It's been a year since the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) made their debut! And now, 40 Cannon movies later, they're more broken than ever, boyo! So join the Bros as they look back on the year to end all years. They reflect, relax and tear their hair out as they rank all of the 40 movies they watched from best to worst. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! Well actually two number ones because Frank and Geoff have different number ones. And it certainly ain't "Pirates"!  

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HEY KILLIAN!!!!! We are doing it! The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are going down the COULD'VE Been a Cannon rabbit hole with the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger dystopian game show classic "THE RUNNING MAN". Don't be a plain Zero and go through all the madness with The Cannon Canon. From one-liners layered upon confusing one-liners, to being blown away by Jesse "The Body" Ventura's acting, to being blown away by what exactly Captain Freedom's suit does. You'll also be wondering if you would be able to remember the codes to take down the system and "Why is Mick Fleetwood and Dweezil Zappa in this again?" This movie is a cavalcade of wonder and the Cannon Bros are on the ride the whole time. By the end, you will be saying the catchphrase we wish we had said in the episode: "I'll Be Bachman".

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It's not exactly Hard Rock and it's not exactly Zombies but it's definitely weird. That's right, today The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) discuss the 1985 comedy horror rock flick Hard Rock Zombies! So pull out your poorly digitized YouTube links because this is a deep cut that is fun as hell. Is the plot confusing? You betcha. Is the movie every genre all at once putting the kitchen sink approach to shame? You better believe it! Does Hitler show up? Of course he does. Why wouldn't he in a movie called Hard Rock Zombies?! It's a wild ride and the songs ain't half bad either. So get out your resurrection books and try to figure out where you think you have heard these samples from (FYI it's an Agoraphobic Nosebleed song). Your skull will be slurping up your own flesh after listening to this episode! 

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Today on The Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) watch a problematic Charles Bronson film. Doesn't narrow it down? You're right. Anyway, it's the 1989 Action-Thriller "KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS"! And joining the Cannon Bros for this episode is Jayson Green (Jayson Green & The Jerk, Orchid, Panthers and 24 Hour Video podcast). In this flick, Bronson sodomizes a crime suspect, Bronson gets racist, Bronson makes a man swallow his watch and burns his car, Bronson murders and then jokes around about it. You know...hero stuff! But don't worry, Bronson definitely spends a surprising amount of time talking about pot roast and almost falling down when he tries to kick anyone. Like we said, Classic Bronson!

An episode so good you won't think it's "BABY DOODOO!"

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Interesting. MOST interesting! Is definitley what you will yell as you listen to the Cannon Bros(Frank and Geoff) discuss the 1987 Oliver Reed fantasy film "GOR". A movie that should have the tagline"GOR: It just happened". And you might find that watching and talking about "GOR" can be a very enlightening endeavor. It can help you learn the difference between "low budget film making" and "Cheap". It can teach you how to show the most boring fight scenes ever accompanied by the biggest swords ever. It will show you the patented drunk Oliver Reed quiet LOUD acting style. How Reddit can connect this odd movie and book series to a BDSM subculture. And most importantly, the Cannon Bros will teach you how to talk about a "Highway The Heaven" episode AFTER talking about "Children Of The Corn" and somehow connect it to GOR. It's a magical fantastical ride that will leave you asking one final question.  "Can I put this in your sack"? 

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YOU GOT A HEART LIKE A LION! Yes, you do, for listening to our latest COULD'VE Been a Cannon where we are covering the 1990 Jean-Claude Van Damme street fighting classic (that is NOT "Street Fighter") "Lionheart"! This one will make you do a split and show us a gratuitous butt shot. Do we go through how JCVD does not really prove himself to be the best street fighter in the biz? You bet. Do we try to parse through what exactly are the actual economics of street fighting? Of course. Are we completely confused on what exactly a Legionnaire is? You better believe it. So put your entire savings down on a "wrong bet", and take on an ever-morphing street fighting nickname, cuz this one's gonna light your drug dealin' brother on fire! But seriously..what exactly is a Legionnaire?

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Just a bunch of ninjas doing ninja stuff! That's right. The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are finally covering the 1981 Cannon Ninja classic "Enter The Ninja". And, literally, this is where it all started. Most of the ninja stuff you love in movies came from this and Cannon's complete misunderstanding of ninjas! We talk shirtless nunchuck practice! Ole blueyes himself, Franco Nero, layering one-liner after one-liner! Using his old war buddy's drunken impotence as a green light to play "enter the ninja" with his wife! Is it practical to have an office in a pool? And oh yeah, ninja fighting! You'll question the ethics of the TWO separate cockfighting scenes, but by the end, you'll be joining us in a toast proclaiming, "COMPAI"!

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SUCK A DOORKNOB FART BRAINS! That's just some of the beautiful poetry you'll fall in love with in the 1986 Charles Bronson neo-noir Cannon classic "Murphy's Law". The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are joined by special guest JEN SAUNDERSON (Everything Is Scary! podcast) to parse through this modern-day Shakespeare. And trust us, this is classic Bronson. Convoluted and problematic old man jokes? Check. Bronson going grocery shopping and throwing buttermilk everywhere? Check. Needlessly complicated revenge plot? Check. And a whole lot of moments that will make you go "WHOA! WAS THAT A LOT MORE VIOLENT THAN IT NEEDED TO BE?!" CHECK CHECK CHECK. Top it all off with the threat of a Bronson sex scene with someone more than half his age and baby, YOU GOT A CLASSIC BRONSON! What is this?! Romper Room?! NO! It's the Cannon Canon, boyo! 

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IT'S ALMOST TEXTURED? Oooh baby do we have a wild ride of a movie today. The 1980 Klaus Kinski kind of a slasher, kind of a giallo, kind of an Agatha Christie whodunnit, kind of a good movie and kind of not classic "Schizoid"! And talking about it with the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) is the fantastic writer, actor and director, Josh Ruben (Scare Me)!  Listen as we try to wade through the classic questions: Is Klaus Kinski sexy? Are these the worst cops in LAPD history? Do we really believe that THAT is the killer? Is that the girl from "Angel"? And did they mean to make a good movie sometimes or is it just "almost textured"? Not sure we got the answers (other than Klus Kinkski is an unforgivable monster in real life) but we have a fun time trying to figure it all out. So, get naked, pour a glass of champagne and let's dish in the hot tub about...SCHIZOID! 

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What ELSE "COULD'VE Been a Cannon"? Today The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are pulling back and throwing out a little minisode. While they are releasing their first month-early COULD'VE Been a Cannon episode on their Patreon, the boys go through some of the possible movies they are thinking of covering in other COULD'VE Been a Cannons. Take a trip down the list while taking a detour into tangent city with topics like how to pronounce the word "Aunt" and "Snickers".  It's a fun episode that is visited by the Ghost of Future Possible JCVD Films. Let them know what you think and feel free to add on. And go to the Patreon to get another episode. Pray we never do The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.

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