The Cannon Canon

"I. am. Eeeeeviiiiillll!" Happy New Year! Crank up Shadow and join Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as we do commentary (or watch along, whatever you want to call it, nerds) to our favorite underrated Cannon horror gem, NEW YEAR'S EVIL!

Hope your 2022 is more of an "American Ninja 2" than a "Pirates"! Enjoy, Cannon Canon heads!

And remember...."All that don't mean doodly-dee squat. When a girl doesn't have a date on New Year's, she's in sh*t city."

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Ninjas, Gods, Aliens, Female Special Ops Groups, Living and Undead Rock Stars & Cops, Dystopian Futures, Italians, Rocket Truck Texas Rangers and Vigilantes Galore! 2021 was quite the year for The Cannon Canon! In this episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) pick their 5 favorite Cannon films covered on The Cannon Canon this past year. And for good measure, we throw in a couple of favorite "COULD'VE Been a Cannon" flicks and two movies that almost made the "Pirates" stink pile. Let us know your favorite films The Cannon Canon covered this year, boyo!

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"Don't let me die alone!!!" Picked by our Patreon members, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) dip our toes back in the scuzzy waters of Michael Winner with 1983's THE WICKED LADY! A movie the Cannon Bros are very conflicted about (but passes the "Pluto TV" test).

In this episode, we talk about how much the "Razzies" suck, how the movie benefits from Faye Dunaway's gloriously unhinged and elated performance and of course- Cannon obligatory sex scenes.

We also ask, could this be a camp classic? Would you buy a “Winner Winner, Bronson dinner!” shirt? Do we write an episode of Charles Rocket-era SNL with Michael Winner or Charles Bronson hosting? And THAT’S Commander Troi?!

What else...what else…oh yeah...WHIP FIGHT!!!

It's a 2 for 1 podcast because within this episode of The Cannon Canon you also get our "Talkin’ Genesis" podcast. 

Steal your cousin's lover (twice), slowly poison a man of god* and enjoy this episode! 

(*reference to the movie DO NOT actually do this)

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ONLY A NINJA CAN STOP A NINJA! That's right, we're talkin' about the 1983 Shô Kosugi Cannon essential REVENGE OF THE NINJA! And joining us is a ninja in his own right, Brian Wecht (Ninja Sex Party, Leighton Night, and Go Banana Go!)! 

We gush about the amazing Shô and the introduction of his stylish and kickass son Kane, Firstenberg’s brilliance, tennis court deathmatches, and of course... Fringe.

We also talk about how the soundtrack rips, No Pants Karate, local UHF channels, rent-to-own prices, Brian's sensitivity as a child that caused him to miss a portion of The Great Muppet Caper and somehow we stumble upon Krippendorf's Tribe?

Revenge of the Ninja is a movie sure to have you saying, "That's my bag of apples!"

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NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN! HO....HO.....HO....and Jingle All the Way. Cannon Bro Geoff has gone rogue this week and decided to have a roundtable discussion about HOLIDAY ACTION MOVIES! Geoff is joined by good friend and fellow movie addict JOHN MURRAY(30 Rock, The Bosscast, John and Geoff Are Married) and we go deep. That's right....we gotta talk about the movies we want to watch this season when we don't want to ever watch "It's A Wonderful Life.  We are talking Lethal Weapon, Invasion USA, Cobra, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Long Kiss Goodnight, Reindeer Games, Jingle All The Way, Lethal Weapon, The Nice Guys, Let It Ride, Moon Over Parador, The Christmas Chronicles, Lethal Weapon the TV show, Lethal Weapon and Shane Black's jokes in Predator. We go deep on both the movies and if Shane Black picked the ultimate theme of the redemption of the holidays? It's a fun one to get you ready for the season. Make a list, check it twice and see if these movies are streaming on Pluto TV

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS! This is a very special episode of The Cannon Canon. A full commentary/watchalong episode of us watching "American Ninja". Are you feeling sick of your family and want to watch a movie with someone but don't want to talk and just have us yell jokes and praise at you while we all marvel at how great Michael Dudikoff and Steve James are together? Then this is the perfect treat for you. Hell it even works without watching the movie (but don't worry we tell you when to press play). 

We have more of these commentary episodes on our Patreon but we let this one out into the free world. So relax, sit back, take out your nun-chucks and leave the joking to us: The Cannon Bros. 

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Pop a Pearl beer, get in your rocket truck and dump it on your head because we have a good one for you. This might be a COULD'VE Been A Cannon but the 1983 Chuck Norris vehicle "Lone Wolf McQuade" MIGHT be the most Cannon film we have ever watched. And it was picked by one of our amazing Patreon members so even better. If you are like the Cannon Bros, this "modern take on a spaghetti western" might feel like you have seen it 100 times already even if this is your first rodeo. Possibly because it might as well be "Walker: Texas Ranger" but also because it has all of the touchstones of a classic Molasses 2x4 aka Chuck Norris film. Karate matches with David Carradine? Check. Rampant alcoholism everyone sees as kind of charming? Check. 100 shots of his steel eye stare showing no emotion? Check. A rocket booster truck that gets buried underground and is able to burst out of the earth like a cheap Texas beer fueled Shai Hulud? Well...maybe that is just in this movie but also, Check! It is a true blast of a movie and maybe, just maybe, you will understand what the hell a Texas Ranger is after it is done. 

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We’re still ridin' in the loophole of another HBO/Cannon Home Video European VHS release with the Ridley Scott Adventure Fantasy "LEGEND"! And joining us is the velvet voice of Ryan Patterson (Coliseum, Fotocrime, Cat Magic Punks, Shirt Killer ), who lives in the middle of high art and low art and is right at home on The Cannon Canon. "Legend" is formative and a favorite for Frank, but does Geoff feel the same?

We ask, is this the best cinematic devil? Do you prefer the Tangerine Dream or Jerry Goldsmith score (or William Goldsmith as Frank erroneously calls him)? Is this movie trying to gaslight us into thinking it was all Lili's fault?! Ridley or Tony Scott? SHOULD we do a Valentine's Day "Phantom Tingles" Special?!

All that plus, we imagine a world where Jim Carrey talks out of his ass to Darkness, the "Gothic" VHS cover haunts us again and we ALL just want to be Bryan Ferry walking up invisible steps to open a door to a shredding David Gilmour.

See you at Legend-con!

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OK. STAY WITH US...We found a lil’ loophole and TECHNICALLY this movie's home release was distributed by HBO/Cannon video (in Europe). We know we’re stretching the rules here, but do you REALLY care? Hey, it’s a quirky choice, much like THIS movie, 1984’s The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension!

We discuss the magic of getting something insane greenlit and how it's impossible for this movie not to charm the hell out of anyone who has ever written big ideas. We also talk about how this film features every character actor ever, how everyone's HORNY for Buckaroo Banzai, watermelon placements to test the studio, and the Billy Joel secret connection. We also ponder the question, COULD this get made today? Probably not, but even in our phlegmy, getting over a cold, fever-dream state, we enjoy talking about this cult classic. 

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EVIL DIES TONIGHT! Here's a lil' treat this Halloween from the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff)! Fitting into our COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON category, we talk about HALLOWEEN KILLS. It's the latest installment in our favorite horror franchise and we have a LOT to say. 

We talk about how it compares to Halloween (2018), which we enjoyed and how when reading online criticisms to consider people's taste resume before investing in their take. Also, will we veer into Cult of Thorn or Conal Cochran territory with Halloween Ends?! 

Get your muddy political message mob together and make sure you let everyone know "40 YEARS AGO..." and "EVIL DIES TONIGHT!" cuz the Cannon Bros are staring into the sister's bedroom window that is this movie!

Did we mention "EVIL DIES TONIGHT"?! 

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