The Cracked Podcast

So after seven books, eight movies and a trip to Universal Studios, you think you would prefer to go to Hogwarts than live in real life. Everyone gets assigned a very useful pet owl, you can fly around on broomsticks and you don't have to stick to MLA formatting or learn differential geometry. Sounds great! Except everyone is dying all the time.  Cedric Diggory. Dead. Fred Weasley. Dead. Let's face it, if there was an evil wizard trying to put an end to humanity on the campus of Ohio State, people would stop going there.Just to recap – Hogwarts: Pros: magic and other cool stuffCons: death is everywhere.By this logic, our goal this episode is to figure out what would be the best fictional school to attend. We found that most schools in fiction have a much higher death rate than the normal high school or university. We'll take that into consideration. Co-hosts Jack O'Brien and Daniel O'Brien are joined by Cracked's Josh Sargent and Alex Schmidt, and comedians Alison Leiby, Brandie Posey, Riley Silverman and Steven Wilbur to talk Hogwarts, Starfleet Academy, Sunnydale High and more.Footnotes:Alison Leiby's Website:  https://goo.gl/Dk4XHS Alison Leiby's Standup:  https://goo.gl/nFm8P3 Brandie Posey's Website:  http://goo.gl/evH4MH Brandie Posey's Standup:  https://goo.gl/7gVzdI Riley Silverman's Website:  http://goo.gl/CNZZYj Riley Silverman's Standup:  https://goo.gl/ADU1qG Steven Wilber's Website:  http://goo.gl/OH9jB9 Steven Wilber's Standup:  https://goo.gl/8vJBl1 Cracked: The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied By Harry Potter:  http://goo.gl/RVSM5 Cracked: 6 Horrifying Implications of the Harry Potter Universe:  http://goo.gl/uiaMd Cracked: Why Hogwarts Was All in Harry's Head:  http://goo.gl/xLALu Cracked: My Brief Time as a Student at Hogwarts:  http://goo.gl/M05Mm Cracked: After Hours: 5 Movie High Schools That Would Suck To Attend:  https://goo.gl/yNRe8H This episode is sponsored by Wealthfront Veritone, Magoosh, and the Now Hear This Podcast Festival.

Will Smith famously turned down the role of Neo in 'The Matrix', a decision that created the current timeline in which we live, where Obama is President, Prince is dead and Keanu Reeves is making awesome John Wick movies. Meanwhile Smith is playing second fiddle in poorly - reviewed DC expanded universe movies and is probably questioning  when it all went wrong. The chronicle of filmmaking is peppered with anecdotes like these; crazy what-ifs that had they gone the other way, maybe history wouldn't be totally different ,  but the movies we love would. On this week's podcast, Jack O'Brien is joined by Cracked columnists David Christopher Bell and Josh Sargent to talk about  some of these movie what-ifs and then take it one step further: think of some  disappointing movies  from the last few years that would be fixed with one simple change.Footnotes:Cracked: 6 Reasons 'Jurassic World' Killed Its Biggest Hero:  http://goo.gl/Kk4a7R Cracked: 4 Surprisingly Simple Fixes for Famously Bad Movies:  http://goo.gl/lVNbpG Cracked: 5 Famously Terrible Movies That Were Almost Great:  http://goo.gl/ZQAEFB  Cracked: 6 Famously Terrible Movies That Were Almost Awesome:  http://goo.gl/qYUf2 Cracked: 35 Last-Second Casting Changes That Altered Movie History:  http://goo.gl/RUak4z Cracked: 5 Movies That Were One Flaw Away From Being Classics:  http://goo.gl/PeHrn Bruce Willis' Crazy 'Red 2' Interview:  https://goo.gl/Kc5rxj Film School Rejects: The 8 Worst Parts of Prometheus Made Sense in the Original Script:  https://goo.gl/7T8MU6 This episode is sponsored by Magoosh, Spotify, Loot Crate, and the Now Hear This Podcast Festival.

Will Smith famously turned down the role of Neo in 'The Matrix', a decision that created the current timeline in which we live, where Obama is President, Prince is dead and Keanu Reeves is making awesome John Wick movies. Meanwhile Smith is playing second fiddle in poorly - reviewed DC expanded universe movies and is probably questioning  when it all went wrong. The chronicle of filmmaking is peppered with anecdotes like these; crazy what-ifs that had they gone the other way, maybe history wouldn't be totally different ,  but the movies we love would. On this week's podcast, Jack O'Brien is joined by Cracked columnists David Christopher Bell and Josh Sargent to talk about  some of these movie what-ifs and then take it one step further: think of some  disappointing movies  from the last few years that would be fixed with one simple change.Footnotes:Cracked: 6 Reasons 'Jurassic World' Killed Its Biggest Hero:  http://goo.gl/Kk4a7R Cracked: 4 Surprisingly Simple Fixes for Famously Bad Movies:  http://goo.gl/lVNbpG Cracked: 5 Famously Terrible Movies That Were Almost Great:  http://goo.gl/ZQAEFB  Cracked: 6 Famously Terrible Movies That Were Almost Awesome:  http://goo.gl/qYUf2 Cracked: 35 Last-Second Casting Changes That Altered Movie History:  http://goo.gl/RUak4z Cracked: 5 Movies That Were One Flaw Away From Being Classics:  http://goo.gl/PeHrn Bruce Willis' Crazy 'Red 2' Interview:  https://goo.gl/Kc5rxj Film School Rejects: The 8 Worst Parts of Prometheus Made Sense in the Original Script:  https://goo.gl/7T8MU6 This episode is sponsored by Magoosh, Spotify, Loot Crate, and the Now Hear This Podcast Festival.

So you think you know how the world works, right? You watch one episode of 'Mythbusters' and suddenly you're an expert on ballistics, germ theory and aeronautical engineering.Tell me then, Jonas Salk, why you always get sick on airplanes. You're probably thinking it has something to do with the recycled air. Five hours spent breathing the same diseased air as the commoners back in coach and you're bound to come down with something, right? Wrong, you aristocratic pig!You can actually blame the airlines and flight attendants for this one. Don't you think it's weird how the plane gets clean in the 20 minutes between when the plane lands and when they ask you to board? Yeah, that's because they don't clean it. Every surface on an airplane is a plastic germ-ridden hellscape trying to eat you from the insides out. That's why you get sick when you fly.There are plenty of other everyday systems and things whose inner workings are taken for granted like that. Jack O'Brien is joined this week by Cracked editors Soren Bowie and Kristi Harrison for a roundup of things that don't work how you'd expect: from airplanes, to soap, to the world economy.Also, make sure to join us at our next live podcast taping!Tickets are just $5 and are available  here:  https://goo.gl/QtlWid Footnotes:USA Today: 5 Myths About Germs on Airplanes:  http://goo.gl/7KrnF7 Slate: How Welfare Reform Failed:  http://goo.gl/CIB1S1 And The Band Played On (Book):  https://goo.gl/OkI1Qx And The Band Played On (Movie):  https://goo.gl/KRZvfz Oklahoma vs. Harvard Debate (Start at 0:43):  https://goo.gl/3bDplo Cracked: 6 Inside Facts About Jeopardy From a 74-Episode Winner:  http://goo.gl/gRKtzC Cracked: 6 Counterintuitive Tricks to Beating Popular Game Shows:  http://goo.gl/f9BDt The Economist: Age Invaders:  http://goo.gl/QL6q1J IMF: What Is The Demographic Dividend?:  http://goo.gl/aAobvU This episode is sponsored by Spotify, Magoosh, Casper Mattresses, and Loot Crate.

So you think you know how the world works, right? You watch one episode of 'Mythbusters' and suddenly you're an expert on ballistics, germ theory and aeronautical engineering.Tell me then, Jonas Salk, why you always get sick on airplanes. You're probably thinking it has something to do with the recycled air. Five hours spent breathing the same diseased air as the commoners back in coach and you're bound to come down with something, right? Wrong, you aristocratic pig!You can actually blame the airlines and flight attendants for this one. Don't you think it's weird how the plane gets clean in the 20 minutes between when the plane lands and when they ask you to board? Yeah, that's because they don't clean it. Every surface on an airplane is a plastic germ-ridden hellscape trying to eat you from the insides out. That's why you get sick when you fly.There are plenty of other everyday systems and things whose inner workings are taken for granted like that. Jack O'Brien is joined this week by Cracked editors Soren Bowie and Kristi Harrison for a roundup of things that don't work how you'd expect: from airplanes, to soap, to the world economy.Also, make sure to join us at our next live podcast taping!Tickets are just $5 and are available  here:  https://goo.gl/QtlWid Footnotes:USA Today: 5 Myths About Germs on Airplanes:  http://goo.gl/7KrnF7 Slate: How Welfare Reform Failed:  http://goo.gl/CIB1S1 And The Band Played On (Book):  https://goo.gl/OkI1Qx And The Band Played On (Movie):  https://goo.gl/KRZvfz Oklahoma vs. Harvard Debate (Start at 0:43):  https://goo.gl/3bDplo Cracked: 6 Inside Facts About Jeopardy From a 74-Episode Winner:  http://goo.gl/gRKtzC Cracked: 6 Counterintuitive Tricks to Beating Popular Game Shows:  http://goo.gl/f9BDt The Economist: Age Invaders:  http://goo.gl/QL6q1J IMF: What Is The Demographic Dividend?:  http://goo.gl/aAobvU This episode is sponsored by Spotify, Magoosh, Casper Mattresses, and Loot Crate.

Congratulations! You've died in a fictional universe where the afterlife exists! How cool is that? Aren't you happy you're not in the Tarantino-verse? Instead of your soul escaping to the great unknown, you get to hang out and make pottery with Whoopi Goldberg, contract the exorcism services of whatever Beetlejuice is, or get treated like vermin by a team of New York City exterminators (of indeterminate gender). So what will it be? What would be the best pop-culture afterlife to spend your eternity in? To figure that out, Jack O'Brien is joined by Cracked's Daniel O'Brien and Michael Swaim and comedian and artist Ramin Nazer. They also discuss some of the worst afterlife scenarios from ancient religions, create their own perfect afterlife and talk about who they'd haunt if they were ghosts.Also don't forget to buy tickets to our next live podcast taping on Saturday, August 13th at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles!In the muggle world, we're not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to.Join Jack, Daniel, the rest of the Cracked staff and some special guests as they figure out if it's a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as 'Screech.'Tickets are just $5 and are available  here: https://goo.gl/QtlWid Footnotes:Ray Kurzweil : The Coming Singularity:  https://goo.gl/WNqGFQ Simon Rich: "What In God's Name":  https://goo.gl/fXA3oo Ramin Nazer  : "After You Die":  https://goo.gl/jBeKGl Rob Bryanton: "Imagining the Tenth Dimension":  https://goo.gl/bGPMvm The Fox Sisters and the Rap on Spiritualism:  http://goo.gl/jZPLub Andy Weir: "The Egg":  http://goo.gl/flww Christopher Moore: "Lamb"  https://goo.gl/7CVl3P This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, Spotify, and Loot Crate.

Congratulations! You've died in a fictional universe where the afterlife exists! How cool is that? Aren't you happy you're not in the Tarantino-verse? Instead of your soul escaping to the great unknown, you get to hang out and make pottery with Whoopi Goldberg, contract the exorcism services of whatever Beetlejuice is, or get treated like vermin by a team of New York City exterminators (of indeterminate gender). So what will it be? What would be the best pop-culture afterlife to spend your eternity in? To figure that out, Jack O'Brien is joined by Cracked's Daniel O'Brien and Michael Swaim and comedian and artist Ramin Nazer. They also discuss some of the worst afterlife scenarios from ancient religions, create their own perfect afterlife and talk about who they'd haunt if they were ghosts.Also don't forget to buy tickets to our next live podcast taping on Saturday, August 13th at the UCB Sunset Theatre in Los Angeles!In the muggle world, we're not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to.Join Jack, Daniel, the rest of the Cracked staff and some special guests as they figure out if it's a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as 'Screech.'Tickets are just $5 and are available  here: https://goo.gl/QtlWid Footnotes:Ray Kurzweil : The Coming Singularity:  https://goo.gl/WNqGFQ Simon Rich: "What In God's Name":  https://goo.gl/fXA3oo Ramin Nazer  : "After You Die":  https://goo.gl/jBeKGl Rob Bryanton: "Imagining the Tenth Dimension":  https://goo.gl/bGPMvm The Fox Sisters and the Rap on Spiritualism:  http://goo.gl/jZPLub Andy Weir: "The Egg":  http://goo.gl/flww Christopher Moore: "Lamb"  https://goo.gl/7CVl3P This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, Spotify, and Loot Crate.

The prominent philosophers The Righteous Brothers once warned about "los[ing] that loving feeling," and the sentiment was famously echoed in the 1986 fighter pilot documentary 'Top Gun'. After having lost said loving feeling, the brothers (not actually brothers) felt as if they couldn't go on. The sensation they felt wasn't poetic exaggeration. The Righteous Brothers, along with brothers Maverick and Goose were experiencing a very real and potentially dangerous biological response known as skin hunger.Skin hunger is your body's reaction to lack of physical touch and it affects an increasing number of Americans while being a non existent phenomenon in more touch-happy countries like France. The problem that we're learning is that without skin-to-skin touch (might we add that it doesn't have to be sexual), your body doesn't produce the hormone oxytocin. Without that natural chemical, adults are more susceptible to depression and infants can have developmental problems or even die.On this week's podcast, Jack O'Brien and Cracked editor Robert Evans are first joined by Dr. Kory Floyd, a professor at the University of Arizona, to talk about the physiological and sociological repercussions of skin hunger and why it's so prominent in today's culture. Later Jack and Robert are joined by Jean Franzblau of the Cuddle Sanctuary in Los Angeles and Travis Ashkenasy, an independent contractor, to talk about the services they provide as professional cuddlers and why you shouldn't be embarrassed to seek out a cuddle party.This episode is sponsored by Magoosh, The Bouqs, and Credit Karma.Footnotes:Psychology Today: What Lack of Affection Can Do to You:  https://goo.gl/HOlA9y Sebastian Junger TED Talk on PTSD, Loneliness:  https://goo.gl/e31gD3 NYT Book Review: Sebastian Junger's 'Tribe':  http://goo.gl/ysbAAd Tiffany Field's Book 'Touch':  https://goo.gl/oj4NzM Tiffany Field's Study of Touch at McDonald's in the US and France:  https://goo.gl/LxipQv Do High Fives Help Sports Teams?:  https://goo.gl/7OJlY9

The prominent philosophers The Righteous Brothers once warned about "los[ing] that loving feeling," and the sentiment was famously echoed in the 1986 fighter pilot documentary 'Top Gun'. After having lost said loving feeling, the brothers (not actually brothers) felt as if they couldn't go on. The sensation they felt wasn't poetic exaggeration. The Righteous Brothers, along with brothers Maverick and Goose were experiencing a very real and potentially dangerous biological response known as skin hunger.Skin hunger is your body's reaction to lack of physical touch and it affects an increasing number of Americans while being a non existent phenomenon in more touch-happy countries like France. The problem that we're learning is that without skin-to-skin touch (might we add that it doesn't have to be sexual), your body doesn't produce the hormone oxytocin. Without that natural chemical, adults are more susceptible to depression and infants can have developmental problems or even die.On this week's podcast, Jack O'Brien and Cracked editor Robert Evans are first joined by Dr. Kory Floyd, a professor at the University of Arizona, to talk about the physiological and sociological repercussions of skin hunger and why it's so prominent in today's culture. Later Jack and Robert are joined by Jean Franzblau of the Cuddle Sanctuary in Los Angeles and Travis Ashkenasy, an independent contractor, to talk about the services they provide as professional cuddlers and why you shouldn't be embarrassed to seek out a cuddle party.This episode is sponsored by Magoosh, The Bouqs, and Credit Karma.Footnotes:Psychology Today: What Lack of Affection Can Do to You:  https://goo.gl/HOlA9y Sebastian Junger TED Talk on PTSD, Loneliness:  https://goo.gl/e31gD3 NYT Book Review: Sebastian Junger's 'Tribe':  http://goo.gl/ysbAAd Tiffany Field's Book 'Touch':  https://goo.gl/oj4NzM Tiffany Field's Study of Touch at McDonald's in the US and France:  https://goo.gl/LxipQv Do High Fives Help Sports Teams?:  https://goo.gl/7OJlY9

There are parts of our daily lives that we just take for granted as being normal, but science proves us wrong. One of the best ways to look at this is language. We've previously discussed on the podcast how languages with future tenses (like English) make us really bad at planning for the future. We just think the future is some imaginary place that we'll always to go later. That's why we're great at fun things like procrastinating, drinking and smoking. Chinese, on the other hand, doesn't have tenses at all, so native speakers find themselves naturally better at planning for the time ahead. For Chinese speakers, the future isn't some magical fairy island that will always come tomorrow–the structure of the language just makes the consequences of life more immediate in their brains.These little cultural differences literally affect how we perceive the world. In languages with more words for the color green, for example, speakers can actually see more shades of green than us. What is a superpower to us is completely mundane to them because they've just had that language and ability their whole life.On this week's podcast Jack O'Brien is joined by Cracked executive editor Jason Pargin (aka David Wong) to outline some of the scientific ways our brains trick us with this phenomenon-- how our sense perception, something we assume is uniform across all humanity, actually changes depending on what culture we're brought up in.Footnotes:Donald Trump/Bernie Sanders "Yuuuge" Forum Thread:  http://goo.gl/xNhQ4e Blue Square/Green Square Experiment:  http://goo.gl/08DBcL Cracked: Unexplained Things That Only Happen In A Few Places On Earth:  http://goo.gl/zf42ye Cracked: 7 Innocent Gestures That Can Get You Killed Overseas:  http://goo.gl/7Nv1es Cracked: 6 Mental Illnesses That Only Happen in One Place on Earth:  http://goo.gl/seibHn Cracked: 5 Insane Ways Words Can Control Your Mind:  http://goo.gl/RlnD Cracked: 5 Surprising Ways Your Language Affects How You Think:  http://goo.gl/3g3nBa Cracked: I Don't Know My Age: 5 Things I Learned in My Isolated Tribe:  http://goo.gl/6LdJIh Cracked: 6 Isolated Groups Who Had No Idea That Civilization Existed:  http://goo.gl/e49hK Invisibilia: McDonald's in Russia:  http://goo.gl/nBrjpd 99% Invisible: Devil's Rope:  http://goo.gl/VTbc2K The McGurk Effect:  https://goo.gl/T47EGZ The Atlantic: Can Your Language Influence Your Spending, Eating and Smoking Habits:  http://goo.gl/R9oI0m Schoolboy Q's Blankface LP on Spotify:  https://goo.gl/BgLM1a This episode is sponsored by Comic Con HQ, Magoosh, Spotify, and Loot Crate.