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Episode 38:  Flirt coach Benjamin Camras reveals what he's learned about longing, belonging, connection, and self-love, both through his personal dating experience and as a dating coach.  He shares ways he helps others navigate the complexities of dating and relationships.

Benjamin Camras is a flirt and dating coach sharing his love of flirting and BFE - big flirt energy - with the world! A lifelong introvert and socially anxious member of society, Benjamin now helps singles and daters alike flirt with more confidence, clarity, and fun! As the flirt is all about connection, Benjamin helps the flirt community (the Flirties!) date from a place that allows the value of connection in all forms - platonic, romantic, and with the self - to take center stage. Ultimately, this practice of connection helps flirters and daters alike create stronger relationships, transcend limiting beliefs, and develop an unwavering love for the self. His work has been featured in Fortune, NBC News, The Huffington Post, Men's Health, and Yoga Journal.

In this episode, (in order) we talked about: 

*The connection between practicing yoga and longing

*His evolution from city planner to The Flirt Coach

*The video he made on flirting that encouraged him to start flirt coaching

*His personal challenges being single at 40 and coaching others on flirting

*His “coming out story”

*Limerence in queer individual

*Fears he most hears clients admit

*His struggles with depression and anxiety

*How his mantra “Begin Again” helps you get out of your head and into the flirt

*The concept of the “solo date” to practice flirting to help nervous system adjust

*The importance of being a hopeful romantic

Quotes

“Once you come out, it's definitive. It's something you can't take back. It's out there and it will change your life forever. Not necessarily in negative ways. It can certainly be in positive ways, but it is a life-changing moment. And it's something that you have to do again and again and again. One of the biggest reasons I didn't wanna come out was because I didn't wanna have to have this conversation over and over.”

"For some people [in high school], I was the only gay person they knew, which was a lot of pressure.  Like, how am I supposed to be? There weren't a lot of role models to look to at that time...I didn't know of a single gay man in my life that was in a relationship. That was married, that had a family, a healthy partnership in all the ways that a lot of relationship practitioners and gurus talk about it and a lot of the ways I talk about it too. I didn't see that anywhere in my life.  I had limerence with this idea of something that I didn't know could exist because I didn't see it.”

“I work with a fair amount of people that are in their 40s, 50s, 60s and haven't really dated that much or haven't had a relationship. 'What if it doesn't happen for me?' is the thought a lot of people have. It's a thought that I have, which I feel like is the quiet part I'm not supposed to say, but it's true.”

"It's almost easier to be sad and miserable for me than it is to be happy. I've long struggled with mental health and depression, anxiety. And that's a big part of why I do what I do is hoping to help people feel less lonely. One of the greatest antidepressants in the whole world is connection.”

“A lot of luck is saying yes to opportunities. A lot of luck is going to that thing as a single person by yourself that you maybe don't want to go to but doing it anyway. So a lot of timing and luck you do have control over, but the universe also is going to wave its invisible hands.”

“We don’t always have to stay in the waiting rooms of our lives.”