The Cannon Canon

It's another COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON and this time we're covering the infamously maligned TANGO & CASH. A movie that's better than the punchline it became over the past few decades. It's got prime sexy form Kurt Russel, Sly Stallone and Teri Hatcher with a Harold Faltermeyer score, what's not to love about this blatant copaganda romp?! Also, this movie's got more quips than Chandler Bing writing Deadpool fanfic over the corpse of an attention-deprived standup, cha cha.  

"Best Of What I Got"? It's certainly the best of what the Cannon Bros got, "peewee"! 

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We end SEQUELtember and our coverage of the Bronson "Death Wish" series with the return of the Bronson Bros (Frank, Geoff and Noah Segan) to talk DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH!

This post-Golan & Globus "Death Wish" sequel/finale finds Kersey back in New York seeking revenge against one of the broadest mob stereotypes this side of a poisoned cannoli! MAMMAMIA! It's got toy soccer ball bombs, Kersey politely closing the door behind him when rushing to check on his dead fiance, Kids in the Hall-like problematic psychopaths, Chekhov's Acid Bath and more!

Will this be the last of "Death Wish" we discuss as the Bronson Bros?!  To that, we say, "Hey Lieutenant, if you need any help, give me a call." 

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"Pride is a poor substitute for intelligence." For this "SEQUELtember" installment, we're dippin' our toes back into the HBO/Cannon home video releases and talkin' RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II! A sequel with more of a summer blockbuster action flick feel than the first (blood) film (thanks in part to some script help from James Cameron). More government distrust, more gratuitous violence, more romance (sort of) and more scenes you might also remember from Gremlins 2! 

What do the Cannon Bros want?! WHAT DO WE WANT?! WE WANT, WHAT THEY WANT! FOR OUR COUNTRY TO LOVE US AS MUCH AS WE LOVE IT! AND FOR YOU TO ENJOY THIS EPISODE! 

*cue Frank Stallone*

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"SEQUELtember" continues with one of Cannon's most popular sequels, "BREAKIN'2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO"! And returning from our Breakin' episode to break down Breakin' 2 is Danielle Perez (Russian Doll, Curb Your Enthusiasm)!

Released only 7 MONTHS after Breakin', this "extended music video with suggested dialogue" raises the question: Is Kelly the real enemy? Is Ozone a bad teacher? Can breakdancing bring back the dead?! Does our insurance cover being treated at the hospital with the Foxy Nurses?!

One thing is for sure...we believe in the beat! And we believe in Golan and Globus! Snuggle up with your favorite Lucinda Dickey plush mannequin and enjoy this episode! 

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"SEQUELTEMBER" is here on The Cannon Canon! We kick off a month of Cannon sequels with 1990's Delta Force 2: The Columbian Connection! A movie that has little to do with the first Delta Force or Columbia. Filmed in part at Regan's abandoned getaway crib, this movie has Norris beating up "skinheads" in a restaurant, more Molasses 2x4 climbing and John P. Ryan having the time of his life. 

Billy Drago's still full from the scenery he chews up in this one! The winds of change are growing stronger, and so is SEQUELTEMBER!

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We close out August of Austin with the bizarre 1987 Cannon "kid's" movie TOO MUCH: THE ROBOT WITH A HEART! A tale about an American girl who forms a special bond with a robot in Japan. Does it lack a coherent plot, justification for actions and put kids in insane danger? Of course it does! It's Cannon, baby! 

This classist, copkillin' magical robot will have you shouting "TOO MUCH"!

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"Damn you, baby! And damn you, clown!" The August of Austin continues! Each week we'll be covering a Cannon film suggested by author and Cannon scholar Austin Trunick (The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1.: 1980-1984 & Vol 2: 1985-1987). Today the Cannon Bros take a sweaty, sexy(???) peek at 1984's Maria's Lovers (which you can watch HERE).

A rusty chair in a field, a bulldog in sunglasses, pregnant mouth invading rats, JOHN GOODMAN?! Yes, this movie will haunt your memories and make you skip town to work on the kill floor.

It's the episode you dreamed about for too long. Now it lives in your dreams. Not in your body.

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The August of Austin continues! Each week we'll be covering a Cannon film suggested by author and Cannon scholar Austin Trunick (The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1.: 1980-1984 & Vol 2: 1985-1987). Today the Cannon Bros tackle "CHAIN OF COMMAND" Dudikoff's final film for Cannon and a rollercoaster of convoluted twist after twist..after twist after twist after twist (repeat until dead). 

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Today on the Cannon Canon we kick off the AUGUST OF AUSTIN! Each week we'll be covering a Cannon film suggested by author and Cannon scholar Austin Trunick (The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1.: 1980-1984 & Vol 2: 1985-1987). And let us warn you...Austin did NOT disappoint.

Just when we thought Cannon couldn't surprise us anymore, Austin hands us PENITENTIARY III. The craziest movie the Cannon Bros have watched to date. WE HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU WATCH THIS MOVIE BEFORE YOU LISTEN! We're not even going to bother with highlights or a description because NOTHING can prepare you for PENITENTIARY III. 

"GUTS! GUTS! GUTS!"

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We close out J(CVD)ULY with the Cannon CLASSIC, 1988's BLOODSPORT! Based on a True (but not true) story. This is PRIME JCVD. Buns, Kicks n' Slo-Mo Screams. It's a Dim Mak blow to the cinematic senses and a nutpunch to the heart. You'll be chanting "Dux" and "Kumite" 'till the government tries to drag you back to the US Military. They've invested too much!

GO, GIANTS (any sports kind)!

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