A pondering check in about show notes and how I create these for this here podcast! Do people even read them!?

— and are they something I want to keep creating or can I be more concise with them!?

My time management and the stories and voices I have in my head around and about what I ACHIEVE in a day!

- value and validating myself as a human seperate to what I achieve…

So often I need a hug.

And that hasn’t always been a safe thing. A thing I’ll ask for because I haven’t felt safe or it’s felt uncomfortable!

If I can stay through the initial ‘this is not safe’ — which I’m realising might have been more a ‘this is UNCOMFORTABLE’ and outside of my ‘normal’ experience.

To stay thro this discomfort I can notice my body let go in ways that I didn’t even know I was holding on!

Very often my FIRST reaction is one of survival…WHEN I STAY…it’s okay to experience panic and not knowing if it’s safe…I actually discover that…on the other side of that is RELEASE!

Space.

It takes me a long time to realise my own desires and to own them…

My desires are my way hole. I can trust my desire. I can trust who I want to be with, or don’t want to be with. It’s about the energy.

And energy.

And me moving back into my body!

I like having a clearly defined container that then gives me space to really let go and trust and flow! Trust that what is given is fully given!

Wanting to know how long I have to share, or if someone can hold space! A clearly communicated — what is being offered…I can listen for 10minutes…makes it so safe for me to drop in and be sure that what I’m sharing — will be held.

The longer I am in relationship with people, the more I find myself wondering how to sustain showing up.

Do I need a problem to be known!?

Yep…my family of origin taught me this…

So staying is an edge…simply staying and not running away is an edge.

People wanting to know me as I am, no matter how I show up…is terrifying and a new experience, an edge…

This, letting people know me, is the edge I want to lean into and find safety in!

Come, hear all about it in today’s episode!

Me ruined in this Episode-

Edge Retreat

run by Kevin Chan of The Void Space

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

I’m trialing a new format and amount of episode notes! Less, basically.

Less is more right!?

Let the title invite and entice you to follow your curiosity, if of course it does! Haha!

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

Y’all, so much gratitude for the space and places I’ve walked, for the things I’ve been experiencing.

I recorded this voice memo way back in June, so it’s been a while between recording and releasing! But it’s so relevant! And I love getting to reflect on where I’ve come from.

To feel the gratitude all over again. So much gratitude!

For the inspiring, beautiful people in my life.

For the amazing structures and creativity oozing in the suburbs!

For the way I can see these things like never before, maybe these amazing things were always here, within and around me but I can see and feel and receive them more consciously now!

For the Dance of life, for the dance of MOJO (an actual event I talk about during this episode!)

For the way dance teaches me how it feels to live and feel the energy I want to move with!

For the dance or proximity with other people.

Mentioned in this episode —

MOJO Dance— the Dance of Connection hosted by The Void Space and Kev Chan

Murals, creativity and stobie poles in the suburb of Bowden

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

What is it to feel a full bodied yes, or a no in my body and the idiosyncrasies that each of these experiences feel like! Forcing a yes, when it’s actually a no, DRAINS me.

The ‘pendulum’ of experience, and the ambivalent attachment style. Leaning out or leaning in. My sense of self actually lives in the middle! I need people to help know who I am, but I also need the balance of knowing who I am by knowing my own energy!

So what really is my yes!?

Where is the balance to be and stay connected to myself, and connected to another!

If I’m not showing up as my authentic self, I don’t trust myself, and no don’t trust another person liking me for me, because I’m not showing up as my true self!

It’s citrus season, there’s so much fruit and I don’t want it to go to waste!!

Why do I want to collect it and share it!?!! Is it my responsibility to see that it doesn’t go to waste!?

Do I really like making jam and chutney!?

FYI— Since recording this I think there is time and space where making jam/chutney is actually a thing I do like doing! I don’t have to ‘demonise’ all the things I enjoy!

If I haven’t mentioned — my housemates are amazing and I love getting to live with them!!

The way I’m interacting with bodies is changing the way I’m interacting with bodies. It’s changing the way I interact with my body which changes the way I interact with other peoples bodies, which changes the way I interact with my own body, dogs, cats; a spiral effect!

I have this new growing reverence for bodies!

It’s like I’ve noticed that there are bodies around, and I want them in my life and I wanna touch them, all the time!

It’s nice but it’s making me aware of not quite knowing the boundaries within the desire to touch. I also want to dance closer and closer and realising I don’t quite know how to do this, yet! To stay in my body with this!

I’m finding more delight in my body!

Delightful invitations…receiving information from my body in her cycle, vaginal discharge, how it feels to bleed…and how my relationship with these sensations are changing! My appreciation for my bleed. My body working the way she is intended to!

I can feel more and that feels good, there’s awareness and the gratitude for this!

My practise of self touch and how real this is. How many hours I’ve sat with myself, how intentional I have been with this! The healing I’m noticing from this sitting with, exploring, finding gratitude for and the massage of my body! Speaking gratitude to each part of my body has changed me.

A pretty jam packed episode!

Come along for the ride!

Mentioned in this episode —

- Attachment styles - I am ambivalent or disordered

- The Little Stall created by my housemate. @crescent_harvest

- Vata - Ayurveda Medicine/ way of living

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

Well, here I am being the most raw I have ever been to date!

When I recorded this episode I was a waif, a gypsy floating around on the floor of friends!

And, surprisingly, this has been what I needed, so I could be around community, and being in community has meant I’ve been held and seen in ways that have allowed me to begin to birth more of myself!

My niece’s 2nd birthday party —

F*ck this girl is spunky and magnetic! I AM SO INSPIRED by her! She s a social butterflyfish, dances freely and — I just want everyone to know how amazing she is!!

Real talk y’all! Heading back to be with family of origin, (town of origin, culture of origin)

I feel completely powerless.

I don’t know how to be with and stay with these places within me!

I feel like I let myself down.

A conversation and dance between my inner parts!

Kids see so much! I feel seen by kids. These little souls who just ‘get it!’

Physical touch is becoming safer. And the way it can support. Hold my hand, THIS feels a bit bigger than I can do by myself at the moment.

I can ask for this from others.

AND I can give this to myself!

Can I just be with you!?

You don’t need to change anything!

Truth lived outside of my body! So I learned not to trust my body!

Feeling is the point. I spend so much time judging myself, but the feeling is the gift and the way home.

I ask a lot of questions of myself, among them —

How can I be expanding and yet still struggling with the old things!?

What if feeling what I’m feeling is the thing that the world needs most from me in the is moment, in any given moment!?

An episode for the brave! Thanks for being with me, as always! 🤟🏽 much love x

Mentioned in this Episode

Authentic Relating- Community Calls — https://authenticrelating.co/art-community-circles/

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

Episode 20 — A Ramble of Celebration

Twenty episodes!

Like what!? Can we just take a minute to c e l e b r a t e that I have been rambling for 20 (at least cause I haven’t released all the things I’ve recorded!) episodes! Whaaatt!?

Celebration is a bit of a theme in this episode! The edge of leaning into celebration myself and my achievements, without dipping into conceit or arrogance.

And I’m, 20 episodes…Does this make me a Podcaster, like, officially!?

I found it really hard to drop into and find words to capture myself, my experience this episode!

— which IS part of what I’m sharing, this shell shocked, wow, I just don’t have words…and that, maybe, is okay. My body knows and has experienced it all!

To create my dreams, I need to recieve!

(And to celebrate)

The edge is where I want to live. Not falling off the edge but ON the edge, cause that’s where I feel most alive and find myself and find connection to others! It really is an edge for me to receive!

I held a workshop.

I invited people into my space, which is also an edge. And to witness the shift and change in others in a space I created, has been both humbling and a homecoming! o

I couldn’t have held this space without community! Physical touch! Allowing people to hold me, see me and know me…it means I can do things I couldn’t do!

How I show up in one place is how I show up everywhere.

Movement from deep inside me makes me magnetic. Because I’m in my body I can connect with people! It creates connection simply because I am living embodied, in my body!

I spend some time sitting with the shoulds that define my life! And how much these shrink me. The voices in my head..get loud when I don’t live in my body!

‘Without apology, with abandon!’

— a catchphrase, and way of life I want to embody more!

There have also been some pretty major generational healing since the workshop, a softening and an reframe of how I experience the relationship I share with my Dad!

We are healing sh*t! And it is making a difference in our lives and in the world!

Basically, I’m just feeling more and more acceptance for myself, more aww that I am me and I am showing up on the world, as myself! And how good it feels to show up in the world as myself, with my own permission to be myself.

And topping it all off with an invitation to BREATH WITH ME!

Thanks for being here with me!!

Mentioned in this episode—

Podcast with Meg and Jody https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/womanhood/id1532678249?i=1000518861154

Authentic Relating- Community Calls — https://authenticrelating.co/art-community-circles/

Movie- Hollywood Stargirl

The Wim Hof Method Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

Landing more and more in my own self expression, my own truth, my own taking up space! My own permission to just. be. me. And the joy that brings me, the freedom!

Finding more and more of my edges…AND going there, leaning in, letting myself go there and ask questions, to ask for my wants and needs to be met!

I went to town for the first time EVER…and this is me rambling about all the things before, after and during plus a few other bits and pieces and some deep breaths cause that felt good!

Heads up, this episode has the word f*ck in it and I’m super excited about it!!

So much gratitude to YOU for to being on the kehret with me and listening to my rambles. So much gratitude for myself!

**also exploring how much sharing feels good to share! What and where the practise of anonymity looks like here on the podcast!!

Mentioned in this episode —

— Womanhood Podcast with Jody McGrice @jodie_mcgrice

— Pleasure Activism by

— SONG: Welcome to my Dark Side by Bishop Briggs

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

I recorded this over a month ago! It’s nice to check in and really realise the way in which I’ve experienced these edges and expanded, continue to expand! That these thoughts and explorations and parts of myself have been the FOUNDATION for launching me into the here and now!

Join me in the car as I ponder…

What it is to be seen, witnessed as I am AND simultaneously called higher into my greatness.

I am leaning into the edges of what it is that community looks like and feels like as I watch myself wanting to leave.

I’m finding myself more wiling and able to sit with and unpack the blocks that come up!

Overly responsible and under-ly supported in community and family in the past. So now I’m getting to redefine what community IS, and decide how I engage!

I’m discovering that I am a loving person!

Let me tell you, I am THE most surprised by this realisation. This fact that I do in fact have love to give!

I’m so surprised!

It’s terrifying to me. But to realise it, to realise that this flows from me, without my effort, huge.

Love is energy that wants to move through me freely. And my repression of that causes stagnation in me. And I’m the one most hurt by my own repression.

I’ve lived in fear of there being NO Love tomorrow. But I’m realising, questing oh, realising that the question really is — ‘WHAT ABOUT TODAY!?’

WHAT IF ALL OF ME IS WELCOME IN COMMUNITY AND THATS THE POINT!?

— all of me welcomed and held and that’s where the healing happens, when I let go and BELIEVE that all of me can be known, brought, held, known and none of me needs to be shrunken!

And in so doing I learn how to become a community to and for myself. I learn how to support myself more fully, because I have a felt sense of what it feels like to be held!

Mentioned in this episode —

Attachment styles — avoidant, ambivalent, anxious

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

How do I stay on the edges of my comfort zone!? — cause WHERE and HOW how I wanna live more and more!

And I think, connection builds on itself! Ad I lean into places of connection, I learn what is possible, through the experiencing it!

Intimacy is an energy. An energy of Connection.

One of the expressions of connection.

Touch in a place of being held emotionally and energetically is empowering, I find myself more confident and able to be IN my body more! It’s also an experience full of sensation!

I am inquisitive!

I am playful

Love lives INSIDE of me. Outside circumstances are helping me access and experience it, but love originates and flows from within me, because I am love. And I’m becoming more connected to myself, more open to myself so I can actually access the love within me.

AUTHENTIC RELATING.

I’m finding myself in awe of myself and of humanity more and more. I want to lean into this experience and the spaces within me and around me that.

Be with me

See me

Connect with me…

These are deep desires for me. Without me needing to DO anything. Simple things, simple needs to have met but they change how I experience myself. And learning to ask for what I want really doesn’t change ME and my ability to stay open to receive. The more I receive , the more I can receive !

Love is explosive. It really is, it’s a handle-with-care thing but I thought it meant I had to keep my love and my need for love under lock and key.

Check out my artwork (in story highlights) @theartof_fiona

I am different.

I am different.

And it feels good!

The willingness to be present and the willingness to be honest…

My desires are changing and expanding, in ways that simultaneously feels scary and more and more at home. But I’m coming home, feeling at home in my body with me. And home in my body with others.

And for all the other rambling, tune in and listen! There’s so much I explore. And I don’t wanna spoil the listening with writing every little detail, haha!

So much love to you!

Mentioned in this episode —

HUMANITY IMMERSION — a retreat facilitated by Greg and Kerryn Barwick

Sunday Funday with TONES OF @train_lenghten_restore

Authentic Relating Community Call —

https://authenticrelating.co/art-community-circles/

@authenticrelatingtraining

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__

I forget myself, who I am to myself, when I’m not in tribe. Which makes it hard for me to know what I want or need…

I don’t realise how disconnected I am from my truth when I am disconnected from people; community; tribe! Don’t realise how disconnected I am FROM myself without the mirror of others.

When entering back into community I have so much resistance to being welcomed with a hug! And the more time I spend with my people, I soften and I think it’s actually the thing I need the most! This is such a huge thought for me — that I mention it TWICE!!

The energy of ‘I am done’, ‘I am ready to throw in the towel’

The Connection between being held and being in community and how it increases my capacity to keep showing up FOR AND WITH myself!

They show me what it is to be held, SO that I can hold myself!

Experiencing this ‘I’m done’ in breathing breathing with it…so I’m interested to see how this plays out in all other areas of life

I keep seeing g this person— this person WHO I AM…and she is terrifying, because I am her and to show up as her, I have to keep showing up as myself! To stay with the discomfort. The discomfort is there because im doing it right not because I’m doing it wrong…

And so much more- in this short shiny podcast!

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__