The Cracked Podcast

Believe it or not, Matthew McConaughey's thesis (from behind a bookshelf inside a black hole) that love is the most powerful force in the universe isn't the most scientifically accurate thing Hollywood has offered us lately. It should come as no surprise that movies take a lot of liberties with astrophysics and what is possible or impossible in the realm of outer space. Like, sending up a crew of men less qualified than Donald Trump (too soon?) to blow up an asteroid? That's probably not in NASA's Plans A through "we ran out of letters" of how to stop a meteor on a collision course with Earth. Even in more fantastical movies like the Star Wars or Star Trek films, you just get very inadequate image in your head of how space works. Take asteroid belts, for example. It's a belt! Made of asteroids! Asteroids as far as the eye can see! You can't safely pilot your ship through them because there are just so many damn asteroids! I've had it with these motherf**king asteroids on this motherf**king belt! We're sorry to say that's now how the asteroid belt works at all. The average distance between bodies in the asteroid belt is 600,000 miles, which is more than double the distance between the Earth and the Moon. So traveling through the asteroid belt is less dodging asteroids like Han Solo and more, "we passed through the asteroid belt?" To dispel some more myths about how space works, Jack O'Brien and Alex Schmidt are joined by Dr. Farah Alibay, a real life scientist at JPL who gets to play with styrofoam models of planets all day and is currently working on a mission that's trying to scoop a 2o-ton boulder off an asteroid, which is as cool as it sounds. Footnotes: Farah Alibay Bio : https://goo.gl/iM4NI7 Podcast: How NASA Was Born Out of Magic Loving, Orgy Having Nerds : https://goo.gl/sbSjcR  Video: To Scale - The Solar System : https://goo.gl/yxUggj GIF: Jupiter's Surface in Motion : https://goo.gl/BEUaJz Video: Pigeons in Space : https://goo.gl/H3Anrr Video: Spiders in Space : https://goo.gl/VrQQkJ  Video: Russian Meteor Reaction : https://goo.gl/R6WKTA Image Gallery: Cupola Module on the ISS : https://goo.gl/IJUO5U Article: The Drake Equation : https://goo.gl/rYZVzF Article: Myths Everyone Believes About Space (Thanks To Movies) : https://goo.gl/H0WiLF Article: Things About Space You're Picturing Almost Exactly Wrong : https://goo.gl/qDDpgn Article: Reasons Space Travel Will Always Suck : https://goo.gl/VfNZ Article: Reasons Life in Space Sucks (That Sci-Fi Doesn't Show You) : https://goo.gl/jNuONd Article: The Most Mind-Blowing Things Ever Discovered in Space : https://goo.gl/XztW9 Article: Real Planets Way Weirder Than Anything in Science Fiction : https://goo.gl/Rb6Yy6 Article: Mind-Blowing Things Found in Our Own Solar System : https://goo.gl/Azquk This episode is brought to you by Squarespace and MVMT Watches.

Scenario: you've got a time machine and you only like two things in this life: eatin' breakfast and killin' Nazis, and you've already eaten breakfast. Your obvious next step is to travel to April 20th,1889 and throw baby hitler down a well and then blow up the well,  right? Or is there something better you could do with your time?The whole 'would you kill baby Hitler' thought experiment has been a surprisingly prevalent pop-culture moral question at dinner parties and bad games of Cards Against Humanity. Even Jeb Bush weighed in with his thoughts back in a simpler time when he thought he could be president. His answer, by the way, was, "hell yeah!" ( https://goo.gl/IzBaxA ).This got us thinking, what would be some other moments in history to travel back to and change one thing? One answer might be incredibly simple: November 8th, 2016. Who wouldn't go back in time to stop the events of last Tuesday? Only time will tell if that day becomes one of the giant crossroads in the slow forward march of history.So today Jack O'Brien and Alex Schmidt are posing that question to our five comedian guests: Steven Wilbur, Riley Silverman, Caitlin Gill, Blake Wexler and Eric Lampaert. When would you go in history to change one thing, what would it be and why?Footnotes:Alex Schmidt on Twitter: https://goo.gl/oF6OFj Steven Wilbur on Twitter: https://goo.gl/CSBfaF Riley Silverman on Twitter: https://goo.gl/ipJ8TX Caitlin Gill on Twitter: https://goo.gl/HblhwS Blake Wexler on Twitter: https://goo.gl/hBY7tL Eric Lampaert on Twitter: https://goo.gl/b70FTt Biography.com: About Assassination of Franz Ferdinand: https://goo.gl/1rRB5D Smithsonian: How One Man Accidentally Killed The Oldest Tree Ever: https://goo.gl/vuVg8r " William Tecumseh Sherman: In The Service Of My Country": https://goo.gl/OobZ9h Radiolab: Be Careful What You Plan For: https://goo.gl/UwvO4w This episode is brought to you by Indochino, Loot Crate, and Wondery.

Scenario: you've got a time machine and you only like two things in this life: eatin' breakfast and killin' Nazis, and you've already eaten breakfast. Your obvious next step is to travel to April 20th,1889 and throw baby hitler down a well and then blow up the well,  right? Or is there something better you could do with your time?The whole 'would you kill baby Hitler' thought experiment has been a surprisingly prevalent pop-culture moral question at dinner parties and bad games of Cards Against Humanity. Even Jeb Bush weighed in with his thoughts back in a simpler time when he thought he could be president. His answer, by the way, was, "hell yeah!" ( https://goo.gl/IzBaxA ).This got us thinking, what would be some other moments in history to travel back to and change one thing? One answer might be incredibly simple: November 8th, 2016. Who wouldn't go back in time to stop the events of last Tuesday? Only time will tell if that day becomes one of the giant crossroads in the slow forward march of history.So today Jack O'Brien and Alex Schmidt are posing that question to our five comedian guests: Steven Wilbur, Riley Silverman, Caitlin Gill, Blake Wexler and Eric Lampaert. When would you go in history to change one thing, what would it be and why?Footnotes:Alex Schmidt on Twitter: https://goo.gl/oF6OFj Steven Wilbur on Twitter: https://goo.gl/CSBfaF Riley Silverman on Twitter: https://goo.gl/ipJ8TX Caitlin Gill on Twitter: https://goo.gl/HblhwS Blake Wexler on Twitter: https://goo.gl/hBY7tL Eric Lampaert on Twitter: https://goo.gl/b70FTt Biography.com: About Assassination of Franz Ferdinand: https://goo.gl/1rRB5D Smithsonian: How One Man Accidentally Killed The Oldest Tree Ever: https://goo.gl/vuVg8r " William Tecumseh Sherman: In The Service Of My Country": https://goo.gl/OobZ9h Radiolab: Be Careful What You Plan For: https://goo.gl/UwvO4w This episode is brought to you by Indochino, Loot Crate, and Wondery.

Donald Trump will be the 45th President of the United States of America. It's going to be okay. Sit down, have a cookie, breathe into this bag and put on your mandatory 'Make America Great Again' baseball cap. We'll survive this, right?Despite the sun coming up in the morning and life seemingly going on like normal, the world might've been forever changed last night. So we needed to break the little glass box, pull the lever and record an emergency podcast. Jack O'Brien is joined by Jason Pargin (aka David Wong) to make sense of what happened at the polls last night, why we should've seen it coming from a mile away and what we can actively do to prevent this from happening again. As Jason says on the site today, "Do the opposite of Panic. Work through the problem." It'll all be okay.And if we're still alive this weekend , make sure to catch the next LIVE taping of The Cracked Podcast, this Saturday, November 12th at 7pm at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles, CA. Jack O'Brien, Daniel O'Brien and Michael Swaim will be joined by an expert in psychology to talk about some of the psychological myths everyone seems to believe: like Rorschach tests (sorry, they don't work), middle child syndrome (not real); and depression (totally real, but antidepressants might not actually work very well). Tickets are only $5 and they're available here: https://goo.gl/nSI343 Footnotes:David Wong: Don't Panic: https://goo.gl/V02EGl David Wong: How Half of America Lost Its F**king Mind: https://goo.gl/KBJs5W Interactive 2016 County-by-County Election Map: https://goo.gl/6zWHIw Allan Lichtman: Keys to the White House: https://goo.gl/IgMovr Stephen Colbert's Election Night Sign-Off: https://goo.gl/4cxBrF

Donald Trump will be the 45th President of the United States of America. It's going to be okay. Sit down, have a cookie, breathe into this bag and put on your mandatory 'Make America Great Again' baseball cap. We'll survive this, right?Despite the sun coming up in the morning and life seemingly going on like normal, the world might've been forever changed last night. So we needed to break the little glass box, pull the lever and record an emergency podcast. Jack O'Brien is joined by Jason Pargin (aka David Wong) to make sense of what happened at the polls last night, why we should've seen it coming from a mile away and what we can actively do to prevent this from happening again. As Jason says on the site today, "Do the opposite of Panic. Work through the problem." It'll all be okay.And if we're still alive this weekend , make sure to catch the next LIVE taping of The Cracked Podcast, this Saturday, November 12th at 7pm at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles, CA. Jack O'Brien, Daniel O'Brien and Michael Swaim will be joined by an expert in psychology to talk about some of the psychological myths everyone seems to believe: like Rorschach tests (sorry, they don't work), middle child syndrome (not real); and depression (totally real, but antidepressants might not actually work very well). Tickets are only $5 and they're available here: https://goo.gl/nSI343 Footnotes:David Wong: Don't Panic: https://goo.gl/V02EGl David Wong: How Half of America Lost Its F**king Mind: https://goo.gl/KBJs5W Interactive 2016 County-by-County Election Map: https://goo.gl/6zWHIw Allan Lichtman: Keys to the White House: https://goo.gl/IgMovr Stephen Colbert's Election Night Sign-Off: https://goo.gl/4cxBrF

"Our way of life here is about nine meals away from anarchy." That's a quote from retired Marine Colonel David Couvillon, who governed the Wasit province of Iraq during the US occupation and clearly a man who has never seen the Cracked office when our daily lunch of filet mignon and caviar is fifteen minutes late. His experiences in Iraq mean he knows a thing or two about modern political unrest and civil war, which makes that quote even more terrifying.As you might've heard, there's an election tomorrow (if you're reading this day it's coming out), and no matter what the outcome, a portion of the country is going to feel like they've had it stolen from them. Matt Bevins, the Governor of Kentucky, has already promised that, "blood will be shed" if Hillary wins and there's no doubt real people are taking promises like these to heart.So how likely is it that America falls into a second civil war? What would that look like? That's what we're asking Cracked's Robert Evans and Teresa Lee on this episode of The Cracked Podcast. They'll explain to us that violent unrest on American soil is a lot more possible than you think and that it wouldn't be North vs. South or Red vs. Blue, but a war fought on thousands of different sides.Also, make sure to catch the next LIVE taping of The Cracked Podcast, this Saturday, November 12th at 7pm at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles, CA. Jack O'Brien, Daniel O'Brien and Michael Swaim will be joined by an expert in psychology to talk about some of the psychological myths everyone seems to believe: like Rorschach tests (sorry, they don't work), middle child syndrome (not real); and depression (totally real, but antidepressants might not actually work very well). Tickets are only $5 and they're available here:  https://goo.gl/nSI343 Footnotes:Cracked: 6 Reasons Why a New Civl War is Possible and Terrifying:  https://goo.gl/admmtA Cracked: Going Deep Undercover in a Right Wing Militia Ruined My Life:  https://goo.gl/VkHZp8 USA Today: Record Number of Anti-Government Militias in USA:  https://goo.gl/gnmJaL Abu Bakr Naji: The Management of Savagery:  https://goo.gl/AsDWkE Cracked Podcast: The 11 Nations of America:  https://goo.gl/dTJnm4 11 Nations of America Map:  https://goo.gl/kNXBZ0 How to Build a Thermal Evasion Suit:  https://goo.gl/itpJlJ This episode is brought to you by Squarespace and Blue Apron.

"Our way of life here is about nine meals away from anarchy." That's a quote from retired Marine Colonel David Couvillon, who governed the Wasit province of Iraq during the US occupation and clearly a man who has never seen the Cracked office when our daily lunch of filet mignon and caviar is fifteen minutes late. His experiences in Iraq mean he knows a thing or two about modern political unrest and civil war, which makes that quote even more terrifying.As you might've heard, there's an election tomorrow (if you're reading this day it's coming out), and no matter what the outcome, a portion of the country is going to feel like they've had it stolen from them. Matt Bevins, the Governor of Kentucky, has already promised that, "blood will be shed" if Hillary wins and there's no doubt real people are taking promises like these to heart.So how likely is it that America falls into a second civil war? What would that look like? That's what we're asking Cracked's Robert Evans and Teresa Lee on this episode of The Cracked Podcast. They'll explain to us that violent unrest on American soil is a lot more possible than you think and that it wouldn't be North vs. South or Red vs. Blue, but a war fought on thousands of different sides.Also, make sure to catch the next LIVE taping of The Cracked Podcast, this Saturday, November 12th at 7pm at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles, CA. Jack O'Brien, Daniel O'Brien and Michael Swaim will be joined by an expert in psychology to talk about some of the psychological myths everyone seems to believe: like Rorschach tests (sorry, they don't work), middle child syndrome (not real); and depression (totally real, but antidepressants might not actually work very well). Tickets are only $5 and they're available here:  https://goo.gl/nSI343 Footnotes:Cracked: 6 Reasons Why a New Civl War is Possible and Terrifying:  https://goo.gl/admmtA Cracked: Going Deep Undercover in a Right Wing Militia Ruined My Life:  https://goo.gl/VkHZp8 USA Today: Record Number of Anti-Government Militias in USA:  https://goo.gl/gnmJaL Abu Bakr Naji: The Management of Savagery:  https://goo.gl/AsDWkE Cracked Podcast: The 11 Nations of America:  https://goo.gl/dTJnm4 11 Nations of America Map:  https://goo.gl/kNXBZ0 How to Build a Thermal Evasion Suit:  https://goo.gl/itpJlJ This episode is brought to you by Squarespace and Blue Apron.

You're probably familiar with Kurt Vonnegut's required reading, or rather the Kurt Vonnegut books your high school English teacher required you to read. 'Slaughterhouse-Five,' 'Cat's Cradle,' and maybe 'Breakfast of Champions' were rays of satirical sunlight in your curriculum between long stretches of Jane Austen and Herman Melville (both great authors, but booooooring). But what about his other 12 novels and the dozens of short stories and other works you're not familiar with?The Cracked Podcast is going to mix it up this week with an introduction to our new Vonnegut book club, a brand new podcast with Alex Schmidt and Michael Swaim, the Kurt Vonneguys. Once a month, Alex and Michael will work through the Vonnegut library, dissecting the recurring themes and characters, highlighting some amazing Kurt-isms and providing a general overview of Kurt's work as the connective tissue to modern sci-fi.In this week's episode, Alex and Michael cover Vonnegut's overlooked first novel, 'Player Piano,' a satirical '1984'-esque warning about the horrors of automation. When you're through, you can check out episode two of Kurt Vonneguys here ( https://goo.gl/dtD9Qz ), where they look at Vonnegut's masterwork, 'The Sirens of Titan.' And if you're interested in following future episodes of Kurt Vonneguys, be sure to subscribe here ( https://goo.gl/yjfNTM ).Recommended Reading:"The Silver Corridor" and "'Repent, Harlequin!' Said The Ticktockman" -- Harlan Ellison : https://goo.gl/7NK9Pu "Knox" -- Harlan Ellison : https://goo.gl/NlwI03 "The Veldt" -- Ray Bradbury: https://goo.gl/ihH8r9 " The Caves Of Steel "  -- Isaac Asimov : https://goo.gl/8uA6TQ This episode is brought to you by Indochino and MVMT Watches.

You're probably familiar with Kurt Vonnegut's required reading, or rather the Kurt Vonnegut books your high school English teacher required you to read. 'Slaughterhouse-Five,' 'Cat's Cradle,' and maybe 'Breakfast of Champions' were rays of satirical sunlight in your curriculum between long stretches of Jane Austen and Herman Melville (both great authors, but booooooring). But what about his other 12 novels and the dozens of short stories and other works you're not familiar with?The Cracked Podcast is going to mix it up this week with an introduction to our new Vonnegut book club, a brand new podcast with Alex Schmidt and Michael Swaim, the Kurt Vonneguys. Once a month, Alex and Michael will work through the Vonnegut library, dissecting the recurring themes and characters, highlighting some amazing Kurt-isms and providing a general overview of Kurt's work as the connective tissue to modern sci-fi.In this week's episode, Alex and Michael cover Vonnegut's overlooked first novel, 'Player Piano,' a satirical '1984'-esque warning about the horrors of automation. When you're through, you can check out episode two of Kurt Vonneguys here ( https://goo.gl/dtD9Qz ), where they look at Vonnegut's masterwork, 'The Sirens of Titan.' And if you're interested in following future episodes of Kurt Vonneguys, be sure to subscribe here ( https://goo.gl/yjfNTM ).Recommended Reading:"The Silver Corridor" and "'Repent, Harlequin!' Said The Ticktockman" -- Harlan Ellison : https://goo.gl/7NK9Pu "Knox" -- Harlan Ellison : https://goo.gl/NlwI03 "The Veldt" -- Ray Bradbury: https://goo.gl/ihH8r9 " The Caves Of Steel "  -- Isaac Asimov : https://goo.gl/8uA6TQ This episode is brought to you by Indochino and MVMT Watches.

You thought it would disappear before the Iowa primary. You thought it would surely never happen when its tax returns were released. You definitely thought it was going away as it drove past you on an 'Access Hollywood' tour bus. But it's finally here. We're doing a Trump podcast! Please hide your women and children.We've actually kind of skirted around Trump a lot in the last year. We talked about the class divide in America, how it's not necessarily driven by money and how the Donald personifies the hopes and desires of the "lower class". We even talked about narcissism as America's mental disorder, symbolized again by king narcissist himself, Donald J. Trump.So this week, Crooked Jack O'Brien is joined by Lyin' Jason Pargin (aka David Wong) in hopefully our final Trumpcast. They take one last look at Mr. Tinyfingers by looking at the 40% or so of people who are voting for him in a couple weeks no matter what. It's easy to pass them off as toothless rednecks, racist uncles and cartoonish extras from Daily Show segments, but they are real people who didn't come to support Trump out of nowhere. This cultural shift has been hiding in plain sight and the only problem was the left hadn't even bothered to look. By really dissecting the reasons for this social chasm, we'll prove that even the craziest of Trump supporters should actually be listened to, no matter how orange and absurd their political mouthpiece is.Footnotes:Cracked: How Half of America Lost Its F**king Mind: https://goo.gl/KBJs5W Cracked Podcast: The 11 Nations of America: https://goo.gl/dTJnm4 Cracked Podcast: Why Class in America Isn't Just About Income: https://goo.gl/4juPht 2012 County-by-County Election Map: https://goo.gl/EKH1xb Map of County-by-County Economic Growth: https://goo.gl/u3vqyo This episode is brought to you by Harry’s and Adam and Eve.