The Grief Gang

It's a death dilemma episode! Woop!

This week, The Grief Gang community wrote in their dilemmas and I tried my best to help them out. Dilemmas in todays episode include:

• Grandmother changing her daughter's name in memorial service BACK to maiden name without consulting the children or husband
• Being the only women now left in the family. Losing our matriarchs.
• Managing relationships when grieiving.
• Holding everything for everyone when you yourself can't cope!
• Negative friends who complain about everything!

Jam packed episode as per! Thank you to all who wrote in. As ever, if you'd like to send in a death dilemma, please email me at [email protected]

Big love,

Amber xxx

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We're in Brighton!

Well we're not, but in today's episode we are! A few weeks back I was kindly invited to the inaugural Brighton Death Festival. And it was BEYOND amazing. I shared the stage with the amazing Anna Burtt who is one half of The Mother Of All Losses podcast (HIGHLY recommend you tune into their pod!).

Anna and I spoke all things the DMC (Dead mums club), navigating womanhood without these staple women in our lives and the power of podcasting. We go all round the houses and I hope you feel like you're there with us whilst listening! Stick around towards the end as you'll hear some questions and sharings from the wonderful audience.

THANK you for supporting me and the show. Without you I wouldn't get these opportunities!

Big love,

Amber x

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I've moved out! (Finally)

Last month, I moved out from my Dad's place into my first home with my long term partner. It's unearthed a whole load of new grief as you can imagine. It's been semi tricky to navigate through, but nevertheless, I'm unpacking it all in an episode...and the ridiculous amount of boxes we still have too!

In this episode, I tell you what it's been like moving into a new home that my mum has never graced her presence in. The difficulties that's presented to me and I guess, how I'm coping with that! A very relaxed, chatty ep this week.

Thanks for always supporting me over on the Instagram, your kind words really helped me during this time!

Big love,

Amber x

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This week I'm talking all things pet loss! Its been a topic I've wanted to talk about for a while but in all honesty have been a bit worried too because of the mess I'll be!

Today I'm sharing with you the story of how we lost our family dog of 13 years in 2020. The pure grief that came with it and how it debilitated me, how It brought up old feelings of familiarity when mum died and how I compared the two. Its a snotty recount!

I also asked you TGG community to share your stories of your darling pets and you so kindly did. Stick around towards the end of the episode where ill be sharing these stories, so beautiful and heartbreaking.

Pet loss and grief is real guys and it shouldn't be undermined! It is such a painful experience and one to be taken seriously. At the end of the episode, I share some useful resources for you to turn to if this is your experience.

RESOURCES:

@PETLOSSCOMMUNITY - INSTAGRAM

@PETLOSSPSYCHOLOGIST - INSTAGRAM

BLUE CROSS CHARITY

@PETGRIEFLETTERS - INSTAGRAM

Big love,

Amber xxx

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This week Im speaking with Stacey Heale, writer, speaker, curator and campaigner and all round bad ass!

Stacey joined this shit gang last year when her husband Greg died from bowel cancer. I found Stacey online before Greg had died and found myself following the journey of this family of 4. Quietly rooting for this family from the sidelines and sending little pocket prayers. 

Stacey's writing did and still does floor me. She writes so eloquently, honestly yet brutally about grief and widowhood. She cuts the shit and thats why I adore her. Fuck the platitudes and who's actually going to say or ask the questions we’re all thinking? Stacey Heale, thats who.

In this episode Stacey and I go into the topics about widowhood that may not get spoken about as much. What it's like to become a carer for someone you love and the relationship dynamic changing, the potential anger that can come towards that, though it's no ones fault.

AND we talk about the elephant in the room that shouldn't really be the elephant in the room. SEX and more specifically..WIDOWS fire. That parts quite funny to be honest and we really had a chuckle. Stacey shares with us how as she approached her 40’s, she learnt that women tend to peak in sex drive around that age…and the horror that her husband then dies! Pissed is an understatement.

It's such a versatile episode. We laughed, cried and reflected and also dropped some Brene Brown gems!

WIDOW SUPPORT ACCOUNTS TO FOLLOW:

@WIDOWSLOSTANDFOUND

@KARENSUTTONWIDOWCOACH

@WIDOWEDANDYOUNG 

@THEPOSITIVEWIDOW

@OLIVIA.JORDAN.CORNELIUS

Happy listening.

Big love,

Amber xxx

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This week, I'm talking all things Prolonged Grief Disorder.

Now this is a topic of conversation that was extremely hot this summer and still is. It made some of the communities blood boil, whilst leaving some thinking about it more.

The questions that many are asking are, isn't this just grief? Can we put a timescale on a loss? Must we pathologize EVERYTHING? Who gets to make these rules and why?!

Therefore, I sat down with fellow griever and friend "Laura" (That's an alias name to you!) who is also training to be a psychologist. We unpacked many questions and thoughts from The Grief Gang community to try and share a balanced case on the pros and cons of Prolonged Grief Disorder being added to the DSM-5. What does this disorder coming to light actually mean for the grieving community.

Perhaps this episode might challenge you? You may even recognise yourself and be curious to speak to a professional about a diagnosis. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it and it leaves you something to think about!

Big love,

Amber x

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This week, I’m talking with author, journalist & presenter, Pippa Vosper. Pippa is most noted for her written features in British Vogue and as of recently, her first book “ Beyond Grief”

Pippa and I found one another well over a year ago online and immediately connected. Though both coming from two extremely different bereavements, I value and resonate with so many of pippas words and anecdotes. 

In todays episode, Pippa takes us back to the day her son Axel died when she was 5 months pregnant. The instinctive moment she knew her baby was going to die that night. The moments she spent with Axel alone, soaking in every moment of and with him. The shock of it all. 

I’m not going to sugar coat Grief Gang, this episode is tough. But it is real. So, so real. Pippa is not and will not be the last parent to experience this. The loss of a child that didn’t reach full term is so silenced. So swept under the rug because the outer world didn't have a relation or lay their eyes on this baby. But does that make this loss any less to the likes of Pippa and many other mothers and fathers? 

Baby loss, from my 3 years of doing grief gang, is one of those areas that many outside of that loss community shy away from. Maybe because it’s too unfathomable? Yeah, you’re right, it is. It’s utterly heartbreaking. But it happens and is happening, and it’s about time we get a bit more geared up to talk about it.

Pippa’s book Beyond Grief is doing exactly that. It covers every aspect of pregnancy and baby loss at any stage, from the practical to the emotional, with advice from experts and stories from women who have been through it themselves, such as ……

God I could go on for ages talking about Pippa and how much admiration I have for her. I am so proud to call her a friend. Her support, love and frankness is unmatched! We need more Pippa’s!!

To the mums and dads listening, my heart is with you during this baby loss awareness week. Your baby matters, always has and always will.

Find Pippa here and purchase her incredible book here !

Big love,

Amber xxx

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The body does in fact, keep the score!

This week, I'm talking all about how grief might impact our bodies. A few months ago, I asked The Grief Gang community how they know grief has affected their physical wellbeing. Let me tell you, they came with RECEIPTS.

In this episode, I share how grief has affected me and my body over the years. What I noticed in those very early stages of loss, and the things that have had a longer impact. Later in the episode, I share some facts I found on t'internet that gave me a little insight as to why this may happen. Check me out with my GP hat on (Full disclaimer..I am absolutely NOT a GP nor should you take any medical advice from me lol)

I hope this episode is really insightful and shows that you're not alone. Those weird aches and pains that came out of nowhere in your 20's maybe aren't you just becoming a dodgery old dear, maybe it's your grief?! There is actual science behind this shit. We're not mad!!!!

If I haven't already mentioned it in this ep, do let me know how grief impacts your body by sliding into my DM's!

Big love & happy listening,

Amber xxx

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This weeks guest is Rabbi Steve Leder. Steve is the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple and author of five books! His most recent book, For You When I Am Gone, was my summer read on holiday this year. I could NOT put it down, and you’re about to find out why in this episode.

Steve’s latest book tackles one of the most requested topics from the last book: writing an ethical will, or a meaningful letter about your life. (Are you now thinking what on earth is an ethical will? Keep put!) He shares 12 questions in this book and prompts to help readers explore their values, beliefs, hopes, and dreams, and includes examples of ethical wills from a broad range of voices and faiths – old and young, with and without children, famous and unknown – as well as his own. It is Filled with ancient wisdom and wit., For You When I Am Gone is a moving, hopeful, and inspiring book that will encourage us to think about the legacy we leave behind.

Whether you follow a faith or religion or not, I think this episode can appeal to all. Writing or thinking about an ethical will is not subjective to following faith. It’s drilled into us that we should have our ducks in a row for when we die….who gets the house? Who gets this piece of jewellery? How much money goes to this person?...but at the end of the day, these things are all just…things. What do we really want to leave behind for those we love?...and also, what do you think your person might have written in their ethical will if they had the chance to write one?!

I’ve got you thinking now haven’t i? Get your pen and paper at the ready…

You can find and connect with Steve on instagram by searching steve_leder. Visit his website at www.steveleder.com where you can buy and read his latest book For you when I am gone. It will massively help and guide you if you're thinking about writing your ethical will! Even if your'e not, it is such a life changing read, honestly!

Happy listening…and writing!

Big love,

Amber x

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Guys, today is Grief Gang's 3rd birthday. I officially own a toddler! Time goes fast when you're grieving hey…no actually, it really doesn't.

To celebrate this milestone, because to be honest I'm totally extra and will create any excuse for a celebration or party, I wanted to dedicate this weeks episode to the journey of TGG! It’s actually a bit mad, at the time this episode will be released, I’m going to be in Denmark at the first international grief conference as a speaker! Now that is something that if you told me 3 years ago I would have said get fucked!!

Therefore, my lovely friend Ben May, 1 half of The new normal charity who I’m sure you’ve heard me time and time again talk about on here and the instagram, kindly interviewed me. Thats right, I took to guest seat! You, the Grief Gang, audience so kindly wrote in some questions for Ben to ask me and they are VARIED. You’ll get a flavour for where this episode is going purely by the first question that is asked….SPICY let me tell you that.

I share on this episode what it’s really been like for me over these 3 years to run and host this show and have such a wonderful community. What my hopes and dreams are for it and how its affected and helped my own grief journey. We go all round the houses.

So Grief gang, honestly and truly, thank you for the most fulfilling and soul nurturing 3 years. You’ve mended my broken grieving heart in more ways than one and allow me to do something I love every single day. I get to share my mum with the thousands and in turn I get to know and honour your people too. It is forever the greatest gift out of something so terrible.

So on this special day and across this weekend, because I'm extra and dragging my friends out to celebrate all things me, we’ll also be celebrating you and all your people too. Because you all make Grief Gang what it is today.

Big love..thank you.. And happy listening,

Amber x

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