The Cannon Canon

Bronson "Don't like May(onnaise)" month continues on the Cannon Canon with the one that started it all...DEATH WISH! While not a Cannon, it was ESSENTIAL for us to watch it for context...and because we wanted to. Our Bronson Brother from another "One Mama", Noah Segan, joins us once again! While the other Death Wish movies we've covered have been fun movies, this one is truly a FILM. Marvel at Bronson at some of his finest while Jeff Goldblum kicks off a tradition of future stars playing total scumbags. 

Fill your hand and draw! It's the Cannon Canon, boyo!

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Bronson "Don't like May(onnaise)" month continues on the Cannon Canon with DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN! Joining us once again is our Bronson Brother Noah Segan! A little dialed back and introspective than Death Wish 3, but still delightfully Cannon and Bronson! 

Once again, don't be someone Kersey loves! It never ends well! 

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It's May, which means we're kicking off our special "Bronson 'Don't Like May(onnaise)"" month! Bronson all May long! We sail off into this Bronson voyage with 1987's Assassination! With the original title of "My Affair With the President's Wife" combined with a Cannon Bronson film, you know it's gonna be a good time! 

Look, no need to be longwinded here, Bronson LITERALLY delivers the lines, "I don't want to die from a terminal orgasm!" Just watch, listen and thank the Cannon Gods for smiling (or Bronson little smirking) upon us! 

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LEARN TO LOVE THE ROPE! This week on our COULD'VE Been a Cannon series. Well, maybe we don't make a strong case for it being a Cannon film. But, wow, do we love the 1977 William Devane/Tommy Lee Jones classic "Rolling Thunder". I mean it's a revenge movie! Cannon. Our main character gets his hand put into a garbage disposal and gains a razor-sharp hook hand, taking lemons and making revenge lemonade! That could be Cannon. Oh wait...it's pretty close to a perfect movie? Yeah we just love it and it changed our lives and at least one of the Cannon Bros(it's Geoff) got a Rolling Thunder tattoo and taught a sketch comedy class based on the movie. SO OF COURSE WE COVERED IT! And we hope you enjoy this episode just as much as Tommy Lee Jones enjoys just gettin' his gear.

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It's a Cannon Ninja movie with a "Flashdance" meets "The Excorcist" flair! That's right, we're finally covering NINJA III: The Domination. A sequel with little to NO connection to the first two Ninja films (except the excellent Shô Kosugi). Joining us to talk about this batsh*t film is the ultracool and very funny Lucé Tomlin-Brenner (Too Much Productions, It’s Always Halloween, Vidéothèque)! 

Break out the V8 for foreplay, get possessed via your "Bouncer" game cabinet and spin around in a chained-up straightjacket!

When you crank this episode during your Aerobics class, you'll find that "there's nothing out of the ordinary. Aside from your exceptional extrasensory perception and your preoccupation with Japanese culture. No harm in that!" 

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GRAB SOME BUTTERMILK AND HEAD TO THE BEACH, BOY-O! Well it's spring break brah and the Cannon Bros need to take a little bit of a sabbatical. Rest up. Go watch a marathon of "Porky's", "Porky's Revenge", "Hardbodies" and "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" a thousand times in a row. So enjoy this little minisode as the Cannon Bros prepare for the next burst of Cannon film greatness (not to mention a special appearance by Charles Bronson himself). 

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When you think Aladdin, you DEFINITELY think...Miami, Florida? It's truly a Cannon update on a classic tale! We're talkin' 1986's ALADDIN/SUPERFANTAGENIO! Bruno Corbucci brings you the tale of the great Bud Spencer sleeping his way through a performance as The Genie! And in case you didn't know, he even has a cap to remind you! It's Italian cinema meets Cannon. The kid's name is Al Haddin for crying out loud! And there's a kidnapping/trafficking subplot?! WHAT?! Don't worry though, thankfully there's a water skiing competition and mob thugs being turned into cockroaches and stepped on. Huh. What a movie.

Fly away with us in a Rolls Royce and turn this episode up! 

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"Gosh, you’re so beautiful". It's the Cannon Hercules sequel that SHOULD have been! Just in time for the 33rd anniversary of its US release, we're talkin' 1989's Sinbad of the Seven Seas! We're back in Cozzi/Coates land and baby is it a fun ride. Metal AF imagery,  accredited magicians, cool fights, great creatures, sexy bods, clone fights and LASERS! Ferrigno could have been Cannon's Schwarzenegger, but they fumbled the beefcake.  

“Justice, Happiness, Prosperity and Peace” Wait...weren't there 5?!

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"Feeling a little inadequate?" On this edition of "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON" the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) talk 1995's comic to screen adaptation TANK GIRL! Picked by Patreon member and honorary Ripper Tony Farina! Frank and Geoff are at odds on this VERY 90's film. Grab a bottle of water siphoned from a human body and crank this like an L7 track! Pa pa pa POW! 

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INSERT SNARKY "FUNNY" LINE HERE! Because we have a lot of them to get through in the 1992 "action" "Comedy" "Celebration of American CIA puppet governments" Cannon classic, "Fifty/Fifty". Open up a pack of Bing Bongs with the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as they discuss Peter Weller and Robert Hays just trying their best in this mess of a movie. Going through the complicated production history, the complicated politics of this movie, the complicated abundance of "soft jokes" and the real complicatedness of just WANTING to get on board but thinking..."Why is Robert Hays swearing SO MUCH?". Look, it's a complicated movie and if you're unsure, "lick your finger and touch the sucker". And who knows, maybe the coin at the end will move you like no other movie in cinematic history. 

"Frenchie, for a piece of a** you’d start World War III." - Robocop Banzai

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