The Good Enough Mother

In this episode, I talk with author and psychotherapist Dr Margo Lowy, exploring the concept of maternal ambivalence – an often-silenced but integral part of the mothering experience. Maternal ambivalence is defined as many conflicting feelings or contradictory feelings that can exist at the same time. In her book, "The Maternal Experience: Encounters with Ambivalence and Love", Dr Lowy further develops the concept of maternal ambivalence into being part of a new ‘language of maternal love’ and explains how maternal ambivalence is an integral part of our mothering that can actually strengthen maternal love. Learn why this is the case, the reasons why maternal ambivalence remains a cultural taboo, and how to start embracing maternal ambivalence to connect more deeply with your child/ren and yourself. Connect with Dr Lowy’s work further at www.drmargolowy.com and her Instagram @drmargolowy

See show notes at - https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast93

Often, there can feel as though there is a conflict between the ways we would like to parent, and the social and structural forces that shape and influence our everyday lives as mothers. Amanda Connell from Spilt Milk Psychology joins me in this conversation to discuss the ways so often, our ‘needs’ as mothers are framed as being in competition with the needs of our children. Negotiating this and finding space for our ‘selves’ is therefore connected with the idea that we need to be separated from our children – to have time away from the to ‘come up for air’. We challenge this narrative and the pressure mothers face to always centralize our children and place their needs above our own. Amanda offers us examples and tools for how we can learn to build our own ‘oxygen tank’ to ‘breathe under water’, and honour the ambivalence that is part of mothering. We talk about toxic positivity, how to teach our children how to deal with disappointment, strategies to cultivate self-compassion, and much more. Amanda has a range of offerings for professionals and the general public which will be launching soon from her website spiltmilkpsych.com/

In this episode I speak to some criticisms of the concept and application of ‘good enough mothering' as an approach to parenting. Some of us can have a reaction of: 'good enough?, why would I want to be JUST good enough as a parent?'. For those who identify as perfectionists, who feel the 'high stakes' nature of parenting, who are feeling guilty and not enough, and pressure to constantly do/be more as a mother, this episode offers a reprieve and an invitation to consider a perspective shift that can lighten the load we so often feel as mothers. I share both some of the research and my own personal reflections as a mother on why I find 'good enough mothering' a valuable tool and perspective for both us and our children.

This episode takes sections from podcast episode 32 with Julianne Boutaleb – a consultant perinatal psychologist and Director of Parenthood in Mind. Julianne speaks about the processes of attachment between a mother and her baby, the early attachment needs of a baby, self regulation and co-regulation between carers and babies, and changes that happen in a woman’s brain when she becomes a mother. Julianne offers advice about how we can move through these experiences with a sense of forgiveness, compassion, and gentleness, in order to use this time as an opportunity to settle into a new ‘maternal rhythm’. You can connect further with Julianne on Instagram @parenthoodinmind or through www.parenthoodinmind.co.uk/

There is a piecing-back-together that we are called to do after we go through a journey of pulling apart the version of motherhood we've been sold. To ask: well, what DO I want for my motherhood? If I understand the perfect mother myth, and how we're 'swimming' within a culture that sets us up for a certain experience of motherhood, what are the next steps I can take after unpacking these realizations? I speak to these types of questions in this episode and reflect on the process of what it means to go on the journey of unpacking how we have internalised the ‘perfect mother myth’ and have been socialized into the expectations of what it means to be a ‘Mother’. The birth of a new awareness, and (re)creation of a new identity can feel alluring, exciting, liberating, and/or empowering. But it can also feel really unsettling, especially at first. This episode speaks to this experience and on how we can build new models of what it means to be a mother. I consider a model of ‘integrated’ motherhood, and invite you to reflect on some questions about your own sense of self and identity.

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Enrol in The Sociology of Motherhood Starter Bundle of 3 of my most popular self-study courses. I've converted these courses into a private podcast and you can receive 40% off until January 31st 2023 by entering the coupon code NEWYEARS at checkout. https://drsophiebrock.com/starterbundle

This episode is a training Sophie delivered, translating the predominant theoretical finding from her PhD research - the 'fish tank of motherhood' model. This model offers us a way of understanding what the 'social construction of Motherhood' actually is, how it shapes our experience as mothers, and what it really takes to claim and create opportunities for mothers to step into their power and be acknowledged for their importance. You'll hear a description of the 'rule book' of good motherhood, what happens when we don't fit within the rules, what maternal thinking is, and the exciting opportunity we currently have as mothers and motherhood-support professionals to make a difference.

To see the fish-tank graphic referred to during the training head here: https://drsophiebrock.com/fishtanktraining

If you work with mothers as a therapist, healthcare practitioner, in postpartum care, coaching, or any role where you support mothers or you're looking to transition into this field, join the waitlist to find out more about enroling in The Motherhood Studies Certification training - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/ with the next round beginning May 22nd 2023.

In this solo re-released episode I reflect on the ways the festive season brings with it an amplification of the perfect mother myth. I explain how and why the festive season and other celebrations intensify the pressures mothers face, and give voice to the often-invisible load that women carry at this time and the expectations on mothers, children, and the ‘family’ unit to ‘perform’. I reflect on the mental load, but also on some of the challenges in having the only solutions suggested as ‘stepping back’ or ‘delegating’. I pose questions to consider about the extent to which mothers are expected to sacrifice their wellbeing to facilitate the enjoyment of others, how we have been conditioned to want to ‘please’ others, but also the complex dynamics involved when it comes to wanting to ‘give’ to our children. This leads to a consideration of how our worthiness is measured, and purpose is defined. Ultimately, cultivating connection with ourselves as Mothers offers a precious gift of ‘presence’ to ourselves and our family.

Today’s conversation is with author, psychotherapist, speaker, and Mum of three, Anna Mathur. Anna and I dive into reflecting on the complexities of motherhood over the holiday season, and consider how we can prepare ourselves for the increase in emotional and mental labour that can come with this busy time. Anna shares her perspective on how to enjoy a magical yet simple Christmas, dealing with disappointment, tips on how to say ‘no’ without feeling like we are letting people down, setting boundaries and more. Tune in to invite a sense of reflection, lightness and self-compassion for yourself during this holiday season.

Listen to Anna's podcast The Therapy Edit

Purchase Anna's most recent book The Little Book of Calm for New Mums

Find links and more details about Anna and the episode on the show notes website here: https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast86

This conversation is with psychologist and motherhood coach Yara Heary. Yara shares ways to come home to our bodies in those moments when mothering can bring up hard feelings, using somatic tools for nervous system regulation which can help to connect with ourselves and our children in a way that fosters intimacy and trust. We look at the process of repairing with our children after a rupture, what this feels like for children and for us as adults who may or may not have received repair as children ourselves.

Read more show notes and key quotes here - https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast85

Connect with Yara - lifeafterbirthpsychology instagram.com/lifeafterbirthpsychology

This conversation on shame and perfectionism is with mother and psychotherapist, Catherine Counihan. Catherine and Sophie both share from their own personal stories of mothering their daughters to look at some lived examples of how the perfect mother myth, shame and perfectionism can play out in the day-to-day of mothering, and model a pathway through which we as mothers can interrogate our guilt, honour our values, release ‘shoulds’, and offer self-compassion. You’ll learn about the connection between perfectionism and shame, and how shame is created through stories of the ‘good girl’ we experience as children. Catherine shares her approach of working with clients to gain an embodied sense of being good enough in their mothering, helping to shift dysfunctional patterns in our families.

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Follow Catherine: @psychotherapy_mum

www.psychotherapymum.com

Listen to the Grow Yourself Up podcast

Read episode show notes page: https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast84

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EARLY enrolment for Sophie's course The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification 2023 ends Wednesday 23rd November. Early enrolment includes bonus masterclass and group calls, and capacity to join course on a 12 month payment plan. More information - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/