The Divorced Woman's Guide Podcast

After the first year of separation or divorce, former husbands and wives often don't get to have a clear playbook on how the holidays should look like. The preparation and logistics are already complex and get exacerbated if you haven't figured out how to manage your emotions. It's overwhelming as it is. 

As you face the fact that the family unit has disintegrated, the ways used to celebrate this time are no longer the same, and those changes can be devastating. 

I  can tell you from my own experience that there are ways for you to navigate this, and there are possibilities available to you to experience the gratitude and the joy that comes with the holidays. 

👉🏼 Tune in to the new episode of the Divorced Woman's Guide —Tips To Survive Divorce During the Holidays.

Top points you'll discover: 

 ✔️ Tip #1: Focus on what is best for your kids. This can be hard, but it means putting aside your feelings towards your former spouse. You can do this by ensuring that you have emotional support, either talking to friends, a diverse group, or even your own therapist. Process through your emotions and feel whatever comes up. However, it's not a good idea to share any of that information or to put any of that on our children. They can feel it; they can sense it and remember that your kids know that they're a part of both of you. And so they still want to enjoy their time with their other parent, and they want to be able to enjoy time with you as well. 

 ✔️ Tip #2:  Have a clear plan. This is why, when you're going through your divorce that it is so essential to spell out custody for the holidays. Depending on your arrangement, discuss what days the kids spend with each parent or how and where you pick up and drop off. For the sake of your kids, coordination and clarity are incredibly important.

 ✔️ Tip #3: Don't look at the holidays as a competition with your ex.  How many of you are like chomping at the bit to inundate your kids with "Where did you go? What did you eat? Who was there?" Go easy on questions when you get the kids back and prevent yourself from going down that path and bombard them with questions about the experience that they had with their other parent. 

 ✔️ Tip #4: Give yourself grace and patience. Losing the idea of the family we had is so painful for everybody, even for the person who initiated the separation. The emotional ups and downs will be there like a roller coaster because perhaps you're still in that grieving process. I encourage you to do this holiday season to immerse yourself in your new future, come up with new traditions, and maintain some old ones that perhaps get to look a little bit different over time.

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07

The Impact of Divorce on Finances for Women with Sara Chevere

One of the scariest realities when you go through a divorce, is finding your way around your finances. Nothing is more terrifying than having to confront what you don't know. Sara Chevere has been helping women get smart about money while navigating the pain of separation.

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️When it comes to divorce, you want to learn how to delay gratification. Often when we are going through pain, we want to have external things fulfil us. We start spending a lot of money. Take those emotions out and embrace anticipation. Instead of focusing on your current circumstances, look at the potential of what your future will look like. Ask yourself: now that I'm divorced, who am I? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to end up? When you learn to shift, practice delayed gratification and embrace the anticipation; you're going to come out a lot better, stronger and hopefully richer than your previous circumstances. 

✔️ You've heard financial coaches stating matter of factly that if you can't manage $1,000, you can't manage $10,000. Nothing can be more true for a reminder. Contrary to what you believe in, learning how to handle your money will not come when you get more money! (Heard stories of lottery winners & celebrities losing their fortune?) It's time to invest in getting financially savvy and see how wealth will naturally follow.

✔️ Many women hustle and hustle hard. But they forget that they shouldn't be only working for their money, but let money work for them. Being in the financial industry for so long, Sara sees women struggle financially, wanting to start other businesses, which is great. But at the same time, if they don't understand how money works, they might be thriving but find themselves still losing money.

✔️ Should you fight for the house? Sara Chevere has this to say about working with women going through a divorce and being strategic on what to do with the marital estate as an asset. When they can set their feelings aside, they can come from a logical place to make the best decisions for themselves and their kids. To realise that the house is not something they should be fighting for despite not being able to afford it. The money they spend on attorneys fees could go to a college fund or invest more strategically. Doing so helps them avoid making mistakes during the divorce that can be a costly liability in the future. 

Sara Chevere is an Intuitive Financial Coach who helps single/divorced Professional Women struggling to manage their finances and feel stuck trading time for money by teaching them how money works, so they can dream again and live their lives on their own terms, without depending on a man.

Her clients are achieving a level of financial success that they didn't feel was possible.

Sara's methods are not of the typical Financial Advisors. What she teaches and the way she teaches are considered non-traditional, unorthodox, and revolutionary.

Website: www.financebabe.com

IG: https://www.instagram.com/sarachevere/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/financebabe.net

LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarachevere/

Join Sara's Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/financebabes

Free Gift or Promo for Listeners: 90 Days Financial Blueprint

https://www.sarachevere.com/90-day-financial-blueprint 

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/15-minute-divorce-recovery-call.

Feelings of stress and heartache seem to be on steroids during the holidays. Not only do we have to deal with overspending and logistical nightmares, but we're also going through an emotional roller coaster dealing with separation or divorce that we do not want to wish even on our worst enemies. 

This magical time of the year is bound to have some challenges for you and your kids. But I'm here to tell you that there are some things that you can do to help everybody get through it and possibly experience a lot of joy.  

👉🏼 Tune in to the new episode of the Divorced Woman's Guide —How To Manage Thanksgiving/Holiday Stress After Divorce with Wendy Sterling. 

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️ Tip 1: Make new traditions. If you always spend Thanksgiving with your spouse's family, get them to go to yours this year. Or perhaps you create a Thanksgiving tradition at your own home. You might also want to consider volunteering or possibly inviting friends over or asking if you can attend dinner with your friends. When you guys deal with divorce, we tend to dwell on the past and how things used to be. So if you've always wished that you had more connection or relaxation over the holidays,  take a second to think about how you can get them mapped out and take steps to achieve them. 

✔️  Tip 2: Model being grateful. Thanksgiving is a holiday about being grateful, and I understand it may feel impossible, especially if you're still in a place where you feel sad, angry, hurt or lonely. You don't need to fake your feelings; I'm encouraging you to identify things you are grateful for in your life. Perhaps it is your close relationship with your kids, an amazing, supportive community. Or maybe it is your family. When we highlight what we are grateful for, you model what positive coping looks like for your kids. 

✔️  Tip 3: Acknowledge what your kids are feeling even if they don’t share yours. They might feel sad or angry. Instead of trying to spin things positively, recognize that they think it's not easy. Your kids get to know that you hear them, and they get to feel understood.

✔️  Tip 4: Take care of yourself. I invite you to plan for how you want to spend your alone time. There isn't a right or wrong way to spend the holiday; it's about what feels most enjoyable and meaningful for you! Be sure to reach out to family or friends and stay connected. Please don't become a hermit and don't retreat, which is what we tend to do. ______________________________________________________________

Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07

In this episode, I share the screen with Christine Pittman, the founder of COOKTheSTORY, whose passion is to create recipes that take less time in the kitchen and help women get more time at the table. As a busy single mom of two, Christine totally gets how tough it can be. She shares the wisdom after figuring things out for her own family and the transformative journey of life after Divorce.

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️ Overcoming mom guilt and maximizing "me time".  Christine shares her initial feelings of sharing custody of the children. "When you're a parent, your kids consume all of your time. Suddenly, I had moments to rediscover myself and figure out what I wanted to do with that time. And that has been the most energizing and centering thing for me.

✔️ Divorce will teach you to focus on the things you have control over. "Convenience and enough food is the priority at their dad's. For me, it's making sure to have a variety of vegetables and fruits. When I used to be so fussing about that, I think it's good for the kids to see different adults having different priorities feeding themselves." 

✔️ Compromise doesn't mean caving in or giving up what's important to you. This is one of the biggest lessons you learn when dealing with your former spouse, kids, parents, and friends. You can compromise but still honour your identity, likes and dislikes, and understand how to navigate and voice what feels right to you and engage in dialogue around what will work for everybody. 

Get in touch with Christine Pittman

Website: https://cookthestory.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CookTheStory

Podcast: Time Management Insider

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/15-minute-divorce-recovery-call.

There are so many things I wish I had known before I uttered the D-word to my now ex-husband. In this episode, allow me to impart the essential points to consider if you are mulling over the idea of separation or know that it's time to end things. 

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️ The finance piece of divorce is the most important element. One of the things that I didn't know was that I should have contacted my financial planner before even uttering the D-word. It was an emotional decision on my part, and it wasn't something that I had prepared for. For so many of us, our divorce settlement language tends to be vague around what you and your former spouse are responsible for paying as it relates to your kids. What ends up happening is that one parent can decide whether or not to cover the support needed while the other party gets to make the tough choice to ensure that children can receive adequate care.

✔️ Co-parenting as it relates to those of us on the other side of divorce, it doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. The constant thought at the back of my mind was losing the time to be with my kids. From spending 100% of the time with them, I can no longer tuck them in bed every night. My now ex-husband wanted to co-parent, and I was not in a place to be able to do that with him because I still had so much anger, resentment and bitterness and all those negative feelings towards him that I didn't see it as a possibility. Having all those negative emotions, I was sad for my kids because that wasn't the relationship I wanted our family to have. 

When I focused on myself, sought therapy, coaching, energy healing and spiritual psychology work -- I was able to come to terms with my ex as a co-parent and not of my old role as his wife.

✔️ Divorce is a gift. Choosing divorce was the wake-up call that I needed to start creating a life standing on my own two feet. Everything was hard until I decided that I needed to invest in my healing. Only then was I able to get to a place where I was transforming. I was changing my story. I was starting to forgive myself. I was accepting my circumstances, building and creating a new life for myself and my children.

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07

Have you ever thought about how we were so invested in our previous marriages but forgot to invest in ourselves? As you go through life during and after divorce, it's time to prioritize YOU.

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️ Divorce is definitely a kick in the butt and a catalyst for transformation. Divorce coach Julie Danielson describes her experience as a massive catalyst for her growth: "all of a sudden life is stripped away from you, and you have an opportunity to reset, rebirth and renew yourself."

✔️ So many women use that "Time heals all wounds" as an excuse not to do anything after Divorce. Julie and I are products of our painful pasts. We live to help others survive and thrive after going through their marriages falling apart. Understand that you can go fast forward and still be in the same place where there's pain, fear, disappointment, and lack of self-esteem. 

✔️With coaching, you are better equipped to handle what life throws your way.  If you're waiting to recover and not take action, seek help or do anything to try and facilitate that healing, you are hindering yourself from getting over divorce. Understand that time will not heal alone, but coaching will.  

✔️ The information doesn't give you the transformation -- you have to apply it. You can read all books in the world and listen to all the motivational videos & podcasts, and you will still find yourself in a slump. NOT APPLYING the information you've learned or NOT INVESTING in yourself to do the work and get the tools hinders you from moving through the divorce as soon as you hope it could be.

Julie Danielson is a Certified Professional Coach through the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). She is also certified as an "Energy Leadership™ Index – Master Practitioner" (ELI-MP and a Certified Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).

Julie serves on the board of Thriving Coach Academy, a coach training school that trains new coaches with the most cutting-edge tools and practices in the industry.

 An avid writer, her works have been featured in many publications. Julie's article on divorce went viral in 2018 and earned her top 10 blog post with Divorcemagazine.com.  

Follow Julie's podcast Get Over Divorce

and visit www.thrivingthroughdivorce.com for more information.

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07

The internet is brimming with different co-parenting information, forums and groups. Still, the problem is that a lot of the content can sometimes be unmonitored. 

Those already struggling in their co-parenting relationships can get more frustrated and hopeless without getting expert help tailored for their unique situations.

In this episode, I will debunk three myths about co-parenting that make raising kids apart a big challenge for you.

Top points you'll discover: 

Myth #1: "I need to get more information from podcasts, books and other resources to get the right co-parenting tool." This is a belief that will not serve you! It's not that you need more information, but what you need is the correct information from trusted sources. 

Myth #2: "I am not trying hard enough to compromise." Talk about trying to move a mountain with the tip of your finger. Staying on your side of the fence gets tricky if you are co-parenting with an ex who has narcissistic characteristics or perhaps is a sociopath. Compromise can get difficult. Instead, what to do is to reframe what give and take means to you (especially the kids) and always find a place to meet in the middle even while you have conflicting beliefs. 

Myth #3: "I need to be more firm or more loud or perhaps on the opposite side of the spectrum -- to be more quiet for things to fall into place." The co-parenting truth on this is that, unfortunately, neither will work for you. Establishing boundaries is crucial in minimizing unnecessary stress dealing with your ex. Stick primarily to the topic of your children and maintain respect to be able to work together as parents.

Ask your questions to gain clarity and access the wisdom of reliable experts on Friday, October 22nd, for the CoParenting Apart Live Zoom Event.

Register for FREE to get the Zoom link

And access to the replay!

www.coparentingsummit.com

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07

There's still so much shame and guilt surrounding divorce when there doesn't have to be. In this episode, I am grateful to share the screen with entrepreneur and visionary Kimberlee Hoertz, the founder of The Graceful Exit platform. She stands by the mission of telling her own difficult experiences to help so many who are going through the same path. Discover how Kimberlee has turned her pain into purpose and how she is now supporting and inspiring women to regain their voice and start using it as they recover from their divorces. 

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️  You have the choice to take the Graceful Exit. As a mother, as a female, as an entrepreneur, you could go down and take the vicious cycle, that horrific road in getting hostile about your ex. Some children will take the damage. It is crucial to move this harrowing experience with grace.

✔️  The question is often asked so many times, "should I keep the family home?" Kimberlee Hoertz reminds us of this when deciding about the family home as you go through a separation or divorce. "Don't lose sight that they're only four walls. You can create new memories wherever you go, as long as you feel confident in your space."

✔️  The Graceful Exit that is rooted in Kimberlee's own horrid experience. "I have found my purpose in all of it. I have found strength that I have never known before and would like to share my vulnerability to inspire others that YOUR voice matters. I have now been able to make my own graceful exit, and my hope is to share my experience and education of what I have learned."

✔️ Everybody is there for your wedding and to hold your hand through the good times, but not for divorce. Kimberlee shares, "We have this section called the Trusted Professionals, and that's where I take the time to vet through each of those people that I bring on to make sure that they align for our mission and values. Because unfortunately, through my divorce, I had to fire my lawyer at one point because they weren't in it for me. They were in it for the dollars. Referencing or referring other women to the site is part of our mission is to create this trusted professional network and a community within our network to feel confident to ask for help and support."

✔️ No matter your background, ethnicity, or financial background — an unhealthy relationship can happen to anybody. Education is vital to avoid having complicated relationships. Kimberly states, "My mission is to educate people on what is a healthy relationship or a marriage? What are the signs of a narcissist? What are the signs of abuse? Had I had some of that education before marriage, I wouldn't be in this place. So if I could go back and have that piece of it, I think it would be so powerful. I don't want anybody to go through a divorce if they don't have to. So if I can educate that younger generation, the teens, the tweens, the college-age women, perhaps they'll never get to this point. However, if you do get to it, know that there's a way out. There's joy on that other side, and that's where the graceful exit came through."

About Kimberlee Hoertz

Kimberlee is a believer, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a CPA, a realtor, a leader, and now a visionary. The founder of The Graceful Exit website, a platform for women to come together and support one another due to the tremendous sense of isolation during divorce; a network they can turn to for support and guidance.

Website: Thegracefulexit.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thegracefulexit/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.graceful.exit/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/the-graceful-exit/

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07

Surviving divorce has taught me many lessons that help me navigate through these tumultuous times. Some of what I'm going to share is not often discussed but is important for every one of you guys to know.

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️ My divorce taught me how much I needed to control things. Dictating on others or trying to fix what can't be fixed can get SO exhausting. We can only focus on the things that we do have control over, and that is ourselves. It's not just our actions; it's our choices, behaviors, reactions and our responses. Doing so will save you time and energy and keep you from stress and overwhelm.

✔️  My divorce taught me never to disregard my intuition. I knew for quite some time that things felt unsettled until my separation finally happened. So many times, you hear them saying, well, it's "mind over body." While the truth is the opposite, where it should be "body over mind." Your body has a reaction, and then your mind plays catch up. Start paying attention to that, and then learn how to retrain your mind to respond. 

✔️ My divorce taught me who my real friends are.

 I had a lot of people who were more interested in the breakup details versus my well-being. Every time I saw them, it was a continuous dig around what was going on. My kids were 7 and 10 at the time, and the last thing I needed was for them to hear stories from other people that weren't coming from their dad or me, and it was nobody else's business. That moment made me see the spectators and the real ones who genuinely reach out to give support.

✔️ My divorce taught me how to be independent. It wasn't until my 40s that I learned how to live alone, manage my finances, & make my own decisions. This forced me to take a long, hard look and assess what I like? What do I truly want? What do I desire? Such was a luxury when I was married. How many of you guys can relate to that?

✔️ The biggest piece that I learned in my divorce was my worth.

Growing up, I had consistently seen my worth through other people's eyes. As a result of my divorce, I finally saw how frickin amazing I am, how worthy I am of anything and everything that I get to create for myself. My truth is yours, too: that you are deserving of creating the desires of your heart and worthy of health, wealth and love independent of anyone else. 

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

Website: https://wendysterling.net/

Instagram: @divorcerehabwithwendy

Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

Facebook: @wendytsterling 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07

Is dating fatigue getting the best of you? 

In this episode, lean in and listen to Connell Barrett's journey of self-discovery and living a life that he loves that started after a divorce. (He jokingly shares it was over so fast they could have fought for custody of the wedding cake!) After spending years training with the world's best relationship and self-development experts and wisdom from his own experiences, Connell is now on a mission to help men defeat loneliness and attract their soul mates as their most authentic, confident selves. He's the founder of Dating Transformation and author of "Dating Sucks, But You Don't: The Modern Guy's Guide to Total Confidence, Romantic Connection, and Finding the Perfect Partner." 

Top points you'll discover: 

✔️ Lean into who you truly are at your core and take off the dating mask.  There's one thing we all ask on a date, and it's "how can I get them to like me?" Connell posits that it's not a good question because the answer makes you someone who's seeking validation. Instead, ask a much better question to ask yourself like "HOW CAN I MAKE THIS PERSON SMILE?" or "how can we connect in a genuine place?" If your date feels that you see the real them, you have a much better chance of a fantastic romantic connection.

✔️ Dating during COVID is like the 1890s, and courtship came back. The pandemic has drastically changed the dating scene to become slower yet better. Covid encouraged people to discover emotional intimacy through communication in finding the perfect partner by listening to each other a lot more closely and connecting emotionally. 

✔️ You can't connect with someone else unless you connect with your awesomeness first. Connell reminds us that as we've been through rough relationships, it is crucial to hold those truths and build a rock-solid belief system in yourself — that you are enough! You are attractive! You are a great catch! Every day, remind yourself that you are valuable and worthy, and see that your dream person will ABSOLUTELY come for you.

Connect with Connell Barrett 

Connell is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, a relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today. 

Website: datingtransformation.com

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Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07