The Cannon Canon

The HOT continues to boil over from "Hot January" thanks to Lou Ferrigno and Sybil Danning at their hot throbbin' peak! So you know what that means...no, we already covered Hercules....the OTHER one starring sexy Lou & Syb: 1984's THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS (or as the Cannon Bros call it, "The Sev Mag Gladz")!

We're talkin' Anthony Kiedis looking demi-god villains, middle-aged gladiators, chariot scenes so nice they used it twice (in 2 different movies), Han-cules and the most confusing, hard-to-follow action this way of a Transformers Bay production, babe. 

Hide the chickens and cheese, the Cannon Bros are sliding back the woolly sheath to swing around the thick phallic sword of entertainment with The Sev Mag Gladz (trademark pending)!

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“Kill the goat! Oil the women!” Our HOT January spills over into February where we…don’t have a theme. "F#@k It February"?

Today we cover Golan’s dream swing at the desert epic with 1984’s SAHARA. A film that looks great but maybe suffered from “too many cooks” syndrome. Starring young starlet (and infamously exploited) Brooke Shields and a handful of white actors in brownface.

We discuss: Jonathan Rhys Davies remains typecast, actors getting buried in the sand while covered in REAL beetles and scorpions (Jackass style), Brooke Shields’ Mom being EXTREMELY hands-on with her special Producer title, wild tone shifts, elastic geography and what speed should the roaring ’20s be represented at?

Plus, Geoff reveals the SHOCKING secret behind the inspiration behind one of his band's names.

"I am the law!" - Jaffar (not Judge Dredd)

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"The song- is finished. The laughter- silent. The dream- dead."  We continue to scorch the cold January air with more HOT Cannon titles! Today, we serve up two slices of piping hot beefcake with 1987's The Barbarians! Starring The Barbarian Brothers as...The Barbarians! Sword and Sorcery meets pure dumb Cannon fun! Eva La Rue charms, Michael Berryman Dirtmasters and Richard Lynch does what he does best, creeps up the screen and chews up the scenery. 

Call up an Emo Philips lookin' mystic, pop in that belly ruby, fight a phallic animatronic dragon and donkey noise your loin cloth exposed buns this way 'cuz things get HOT when The Cannon Bros tackle The Barbarian Bros!

"Who you callin' fatty, Moosehead!" R.IP. Ruggero Deodato

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“I just wanna f*******ck!” We continue our HOT January with HOT CHILI! A "teen sex comedy" that's not afraid to get bizarre and surreal now and then and also not afraid to share the exact same plot as Hot Resort. It's got sexy music lessons, gun-toting horny elders, a crazed Nazi-esque jealous husband, "ChiChi!", video blackmail, Bubba from "Mama's Family" going full skinemax and a bullfight gone wacky breaking the 4th wall!

Is it better than Hot Resort?! Tune in to see which WE think is the superior HOT movie!

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The Cannon Canon heats up a cold January with some hot flicks this month. This week we're covering the "sex comedy" (we use that term liberally), "HOT RESORT". One thing is true, there is a resort. With appearances from Bronson Pinchot, Frank "The Riddler" Gorshin" and known Hollywood creep, Dan Schneider.   

Does the movie live up to it's name and promise? Or is it a Cold Asylum (chacha)?

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The Cannon Bros are kicking off the New Year with a COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON! Patreon member, Joshua Richardson, chose one of THE most Could've Been A Cannon's we've seen yet. 1986's NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

John Stamos, Gene Simmons and Prince protege Vanity star in this wannabe Bond flick for the Pepsi generation. Is it effective Bond-fare? It certainly has A Bond (George Lazenby) and...yeah, that's about it. If you thought Gene Simmons was too subtle for your tastes, this movie gives you a full trough of insane and problematic Gene Simmons ham! You even get a side helping of Robert Englund!

Hiding emotions isn't good for your health, so sing it LOUD! "STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE..."

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"Oh. I don’t like him. Kurt Cobain? He took my cricket." We conclude our detour into "Shane Black Christmas" with a movie that revived both Shane Black and Robert Downey Jr's career, 2005's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

A movie that paved the way for RDJ Iron Man, ultra meta storytelling and an imperfect attempt to break gay stereotypes. Frank and Geoff are on opposite sides of their feelings on this movie, so to play tie-breaker, former guest John Murray steps back into the Cannon Canon ring to offer some insight as to why this is or isn't a top-tier Shane Black film. 

It's been the most wonderful time of the year covering Shane "Captain f#@%in' magic" Black. 

See ya in 2023, Cannon-heads! 

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The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss our FIRST (and likely only) Marvel movie, 2013's IRON MAN 3!

Shane Black gets a crack at a big-budget Marvel film and we ponder, "Is it a Shane Black Marvel movie or a Marvel Shane Black movie?" It's got all the Shane Black tropes you know and love plus the Marvel tropes you...tolerate. Though it really doesn't deserve all the hate it gets from the MCU spectators. 

Call up the "House Party Protocol" and suit up because we're deckin' and wreckin' the halls this Shane Black Christmas!

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 The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss 1991's THE LAST BOY SCOUT. And joining us to chat some Wayans and Willis is the last boy scout himself, Jason Gore! 

The Last Boy Scout is a movie where the two main stars hated each other, the producer and director hated each other, multiple editors had to be brought in to make the movie watchable and Shane Black, well...he got paid 1.75 million for the script (so he was probably OK). 

Friday night's a great night for football AND The Cannon Canon!

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The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss 1996's THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. And joining us to chat about this underrated film is John Murray! 

We discuss the hit-or-miss madness of Renny Harlin, the stellar performances from Samuel L. Jackson and Geena Davis, how much of Shane Black's script was kept intact, the underutilization of Brian Cox and how Cutthroat Island's poor box office performance might have hurt this solid film. 

Take a listen, regain your suppressed memories, and declare "Chefs do that"! 

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