Tim Tedder sits down with psychologist Bruce Chalmer, a longtime couples therapist who helps partners navigate betrayal, conflict, and change. Bruce shares why he sees infidelity not only as a crisis, but as a powerful turning point for learning, meaning, and growth.

A central theme of the conversation is Dr. Chalmer’s understanding of faith—not as religious doctrine, but as a mindset that accepts reality as it is and remains open to meaning even in pain. He explains how this orientation helps couples move beyond the desperate wish to “go back to how things were” and instead face the deeper questions betrayal raises. Tim and Bruce explore how rigid beliefs can sometimes block healing, while curiosity and humility open the door to transformation.

The conversation also touches on forgiveness, grief, and the tension every relationship faces between stability and intimacy. Bruce outlines his three-step view of forgiveness and clarifies what forgiveness is—and is not. He also introduces ideas from his book The Passion Paradox, which examines how real intimacy requires tolerating uncertainty, especially after betrayal. This episode offers a steady, compassionate framework for anyone trying to make sense of infidelity without rushing toward easy answers.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/039

Dr. Chalmer’s Website: brucechalmer.com

Dr. Chalmer’s Book: The Passion Paradox

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As an author and therapist specializing in affair recovery, Linda MacDonald never imagined she would face the very crisis she had spent years helping others survive. But when she discovered her husband’s affair—and then heard him say he wanted a divorce—she found herself living the double trauma of betrayal and abandonment.

In her book Redeeming the Post-Affair Divorce, Linda writes candidly about that painful season, the unraveling that followed, and her gradual return to healing and faith. In this podcast episode, Tim Tedder talks with Linda about her journey and what she hopes others might discover for themselves along the way.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Free Bonus Resources from Linda: lindajmacdonald.com/free

Book: Redeeming the Post-Affair Divorce by Linda MacDonald. (See Tim’s review.)

Book: How To Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair by Linda MacDonald.

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Another collection of the best clips from our podcast episodes in 2025, with comments from Tim Tedder. In Part 2, we hear clips from these episodes:

Episode 17: ILYBINILWY

Episode 6: Gaslighting

Episode 14: 6 Affair Motives

Episode 9: Lovely Fruit (SongTalk)

Episodes 19-20: How to Sleep Again (free resources)

Episode 24: Stop Repairing Your Marriage After an Affair

Episode 34: Married to a Narcissist (free resources)

Episode 35: The Fog and the Light

Episode 23: Light of Grace (SongTalk)

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode Webpage: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/037

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A collection of the best clips from our podcast episodes in 2025, with comments from Tim Tedder. In Part 1, we hear clips from these episodes:

Episode 8: It Feels Like Love: The Power of Limerence

Episode 10: Crossing the Line: Steps Into Infidelity

Episodes 2-4: Elisa’s Story

Episode 13: Haunting of My Heart

Episode 21: The Problem of Forgiveness

Episode 22: The Power of Forgiveness

Episodes 30-33: Kevin Leaves

Episode: 28-29: Bad Advice about Affair Recovery

Episode 5: This Healing Place

LINKS and EXTRAS

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Most affairs don’t begin with a dramatic decision. They begin with something small: a conversation, a shared laugh, a spark of attention that feels harmless. In this episode of The Affair Recovery Room, Tim Tedder explores what happens in those early compromises, when two competing messages show up at the same time. One speaks from the Fog of Self-Justification. The other speaks from the Light of Love’s Promise.

Through a story featuring Mark, his wife Cindy, and a coworker named Emma, you’ll hear how subtle choices can drift toward betrayal. Along the way, Tim breaks down the psychology of self-justification and how our minds protect our self-image by rewriting the stories we tell ourselves.

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode includes audio dramatizations that could be activating for betrayed partners who are struggling with affair triggers. Portions of today’s content also appear in my article: Consider Your Compromises. Engage with this material in the way that feels safest for you.

Finally, Tim offers four practical steps you can take if you find yourself (or your spouse) wandering into the Fog—starting with revisiting your vows, examining where you’ve honored them or neglected them, and inviting a new kind of conversation in the Light. The episode ends with a steadying question that cuts through rationalization: If a light were shining on this choice, would it look like the love I promised? Would my partner agree?

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/035

Free Fog & Light Exercise

If you’ve crossed a line in your relationship and don’t fully understand how you got there or how to change things, you don’t have to figure that out alone. Let me help you RENOVATE.

Recommended Course: Building Us

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Tim Tedder welcomes coach and author Annette Chesney to talk about one of the most confusing and painful dynamics people face in marriage: loving someone who may be on the narcissistic spectrum.

Annette walks us through her four-category Narcissistic Relationship Spectrum, a practical way to identify the differences between normal human imperfection, fear-driven reactivity, calculated manipulation, and the dangerous end of narcissistic behavior. She explains why many partners spend years feeling blamed, confused, and spiritually guilted into staying quiet, and how narcissists often exploit grace, forgiveness, and faith-based values to avoid accountability.

Together, Tim and Annette explore why narcissists rarely change, how they can fool counselors, how narcissism shows up in infidelity, and why partners often blame themselves long after the relationship has eroded their confidence. Annette also shares pieces of her own story.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it me?” or felt like you can’t trust your own perceptions, this conversation may be the clarity you’ve been needing.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/034

Free Narcissistic Relationship Spectrum: https://annettechesney.com/spectrum

Annette Chesney Website: https://annettechesney.com

Do you wonder if narcissism may have contributed to your having an affair? Are you curious about change? The RENOVATE Project may be just for you.

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In this final episode of Kevin Leaves, we return to Kevin’s story during the third year after he left his marriage and family. By this time, more than two years have passed since he moved away to build a new life with the woman who had been his affair partner. Kevin reaches out again after more than a year of silence, ready to talk about the choices he’s made and the ways they’ve shaped his life. Then again, three months later, I learn about a significant shift in his story.

This episode marks the end of the recorded conversations I had with Kevin. This series is a rare, honest look into the unfolding years after leaving a marriage for a relationship born in secrecy. It is only one story, but there are things we can all learn from it.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/033

Help for Unfaithful Partners: AffairHealing.com/RENOVATE

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Episode 3 of Kevin Leaves returns to Kevin’s story after a six-month pause in our conversations. By this point, he’s been away from his family for fifteen months, building a life with the woman who had been his affair partner. When Kevin calls me in November, he’s ready to talk about what these months have really felt like—what’s been encouraging, what’s been painful, and where the cracks are beginning to show.

Kevin reflects on the summer visit with his children, three weeks he had looked forward to with excitement. He tells me what went well and what surprised him, including the emotional distance that lingered beneath the surface. He also talks openly about the tension with his ex-wife, the strain that shows up around holidays, and the difficulty of staying connected as a long-distance father.

The challenges in his new relationship are becoming harder to ignore. Kevin describes a conflict with his partner over the attention he gives his children, and how competing needs and expectations are creating friction that neither anticipated. The emotional weight of his ex-wife beginning a new relationship adds another layer he wasn’t prepared for.

Later in the episode, we move forward to a second call in late February. Much has shifted by then—externally and internally. Some of the hopes Kevin carried into this new life now feel less certain. Some of the realities he thought he could avoid have followed him anyway.

This episode captures the slow, complicated unraveling that often happens after a major life change. The distance, the longing, the conflict, and the unexpected pain—this is what the second year after leaving really felt like for Kevin.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode Web Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/032

Help for Unfaithful Partners: AffairHealing.com/RENOVATE

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In this second episode of Kevin Leaves, Kevin reflects on his first Christmas after leaving his family, a holiday filled with both warmth and grief. He talks about the good moments: time with his children and the pleasure in spending the holidays with his parents. But he also describes the painful parts: the tension with his ex-wife, the awkwardness of returning to a home he no longer lived in, and the sting of hearing his children say home didn’t feel much different since he left.

Kevin also opens up about the growing strain in his new relationship. His partner struggled with the attention he gave his children, and conflicts emerged as they navigated the reality of blending these two separate worlds. To make things more complicated, Kevin was processing the news that his wife had begun a relationship of her own—an emotional shift he hadn’t fully prepared for.

This episode gives a raw, unedited look at the push and pull of holiday nostalgia, parental longing, relational conflict, and the complex emotions that come with watching someone you once loved move on. It’s a glimpse into what the first year of separation really felt like from the inside.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode web page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts?031

For unfaithful partners who want to understand their behavior and build a more fulfilling relationship: The RENOVATE Project

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Kevin Leaves is a four-part series built from three years of recorded conversations with a man who walked away from his marriage and children to pursue a relationship that began as an affair. In this first episode, The First Few Months, we step into the early aftermath of that decision: the shockwaves, the doubts, and the small daily moments that reveal what leaving actually costs.

These early conversations follow Kevin as he moves out of the family home and tries to stay connected to his children while preparing to relocate for a new job and a new life with his affair partner. We hear the tension with his wife, the awkward and painful transitions with his kids, and the unexpected strain that begins surfacing in his new relationship. Kevin talks about longing and hope, but also about shame—the kind that rises quietly after the adrenaline fades.

This episode doesn’t excuse or condemn. It simply lets us sit with someone who made a life-altering choice and is now navigating all the complicated emotions that follow. The First Few Months offers an unfiltered look at the early days after leaving: the confusion, the small heartbreaks, the unresolved questions, and the weight of decisions that can’t be undone.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episode Webpage: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/030

For Involved Partners: The RENOVATE Project

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