Do you find it hard to forgive? When someone hurts you or sins against you, do you hold a grudge or are you quick to forgive an offense?

4. Love is extending forgiveness. 

The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness and our heart posture as followers of Jesus.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

“Bear with each other and forgive one another ...if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

Do you notice the last few words of both of these verses? Forgive as the Lord, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. As a follower of Christ, Jesus is our example. Jesus is love and Jesus forgives.

As his followers we follow suit. If you are waiting to feel like forgiving, you may be waiting a very long time. Love is not a feeling, it is an action.

In the gospel of Matthew, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times!’” (Matthew 18:21-22). It’s a tall order.

Theologian Henri Nouwen says "Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all of us love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour--unceasingly.”

Colossians 3:12-14 reminds us:

As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Love is the mark of true maturity! We know we are maturing in our faith and in being more like Jesus when we love, when we forgive. It is really hard to forgive sometimes, trust me, I know. But forgiveness is the goal for every Christ follower. Is there someone Jesus is calling you to forgive? Ask him to release your heart from hurt, bitterness or resentment and help you to surrender to the process of forgiveness.

Would you consider yourself to be a generous person? Oftentimes we equate being generous with the giving of our finances, and while it is, being generous includes way more than how we steward our money.

3. Love is generous.

Proverbs 3:27 says, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.”

When I read these wise words of instruction, I think of generosity. There are numerous ways that we can do good and be generous. We can lend a hand when someone can use some help. We can meet a physical or financial need or do good and be generous with our time.

When it comes to doing good, I’d like to suggest some perhaps unconventional ways to be generous.

How about being generous with our listening? Instead of talking about ourselves or interrupting people to make our point and be heard, what if we were genuinely interested and generously listened to people?

Another form of generosity is with our love for one another. Especially when people act in ways we deem unlovable. The coworker that we find ourselves annoyed with or the distracted store clerk. What if rather than withholding love, the natural human tendency when we find it hard to love, it becomes all the more motivation to give them more love. When people behave in ways that repel love, it is often a signal that they need more of it.

What if we act wisely and do good by giving love?

I know that in my flesh my tendency can be to withhold love when people act in certain ways. But we don’t know what is going on in people’s lives. Years ago someone said something to me that has stuck with me. Treat everyone as if their heart were breaking - because it probably is. People are going through some really hard  things. When they act in a way that repels love - strive to be love. To be generous with your love. And don’t try to muster this supernatural love in your own strength. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you.

How about being generous with your compassion? Trying honestly to see things from another person’s point of view.

Or being generous with the grace you extend to others.

Being generous with our words, our thoughts and our actions towards people. Seasoning our words with kindness and gentleness. Training our thoughts toward people to be loving and generous,

and believing the best about people.

Notice how these acts of generosity are not just in what we do but in who we are being.

How and with whom can you display the habit of love through generosity this week?

What side of your mind did you wake up on this morning? Sounds like a funny question doesn’t it? Well, today’s love habit has to do with what our mind dwells on because what our mind dwells on determines the direction of our life. So our love habit for today is dwelling on truth.

2. Love dwells on truth.

Your life will always move in the direction of your strongest thoughts. What thoughts are you dwelling on?

In Philippians 4:8 Paul teaches us what to think about when he says: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 

There is a computer term GIGO. It stands for garbage in garbage out. In computer science GIGO is the concept that flawed, or nonsense input data produces nonsense output. Rubbish in, rubbish out is an alternate wording. It’s the same with our minds. If we fill our minds with junk…too many tik-tok videos, excessive amounts of daily news, or trashy romance novels, it influences our minds and impacts our actions.

It has been said that the mind is like a garden. We need to be aware of what thoughts we are allowing to grow and take root which ultimately produce fruit in our lives. And love produces good fruit. So we literally root out, weed out the thoughts that don’t produce loving, godly actions and behaviors in our life.

As Romans 12:2 reminds us, you are to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And the transformation you are aiming for is to be more like Jesus. To be more like love.

Are you dwelling on God’s Word? On truth? Are you meditating on thoughts that are lovely? Thoughts that produce goodness, generosity, kindness, and compassion? Do your thoughts promote love and acting in ways that are loving, pleasing, acceptable, grateful?

When we practice dwelling on the truth of God’s Word, good things, God things will flow from us.

So let’s get in the habit of love.

The dictionary describes a habit as a recurrent pattern of behavior or established disposition of the mind that is acquired through frequent repetition.

When practiced over time, attitudes, behaviors, actions, and thoughts become habits. They start to come naturally. And love is a habit worth forming. So let’s dive into the first love habit.

1. The habit of living loved.

Sounds kind of strange doesn’t it? What does it mean to live loved?

A dear friend of mine was sharing how she didn’t really feel loved growing up. She was the oldest of three children, her younger siblings were boys. She grew up feeling like she wasn’t as desirable or loved as they were. She also grew up thinking she wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, or likeable enough. It made me sad because I could see how living with the feeling of not being loved had permeated her life.

Maybe you grew up with the same feeling. Or maybe you have a habit of blocking others from loving you. You intentionally or unintentionally put up a wall that shuts people out and keeps people at an arm’s distance. Living loved, believing that you are lovable and worthy of love can be hard sometimes. People will do a poor job at loving us, as we will do with others. When we open ourselves up to people caring about us, to people loving us, it can be scary. We fear being rejected. But Jesus wants you to live loved, because you are. People will love imperfectly but Jesus is perfect love. Do you live as one deeply loved?

I love the Apostle Paul’s prayer in his letter to the Ephesians.

 “I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17b-19 emphasis added).

Jesus wants you to be utterly convinced that you are loved and he wants you to live loved. When we live as one deeply loved by Jesus, it changes everything.

For those of us who are personally acquainted with the Savior who was born that first Christmas day, Christmas holds particular significance. However, we've romanticized the story of Christmas to the place that the manger scene and the people involved seem like actors in a play. We rarely stop to think that they were real people, in anything but a romantic setting.

That’s why I'd like to bring a little reality to the Christmas story. I want to talk about the most blessed woman who ever lived. And I want to focus on the heart of Mary. What was it about this lady that qualified her for this incredible privilege of bearing the Savior of the world? What was in her heart?

Let me begin by pointing out that nowhere in Scripture are we given any indication that Mary is to be worshipped. If she were here, I think Mary would be the first to tell us that she was just a woman, a very simple young lady, chosen by God for a special purpose. But like all of the rest of mankind, she was born of Adam's race—born according to man—and she inherited the same sin nature that all of us have.

So, when I speak of Mary's heart, I'm not elevating her to some divine place of sinless perfection. We’d have a hard time relating to her if that were true. But in fact it is because Mary was just like us—a  regular lady—that we can look at her heart and can identify with her and learn from her. So, try to erase all those images of Mary with a halo over her head, and see instead a lady with a wash bucket and children, a small, poor home, with few luxuries or conveniences, and a very special heart.

Though Mary came from the line of David, she was a humble lady from a very small, insignificant town, Nazareth. We don't know anything about her parents, except that they must have been godly people because Mary had a very good knowledge of Old Testament Scripture.

We begin to get an idea of the heart of Mary when we think about Gabriel's announcement to her that she had been chosen to bear the Messiah. Let's look at that passage in Luke 1:28-38:

Gabriel said to Mary: "Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb, and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end."

And Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?” And the angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy offspring shall be called the Son of God. And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God."

And Mary said, "Behold the bondslave of the Lord; be it done to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Certainly Scripture makes it clear time and again that Mary was then a virgin and remained a virgin until after the birth of Jesus. You know, not many people who will be celebrating Christmas this year really believe that Jesus was born of a virgin.

Why is it so terribly important that we believe and accept that Mary was indeed a virgin until after Jesus' birth? Because we know from Scripture that sin entered the world through the seed of man. Had Jesus been conceived through an earthly man's seed, he could not have escaped the sin nature that is born into all of us. And if Jesus were not sinless, he could never become the sacrifice demanded by God's righteousness.

The virgin birth is not an optional theology. Your whole destiny—and mine—depends upon whether or not it is true. We are acceptable to God when we accept the redemption and fo...

Did you ever try to communicate with someone who thought they knew it all?

The "Know-It-All"

They think they know more about your job than you do, and everything else for that matter. And furthermore, they have never been wrong! Often their behavior is arrogant and condescending, and they don't usually listen well at all. They are short on "thank you" and "please" and virtually devoid of "I'm sorry."

With most "Know-It-All's" the best way to deal with them is not to get defensive, not to try to win an argument, lose the battles willingly and without anger, and go for the war. Solve the problem as quickly as you can, if possible, and then try to move on.

One technique I've discovered to be very helpful in dealing with very difficult types is to feel sorry for them; to put myself in their shoes and imagine how difficult life must be for a person who thinks they know it all. As soon as I get in that frame of mind, they can't get under my skin quite as much because I don't take it personally.

The Abusive Person

Unfortunately, we've all had the very unpleasant experience of dealing with someone who becomes abusive or offensive, either through excessive profanity, or using words to ridicule or degrade us or someone else. A woman shared with me that a customer said to her: "Let me talk to someone who has a brain larger than a two year old.” That is offensive and unacceptable.

Don't expose yourself to that garbage talk. The best way to respond is to give a warning, and if their behavior does not change, end the conversation. Here is an example of a warning:

"Excuse me, but I'm here to help you and I certainly want to help you. However, we will need to speak in normal business language. If this is not a good time for you, we can talk later."

Most people will change their behavior quickly, and some will even apologize to you.

In closing, here are some wonderful verses from Proverbs which give us great advice on dealing with difficult people:

Proverbs 15:1:  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 12:16: "Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult."

Proverbs 18:13: "To answer before listening—that is folly and shame."

Remember what I've often said: No one is in your life by accident, even those difficult people. God gives us these opportunities to demonstrate his love and his power to those people and others who are watching us. So, don't blow your opportunities. Learn to deal with difficult types of people.

If you would like to read the entire week’s message, click here to view/download the PDF.

Whether on our jobs, in our homes or even in our churches, often we find it’s necessary to deal with difficult types of people.

The Whiner

There seem to be some people who enjoying whining, have you noticed? They will repeat their problem over and over, even after it has been resolved. And as soon as the current complaint is taken care of, they seem to have another one waiting in the wings. Often they complain about problems for which there are no solutions.

When dealing with these types, you need to assume a more "take charge," business-like approach. While speaking in a kind way, don't lay the empathy or sympathy on too heavily, but keep repeating the facts. Be prepared to be a "broken record," if necessary, like this:

"I understand, but as I said, I will be glad to send you a copy of the contract..."

"Yes, I realize it has been frustrating, but as I said, we'll be glad to change our records..."

"I know this hasn't been easy for you, but as I said, I will try to make certain it doesn't happen again."

You may even have to interrupt a whiner if they don't come up for air! Also, it can be effective to "put the ball back in their court," so to speak:

"Well, I'm not certain what you would want me to do. How can I help you with this?"

"I would love to be able to help you; what would you like me to do?"

This at least gets you into "solution stage" where you force them to either verbalize a solution or admit that there is none!

The Mistaken Person

When dealing with someone who thinks they are absolutely, positively right, but instead they are absolutely, positively wrong, you must use a great deal of diplomacy. You'll need to find a face saver that will let them off the hook. Here are some examples of face savers:

"If our records our correct..."

"If my information is accurate..."

"I'm not sure, but it looks like..."

"I think I've got good news for you, because hopefully our problem is resolved. If I'm not mistaken..."

            "Well, I certainly could be wrong about this; it wouldn't be the first time, but I think..."

"I can understand how it would appear to be that way. . ."

Keep in mind that if there is nothing to be gained by proving you are right and the other person is wrong, let it go. Lose the battle and win the war. Avoid fruitless finger-pointing exercises as much as possible. They waste time and energy and cause problems as well.

Did you know that some people believe in "winning through intimidation"?

You've run into this person before, I'm sure. He or she will say things like:

"What's the name of your manager?"

"Do you know who I am?"

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"This is the last time we'll do business with you."

"My boss will hear about this."

"I’m going to send a memo to the President."

"I've been here 20 years and I know what I'm talking about."

"I have connections!"

"I'm going to run away from home."

"I'll never speak to you again!"

Your first response to the intimidator is to let him or her know that you are not intimidated. The best way to do that is to immediately acknowledge that he or she has the option to do whatever it is they are threatening to do, and then move immediately into solution stage, as though the threat is behind you. More often than not, an intimidator is bluffing and will back off quickly with this kind of response:

"Of course you can speak with my manager. Her name is Alice Smith, and as soon as she is available, I will connect you. Meanwhile, let me see if I can resolve this issue for you..."

"If you feel that your best course is to take legal action, I'll be glad to put you in touch with our legal department. However, we both recognize that is not an ideal solution, and I'd like to work with you for a satisfactory resolution. Here's what we can do..."

In a family situation, this may take a slightly different approach. For example, if a child is threatening to run away from home, it would have the same effect to say:

"We would be very sad and lonely here without you."

Another way to show the intimidator you are not intimidated is to state your name clearly, even if you've already given it. That lets the intimidator know that you are confident your response has been correct and are willing to be accountable for anything you've said or done.

Most intimidators will back off quickly when they find someone who doesn't wilt under the intimidation, who is confident, and who at the same time, genuinely tries to solve the problem.

What do you do when you're confronted with an angry, irate person? There are five stages to remember in dealing with a person who is angry and irate, and it is important to follow these stages in sequence:

Listen and allow that person to ventilate.

Many times an angry person simply needs to "get it off his/her chest," and then that person calms down. So, when you encounter someone who is in an angry state, tell yourself, "Just listen."

Defuse the anger

When it is your turn to talk, be sure you first go through the "defuse stage.” Here are some effective ways to defuse a situation:

Use empathy and/or sympathy.

 Some sample empathetic phrases are:

--"I can understand your frustration..."

--"I certainly can see why that would upset you..."

--"I know how annoying that can be..."

--"I know what you mean; that has happened to me, and it can be very upsetting.

You can sympathize with an angry person without apologizing. For example:

--"I'm sorry you've had a problem..."

--"I'm sorry this has inconvenienced you..."

--"I'm sorry to hear about that..."

Agree where possible. When you can agree with someone, it is a very strong defuser, because it's no longer "me against you," but you put yourself on their team, trying to solve their problem.

Apologize if appropriate.

Assure the angry person of a response. But of course, don't promise what you cannot deliver.

Clarify the situation

Typically, very angry people will exaggerate their problem. It may be helpful to paraphrase the situation back to the angry person, minus the anger.

Offer suggestions and/or solutions

After defusing and clarifying, you should be able to go into solution stage. That will take many different forms based on the situation.

However, I would emphasize once again that you do not go to solution stage until you've defused.

End on a positive note

After you have dealt with an angry person, remember to have the "last word," and make certain that last word is positive.

I'm not very good at shooting from the hip, are you? When situations catch me unprepared, I can make some poor decisions, choose words badly, and often make things worse. That's why I need to have a plan for dealing with difficult types of people.

Remember when Jesus' home-town crowd was so angry at him for claiming to be who he was that they wanted to kill him? Jesus knew it was time to leave, so in Luke 4:30 we read "he walked right through the crowd and went on his way.” In other words, there was no reasoning with this angry mob and Jesus knew when to walk away. Sometimes we need to walk away instead of trying to have the last word or convince someone that they're wrong.

There were other situations where Jesus dealt with difficult people very directly. When the Pharisees and religious leaders got on their "high horses" and started accusing Jesus of all kinds of things, he was often extremely direct in telling them to "cool it," if you please. But I notice that Jesus was never out of control when he was confronting these people. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, said it with emphasis, and did it to teach and help others.

If we are ever in a situation where direct confrontation is necessary with a difficult type, we should be ever-so-careful to make certain that we do it under the Holy Spirit's control. It can be forceful and direct, but it should never be cruel or vindictive or personal.

As believers in the workplace, dealing with difficult types gives us an opportunity to demonstrate the love of Jesus. We have the power of the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom and guidance and to control our words. Don't you think we should be better at dealing with difficult people because we know Jesus?

Dealing with people who are not in control takes exceptional people skills. These may be people who are difficult for everyone to deal with all the time, or they may be people who are having a bad day. But when they unleash their emotions on you, you need to be prepared.