease, how you transmit it/catch it and any treatment available as well as how you can prevent it. Since we started doing this for the letter H, I will start with all the diseases that begin with H.

H is for Hepatitis (A,B,C,D, E). Hepatitis comes in at least 5 forms. Hepatitis is an inflammation and/or infection of the liver. Your liver is the organ responsible for cleaning your blood, detoxifies chemicals, metabolizes drugs and makes proteins that are needed for clotting. Acute hepatitis either resolves on its own, progresses to chronic forms. Chronic hepatitis can lead to liver scarring or liver cancer. The most common causes of hepatitis are viruses. But some can be caused by alcohol abuse and autoimmune disease. Types A and E are spread primarily through contaminated food and water. Types B and C are blood born viruses and spread through needle sharing and sexual activity where there is access to the blood stream. Type D only infects those who are already infected with type B. There are vaccines for Hepatitis A and B but not for the rest. Prevention is having safe sex (using barrier methods for all sexual activity).

There are a variety of treatments for hepatitis C now and some can be quite successful. Because hepatitis can lead to liver failure and liver cancer, screening is essential and treatment as early on give the best chance of recovery. If you are diagnosed with hepatitis, you must abstain completely from alcohol and limit your drug intake (including prescriptions and over the counter medication) to decrease the stress on the liver.

H is for Herpes: Herpes comes in a variety of forms. There is a family of 9 herpes viruses that attacks humans and that includes herpes simplex 1 and 2, varicella zoster, Epstein-Barr and cytomegalovirus. Herpes simplex 1 and 2 are the ones that cause oral and genital herpes. The viruses are caught via skin to skin contact when the virus is active (from when the tingling first appears until new skin has grown). You can catch it in more than one place but will rarely spread it through your body. First outbreaks can involve flu like symptoms as well as blisters and sores at the infected area. Some people have repeated outbreaks and others have only one.

6 out of 10 people in the UK have type 1 by age 25 and 1 out of 10 have type 2. Most people who have herpes have mild or no symptoms and so do not know they have it. Antiviral medication can prevent outbreaks and make them resolve more quickly.

H is for HIV: HIV is a virus that attacks the immune system and weakens the body’s ability to fight other viruses. There is no cure but there are many treatments that help people to live a long and healthy life. AIDS is the last stage of HIV infection. Early diagnosis and treatment of HIV prevents things moving on to become AIDS.

HIV is contained in body fluids of infected people. You can contract it from having sex without a condom or from sharing needles or there is transmission from mother to child during pregnancy, birth or breast feeding. For the most part, HIV is spread through anal or vaginal sex but it is possible

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is H and H is for HIV, Herpes and other Sexually Transmitted Infections.

So often information about sexually transmitted infections and sexual health is accessed only once.    Many people never really learn much about the types of problems that can arise as a result of sex.  We don’t make learning about it sexy and people often prefer to avoid things that are unpleasant, awkward or might cause conflict.

Today I am taking you through a grand tour of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.   I will describe the disease, how you transmit it/catch it and any treatment available as well as how you can prevent it.    Since we started doing this for the letter H, I will start with all the diseases that begin with H.

H is for Hepatitis (A,B,C,D, E).  Hepatitis comes in at least 5 forms.  Hepatitis is an inflammation and/or infection of the liver.   Your liver is the organ responsible for cleaning your blood, detoxifies chemicals, metabolizes drugs and makes proteins that are needed for clotting.   Acute hepatitis either resolves on its own, progresses to chronic forms.  Chronic hepatitis can lead to liver scarring or liver cancer.  The most common causes of hepatitis are viruses.  But some can be caused by alcohol abuse and autoimmune disease.  Types A and E are spread primarily through contaminated food and water.  Types B and C are blood born viruses and spread through needle sharing and sexual activity where there is access to the blood stream.  Type D only infects those who are already infected with type B.   There are vaccines for Hepatitis A and B but not for the rest.    Prevention is having safe sex (using barrier methods for all sexual activity).

There are a variety of treatments for hepatitis C now and some can be quite successful.  Because hepatitis can lead to liver failure and liver cancer, screening is essential and treatment as early on give the best chance of recovery.    If you are diagnosed with hepatitis, you must abstain completely from alcohol and limit your drug intake (including prescriptions and over the counter medication) to decrease the stress on the liver.

H is for Herpes:  Herpes comes in a variety of forms.  There is a family of 9 herpes viruses that attacks humans and that includes herpes simplex 1 and 2, varicella zoster, Epstein-Barr and cytomegalovirus.  Herpes simplex 1 and 2 are the ones that cause oral and genital herpes.   The viruses are caught via skin to skin contact when the virus is active (from when the tingling first appears until new skin has grown).  You can catch it in more than one place but will rarely spread it through your body.  First outbreaks can involve flu like symptoms as well as blisters and sores at the infected area.  Some people have repeated outbreaks and others have only one. 

6 out of 10 people in the UK have type 1 by age 25 and 1 out of 10 have type 2.  Most people who have herpes have mild or no symptoms and so do not know they have it.  Antiviral medication can prevent outbreaks and make them resolve more quickly.

H is for HIV: HIV is a virus that attacks the immune system and weakens the body’s ability to fight other viruses.  There is no cure but there are many treatments that help people to live a long and healthy life.    AIDS is the last stage of HIV infection.     Early diagnosis and treatment of HIV prevents things moving on to become AIDS.

HIV is contained in body fluids of infected people.  You can contract it from having sex without a condom or from sharing needles or there is transmission from mother to child during pregnancy, birth or breast feeding.  For the most part, HIV is spread through anal or vaginal sex but it is possible for it to be spread through oral sex and sharing sex toys though this is much rarer.

There is medication that can prevent you contracting the virus if you were exposed.  You must take that medication within three days for it to be effective.  This is called PEP medication (Post-exposure prophalaxis).

You should be tested as soon as you believe you may have been eposed and then again one to three months after as it can take this long for the antibodies to show up in the blood.    Antiretroviral treatment can be extremely effective in bringing the viral load to undetectable.   To prevent HIV transmission: abstain from sex or use a barrier method of prevention (condom, femidom).

Current NHS statistics for HIV in the UK: 1 in every 620 people has HIV.  Two groups have the highest incidence: Gay and bisexual men (approximately 1 in 20) and Black African heterosexual (approximately 1 in 56 men and 1 in 22 women).    Of course these statistics don’t include those who are not yet diagnosed and don’t know they are infected.

The estimate for world wide prevalence is 35 million people are living with HIV and the majority of these cases are in sub-Saharan Africa.  There are currently clinical vaccine trials going on in the United Kingdom.

H is for Human Papillomavirus: Most infections cause no symptoms and resolve spontaneously.  In some they produce warts or precancerous lesions.  Nearly all cervical cancer is linked to HPV.  This is the most common sexually transmitted infection globally.  Most people are infected at some point in their lives.  There is now a vaccine that is very effective if given before infection. 

Gonorrhea  can infect men and women.  The infection is very common in 15-24 year olds.    It can affect genitals, rectum and throat. Most women with gonorrhoea have no symptoms.  Men may have burning when peeing and a discharge from the penis.  Gonorrhea can be cured with antibiotics although there are now some serious drug-resistant strains.    If you do not get treatment, women can contract Pelvic Inflammatory Disease which can lead to infertility.  Men can get a painful condition in the tubes attached to the testicles and this can lead to infertility.  Rarely untreated gonorrhoea can spread to blood or joints and this can be life-threatening.

Syphyllis: This STD is easily treated with antibiotics (primarily penicillin).  If it is untreated, it can lead to neurological or heart symptoms an eventually death. 

It causes non-cancerous growths that cause symptoms that look like many other diseases because of where they grow.    Syphyllis can be prevented by using condoms as long as the chancre (sore) is covered.   Syphyllis also increases the rate of transmission of HIV.

Chlamydia: This is a bacterial infection.  Many people who are infected have no symptoms.  This is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections.  It effects 4.2% of women and 2.7% of men worldwide.  In women the infection untreated can cause ectopic pregnancies or pelvic inflammatory disease leading to infertility.  The infection can be cured by antibiotics.  Women who are sexually active should be screened yearly.   Prevention is by abstinence or condom use.

Trichomoniasis is an infection caused by a single cell organisam.  Women are more likely to have it than men.  It is easily treated.  Women who havr the infection are more likely to become infected with HIV if exposed to HIV.

Crabs (pubic lice) are contracted by close contact with someone who has them or their bedding or clothing  (just as with other forms of lice).  They can be treated in the same way other lice is treated. 

Scabies is a contagious skin condition caused by a mite.  It can be caught from skin to skin contact or contact with clothing or bedding of the infected person.  It can be cured through the use of chemicals like lice.

Bacterial vaginosis is caused by too much of a certain bacteria in the vagina.  It is unclear how this imbalance occurs but it rarely happens in women who are not sexually active.  Having a new sexual partner or multiple partners as well as douching raises the incidence of an imbalance making the risk higher.    It can resolve without treatment but treatment is fairly easy and as there are risks that go with leaving it untreated (higher risk of contracting HIV if exposed, risk of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, higher risk of contracting chlamydia and gonorrhoea, higher risk of delivering a baby early) it makes sense to treat it as soon as possible.

The best way to prevent infections is of course abstinence but this no fun.  The second best way is to have only one sexual partner who has been tested and found clear of all infections.   If you are having more than one partner, using barrier methods (condoms, femidoms) is the best protection though it won’t be perfect protection.  If you want to go without barrier methods, get regularly tested and recognise that you will be running a higher risk of contracting infections.   Make sure that the decisions you make factor in the risks.    There is nothing in life that does not contain risks.  Balancing risks and accepting responsibility for your choices is the job of the adult and leads to a more joy filled life.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex.  Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be I and I is for Infidelity.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is G and G is for Group Sex.

I get lots of questions about whether being polyamorous means that you have a lot of group sex. In short, no. You can have group sex as a one off fantasy event, as part of a non-monogamous relationship style (like swinging), or as part of a polyamorous relationship. There are as many polyamorous folks who are not fond of kinky sex as there are folks who enjoy it.

Group sex is defined as sex with any more than two people participating. I include when people are watching as participants as observers always impact upon what they observe. Enjoying group sexual activities requires a degree of self-confidence and sexual confidence. If you have no confidence, you are likely to spend the entire time feeling self-conscious and that is not at all fun.

Part of feeling confident when it comes to a group experience can be down to the atmosphere and planning that goes into the experience. Some environments bring together people who know each other and others bring together strangers. It takes a different type of confidence to manage an environment full of strangers than it does an environment full of friends and acquaintances.

Dr Katherine Frank spent a year studying all different types of group sex. She points out in her introduction that images of group sex can be found in Paleolithic cave art and that many societies through the ages have engaged in group sex.

Group sex comes in a variety of flavours:

Threesomes or menage a trois: This looks like what it says – three people engage in sex with each other. This can take the form of any mix of genders or sexual orientations. Having a threesome with another woman is one of the most popular male fantasies. Single bisexual women are often sought after by couples who want to engage in this type of groups sex and they are called unicorns (because they can be very hard to find).

Couples playing together is the next most common form of group sex. This is usually done privately. Couples meet online, through swinging sites and sometimes at swingers clubs. As long as all members of the couple are excited by the idea, this can be one of the easiest group sex combinations for couples as there tends to be less jealousy because everyone is involved.

Wife swapping: These parties became popular 1960’s and 1970’s and have had a resurgence since the 1990’s. It was popular to have the swaps be random so as to limit jealousy and this lead to key parties in which all the car keys were put in a bowl and each man (or woman) chose a key from the bowl and the owner of the key was his partner for the evening.

Swinging: Not all swingers engage in group sex. At many swinger’s clubs and parties, you will see a variety of group activities. Many people enjoy watching at swinger’s clubs and parties.

Dogging: This is a largely British practice where people meet in large carparks and have sex in cars whilst others watch. Sometimes spots are simply known as dogging spots – other times groups are arranged via email with some participating and others watching.

Orgies are often seen to be larger groups having sex together or next to each other. Bathhouses catered primarily to gay men and in the pre-AIDS days, were often anonymous sex. These days anonymous sex still happens but more people are aware of the risks they are taking and insist on condoms and other barrier methods of protection when engaging in group and/or anonymous sex.

Japan has the record for the largest orgy – 250 couples having sex together.

Orgies are often seen to be more decadent and sometimes negative than group sex.

Gangbangs are usually one person being fucked

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is G and G is for Group Sex.

I get lots of questions about whether being polyamorous means that you have a lot of group sex.  In short, no.  You can have group sex as a one off fantasy event, as part of a non-monogamous relationship style (like swinging), or as part of a polyamorous relationship.   There are as many polyamorous folks who are not fond of kinky sex as there are folks who enjoy it.

Group sex is defined as sex with any more than two people participating.  I include when people are watching as participants as observers always impact upon what they observe.   Enjoying group sexual activities requires a degree of self-confidence and sexual confidence.   If you have no confidence, you are likely to spend the entire time feeling self-conscious and that is not at all fun.

Part of feeling confident when it comes to a group experience can be down to the atmosphere and planning that goes into the experience.  Some environments bring together people who know each other and others bring together strangers.  It takes a different type of confidence to manage an environment full of strangers than it does an environment full of friends and acquaintances.

Dr Katherine Frank spent a year studying all different types of group sex.  She points out in her introduction that images of group sex can be found in Paleolithic cave art and that many societies through the ages have engaged in group sex.

Group sex comes in a variety of flavours:

Threesomes or menage a trois:  This looks like what it says – three people engage in sex with each other.  This can take the form of any mix of genders or sexual orientations.  Having a threesome with another woman is one of the most popular male fantasies.  Single bisexual women are often sought after by couples who want to engage in this type of groups sex and they are called unicorns (because they can be very hard to find). 

Couples playing together is the next most common form of group sex.  This is usually done privately.  Couples meet online, through swinging sites and sometimes at swingers clubs.  As long as all members of the couple are excited by the idea, this can be one of the easiest group sex combinations for couples as there tends to be less jealousy because everyone is involved. 

Wife swapping:  These parties became popular 1960’s and 1970’s and have had a resurgence since the 1990’s.  It was popular to have the swaps be random so as to limit jealousy and this lead to key parties in which all the car keys were put in a bowl and each man (or woman) chose a key from the bowl and the owner of the key was his partner for the evening.

Swinging:  Not all swingers engage in group sex.  At many swinger’s clubs and parties, you will see a variety of group activities.  Many people enjoy watching at swinger’s clubs and parties.     

Dogging:  This is a largely British practice where people meet in large carparks and have sex in cars whilst others watch.  Sometimes spots are simply known as dogging spots – other times groups are arranged via email with some participating and others watching. 

Orgies are often seen to be larger groups having sex together or next to each other.   Bathhouses catered primarily to gay men and in the pre-AIDS days, were often anonymous sex.  These days anonymous sex still happens but more people are aware of the risks they are taking and insist on condoms and other barrier methods of protection when engaging in group and/or anonymous sex.

Japan has the record for the largest orgy – 250 couples having sex together.

Orgies are often seen to be more decadent and sometimes negative than group sex. 

Gangbangs are usually one person being fucked and many people fucking.  Most often it is a woman who is being fucked and men who are fucking her.  However, not always.   

As with all other sexual activity, consent is essential.  In supercharged sexual environments, people can assume that others consent merely by being present.  This is not true.  Being present does not mean that someone has consented to participate in any activities.  Specific consent must be sought and granted in order to involve someone in a group sex activity. 

By definition, group sex involves having sexual contact with more than one other person.  This raises the risk of catching sexually transmitted infections.  If you want to lower your risk, use condoms, dental dams, gloves.   Remember that condoms need to be changed each time they enter a different hole.  Don’t go from anus to vagina without changing condoms or you are asking for an infection.  The purpose of the condom is defeated if you don’t change it between people!  Bring lots of supplies to parties even when they say they are supplying them just in case.

Does group sex appeal to you?  If it does, here are some tips to make your first (and next and next) experiences good ones:

First, if you are going to engage with your partner, spend time discussing your desires and negotiating the rules before you engage.  Make sure to cover contact with other partners after the experience, boundaries (eg are there any activities that are off limits?) and how you will manage if the experience is not going well?  Will you have a signal to leave the party?  What will you do to reconnect after? 

Second, make sure you know what type of party/experience you are attending?  There are so many different types of parties.  Some have strict rules (There are parties that are female only or male only or queer only for example)  Some have different themes.   Find out the expectations before you get to the event.    Agree what you will do if you are bored or no one is doing anything.  Will you get things started?  If so, how will you do it?

Try lots of different activities:

Daisy chains are great fun because everyone is giving and receiving.  Often daisy chains are all oral sex (as that is fairly easy to orchestrate). 

Take a turn as the centre of attention and see how it feels to experience at least a few people playing with you at once.  This can include penetration or not. 

Spend your time bringing pleasure to a number of people.  Focus on them and not on receiving. 

Be a voyeur for the night.  Confine yourself to watching others and masturbating and see what that is like. 

Have some light kink during the sex.  Add in a spanking or have someone be in charge and orchestrate all of the actions.

 Try a sexual activity you have not tried before.  Never given a rim job?  Why not try it on this night.    At the same time recognise that you will not be able to do everything and be part of everything.  Don’t worry.  There will be other times!  Stay in the now and enjoy what you are doing. 

Remember to pace yourself.  All this activity is very exciting and the temptation is to jump into everything.  Careful or you will burn out or be overwhelmed. 

Try out different types of group scenarios and see what you prefer.  Do you like just adding one to your two?  What about swapping with one other couple?  A small party of 15 people or so?  What about a large event of over 100?  There is no right way to do this and what is important is that you have the opportunity to experiment and to decide how you feel after you do.

If you attend a party or a club, remember to observe other people’s boundaries.  There is nothing worse than being interrupted in the middle of some beautiful sex.  If you find it hard to figure out how and when to join in, ask one of the organisers or someone who has been doing this for awhile for some guidance. 

Be clear about your boundaries and don’t feel pressured to change them in the middle of a party.  It’s best not to change your boundaries then because you may be doing it as a result of the excitement and feeling pressured and then later be unhappy that you have done so.   This isn’t the only opportunity you will have to engage in group sex.  Stick to the agreements you made with yourself before hand and also if you are part of a couple, the agreements you made before attending. 

Rejection can feel awful at a party or a club.  Don’t take it personally.  You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but then not everyone will be yours either.  When you reject someone, do it nicely but also firmly.  Don’t get pressured into doing something with someone if you don’t want to.  

Remember that the point is to have fun!  It may feel awkward at first.  Take some deep breaths.  If you aren’t feeling relaxed, find someone to help you with a light massage.    If this first event isn’t for you, head home and chalk it up to experience.  And then decide if it was the event or the whole idea of group sex.    If you are still interested, find another event to try.

Make it a practice of talking to the organisers before deciding to go to an event as the ore information you have, the more likely you are to find an event that will rock your world.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship.   For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.   If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be H and H is for HIV, Herpes and other Sexually Transmitted Infections.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is F and F is for Forum

I am podcasting from the Yourtango Expert’s event and have asked all the helping professionals here to ask me some questions about sex and sexuality.

This is a shorter podcast than usual as it was part of a workshop on Podcasting!

I threw the floor open for any questions about any topic of sex and sexuality. Everyone one was great and we ran out of time before we ran out of questions. First question we talked about the fact that often it is more of an obsession than an addiction. I was asked by a matchmaker what to do when a client tells you that he likes to wear women’s underwear and whether the client should tell the prospective match or the matchmaker should take this into account and secondly when to tell someone about your kinky desires. I said that sometimes doing some pre-screening to make sure that the people you are matching with this man are at least open to alternative forms of sexuality.

I was asked about the most common fetishes and said that transvestism is very common. I was asked to talk about the value of outercourse instead of intercourse and spoke about how important outer course (which is sex that doesn’t involve penetration) is in so many situations particularly when there are sexual problems.

I was asked about people who are note having sex because the man is spending so much time with pornography. I highlighted the fact that I unpick that and find out when this started. Sometimes people use pornography because the sex in the relationship stops.

How do you work with survivors of sexual abuse was the next question. I started by saying the first thing is to make sure they have done their trauma work. After that is done, then work on creating sex. First that usually involves shame and guilt. Fully 50% of the people I have worked with over the years who have suffered sexual trauma have a memory from that time that turns them on. And they are devastated by this. They have a memory from something that was horrifically traumatic and they did not consent to and yet it turns them on. When talking about childhood sexual abuse, your body responds to touch. It does not know any better, it simply responds. You must work through the shame and the guilt and allay their fears and then begin to create safety again.

Couples who have been together a long time and they just stop having sex – what are your thoughts about that? Well they usually don’t just stop having sex. There are reasons they stop having sex. So for example, women with low libido some advice is do it anyway because once you get started it feels good. I need to have some idea of why they stop and for how long because it becomes a habit. What really upsets me is that they stop touching and stop being affectionate too which has a negative effect on your physical and mental well being too.

Additional questions that didn’t make it on this podcast will be answered in future episodes.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’. If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes and/or Stitcher and please subscribe! Join me next week when the letter will be G and G is for Group Sex.

E is for Education

Please see full description on https://atozofsex.com/podcast

In this episode I interviewed Sony and Sacha from Australia who are motivational speakers and who speak at 200 schools each every year on topics to do with sex, gender and internet safety. They have a television show as well as a radio show in Australia. The conversation ranged from talking to children about where babies come from to talking to university students about consent. We spent some time highlighting how important it is to have a connection with your children so that they will feel comfortable bringing you the difficult stuff.

Their site is www.sonyaandsacha.com.au and they can also be found on youtube: sonyaandsacha

E is for Education

Please see full description on https://atozofsex.com/podcast

In this episode I interviewed Sony and Sacha from Australia who are motivational speakers and who speak at 200 schools each every year on topics to do with sex, gender and internet safety.  They have a television show as well as a radio show in Australia.  The conversation ranged from talking to children about where babies come from to talking to university students about consent.  We spent some time highlighting how important it is to have a connection with your children so that they will feel comfortable bringing you the difficult stuff.  

Their site is www.sonyaandsacha.com.au  and they can also be found on youtube: sonyaandsacha  

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter d and d is for dating and sex.

Lorna Poole is dating coach who helps smart, savvy successful women who are single find love with a great guy by showing you how to master the dating phase from getting asked out to I do. She is the Founder & CEO of Lorna Poole, Magnet For Love Coaching after her own love disaster; she decided it was time to get it right. She realized she kept attracting the wrong guys and knew if she never took her love life seriously, she would never meet her Mr. Right. Luckily for Lorna, she is now in a loving relationship with her “great guy”.

We all know dating can be a minefield but not if you know what you are doing. Today on the show Lorna is going to share with you some really crucial tips that will change how you date forever, so that you can win that guy over for good.

Lorna spoke about how important knowing yourself and your own boundaries is to finding the relationship you desire. She shared that often people stick to old patterns without realising that this is what they are doing. We spoke about how patterns come from our childhoods and that people gravitate to what feels familiar.

She talked about how important it is to let men know that you are interested in them, to allow them to step up into the masculine role. Lorna reminds women that the right guy will step up and the wrong guy will drift away. She said that women are too quick to chase after someone who doesn’t respond to them or treats them poorly and pointed out that if a woman is clear about what she wants that a man will either, accept this and act accordingly or not.

We both agreed how important it is to set your own boundaries about sexual behaviour as it relates to dating and to do what feels right for you. We highlighted pressure to have sex early on in the relationship and that for some women this doesn’t feel good. If you violate your own boundary, you are likely to feel bad about this so Lorna reminds women to forgive themselves. She points out that you have to let go of any negative and positive emotional charge from the past in order to make space to create the new pattern.

We spoke about handling the safe sex conversation and Lorna stated that the woman should be clear that she is excited about having sex with the man and that she only has sex with a man when he wears and condom and then to finish by telling the man how much she is looking forward to sleeping with him. Keeping the positive up front instead of presenting safe sex as a problem.

Lorna advises women to create desire and interest and be confident of their needs and desires. We agree that there is nothing like a woman who knows what she wants and states it clearly.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to http://www.atozofsex.com (www.atozofsex.com) and click on the button that says ‘book now’. Please join me next week when the letter will be E.

Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter d and d is for dating and sex.

Lorna Poole is dating coach who helps smart, savvy successful women who are single find love with a great guy by showing you how to master the dating phase from getting asked out to I do.

She is the Founder & CEO of Lorna Poole, Magnet For Love Coaching after her own love disaster; she decided it was time to get it right. She realized she kept attracting the wrong guys and knew if she never took her love life seriously, she would never meet her Mr. Right. Luckily for Lorna, she is now in a loving relationship with her “great guy”.

We all know dating can be a minefield but not if you know what you are doing. Today on the show Lorna is going to share with you some really crucial tips that will change how you date forever, so that you can win that guy over for good.

Lorna spoke about how important knowing yourself and your own boundaries is to finding the relationship you desire. She shared that often people stick to old patterns without realising that this is what they are doing. We spoke about how patterns come from our childhoods and that people gravitate to what feels familiar.  

She talked about how important it is to let men know that you are interested in them, to allow them to step up into the masculine role.  Lorna reminds women that the right guy will step up and the wrong guy will drift away. She said that women are too quick to chase after someone who doesn’t respond to them or treats them poorly and pointed out that if a woman is clear about what she wants that a man will either, accept this and act accordingly or not.

We both agreed how important it is to set your own boundaries about sexual behaviour as it relates to dating and to do what feels right for you. We highlighted pressure to have sex early on in the relationship and that for some women this doesn’t feel good.  If you violate your own boundary, you are likely to feel bad about this so Lorna reminds women to forgive themselves. She points out that you have to let go of any negative and positive emotional charge from the past in order to make space to create the new pattern.

We spoke about handling the safe sex conversation and Lorna stated that the woman should be clear that she is excited about having sex with the man and that she only has sex with a man when he wears and condom and then to finish by telling the man how much she is looking forward to sleeping with him.  Keeping the positive up front instead of presenting safe sex as a problem. 

Lorna advises women to create desire and interest and be confident of their needs and desires.  We agree that there is nothing like a woman who knows what she wants and states it clearly. 

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to [email protected] and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about alternative sexual choices, types of sexual relationships and to learn to sizzle and create that ideal lasting intimate relationship. For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.  Please join me next week when the letter will be E.