The Accidental Negotiator

In the world of negotiating there are number of classic questions that  we all deal with each time we start a negotiation. 

One of the biggest is  whether or not we should be the ones who make the first offer. The answer to this question is generally “yes” – lots of research has gone into what is called “anchoring bias” and it tells us that no matter what negotiation styles and negotiating  techniques are being used, we should be the ones who move first. What is  anchoring in negotiation you ask? 

In a negotiation centered on either  price or another issue, the party who moves first typically benefits by  “anchoring” the discussion that follows on their offer—even if the  anchor is arbitrary.

Let’s face it – you can’t negotiate without having some emotions come  into play. 

We all tend to get upset, excited, depressed, and elated at  different times during a negotiation because of the negotiation styles  and negotiating techniques that are involved. Without a lot of surprise  it turns out that the people who study such things are learning about  the connections among emotions, negotiators, and decision making. 

Since  such emotions can influence the results of our negotiations, it sure  seems as though we should take some time and understand how our emotions  can influence our outcomes.

When we enter into a negotiation, we are facing a number of different  challenges. 

One of the biggest can be cultural barriers to communication  if the other side comes from a different background than you do. In  order to overcome such issues, we need to find different ways to use our  negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to communicate with the  other side using manners, body language, and perhaps even our physical  appearance. When we are negotiating with someone online, a number of the ways that we communicate will not be available to us. 

However, we are still going to have to find a way to build a sense of rapport with them.

So I’ve got a quick question for you: what’s the goal of your next negotiation?  

I’m pretty sure that you’re going to tell me that you want to be able  to reach a deal with the other side. I’d say that not only do you want  to reach a deal with them, but you want to reach a deal with them that  both sides believe that they can live with. 

This is the essence of  win-win negotiation. I think that we can all agree that it’s something  that we’d all like to be able to do; however, the big question is how  can we use win-win negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to get  what we want?

It goes without saying that when we sit down at the negotiating table,  both sides have a different view of the world. 

We both want something  and in order to get what we want, the other side is going to have to be  willing to give something up. The fact that we all have different  preferences means that if we are not careful our negotiations can grind  to a halt. 

What we need to get good at is using our negotiation styles  and negotiating techniques to find ways to create mutually beneficial agreements during our negotiations that both sides will be able to live with.

Negotiating is all about having a discussion with the other side while  using your negotiation styles and negotiating techniques with the hope  of changing the way that they see the world. 

As expected, this kind of  change does not always happen easily – a negotiation can cause conflicts to occur.  When an issue flares up and conflict resolution is required, the  outcome can be predictable: the conflict gets bigger and bigger, with  each side blaming the other in increasingly angry terms. The dispute may  end up in litigation, and the relationship may be forever damaged. 

As  negotiators, what we need are negotiation strategies that we can use to resolve situations like this.

We are all human. 

What this means is that for some odd and unexplained  reason no mater which negotiation styles or negotiating techniques we  are using, we all seem to like things that come in threes.  In our world it seems as though all good things come in groups of  three. Think about it, your childhood was filled with three bears, three  kings, three little pigs, etc. 

It turns out that for negotiators,  things that come in groups of three can be rewarding as well.

The reason that we enter into a negotiation is because we want to be  able to use our negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to reach a  deal with the other side. 

The challenge that we have is that what we  want and what they want may be two very different things. The whole  purpose of a negotiation is for us to find a way to build bridges  between our two opposing camps and find some common ground that both of  us can live with. The one thing that we don’t want to have happen is for  us to run into an impasse – that would be a negotiation failure. 

What can we do to make sure that this does not happen?

I can only speak for myself, but I have no problem sharing with you that  during a negotiation I can become very, very frustrated with how things  are going. 

No matter if your negotiation styles and negotiating  techniques are causing things to go too slow, go off in the wrong  direction, or, even worse, not go anywhere. I start to become angrier and angrier as time passes. This, of course, leads to a fairly classic negotiating question. 

When you become angry during a negotiation, should you hide your emotions or should you show them to the other side?

Not every negotiation that we are involved in will work out for us. 

In  fact, some of them will fail. When we think of failed negotiations,  generally we picture negotiators walking away from the table in  disappointment. It turns out that that’s only one type of disappointing  negotiation. It turns out that there is another type of failure when it comes to negotiating.  A negotiation can be considered to be a failure when both sides come to  regret the deal over time as well as those deals that fall apart during  implementation. 

As negotiators, we need to learn how to avoid creating  deals that will become failures.