I’m offering five biblical principles which can help you when you’re dealing with difficult people, particularly on your job.

Our fifth and final principle is:

The “Speak Kind Words” Principle

Here are two verses from Proverbs that tell us how important it is to guard our words carefully and speak words of kindness.

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up (Proverbs 12:25).

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.(Proverbs 25:11).

"Aptly spoken words” are those which are strategically selected and gently delivered. They are "apt," they fit the situation perfectly. With "apt" words, you can change an ugly environment or situation into something beautiful—like "apples of gold in settings of silver."

For example, suppose you had to confront a person on your job who is repeatedly late to work. Which of these two approaches would be “aptly spoken words”?

#1 “I want to point out something that is bothering me. You’ve been late to work a lot and it just drives me crazy. I want every person here on time every day. You’re paid to be here on time, so I’ll be expecting you to be on time every day from now on. I hope that is clear.”

#2 “I’ve noticed that you have some difficulty getting to work on time. Perhaps there is some good reason for that; if so, you need to tell me so we can work it out by cutting your lunch time or having you work later each day. Is there some reason that makes it difficult for you to be here on time each day?”

It’s pretty obvious that the first example would cause a defensive, angry reaction and may or may not solve the problem, while the second approach shows some concern for the individual while at the same time making it clear that tardiness cannot be tolerated. Those are “aptly spoken words.”

So often our choice of words makes all the difference in how responsive the other person will be.

Have you ever worked with someone who was arrogant? A person who tried to tell you what to do and had delusions of grandeur? One of the many purposes of difficult relationships is to teach us needed and important lessons, and humility is certainly an important lesson we can learn through an arrogant co-worker.

The “Humble Yourself” Principle

In Luke 14:11 Jesus says: “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

And in 1 Peter 5:6 we read: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

Have you learned to look for opportunities to humble yourself? Now, I’m not talking about false humility, such as running yourself down, or refusing to accept a compliment, or walking around with your head hung low and trying to look humble. But most every day we will find opportunities to humble ourselves. For example, if you work with this bossy coworker, it is humbling to keep your mouth shut and not say something back to him or her. It is humbling to take that person’s suggestion.

I began asking God to show me when and how to humble myself. It’s a good prayer and I recommend it to you. I found that not insisting on my “rights” was one key way to humble myself; not talking about myself or my accomplishments was another. Not having to have the last word is a good way to humble yourself.

But don’t lose sight of the promises given to us when we truly are willing to humble ourselves. We will be lifted up and we will be exalted. Notice that Peter said we will be lifted up "in due time.” That's probably not as soon as you would like it to be, but it will be in the right time after you have learned the valuable lesson of humbling yourself.

So, if you have a difficult person to deal with, one who is arrogant or treats you in a condescending way, ask God to show you when you should humble yourself with this person. You’ll be amazed at the blessing it will bring to you when you practice this “humble yourself” principle. And humbling yourself is much easier than having to be humbled!

Do you have any enemies?  Enemies are people who make your life uncomfortable, difficult, cause unnecessary hurt or discord, and are generally at odds against you in many ways, intentional or unintentional.

The "Love Your Enemy" Principle

Here is a principle from Matthew 5 that gives us direct guidance on dealing with a relationship “enemy.”

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:43-45).

What a revolutionary teaching this was. Never before had anyone taught such convoluted doctrine. It goes against all our instincts to love our enemies. It demands an attitude that is foreign to our natures. It requires a denial of self which seems imminently unfair and all but impossible.

That's the way it often is with biblical principles. They go against our grain, but if you have some relationship “enemies,” God will empower you to love them if you are willing. Remember, loving doesn’t necessarily mean liking. This kind of love is an action, a set of our will, a decision to act in loving ways, even though our feelings may not be warm and fuzzy.

If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you (Proverbs 25:21-22).

In these two passages from Matthew and Proverbs we learn three things about how we are to treat our “enemies”:

We are to love our enemies.

We are to pray for our enemies.

We are to give our enemies what they need.

We aren't promised that our enemies will change, or that they will appreciate our loving attitude. But when we respond in loving ways toward people who make our lives difficult, we keep ourselves from sinning and we demonstrate the love of Jesus in very real ways.

I’m taking a look at some biblical principles which give us guidance when we have to deal with a difficult relationship—like a co-worker who is lazy, or uncooperative, or negative, to name a few.

The "Speak-the-Truth-in-Love" Principle

Ephesians 4:14 and 15 gives us a very important principle:

 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 

Speaking the truth to people is sometimes the part we are called on to play in their lives to help them grow. Of course, the operative word here is "love.” Have you ever spoken the truth in haste or anger? Often truth is spoken in hatred and vindictiveness. Truth can be spoken with malice or in defensiveness.

You see, the truth can often be very painful. When we speak it in anything but love, we can open a door that never should be opened and cause a rift in a relationship that may never be healed.

Which would describe you best?

Would you say that you have difficulty speaking the truth in love even when you know you should? If so, is that because you hate confrontations, or fear rejection or repercussions? Or perhaps you feel guilty since you know that you’re not perfect either.

Or would you say that you speak the truth too freely and often without compassion or forethought?

In practicing this biblical principle of speaking the truth in love, you need to exercise extreme caution. Words are very powerful and need to bathed in prayer. Your motivation must be carefully scrutinized to make certain that you are speaking the truth in love for the right reason at the right time.

However, remember that speaking the truth in love is a biblical principle, and when God puts you in a position where you should do just that, to fail to do so is to rob that person of an opportunity to become more mature.

Relationships are the sandpaper of life. Isn’t it often true that the relationship struggles of your life are used by God to refine you and teach you and help you grow to maturity? I want to talk about five biblical principles we need to know when we are experiencing relationship difficulties on our jobs. 

The Extra-Mile Principle

We are called to have an extra-mile attitude in our relationships with others. Matthew 5:38-41 is pretty clear about this:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.”

What does it mean to have an extra-mile attitude, to turn the other cheek, to give your cloak as well as your shirt? Don’t you think Jesus was trying to teach us

to endure unfair treatment at times, without griping or complaining?

to refrain from saying some of the things we would like to say to that difficult coworker.

to do some work we don’t have to do or want to do?

to put in extra time and effort to help a difficult person?

Surely that is all a part of this extra mile principle. And it would lead you to endure at times, and to do more than perhaps even your employer would require or expect of you. But there is also a balance we must find. I believe that Jesus gave us boundaries with this extra mile principle, and he definitely is not teaching us to endure any kind of treatment or to put up with unacceptable behavior or habits forever and never say anything negative to anyone.

Do you go the extra mile with those difficult relationships? The extra mile principle is one we need to apply to difficult relationships and when we are willing to go that extra mile, it can often open a door for a miracle.

Presented by Lisa Bishop

It is true that joy can often feel fleeting. It can be hard to hold onto. Sometimes taking hold of joy can be like trying to grab a cloud, it slips through your fingers, evading you.

If you find yourself struggling to experience joy in your life, you are not alone. I struggle too. It’s part of being human and living on this side of eternity. But there is hope because God cares about your joy. He wants you to experience happiness and high spirits. I think sometimes we forget that. We can see life as drudgery at times and forget that God wants us to experience delight!

Speaking of happiness, sometimes we pit joy and happiness against each other. So, I am going to submit that joy and happiness aren’t exclusive to each other! A dictionary definition of happiness is “a state of well-being; a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” One definition of the word joy comes from the Greek word chara (ha-(with a rolled r)- a), which means “gladness” or “cheerfulness.”

Depending on the translation, the Bible uses the words happy and happiness about 30 times, and joy and rejoice over 300 times. We know when we see words or themes repeated in God’s Word he wants to get our attention! Your joy matters to God and when you are joyful, you feel happy! The key is what you rely on for ultimate joy and where your focus lies. If you were to look up the references to joy and rejoicing in the Bible you will see that its cause and effect are from the same source. God. He is the root of your joy and you experience joy because of him.

Psalm 94:19

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Psalm 16:11

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

God is our reason for joy and we express our joy to God when we rejoice in him.

As Philippians 4:4 instructs us: Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

God your Father is the giver of all things and he’s looking for every opportunity to bless you. He wants you to experience happiness and joy in his creation, in the things he has made. He loves to see you experiencing delight in that promotion at work, a new relationship, a vacation with friends, at the birth of your kids, in a bowl of ice cream. Yes, I did just say ice cream. God made that too.

Sometimes we complicate joy. Joy can be found in simple moments as well as in the big events of life. The important thing to remember is your source of joy, and that is Jesus. Don’t get too lured in by being distracted by the created things and lose your affection for the Creator. When you rely on external things to sustain your joy you will be misguided. When you base joy purely on your circumstances you will be sorely disappointed, which brings me to another point about joy.

In the midst of unpleasant circumstances, joy is possible. Even when life gives you a one-two punch and knocks the wind out of your sails, you can hang onto joy. Happiness and disappointment, joy and sorrow, can coexist. I know that feels counterintuitive and really HARD at times!

Yet all throughout the bible we see evidence of this and Psalm 13 gives us a real-life example as the Psalmist in his pain and despair says:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.

How can the Psalmist rejoice, how can he express joy in the middle of sorrow? Because ultimately joy is a long-haul perspective not one that is limited by shorter-term circumstances.

How joyful are you? Here are a few more ways to cultivate a more cheerful and glad spirit. And the first way is to:

Practice Patience and Pray

We have all experienced impatience in our lives. That irritability and dis-ease when you’re waiting for something and it feels like it’s taking forever to materialize. When something does not happen on your timeline you can lose hope and it can mess with your joy. When it comes down to it, impatience is really an indicator that you do not trust God and his timing. It’s a signal that you lack faith that God is working things out on your behalf and as a result, you can become heavy-hearted. To cultivate joy in the waiting, Romans 12:12 is a call to action: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Another way to intentionally cultivate joy in your life is to:

Mind Your Mind

According to Proverbs 17:22: “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (ESV).

A joyful, positive mindset is key to experiencing a healthy and fulfilling life. The heart is your inner self, thoughts, emotions, and will. Good medicine refers to something that treats or alleviates the symptoms of disease. One translation of this verse says, “A cheerful heart causes good healing.”

All throughout Scripture we see the potent effects of the mind on the body. A joyful heart is good because it generates health and healing in your inner being. In contrast a crushed spirit dries up the bones or as Proverbs 12:25 explains, “anxiety in the heart of a person causes depression.” Interestingly these nuggets of wisdom are backed up by scientific studies that demonstrate the mind’s powerful influence over the body. A cheerful, contented temperament not only fortifies your mental health but enables your body to resist the attacks of physical disease.

That’s another reason to be enamored with God and how he created our minds and bodies. And, why he created you to experience joy! So if good medicine is a joyful heart, how can you foster and promote internal joy? Scripture says that God’s laws, precepts, and statutes refresh the soul and gladden the heart.

Psalm 19:7a says, “The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul.” And the prophet Jeremiah testified, “When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight” (Jeremiah 15:16a).

Setting apart intentional time to be with God, meditating on his Word, his character, and his promises, is a guaranteed way to do your heart some good.

Do you let other people steal your joy?

We all know people who walk through life acting like victims of their circumstances. They blame the weather, traffic, their job, or other life situations for being miserable. They look for any reason to complain, to be downcast and grumpy. When something does not go their way they find a way to complain and grumble. They are people who allow others to impact their joy and ones who can suck the joy right out of the air.

Several years ago I would ride the elevator with the same guy every week. In an attempt to make small talk, I would ask him how he was doing. His response was, “Okay for a Monday.” What a downer! How many times have we caught ourselves thinking that or even saying that out loud? If Mondays dictate that your life will be dull and less than desirable, you have just squandered 1/7th of your life. Think about it. When you put it that way it’s certainly motivation to change your tune.

You and I have the power to choose our attitude. You are ultimately in charge of the way you respond to life’s circumstances, the people around you and even Mondays. You have the power to control how you react to life. No one or nothing can make you feel or act a certain way. And nothing can steal your joy unless you give it permission. And here’s the deal: As a follower of Jesus, you have a holy advantage on happiness in life. My friend, you have the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in you and you know what? The Holy Spirit produces all sorts of amazing things in your life and one of them is joy.

Galatians 5:22-23a says, “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (NLT).

When the Holy Spirit produces joy he is producing cheerfulness, delight, and gladness in you. If you are not experiencing joy take some time to get curious and seek why. I’m not saying you will experience joy 24/7/365, but if your life is marred more by gloominess, despair, or unhappiness it’s time to do some self-reflection. Maybe you are more focused on what is not going the way you want in life and you need to put some effort into dwelling on the things to be grateful for. Maybe you are blaming others and outside circumstances for your outlook and disposition rather than owning your power to choose how you will respond to life’s circumstances.

If you want to live the spirit-filled, holy spirit-empowered life and experience the fullness of the fruit of joy, don’t let outside circumstances dictate your happiness. Ditch the critical spirit and ask Jesus to help you count your blessings.

Do you remember the catchy tune, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy, deep in my heart?” The song often referred to as “I’ve Got the Joy,” is often sung at Sunday school and around the campfire and is a reminder that joy is an essential part of the Christian life. The song’s chorus is:

“And I’m so happy, so very happy

I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart

Down in my heart.”

It reminds us as followers of Jesus that it is important to know that the source of true joy is in our

relationship with God. Joy is not just a fleeting feeling. It’s a steadfast and enduring state of being that can be experienced even in the midst of trials and challenges because of its source, Jesus.

The Bible provides numerous examples to help us experience joy. Whether it is through seeking God’s presence, trusting in his promises, or cultivating a heart of gratitude, Scripture tells us that joy is attainable and can bring a sense of peace and contentment to your daily life.

But there are things that can kill your joy and one of those things is putting confidence in your flesh! Why? Because your flesh will fail and you will make mistakes in life. So misplacing your joy and confidence by placing it in yourself and what you do—what you are capable of—will lead to disastrous results.

When it comes to putting your confidence and joy in the Lord and not in yourself, the Apostle Paul gives us a solid example. In chapter 3 of his letter to the Philippians Paul says: “Further, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you. Watch out for those dogs, those evildoers, those mutilators of the flesh. For it is we who are the circumcision, we who serve God by his Spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh—though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more” (Philippians 3:1-4).

Paul then goes on to list over seven reasons for fleshy confidence. And then he says, “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith” (Philippians 3:7-9).

Paul shows us to not think so highly of ourselves but to rejoice in Jesus. Reminding us that gaining Christ and being found in him are the true keys to your joy.

Have you ever heard the saying “Comparison is the thief of joy?” We’re talking about joy killers and a sure-fire killjoy is comparison.

Have you ever been scrolling through LinkedIn when you see someone posting about a new job or promotion and you think, “Their life looks ideal. They're probably rolling in the dough and loving life.” Or maybe you find yourself swept up in social media, stumbling upon pictures of seemingly perfect families. The kids are smiling, dressed perfectly, even the dog is smiling, and the husband and wife look so in love. You look at other people’s lives and think you got the short end of the stick.

When you survey other people’s lives and surmise that theirs is way better than yours, you set yourself up to be disgruntled and you can be tempted to lament yours. Comparison can make you anxious and depressed and lure you into believing you are missing out on life. We all do it. It’s part of being human, but if we aren’t careful we can find ourselves down the rabbit hole of discontentment.

The other day I came across an article on Michelangelo, perhaps the most celebrated Renaissance artist of all time. The article talked about a poem Michelangelo wrote describing how much he hated painting the Sistine Chapel! He famously worked 65 feet in the air on custom scaffolding and wrote about the four years of physical toil. “I’ve already grown a goiter from this torture, hunched up there like a cat….. My stomach's squashed under my skin,....my brain’s crushed in a casket…..My brush, above me all the time, dribbles paint so my face makes a fine floor for droppings.” Who knew Michelangelo was so disgruntled when everything looked so picture-perfect?

We can often look into people’s lives and think everything is going swimmingly when in fact they are experiencing their own version of despising life. Not everything is as it seems. And comparing your life to others can provoke you to think and maybe even do some crazy things. It reminds me of the story of brothers Cain and Abel in Genesis chapter four. The account tells us that God was pleased with Abel’s offering and not Cain’s. Abel seemed to have a better life, more favor from God, and that caused resentment and envy to begin to build up in his brother. Cain resented God for blessing his brother and began despising Abel, which eventually led Cain to murder him. Now I know that is an extreme example but comparison can kill your joy and it is a slippery slope.

Who are you comparing yourself to? Whose life may look more pleasing than yours? How are you letting other people’s seemingly perfect life steal your joy?