Whether you’re experiencing conflict at work, home or school, applying biblical wisdom can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships. We invite the Holy Spirit to search our hearts when we find ourselves in conflict. I want to talk about contribution vs blame.

James 4:1 says: What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? Or as the Message translation says...They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves.

Here James is reminding us that often it is our desires within us that contribute to conflict, yet, if we are honest, most of us point the finger when we are facing relational discord. It can be so easy to place blame on the other person rather than noticing how we have contributed to the conflict at hand.

Now I can just sense the defensiveness rising up in some of us as we hear that we have contributed to a relational rift. But this is where humility comes in. Are we willing to take an honest look at how we have contributed to the conflict? If your immediate response is, “I have not done anything to contribute to this conflict,” consider this question…… “If there were a way that you have contributed to the current conflict, what would it be?” 

If you are truly committed to resolving conflict you will take an honest assessment of your thoughts, actions, and behaviors. Remember the old saying: it takes two to tango. Now this doesn’t mean that the other person hasn’t played a part in the strife but owning your part will go a long way towards resolution.

Think of a current conflict. Ask yourself, what part have I played? What do I need to own? What do I need to die to in this situation? What might I need to let go of and confess? How might operating from judgement, pride, and the need to be right be hindering the relationship? Get honest with yourself. Confess your part to God. Receive his forgiveness, put yourself in a posture of humility. ​​Listen, we are all prone to self-righteousness and blame, but humility and owning our contribution to a conflict, positions us for growth and deepening of relationships.

I’m Lisa Bishop and I will be sharing biblical wisdom as it relates to conflict…  in the workplace (or in any relationship for that matter).

If you have a pulse, you will encounter conflict several times throughout your lifetime. Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. Now there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict which often has to do with the circumstances surrounding the conflict and our approach to it. Yet one thing is true… people can’t be expected to agree on and see everything the same way all the time.

There are many ways we can relate to conflict. Some of us love it, some of us hate it and try to avoid it at all costs (which really is not possible, by the way). Some of us, if we are honest, love to stir up conflict. We all respond differently when conflict arises. And often the way we experienced conflict being handled when we were growing up influences our current relationship to conflict.

Yet there are biblical ways to engage when we don’t see eye to eye so that we can resolve conflict in a constructive way that keeps our relationships strong and growing. One of the first things to consider is reframing conflict. Not seeing it as bad or wrong but seeing it as an opportunity. When we see conflict as an opportunity and not a threat, when we see it as a way to gain understanding and build relationships, as an opportunity to grow… relationships can deepen.

As followers of Jesus, we have an incredible opportunity and responsibility to engage with conflict in a way that puts the glory of God on display. As God’s image bearers, we are on this planet and in our workplace and relationships to image him and that includes how we engage with conflict.

I can’t say that I always remember to honor God in conflict situations. Often my flesh is tempted to take over. But as we unpack how to apply wisdom in conflict, here is my invitation. When you find yourself in a conflict situation, when you feel anger, irritation, hurt or anxiousness rising, start with Psalm 139:23-26.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Ask God to search you. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see anything in you that has contributed to the conflict, and be open to what he shows you as you ask him to lead you.

Learning when to ignore—it’s true that it almost sounds like anything but a Christian message, don’t you think? Yet, truthfully there are times when we need discernment about what others are telling us and we truly need to ignore them. However, I want to reemphasize the importance of listening to others, too. It’s a wonderful way to show people compassion and a caring attitude—just by listening. But the opposite side of that truth is that there are times we should absolutely ignore what other people are saying to us. Not rudely, but quietly, just ignore.

I saw this as I was reading about a time when Jesus chose to ignore people. That story is found in Mark 5:21-43. Jesus was approached by a synagogue ruler, Jairus, who pleaded earnestly with him to come and heal his little daughter who was dying. Here was one religious leader who was ready to believe in Jesus. Interesting how people can become believers really fast when they're in trouble, isn't it?

Jesus agreed to go see his daughter, and on the way to his house some of Jairus's friends met them and reported that his daughter was dead, so there was no need to bother Jesus anymore. If ever there were words of death and gloom, this message was certainly that. "No need to try anymore," they told Jairus. "Forget it. Give up. Jesus might have been able to heal her, but she's dead now, and there's nothing he can do. So, don't even bother bringing Jesus with you. Just come on back home and mourn with the rest of us and bury your daughter.” This was the message Jairus's friends gave him.

Jesus heard what they told Jairus. Notice in Mark 5:36 how he responded: "Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, ‘Don’t be afraid; just believe.’“ In response to those words of death and doom, Jesus told Jairus to believe and not be afraid, and he completely ignored their bad report.

Jesus ignored them because he knew what he intended to do, he knew the power of God in him, and their message of hopelessness was one to be ignored. Now, imagine how Jairus must have felt at this point. First, his friend—people he no doubt knew and trusted—report that his dear little daughter is already dead. I'm sure he knew they wouldn't tell him that if there was any doubt in their minds. Yet, here's Jesus telling him to ignore their report, refuse to be afraid, and continue to believe that Jesus will heal his daughter.

Who does Jairus believe? Of course, he wants to believe that his daughter is not dead, but if he believes Jesus, he could really make a fool out of himself if she is dead. What does he do? Well, evidently Jairus chooses at this point to believe Jesus because they continue on their way to his house. And both Jesus and Jairus ignore the words of death and doom that his friends have delivered.

Now, we need to understand that Jairus's friends weren't trying to do him any harm. Indeed, they were simply trying to make him face what they thought was reality. Obviously they didn't have faith in Jesus' power; they only believed what they could see, so their words to Jairus were faith-destroying words. I wonder what they said to Jairus during that walk to his house. Do you think they kept on trying to convince him that his daughter was dead and he was foolish to believe Jesus? I imagine they did, and in fact they probably thought he'd really gone off the deep end now. But Jairus ignored them—his good friends—and chose to believe Jesus.

Then we see the scene when they arrive at the house. Everyone had declared the girl dead, and they'd already begun their mourning, crying and wailing loudly. You really have to put yourself in Jairus's shoes now, as he approaches with Jesus. Everyone is telling him, by words and actions, that his daughter is dead. Jesus is saying to ignore them, not be afraid and believe, and he's choosing to believe Jesus. But he looks very ridiculous to his friends. In fact,

Here’s the word of wisdom for today: The quality of your work reveals your character.

Did you ever realize that your work tells what kind of person you are? The Bible tells us that the works of God reveal to us what kind of God he is. The beauty of his creation, the majesty and grandeur of his universe give us a clear view of his character and his personality.

That's true of us as well. Just suppose someone who doesn't know you at all was asked to write a description of you based upon an audit and inspection of your work. What would that audit reveal?

Are you careful to do your work with thoroughness, or would your work reveal a careless attitude? Does your work show that you are considerate of the person at the receiving end or at the next stage of your work? Or would the inspector conclude that you're in a hurry to get through and get going, because your work is sloppy?

When your work involves dealing with other people, would it reveal an attitude of respect and concern for others? Do you think the inspector would conclude that you care about other people, and you treat everyone with respect? Or would it reveal a callousness toward others, treating them like numbers and not bothering to be kind and considerate toward them?

Could anyone tell by the quality of your work that you do it as unto the Lord? Would it look different from those who aren't Christians?

As I look at the work of God's hands, I know so much about his loving, caring nature. His work reveals his character to me. You work reveals your character as well. Would you be pleased to have someone describe you based on the work you've done this week? It's a good word of wisdom we need to think about frequently.

I’ve been giving you words of wisdom for the workplace this week and we’re offering these words on cards that you can use to remind yourself of God’s wisdom, or you may want to pass some along to someone else who needs them. You can find them on our website christianworkingwoman.org.

If you would like to read the entire week’s message, click here to view/download the PDF.

Do you need a word of wisdom for the workplace today? I’m offering nuggets of wisdom for the workplace.

Here’s my word of wisdom for today: Don’t let anxiety or fear rob you of God’s peace.

Are you feeling anxious about something today? Are you very disturbed over a situation in your life? Does it seem impossible to find any rest and peace right now? All of us have gone through and are still going through difficult times, which creates anxiety and fear. A passage in Isaiah 48 is very helpful when you are not at peace. Here are verses 17 and 18 of that chapter-

"This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your well-being like the waves of the sea."

Anxiety and unrest are often a result of our failure to pay attention to what we know about God. Rarely do we need some new truth or principle to help us out; we just need to practice what we know already.

I find that I rarely make a deliberate decision to wander from God's principles. It's simply a failure to pay attention to what I know already. My focus gets fractured. I move slightly off-center, simply because I haven't paid attention like I should.

And when that happens, I lose my peace and I’m anxious and frustrated. When you start to dig underneath those outward effects, you often discover that the cause is failure to pay attention to God's commands. It may be something that seems very small, but if we walk away from doing it God's way, we can expect to lose the peace and rest we so need.

The Lord told his people, "If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river” (Isaiah 48:18). If you're missing peace in your life today, see if there's some area where you're not paying attention to God. Once you get that straightened out, that wonderful, marvelous, indescribable peace will return, like a river, flooding your heart and calming your nerves.

I'm wondering, have you read that verse which says, "Be kind to everyone who is kind to you. Be kind to the people you like. Be kind when you want to impress someone, or when there's something in it for you"? No, you haven't seen that verse in Scripture, but Paul wrote to Timothy that "...the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone...” (2 Tim. 2:24).

That’s my word of wisdom for the workplace today: Be kind to everyone.

So, today it’s “Be kind to everyone.” I once witnessed a situation where a Christian sister was obviously unkind to a person simply because she doesn't like that kind of person. Based on her prejudices and some bad experiences she had, she had classified a group of people as undesirable. And so, she was obviously unkind to this person.

My heart was hurt to see a Christian treat someone unkindly. Then I realized that I probably do similar things all too often. I mean, it's easy to be kind to people that seem to deserve our kindness. But the Bible says we are to be kind to everyone. That includes strangers, people who irritate us, people who are not kind to us—everyone includes everyone!

Once I was unkind to a clerk at a hotel who was not very efficient at her job. Her lack of efficiency inconvenienced me just a bit, and though I didn't say anything, I'm sure the look on my face and my body language was most unkind.

How easy it would have been for me to say something kind to her, to make her feel a little more comfortable, to forget my minor inconvenience and try to help her out a bit. The Holy Spirit hit me between the eyes as I walked away. The Lord's servant must be kind to everyone, even people who don't do their jobs as well as they should.

Where do you often fail to be kind? Shore that area up with prayer, and ask God to help you to be kind, as the servant of the Lord should be, to everyone.

Are you tired today? Well, if so, I have a word of wisdom for you. I’m giving you wisdom for the workplace, and you can have these nuggets of wisdom on some cards we’ve prepared. Then you can use the cards to remind yourself of these important principles, or you may want to give some to others who are struggling with workplace issues.

Our second wisdom for the workplace is: Remember that being tired is inevitable, but if you’re tired for the wrong reasons, then you need to take some action.

First, let me assure you that it's okay to be tired. Jesus was often tired while he was here on earth. You remember when he went sound to sleep on the boat and a terrible storm didn't awaken him. He was tired. We read in John 4:6 that he was tired from a long journey.

We know that Jesus understands our tired bodies and minds because he experienced all that while he took the form of man here on earth. He sympathizes with our weaknesses and the limitations we face. Just knowing that helps me a lot.

But we need to determine if we're tired for the wrong reasons. Have you been trying to be all things to all people lately? That's exhausting—and you can never succeed. Perhaps you've taken on jobs God never intended you to do, and you're tired from trying to do too much. Maybe you're trying to do everything to total perfection. Perfectionists are usually very tired people, trying to prove something to themselves and to the world by being perfect all the time.

You may be tired because you've got your priorities confused. Someone has said, "There's always time to do God's will," and I think it's true that God would never ask of us more than our bodies and minds can do without going into overload and burn-out. But when we confuse our priorities, it causes weariness and exhaustion.

Remember this important message from Isaiah 40:30-31: “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

I want to offer you some specific wisdom for the workplace. And in fact, I want to you to have a set of cards with these nuggets of wisdom which you can take to your job, use them for yourself, or even give to others as an encouraging word. You’ll find those at christianworkingwoman.org.

Wisdom for the workplace from Luke 12:15: Jesus said, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed."

So, this greed problem is nothing new. And we certainly must watch out for the many different kinds of greed. There's greed for power, the drive to have authority and influence over other people. And greed for prestige and fame. Of course, greed for material possessions is very commonplace. Almost daily we hear of another scandal where greed for money has driven people to destroy their whole lives. And sadly, we’ve seen greed rise to the surface during this coronavirus pandemic.

When you think about it, greed is pride. It is that desire within us to show the world who we are by our status in life, by our possessions, by our fame. Greed is a direct result of the pride of life.

And greed is contagious. If you're around people who have lots of things and who focus their life on getting more and more things, you'll discover that it's very difficult not to be swept right along into that greedy mindset for things.

And greed is cancerous. It grows fast, and it consumes and destroys everything it touches. No wonder Jesus said we must be on our guard against all kinds of greed.

Jesus went on to say that a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions (Luke 12:15). Greed can overtake us quickly and completely distort our priorities and our commitment to the Lord. I wonder if what we’re going through—what we’ve been through in the last months—has helped many of us Christ-followers to see that the abundance of things is not important. That would be a big plus to take from this pandemic.

Jesus said life is more than food or clothes; life is peace and contentment. Those can't be bought; they are found only in Jesus.

Our wisdom for the workplace today is: Be on your guard today against all that greed that surrounds you, especially in the working world. It wants to drag you right into its currents, but by God's grace, you can be victorious.

Visit christianworkingwoman.org for your set of these ten cards with Wisdom for the Workplace.

You may be familiar with this verse from James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” God wants us to be wise, and the good news is, he will grant wisdom to us as we recognize our need for it and go to the source of all wisdom, our God.

We also know from Scripture that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. So, we want the wisdom that God imparts, not the world’s fake substitute. So, this is the pre-requisite: Do you fear the Lord? Do you know and respect the one true God through a personal relationship with his Son, Jesus?  That’s where God’s eternal wisdom begins. Assuming you do, here are the questions you need to ask yourself often. I believe these questions will help you avoid lots of trouble, keep you from shooting yourself in the foot, as we say, and greatly increase your effectiveness, regardless of where you are or what you’re doing.

Question #1: Do you think before you speak?

How many times have you said something—jumped quickly to give your opinion or your advice or add your two cents—and as soon as you said it, you wished the ground would just swallow you whole?

Proverbs 29:20 puts it so well: “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.”

I’ve often said, “I may not be good but I’m fast,” as though it is a good thing to be fast. Well, maybe it is sometimes, but to speak in haste is almost always a bad idea. Note there can be a difference between doing something with haste and doing something in haste. There are times when we do need to act with haste, quickly, for good reasons.

David prays in Psalm 70:1, “Hasten, O God, to save me; come quickly, Lord, to help me.” We often pray for God to act quickly, right? And then later in Psalm 119:60, the Psalmist says, “I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.” That’s the kind of haste we all need. There’s no question we should hasten to obey the Lord with no delay.

But speaking in haste is speaking without giving it proper thought; speaking without thinking of how it could be perceived by someone else. It is speaking foolishly.

Proverbs 12:18: The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

When you choose your words carefully, thoughtfully, not in haste, you can do so much good. Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” So, if you want to be wise, ask yourself, “Do I speak words of life or death? Do I think before I speak?”

Question #2: Did you sleep on it?

The simple old adage, Sleep on it, can save you lots of trouble. A wise person takes time for decisions, big and small ones, because the choices and decisions we make on a daily basis set the direction of our lives. Think about decisions that you regret. I can easily bring some recent ones to my own mind, and when I look back on decisions that didn’t turn out so good, it was always because I simply didn’t “sleep on it,” didn’t pray enough about it, didn’t always seek good counsel.

Again, from Proverbs 15:22, we read: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Wise people seek counsel from those they trust. Wise people are able to live with delayed gratification, resisting the impulse to go for the immediate reward, the instant answer. How often do you tell yourself just to sleep on it, talk to somebody you trust, pray lots?

I love this verse from Jeremiah 6:16a: “This is what the Lord says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” When you’re at a decision point, especially a fairly significant one, stand at that crossroad,

Do you remember the parable Jesus taught about the wise and foolish builders? You’ll find it in Matthew 7. The wise man built his house on a rock and when the rains came and the winds blew, it stood fast. The foolish man built his house on the sand, and it could not endure the rains and the winds, so it fell with a great crash, as Jesus tells the parable.

I’ve asked the question: Do you want to be wise? And I’ve pointed out principles from Proverbs that teach us how to become wise. Jesus had a lot to say about being wise too, and this parable is a good one. It, of course, refers to whether we build our lives on Jesus, our Rock, or we try to find life somewhere else, from someone else. And this is true not only for the decision we make to accept Jesus as our Savior, but also the daily decisions you and I make about many things—on our jobs, in our families, at our churches.

Building something on sand is faster than building something on a rock, but the wise person doesn’t take the easy way out. I have a tendency to want to get a job done quickly, so I often can forget this wise principle. My husband has to remind me that my easy way won’t work; it will fall apart sooner or later. So, if you want to be a wise person, build your life on the Rock, Jesus Christ, and build your daily lives on good decisions that are based on rock-strong principles.

In James 3:13 we read: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” That really sums it up well, doesn’t it? If you want to be wise, show it by the good way you live and by helping others in humility. And then don’t forget what James told us in chapter 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Please take this promise and practice it. Ask God for wisdom—every day! He promises to give it to you, and as you become more and more wise, you will be more and more like Jesus, you will be shining his light in a dark world, and you will avoid a lot of heartaches and problems.

If you would like to read the entire week’s message, click here to view/download the PDF.